Six months later

McKayla

"Hey Gemma, do you have the keys to the blue Prius?" I said, poking my head into the office.

Gemma looked at me over her glasses and shuffled some papers around on the desk.

"Shit I can't find them. Go and ask Dog if he's got them." She said.

I nodded once and set off through the garage.

For the last few months, I've been working with Gemma at Teller Morrow. When I first moved into the apartment I didn't plan on staying long. Gemma wasn't having that. She understood that I needed to be on my own but she knew how hard it would be to find a decent paying job in Charming that didn't involve sucking dick. Her solution was the garage. She'd been bugging Clay for months to hire someone to help and at least they knew they could trust me. I thought Clay wouldn't go for it but surprisingly, he was feeling guilty for almost getting me killed.

Dog was leaning over a truck in the garage when I finally found him. I asked him about the keys and he went to hunt them down. As I waited, I heard a bike pulling in. It was Jax. Out of habit I watched him swing his leg off the bike and pull his gloves off. For a brief second, his eyes met mine and held them. I swallowed hard and forced myself to look away.

The first few weeks of living in the club house were definitely hard. Jax and I would completely ignore each other and it felt like my heart was being ripped out every time. He looked like pure hell. His eyes were always blood-shot and his hair looked like he hadn't properly washed it since I left. Thinking back on it, I didn't really look my best either. Leggings and big shirts that were left around the apartment became my best friends. Gemma put a stop to that after a month. She dragged my ass into a salon and got me a whole new do. It's amazing what a new hair style can do for your ego. All eyes were on me when we got back to the club house. Once I started dressing like myself again, I actually felt better.

The best part of the new arrangement was I still got to see Abel. Jax and Gemma both decided that I shouldn't be ripped completely out of his life since I was the only mother that he's ever had. At first we made it so that Jax and I never had to cross paths but eventually we pushed down the hurt and managed to be in the same room with each other; for Abel's sake.

Despite the two of us acting more like adults, every time I did have to see him the only thing I wanted to do was jump into his arms and never let go again. Every night after everyone went home and I was alone I replayed that last night over and over. The biggest question that I still had was did I do the right thing? For the first time in my life I was taking care of myself. I was on my own, so to speak. I had a job and I wasn't scared for my life. I was making progress right? The only thing missing was the man I loved.

"Here you go Dollface, the keys you wanted." Dog said.

I smiled sweetly at him and he dropped the keys into my hands. I thanked him and finally handed them over to the owner of that ugly blue car. Gemma had made her way out of the mountain of paperwork and was sitting at the picnic table. I knew before I reached her that something was wrong. I've discovered that when she's nervous she chews on her bottom lip and picks the skin around her fingernails. From the looks of things, she was at a panic level 10.

"Gem, what's going on?" I asked her as I climbed up on the table.

She exhales deeply and flicks the ashes off her cigarette.

"The boys are in some shit. Supposed to be having a meeting today to clear it up, but something just don't feel right." She said, shaking her head.

My heart sped up and I felt myself look back at the clubhouse door. The boys were in danger. Jax was in danger. A sharp pang of guilt struck me hard in the chest. What if something happened to him today? I wanted to ask Gemma more questions but the door opening stopped me.

All of the boys, my boys, filed out of the clubhouse. Jax and Opie came out together, huddled and whispering. Clay made his way over to where Gemma and I were sitting and pulled her close.

"It's gonna be fine, baby. Routine shit." He says, shrugging it off.

Something in his eyes told me he was worried. Gemma could see it too. She wanted to say something, but she knew she wouldn't get any answers. Jax separated from Opie and walked over to us. Gemma reached out and clung tightly to him.

"You be careful, Jackson. You hear me?" She said.

I swallowed down the knot in my throat and made myself turn away. Suddenly I felt like I was intruding on their family moment; like I didn't belong there anymore. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Clay and Gemma walk off towards his bike. Jax however, stayed put. He was fumbling with his Zippo and rolling a cigarette between his finger and thumb.

"What's going on today?" I asked him softly. I cursed myself for how weak I sounded.

Jax sighed deeply and finally lit the cigarette. He offered me one and lit it once it was between my lips.

"We made some deals that are coming back to bite us. Hopefully we'll straighten it out today, but these aren't the kind of people you negotiate with." He said.

