BRIAN

Being on the bus without Jimmy was probably the hardest thing in the world for us. I know for me, I half expected him to jump down from the top bunk onto my back when I walked back there. But deep down in my soul I knew he wouldn’t be there. I sighed and flopped down into my bunk. I looked over at the one across from mine and thought of Kate. I thought of how many late night talks we had on the last tour. She would lie on her side, and me on mine and we would talk until the sun came up. Sometimes Jimmy or Zacky would join in and we would have a full blown debate right on the bus. God I missed her already.

“Bri, we’re making a pit stop. You coming?” Zacky asked from the doorway. I nodded and pulled myself out of the bed.

“You missin’ her?” He asked me. I sighed and nodded and lit up a cigarette.

Zacky nodded and patted my shoulder.

“You know, I actually checked the bathroom to see if Jimmy was hiding in there.” Zacky said. I closed my eyes and nodded.

“It’s just not the same.” I said quietly.

“I don’t know if I wanna do this anymore.” Zacky said after a moment of silence. My eyes snapped opened and I looked at him.

“What are you talking about?” I asked him. He hung his head.

“I mean it Brian. I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep going without him.” He said. His voice was shaky and I could tell he was close to crying.

I put my arm around his shoulder and squeezed hard.

“I know what you mean man, but we’ve gotta be strong. He would want us keep going right?” I said to him. He just nodded his head and covered his face with his hands.

Jimmy and Zacky were very close. I mean, we were all brothers, but those two were damned near inseparable. Matt Johnny and Mike came out of the store and winced when they saw us. Matt came over to Zacky’s other side.

“Come on man, let’s get back on the bus.” He said softly. Zacky nodded and wiped his face and stood up.

We all filed onto the bus, and we headed to our first venue. Zacky went straight to the bunks and the rest of us just stayed in the front. Johnny had cracked open a beer and tossed one to me. I thanked him and took a long pull of it. I had a feeling that the only way I was going to be able to get through this tour was completely loaded.

“Zack’s really taking this hard.” Johnny said finally after several minutes of silence.

Matt and I nodded and took big gulps of our beers. I turned to face Matt.

“Have you talked to Val?” I asked him. He nodded and I could see a slight gleam in his eyes.

“Yeah, I called when we were in the store. She and Kate were going to pick up movies and stuff. She also said that Kate made an awesome breakfast this morning.” He said with a smile. I smiled too and looked away.

“Why haven’t you called Kate yet?” He asked me. I shrugged.

“I don’t know.” I said slowly. Matt raised his eyebrow at me and glanced at Johnny.

“I’ll call her when we get to the venue.” I said quickly. Matt nodded slowly and took another drink of his beer.

I slouched down on the couch and closed my eyes. Why haven’t I called her yet? Shouldn’t that have been the first thing I done when we got off the bus?

“Zacky said he’s not sure if he wants to keep going anymore.” I said a few minutes later.

I felt Matt shift on the couch and could tell he was looking at me. I opened my eyes and rolled my head to the side so I was looking at him. His mouth was agape and his eyes were wide.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He said slowly. I nodded and sat up straight.

“He told me that when we were sitting outside. I don’t think he wants to play anymore without Jimmy.” I told them.

Matt sighed and put his hands on his head and Johnny shook his.

“This first show is gonna be hard for all of us.” Matt said. Johnny and I nodded in agreement.

Matt stood up and started walking to the back.

“I’m gonna go talk to him.” He said with a sigh.

Johnny opened up another beer and offered one to me. I reached out and took it and just stared at it for a moment before cracking the top open. I put it to my lips and tipped back my head and managed to gulp down about half of it. I could feel a slight buzz coming on, but I knew it wasn’t going to be enough. I got up and got into the cupboard and pulled out a bottle of Jack and took out a glass and filled it half full. I offered some to Johnny and Mike and we held our glasses up.

“Jimmy.” Johnny said. We all nodded and downed the whiskey.