"I am not what has happened to me, I am what I choose to become."

Carl Jung

I squeal as I pick up one of my newest band tees. I waited a whole month to order it since I had to save my tips from my job at the café. It's a Linkin Park World Tour tee and it's so cool.

I buy the really thick shirts since my boobs are practically non-existent.

Pairing that with black high-waisted jeans that I found in a thrift store , I make my way downstairs in hope that mama's asleep.

My prayers are answered as I find her passed out- probably from the white stuff she puts in her nose.

I grab a bottle of iced tea- my favorite- and put two slices of bread in the toaster. My thighs and stomach are getting chubbier by the day so I should cut down on the Pb&j sandwiches.

Eh, never mind.

Pure bliss erupts in my mouth when I much on the sand which. Grabbing my keys and my wallet which is empty save from two cards and a 5 dollar bill , I exit the house before locking it to make sure no one hurts my mama while she's asleep.

The neighborhood is pretty scary and they're mean sometimes.

"How's yo old crazy mama , doing eh ?" Our landlord shouts as I cover my ears with both my hands. Papa always told me to do it when I was scared. And I found myself doing it a lot recently.

"Ey ! You ! Crazy girl ! Psycho just like your mom , eh ? Answer me !" Why does he say 'eh' so much ? I rush down quickly to escape his shouts.

I hum quietly to a song I heard on the radio while walking to school and drinking my peach ice tea.It takes me thirty minutes to get there but I leave early so I don't miss classes. There are no buses that go to my area and the cabs are too expensive but I like walking and taking in the fresh air of the morning so it's okay.

Nature is probably the most beautiful aspect of life. It's everywhere. It keeps us connected when phones can't do so. Ever since I was little I dreamt of having a little cabin somewhere in the forest and tending to farm animals. I love goats. Goats are the cutest animals and i plan on having fifteen of them. I hope they're not expensive.

I walk around the corner where my high school stands proudly.

Just then i hear a soft 'please'.

Turning my head , I see an old woman who holds a cup while softly begging for money.

My heart breaks into lil' pieces.

I can't wait to get rich and open up a food drive. I'll give them little goodie bags with handmade cookies too. Hehe.

I plop both bills into the cup which startles the woman and a huge grin expands on her wrinkled face.

"May God bless you , dear one." I smile giddily in response and wish her a good day. Hehe.

I walk towards the school gates avoiding eye contact with anyone. Senior year better be good to me or else- well , I don't lift or workout so I can't do much. But i'll make sure to give them a one star rating on google , that's a promise.

"Maya !" Oh no. Skin that resembles the purest of browns , striking hazel eyes and silky hair. I see Shay making her way towards me and I sigh as I give her a forced smile. Her heels tap on the floor alerting everyone of her attractive presence. She stops on my left , weaving one swim arm around my slouching shoulders.

"New band shirt ? Ugh," Here we go again. "It's like you want to look ugly. Atleast wear a skirt for once ! It doesn't matter if your legs are pale and thick." I look down at my thighs again , should've skipped that sandwich.

"I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say. She's right , always is.

Shay sighs and turns me around with both hands on my shoulders. She pats my head and smooths my hair until she's pleased.

"Maya, you know I want what's best for you, yeah ? I mean , what are friends for ?" Taunting each other about the way the look maybe ?

"Yeah Shay , thanks." I smile while slightly envying the way her body can put models to shame. It's not that big of a deal , it's just a body. As long as I can walk and do necessary things , i'm fine. Right ?

I sigh as I bit my lip in anxiousness. No wonder boys aren't attracted to me. I've never had a boyfriend , let alone my first kiss. My skin resembles that of a vampire and my hair matches the depths of midnight. I love the way I look and I feel beautiful every time I put a new band shirt on. I feel myself. But it's comments like these- on days like these- which just drag me down into pits of insecurities.

I try my best at school because I know I won't be able to go to college anytime soon. My mom doesn't have a job and the only source of money we have is the cheques my uncle sends every month . I've never met him but he supports us as much as he can after the death of my father and I love him for that. That, and the money from my job at the café which is definitely not enough for a college tuition fee. I'm aiming for an academic scholarship but it's hard when there's so much competition. I'm just not good enough , I guess.