His tone of voice shook me straight to the core. He was terrified. For the first time in six months I really looked at him. He had a few healing cuts and bruises on his face and he looked exhausted. Jax noticed me studying him and he dropped his head down. Everything inside me was telling me to reach out and touch him. To pull him into my arms and assure him that it was going to be okay. Instead, I settled for taking his hand in my own. I heard his breath hitch and his head shot up. His brilliant blue eyes connected with mine and searched them.

"Promise me you'll be safe?" I said just above a whisper.

He didn't answer me. I watched his jaw clench as he forced himself to nod. He took a drag of his cigarette and gently rubbed his thumb across my knuckles.

"If something does happen tonight, you do whatever my mom says alright?" He said without looking at me.

I tilted my head in confusion and opened my mouth to speak. Before I could, Jax let go of my hand and ran it through his hair.

"Jackie! Let's roll!" Chibs called from his bike.

Jax took a deep breath and nodded once. He turned back towards me and brought his large, calloused hand up to my neck and in one swift movement pulled me close so that his forehead was flush against mine. We stayed like that for a few breaths and I closed my eyes, relaxing into his touch. The next thing I knew his lips were brushing against my skin so softly I could've mistaken it for a breeze.

"I love you." He whispered.

My eyes shot open and all of my breath rushed out of my lungs like I was kicked in the stomach. He didn't give me a chance to reply. Just as quickly as it all happened, he was gone. I watched him jog over to his bike and throw his leg over it. He nodded to Clay and they fired up the bikes. As they were parading out of the garage, I felt myself grow numb. I had to wrap my arms around myself to contain the shaking of my body.

After everything, all of the hurt, all of the pain I had put him through, Jax still loved me. I wanted to be happy. Hell, I wanted to jump for joy and shout from the rooftop. But after how scared Jax looked, I just felt sick.

Gemma had made her way back over to me and pulled me close.

"They'll be fine. They always are." She said, more to herself than to me. But I nodded along anyway.

We stayed like that for a while; the two of us just holding onto each other until her cell phone rang. She untangled herself from me and answered it.

"That was Neeta. She's bringing the baby here." She said.

I let myself smile and sunk back onto the table. My baby was coming. While we waited I noticed Gemma staring at me.

"What?" I asked finally. She smirked and lit up a smoke.

"I saw you and Jax. The way you looked at each other. That little kiss." She said, her smirk spreading into a full blown smile.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.

"He said he loves me, Gem." I whispered. I almost couldn't say it out loud.

Her eyes lit up and I rolled mine.

"He's scared. That's the only reason he said it. We haven't even spoken in months. It didn't mean anything." I said.

I was trying to convince myself it was nothing, I really was. But I just couldn't shake the look in Jax's eyes when he was talking to me. Gemma kicked up her eyebrow and cocked her head.

"Nothing? My son doesn't just say 'I love you' to anyone out of the blue, McKayla. You of all people should know that."

I rolled my eyes again and shook my head. This was something I couldn't think about right now. When Jax comes back, maybe. But right now? No.

Neeta came by not long after our conversation and dropped Abel off. I fed him then brought him into the office for a nap so I could get some work done. Thankfully, the paperwork was super backed up so it kept my mind busy. Gemma took off to run some errands and I was alone with the baby.

While he slept, I just watched him. He looked so peaceful and his mouth was turned up in a small smile. I couldn't help but smile myself. He was getting so big now and looking more like Jax every day. He had the same baby blue eyes and angelic blonde hair. He was definitely going to be a lady killer when he grew up. I chuckled as I thought about it. Jax and I were going to have our hands full. Jax and I? My smile fell. Would we even be together then?

My smile came back just as quickly as it left. Even if we weren't together, I knew I would still be a part of Abel's life. I was his mother and no one would ever take that from me.

What I didn't know was where that put Jax and I. There was no denying that I loved Jax. I would die for him and I knew he would do the same for me. What I didn't know was if that was enough. I could never give him a child so we'd never be a real family. But, maybe that wouldn't matter. Maybe Abel and his unborn child with Tara would be enough.

That was the other problem, Tara. So far I haven't crossed paths with her. Gemma made it clear that she wasn't welcome near the clubhouse or garage. I tried to tell her that wasn't necessary but Gemma was the most stubborn, unforgiving, woman I've ever met. I'm still thanking my lucky stars that she still likes me.

From what I could gather, Jax and Tara were civil. Opie told me that Jax goes with her to doctor's appointments and she calls sometimes but other than that, they didn't spend much time together. She did pass a message to me that she wanted to clear the air. I ignored it and pushed that thought to the back of my mind. I didn't think I could bear seeing her swollen belly. I knew I should talk to her before I made a decision about Jax and my future. Maybe she wouldn't be a problem at all.

