Kyle chuckled in my ear and licked my earlobe. She kissed down my neck and then along my jaw line until she got to my lips. Just before she kissed me, I pushed her away.

“Wait.” I whispered. She tilted her head and sat back a little.

“What?” She asked.

I sighed and lifted her up off of me and stood up.

“I can’t do this right now.” I said.

I shook my head and opened the door and half ran out of it, leaving Kyle alone in the room.

Not even stopping to get a drink at the bar, I bolted out of the club. I made it to the alley before I stopped and leaned against it. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the memories that were flooding my head. All I could think about was Amber. Of all the girls I’ve been with, she was the best. She knew just what to do to turn me on. Sometimes she didn’t even have to say anything, she just had to give me a look and I was ready to go. We’ve only been apart 6 months. I couldn’t think of sleeping with someone else right now. No matter how sexy they were. And Kyle was definitely sexy, but I just can’t do it.

When I was calm enough to walk, I started towards home. I figured the guys were too busy having a good time to notice anyway. I’m pretty sure I looked like a zombie walking through my building. I didn’t even say hello to the doorman as I walked passed. Once inside my apartment, I tossed my keys on the counter and went right for the whiskey. I unscrewed the top and took a long pull from the bottle. The warm, burning of the liquid helped soothe the dull ache in my chest.

*KYLE*

I watched Zacky practically run away from me in shock. What the hell is wrong with him? I shook my head and went into the dressing room and started to get ready. Tonight wasn’t my night to perform on stage, but I had to walk around the floor and entertain. Poison joined me a few minutes later with a huge smile on her face.

“Did you have a good time?” I asked her with a grin.

She nodded and brushed her flaming hair.

“Oh yes.” She said with a dreamy look on her face.

I laughed and put on some lipstick.

“How about you? Did you and Mr. Vengeance have fun?” She asked with a smile.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged.

“Oh is he one of those guys that just wants to get off as quick as possible?” She asked.

I bit my bottom lip and nodded.

“Yeah.” I said quickly.

I wasn’t going to tell her that I haven’t done anything with him. She has the biggest mouth in the place and she would tell everyone.

Poison shook her head and put on some lipstick too.

“What an asshole.” She said. I shrugged and looked at myself in the mirror.

“Hey! Move your ass’s girls!” Angelo shouted from the doorway.

We rolled our eyes and left to ‘work’.

Hours later, when I was finally done, Mac walked me to my car and I drove home. My mother was home.

“Awesome.” I said to myself as I got out of the car.

I zipped my hoodie up tighter and went into the house. Mom was lying on the couch, half passed out, with a bottle slipping out of her hand. I rolled my eyes and went over to her and tried to take the bottle out of her hand. As soon as I touched it, her hand tensed around it and her other hand swung and slapped me hard on the face.

“Don’t touch my booze!” She shouted.

I fell back onto my butt and just looked at her.

“You fucking whore! Look at you! How many men did you sleep with tonight, slut?” She shouted at me.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I pushed myself up and started up the stairs.

“Yeah, go and cry you big baby. What, can’t you handle the truth you whore! She shouted after me.

I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. So I wouldn’t be heard, I put my hands over my mouth and slid down to the floor and cried. She always knew just what to say to make me hate myself. I crawled over to the sink and opened the cupboard.

I took out a cheap razor and broke off the end with the blade and worked the plastic until the razor itself was free. With a few deep breaths I pulled down my skirt and panties. I closed my eyes and pressed the blade into my hip, where my panties would cover, and dragged the blade across my skin. Luscious pain spread through my body and tiny beads of crimson agony oozed from my hip. Two, three cuts later, I decided that was enough and I tossed the blade in the trash. I pulled back the shower curtain and stepped in. I took off my hoodie and bra and turned on the water. The water made my fresh wounds burn as it hit them. I hissed and began washing my night away.

Once I was finished showering, I put a band aid over my cuts and went to change. I could hear my mother snoring from the living room and I sighed in relief. At least I didn’t have to deal with her anymore. I

t was around 4 am so I decided to catch some much needed sleep before picking up Troy. I pulled on some shorts and a tank up and crawled into bed. My hip was stinging, but it made me smile just a little bit. I rolled over so that I was lying on that side and felt the burning intensify into a dull throb. I smiled to myself and closed my eyes and let myself relax into a dreamless sleep.