McKayla

Dear Mom & Dad,

I know it’s been a while now since I’ve been gone and I know I should’ve called you or something to let you know that I was okay, but I couldn’t. I know right now you don’t understand what would keep me from trying to contact you, so I’m going to tell you. When I was in Michigan I met a man named Derek Williams. At first I thought he was a good guy. He was handsome and seemed to be quiet. I went out with him a couple of times and then decided to date him. I realized then how horrible he really was. The truth is he turned me into a sex slave. I can’t tell you all of the things that he did to me. It’s too hard to talk about. I managed to get away from him and went to California. That’s where I am now. I met a wonderful, kind, caring, loving man here named Jackson. He has a great family that has accepted me as their own. I live with him and his son Abel. I’m safe and I never have to be afraid of Derek again. I know that as long as I’m with Jax, he can never hurt me. I don’t have a cell phone yet but as soon as I get one, I’ll call and we can talk more about this. I wanted to tell you that I love you both and have missed you so much. Hopefully I can make a trip home to see you soon. Please try not to be angry with me because of my disappearing act but it was the only thing I could do to stay safe. I needed you both to know that I am safe and loved and cared for here and this is where I want to stay forever. I’ll be in touch soon. Give everyone a kiss from me. I love you, McKayla.

I re-read the letter that I wrote to my parents for the third time before stuffing it in an envelope. Abel munched on a Cheerio and babbled to himself in the highchair. I smiled at him and wiped his chin. He really did have Jax’s good looks. His eyes were blue just like his and his hair was so blonde that it was almost white. He was definitely going to be a handful when he was older. Abel smiled at me and I gave him a kiss. The door opened and Gemma entered the room.

“Hi baby.” She said to me.

I smiled and she bent down to kiss me. She kissed Abel and picked him up.

“Coffee’s hot.” I said.

Gemma smiled and poured herself a cup. I scribbled my parent’s address on the envelope and licked it shut.

“Did you finish your letter?” She asked.

I nodded and rubbed my temples. It has been almost a month since Derek kidnapped me and I was just now feeling a bit of relief. I was talking again and almost sleeping through the night. At first, I couldn’t speak. I felt like when I did, he was going to pop out of somewhere and beat me again. Jax nearly lost his mind from staying away with me and begging me to talk. It wasn’t until he laid his bike down because he almost fell asleep riding that I spoke.

Jax was in the hospital, hooked up to a few machines and it looked like he was dead. I ran into the room and grabbed his face in my hands. He was out cold with oxygen being forced into him. I turned him to look at me and whispered his name. Jax. It was like I said the magic word. His eyes fluttered open and he fixed them on me. He smiled and covered my hands with his and a tear slipped down his face. After that, talking was pretty easy again.

“Do you think they’ll be mad at me?” I asked.

Gemma sipped her coffee and sat at the table across from me. She set Abel on her lap and looked at me.

“No baby. They won’t be mad at you. They’re probably dying to hear from you. Did you tell them everything with Derek?” She said.

I sighed and shook my head.

“Not all of it. I can’t. Not yet.”

Gemma has been amazing through all of this. She kept me at her house while I was recovering from the beating. She cleaned me up and made sure I was eating and taking a bath. What I found most comforting was she never once asked me about what I went through. Jax did all the time. He begged me to talk to him about it. But I just couldn’t. How could I tell him all of the horrors that I’d been through? I know they would just upset him and I just couldn’t put him through all of that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked me just above a whisper.

For some reason, I did. I nodded to her and took Abel. I put him in his swing then sat back down. Gemma waited for me to start very patiently. With a deep breath, I closed my eyes and began.

“It wasn’t much at first. He would order my meals, tell me what to wear, things like that but then one day it just went to hell. He came home from work on a Friday and slapped me hard across the face. I was so in shock I didn’t say anything. He put his hand on my face and told me that I was his now. I was his property and that I was to obey him. That pissed me off so I pushed him away and went to get my shit to leave. He laughed and threw me into the wall. He pinned me against it so that I couldn’t move. Hell, I could barely breathe. That’s when he told me that he chose me to be his pet. His slave. And that I was going to do whatever he said or he’d kill me. I fought back still and he showed me who was in charge. He beat me until I passed out. When I came to, I was chained up in the basement. My hands above my head and my legs to a bar on the ground and I was naked. This is when he drilled the rules of a slave into me,”

I paused and opened my eyes to see Gemma’s reaction. She was still and silent. I could see the vein in her neck throbbing quickly as if she were afraid. I took another deep breath.