Shay leaves to her class and tells me to tuck my t-shirt into my jeans to 'look less bad'. It makes me uncomfortable that people can see my not-so-big butt and very big thighs. Oh well.

When lunch comes around , I always sit in the isolated part of school. They were going to renovate that area but didn't have enough funds so they left it as it is for a year. It's perfect because they have chairs and tables and it's always empty. Even though i don't have food today , I just do homework and study for a while.

It does get a bit scary because it's dark and the only light is from the windows but it beats having to sit alone in front of everyone because your friends have other friends.

Sometimes suffering alone is much less embarrassing than suffering in front of a hundred pubescent teenagers.

Shay never cares because she's too busy flirting with the jocks. She did ask me to come once but they all talked about parties , sexual intercourse and boys. Things that I knew nothing about. I try asking but they end up calling me a prude and getting mad at my lack of experience.

I sigh as I stuff my books back in the locker and take out my duffel bag with my work uniform. It's a pastel blue colored skirt , white shirt and pink apron. The skirt reaches just above my knees so it covers up a lot thankfully. I just don't like revealing things.

I walk to the cafe which is about fifteen minutes away. Once I enter through the door that says 'Jim's Café" , i'm immediately greeted by the smell of coffee and lemon squares.

Jim soon comes out of the kitchen and envelops me in a bear hug.

"Here's my favorite worker !" I giggle as I relish in his fatherly warmth.

"Don't say it too loud ,you might upset the others !" I whisper-shouted. Favoritism can be hurtful to some.

He only laughs more and tells me to change in the cafeteria. Jim and I met at the grocery store when he had forgotten his wallet at home and I offered to pay.

The man had dark skin that was adorned with wrinkles and a fatherly smile. He had an afro that he was obsessed with and always had me braid it for him.

Jim used to lead a local gang and was involved in all types of illegal things that I can't remember. That was until he met Ronnie.

Ronnie was a real estate agent who had an undying love for coffee and was the daughter of the towns mayor.I never got the chance to meet her since she passed just a year before I started working. But from what I saw in the pictures around the cafe , she was beautiful with blue eyes and ebony skin.

When they met, Jim left that life behind and worked as a full time chef at a restaurant. He was one of the best and decided to retire after his wife's death and open up a small cafe.

Every time he tells that story , I cry. My expectations are too high.

I change into my work clothes and immediately make my way towards the cashier. My first customer , as always, is Joshua. Or josh , as he wants me to call him.

Josh is a big, big bully and has been trying to ask me out for about a year. He made the starting years of high school hell for me all because I was slightly overweight. I've lost weight since then and he stopped for some odd reason.

And now , he comes into the cafe every time my shift begins and orders food while simultaneously trying to get me to say yes to a date. Even though I'm not fond of the idea I still get nervous , like now.

"Hey Maya." Josh winks at me which looks like he's having a spasm. He has dirty blonde hair and tan skin and resembles the entire popular male population of our school.

"Hi um-Joshua. What can I get you ?"

"Your number."

"I don't um- have a phone." I do but it's embarrassingly old and cracked.

"There's this italian restaurant a few blocks away , what do you say ?" He winks again and I flush. Why does he want me ?

"Im sorry but i'm good. Thank y-you, Joshua."

I run to the back and sigh before he asks me again but not before hearing the words. " It's not like anyone else is going to ask you."

My shifts ends sooner as Monday's are never that busy. Jim hugs me once again and wishes me a good night. He also gives me a cup of coffee to go.

Shay is coming to pick me up since it gets really dangerous in my area. Her mom , Ms.Janelle , practically forced her to do so so Shay doesn't like it very much. And never fails to show it.

A loud honk alerts me as Shay rolls down her window , her pink nails gesturing me to get in the car.

"Get in before I leave you here."

I quickly make my way into the car making sure I don't spill the coffee.

"I have something to do before I drop you, it'll take an hour or so , okay ?"

She starts the car before I answer and drives off. She always does this. It's normally a friends house or a club where she has to meet someone . I don't really know what she does but I know better than to ask.

We park across a club rimmed with bright neon lights. The words "Spire" shine the brightest and there's a long queue in front. We get down from the car and walk towards the club.

"You look like a damn kid , Maya." Shay grumbles , clutching my arm. "They probably won't let us in since you look twelve."

"But i'm eighteen." Shay rolls her eyes at me and we stop in front of a bouncer who looks me up and down after Shay mumbles something in his ear and slides him a white card.