By the time Gemma got back, my head was swarming with 'what ifs'. The sun was setting and it was time to close up shop. We still hadn't heard anything from Clay or Jax and I could tell Gemma was getting antsy. She was gnawing on her bottom lip as we drove back to her place. Once we got inside, she fed her bird and I put Abel in his highchair so we could start dinner.

Hours went by and the two of us settled down on the couch to wait. I started to get nervous when the clock struck midnight.

"Something's wrong." She muttered.

I bit down on my lip and looked and the clock again. Before we could say anything else, Gemma's phone rang.

"Clay what's-" She froze midsentence.

She just nodded and hung up the phone and rose from the couch slowly.

"Get Abel, we gotta get to the clubhouse." She said.

Despite the fear I could see in her eyes, her voice was strong. Just like a true queen. I knew better than to question her. I ran to get the baby and we loaded up in the car. The whole ride was a blur. When we pulled in, the place was just as we left it; empty.

"What's going on, Gemma?" I asked once we were finally inside the clubhouse.

Gemma paced around as she toyed with a cigarette.

"Shit went south. Opie got shot. They're on the way back now." She said.

I swallowed hard and covered my mouth with my hands.

"Is he-is he alright?" I managed.

She nodded and finally lit the damn cigarette.

"Yeah, it just winged him." She said.

I sighed in relief and dropped on to a bar stool. About 10 minutes later, the roar of the bikes filled the garage parking lot. Behind them, Piney was driving the van. Gemma rushed out of the clubhouse to meet Clay. He quickly wrapped his arm around her shoulders and moved her back inside. The sliding door of the van opened and Chibs and Opie all but fell out.

"McKay! I need ya!" Chib shouted.

Opie groaned and held his side tightly. I blinked myself out of my daze and followed Chibs into Church.

"Grab the whiskey!" Chib called to me.

I nodded and yanked the bottle from the shelf.

"Jesus Chibs, what happened?" I asked just above a whisper.

Chibs half shouted something I couldn't make out and helped Opie down on to the table. He was bleeding heavily from his right side.

"It was a set up. We barely made it out of there." Opie said through gritted teeth.

I handed him the whiskey and he took a generous swig from it.

"Okay sweetheart, I need you to keep some pressure on this for a sec." Chibs said to me.

I nodded once and placed my hands on the wadded up cloth that was stopping Ope from bleeding out. I looked around the room and quickly did a head count. Chibs, Tig, and Ope were in Church. Clay, Juice, Bobby and Piney were at the bar. One was missing.

"Jax. Where's Jax?" I asked.

Tig and Opie exchanged a glance and Tig cleared his throat.

"After Ope got shot, we scattered. Jax took off after them." He said softly.

Chibs had come back and had taken over applying pressure.

"You just left him out there?" I asked, my voice jumping a few octaves.

Tig winced and Opie took my hand.

"He's a tough kid. He'll be fine." Opie said.

I just nodded and turned to watch Chibs thread a needle.

"Gimme the booze." Chibs said.

I handed it to him. Chibs poured the whiskey straight on to Opie's side. He screamed out in pain and gripped my hand tighter.

"Shh. It's alright, you're alright." I tried soothing him.

Chibs handed the bottle back to me and I gave it to Opie. He took longs pulls from it and gripped the neck.

Just as Chibs was about to start sewing him up, all we could hear was shouting, then shattering glass and bullets ricocheting off of the walls.

"Get down!" Clay shouted from the bar.

Chibs and Tig dropped to the ground and Opie rolled off the table, pulling me tight against his side. He wrapped his arms around my head and pressed me close.

"It's okay, it's okay." This time he was trying to soothe me.

The shots rang out for a few more seconds and then the sound of tires peeling out was all I heard. Well, besides the ringing in my ears. Slowly, with the help of Tig, Opie and I stood up.

"Jesus Christ!" Chibs shouted. His chest was heaving and his face was flushed.

"Are we whole?" Clay called out.

The guys scrambled to make sure everyone was safe and I took over stitching up Opie.

"You alright?" He asked me softly.

I made another pass with the needle before looking up at him.

"Yeah. Typical day at the office right?" I said with a half-smile.

Opie let out a low chuckle that turned into a groan. I winced and tied off the stitch.

"All done." I said, handing him the bottle again.

A ruckus was coming from outside so I went out to check it out. Tig was helping someone up from the pavement.

It was Jax. A beaten and bloodied Jax Teller.