“Rule number one was never speak unless spoken to. Number two was always answer with yes sir. And rule number three was obey me or die. It took a long time before I was complacent with the rules. I took a lot of beatings. One left me in bed for almost a month. He had broken some ribs and it hurt to move. I had trained myself to zone out during whatever he was doing to me. To be honest, I don’t even remember half of what happened. I would like wake up and be beaten, or bruised or tied up differently and not even know what happened. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could just live like that until he got tired of me. He just never seemed to. Until he started bringing his friends over. That was the last straw. I couldn’t handle that. That was when I decided to leave. One night I slipped some of his sleeping pills into his after dinner drink and waited for him to pass out. I packed whatever I could into my bag and tore ass out of there. I ended up at the truck stop and met the trucker that brought me here.”

Gemma was crying quietly. She had reached across the table and took my hand. I was barely affected by what I was saying. It was more like I was watching myself say it. It didn’t bother me anymore. I actually smiled. She wiped her tears away and got up from the table and wrapped her arms around me.

“Oh McKayla. You poor baby. I am so sorry this happened to you.” She whispered in my ear.

I held her back and relaxed. It really was over. When we pulled apart, she sat back down and sighed.

“Does Jax know? All of it I mean?” She asked.

I shook my head.

“No, I can’t tell him. It would kill him.” I said firmly.

She opened her mouth to speak, but she didn’t. As she got up to get more coffee, she looked down the hall.

“Is he here?” She asked.

I winced and shook my head.

“No, he doesn’t stay here much anymore.” I said. My voice barely above a whisper.

Gemma sighed with annoyance and slammed her cup on the counter.

“Jesus Christ.” She muttered.

I rolled my eyes and took Abel out of the swing.

“Look, just drop it okay? Can you take me to the store and to mail this?”

She nodded and we took off. Jax hadn’t actually slept at home in two weeks. Something was eating away at him I could tell. The only time I saw him was when I was at the clubhouse. And when he’s there, he’s drunk. Opie tells me that he gets loaded every night and passes out to sleep. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he doesn’t want to. He gets angry and walks away from me. In my heart I know it’s because of everything Derek told him in the motel. He knows now that I’m damaged goods and he doesn’t want me. He needs me to take care of Abel right now, but I’m sure soon enough he’ll ask me to leave.

Gemma took me to the grocery store and to mail the letter. I kissed it before dropping it in the blue mail box. As we pulled into the driveway, I saw Opie sitting on his bike. He gave Gemma a kiss and helped us carry the food in.

“What’s going on Op?” I asked him.

He sighed and dragged his hands down his face.

“It’s Jax.” He said.

My heart dropped. This was it. He was sending Opie to deliver the blow. I sank into the chair and looked up at him.

“He’s a mess, McKayla. He’s drinking so much, he’s gonna get himself killed.” He said as he sank down across from me.

I sighed in relief a little and leaned back. Gemma was tapping her nails on the counter and chewing her lip. Opie looked at her and flinched.

“I don’t know what to do. I love him. He’s my brother and I hate seeing him like this. I know something is bugging him, he just won’t say what. I think it has something to do with what happened in the motel.” He went on.

Andddd here it comes. I can hear him now. ‘Op, tell McKayla that I don’t want anything to do with her anymore. Be nice about it though, but get rid of her.’ Gemma stomped over to the table and leaned in front of Opie.

“Of course it does. If you saw what Jax did you’d be messed up too. He needs to get over it. McKayla has and she got the worst of it. You tell him to get his self-centered ass here now.” She said darkly.

I shivered and watched Opie jump from his chair and practically run out of the house. She shook her head and put her hands on her hips.

“Look, you don’t have to tell him, but you two need to fix this. Jax pushing you away isn’t what he really wants. You’re his old lady baby. Make him see that again.” She said.

With a kiss, she was gone. Abel started to fuss and I picked him up from his playpen. I kissed his cheeks and he giggled. I smiled and sat with him on the couch. I loved him. I loved his little boy like he was my own. I hope one day that he calls me mommy. I hope I see him take his first steps. Say his first words. Grow up into the handsome man that he’s going to be. I just hope that’s what Jax wants. A month ago, there wouldn’t have been a doubt in my mind. Now, now I’m not so sure. He hasn’t even kissed me since it happened. I found myself craving his touch. I would do anything to feel his lips on mine, even to feel his rough callused hands from riding, on my face. I didn’t even realize I was crying until I saw the drop on Abel’s face. I gently brushed it away and took him to his nursery to put him down.

“Sleep well my angel.” I whispered as he drifted to sleep.