He opens the little gate and we get it. The lights are constantly switching from purple to blue to red and there's a huge crowd. It looks like a rave with pop music and EDM playing in the background.

She drags me with her pink nails still clutching my arm , slightly hurting me. Before I can let out a whimper , we stop in front of a group of people.

Oh no.

Shays friends hate me. I don't know why exactly but they can't tolerate my presence. I weakly wave , my small fingers moving weirdly.

"H-Hi guys." My fear overcomes me as they all look so intimidating.

Matt sits in the middle. He has albinism and I always found him handsome. But he's very intimidating. Albeit , he's the nicest of them all and never does anything to me.

Next to him sits Mikey. She has fiery red hair and a large patch of uneven skin tone on the top of her face. She can speak four languages ; mandarin , french , english and spanish. Shay told me it's called vitiligo.

The worst out of all of them is Landon. Landon and Joshua were best friends. Landon was a senior so he graduated before Joshua but he still manages to make my life hell. He looks just like Joshua too.

"Aww , little chubby girl is here ! Thank you Shay for bringing the virgin Mary with you."

I fiddle with my fingers and tear at one of my nail beds. He's not wrong.

"Shut up , Landon. We need to talk. Maya go wait somewhere else." Shay tells him and I instantly shake my head no.

"I-I don't know anyone here , Shay. Can I just stay, please ? I'll get lost and-"

Before I can continue , i feel cool liquid splash against my face.

Landon and Mikey both laugh as he throws the empty cup somewhere. Soon after , a few people in the crowd laugh as well.

"Now, go." Landon smirks as I try to hide my face from the laughing crowd.

I immediately run away, my tears morphing with the cool liquid. I ask the bartender for directions to the bathroom and he takes longer than necessary to tell me to walk upstairs then take a right.

I softly sniffle trying to keep the loud sobs I so badly want to release. Walking up the stairs quietly , I notice that it's completely empty and lit up with neon lights as well. There's only one room at the end of the hallway and i make my way to it hurriedly. By now, sobs wrack my body as I recall the humiliation and embarrassment.

I don't knock but barge in instead , instantly regretting my decision once I see a man standing in front of a big glass window , his back to me and he leans against a mahogany office desk. I look to my right and see a bathroom.

Debating whether i should ask for permission or just use it , I awkwardly hiccup while trying to speak. "May-May I use the bathroom , please ?"

The man says nothing but I see a slight nod as he stays fixed in his spot.

I immediately rush into the bathroom and take off my shirt. I use the tissues- a lot of them , sorry earth- to wipe down my face after washing it. I try to dab my t-shirt that I spent an entire month saving for but it ended up getting worse and smelling like beer. My bahookie-my butt-is also wet.

My sports bra is drenched with the liquid and smells as well. I cry even harder , what did I ever do to them ? I try to rub my eyes with a black towel on the rack but only end up making them redder and more sensitive.

Putting my shirt back on , I exit the door and scream as the man stands directly in front , just a few centimeters away.

"Sorry !"

I finally look up at the man and my breath hitches. I feel like i'm being lifted up to the clouds and placed on a fluffy white pillow. If this isn't perfection , I don't know what is.

He stands at 6'4 , easily towering my height of 5'5. His skin is colored beautifully with a shade of light tan brown. He holds a blank expression , no emotion present. His jawline makes angles jealous and adds to his sculptured form. His eyes- oh, his eyes- float around in beautiful swirls or grass green and steel gray. It puts nature itself to shame. A straight nose and blemish free skin adorn his face along with a set of plump pink lips that look moisturized. His hair is braided in corn rows and perfectly sculpts his already perfect face.

My insecurities rush back when I taken in his body. He's wearing all black ; a black turtle neck with a gold chain, a black coat and black slacks. I notice three white diamond studs on each ear and gawk shamelessly as I might just faint. His knuckles are wrapped in white gauze only adding to his intimidating aura.

Holy frickin moly , How can someone look this beautiful and just walk around ?

This should be a crime. This is a crime , at least in my imaginary court of justice.

After a few good seconds of gawking , I say the first thing that comes to mind.

"You're so pretty."

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Yay ! New book. I'm really excited for this one :)

Leave your thoughts in the comments !

As always ,

Love you.

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