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"how is your relationship with him ?" iris asks me.

i was already in LA, and currently getting ready for the golden globes. it has been a very long time since i've spent some quality time with her and i missed it so i took this opportunity as an advantage to just spend the time i had here with her.

"i don't know" i answer honestly.

i truly didn't know, i know it wasn't a healthy relationship but it wasn't that bad either...i just feel as if i need to hear it from someone else to make my mind clear of what i actually feel about it.

"what do you mean you don't know ? i mean it is your relationship..." she puckers both of her lips together and stares at herself in the vanity for a couple of seconds.

she truly is beautiful, a model for sure. always has that classy vintage style, which she can totally pull off.

"well yea, sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. like there are some days where i just don't want to be doing this no more. it truly hurts to say that because i really learned to care for him and especially for myself...and i don't want to ruin what we have and make everything awkward between us" i sit next to her on the stool and begin to let her do her magic on me of making me look more gorgeous than i already am (yes ur gorgeous ma, boy or girl it don't mattuh loaf).

"and on top of that i-i don't trust him with pamala. and trust is the biggest thing a relationship should have ! he may be at home relaxing not worrying about a thing and" — "don't move !" she hisses — "sorry !, anyways i'm over her stressing and overthinking of what he or she would do behind my back and it's just so unfair. sure i cant just assume but by the way people tell me of how he is well i just find it funny how i'm the only one reacting this way" i continue

"well, y/n i do agree about the trust thing..its a major key in a relationship and if you don't have any then it's probably one of the biggest red flags. But you know what's another big major key, communication maybe try talking to him about it. and if you have and nothing has changed and you don't feel secure then you should maybe cut it off..." she says as she begins to apply blush on my cheeks. iris had a point, but i've tried to talk to him about it so many times and he never has time for me and that's what bugs me. he's always out with friends and that's totally fine but he can at least make some quality time for us. i know for a fact that i do.

"i'm going to be honest y/n, and i don't want you to be upset or offended by this..." i quickly shift my eyes to her and i can see that she was getting nervous by the way she began to play with her brush and pallet..

"go ahead i'm all ears.."

she lets out a small sigh and bites her red lips, knowing it will leave a mark on her white teeth.

"i don't think you're guys relationship is healthy. you're always putting yourself down about it and it's as if you're in a relationship with yourself and not him...you're carrying it on your back and doing all the work. don't get me wrong you guys make a fantastic couple but i just think it needs a bit...well a lot of more work put into it, and not just from you but mostly from him..." she gives me an apologetic smile but i honestly just wanted to thank her for being very honest with me and telling me what i really needed to hear other than "it'll work out" or "it's okay" or just dumb shit like that.

"thanks iris, really...that really made everything clear for me.." i give her a small smile and feel her hand land on my shoulder giving me a reassuring smile.

"we're just not ready for a relationship. especially mentally. i need to lookout for myself more, i need to love myself first before trying to love someone else. it's not fair for both of us case we were both on a pedestal in each other's eyes. we relied on each other for our own happiness instead of going out and finding our own..." i placed my hand on top of iris's which was still on top of my shoulder. leaning into it i felt a small tear leave my eye, not just of sadness but mostly a little bit of joy for coming to a realization about the situation.

"listen if you truly truly cared about him and you then you would end the relationship and just find your own happiness instead of relying on each other for it and if you guys were meant to be then maybe in a couple of months or years when you are both mentally stable then you would come back to each other and be way happier with one another.."

"shit maybe even move on to other people just to see if you have a better connection with them" she added

"you're right, but i don't know. i don't know if it's the right time or when it's the right time.."

"trust me you'll know when you'll know, now look up cause you're dumbass ruined your mascara"

i really need to stop crying over a fuckass kid who doesn't even know how to dress, jesus.

not gonna cap but i really didn't understand what iris meant...i'll know when i'll know ? i barely even know what ima fucking eat or wear.

i wish people can just know when a relationship is just done with instead of having to confront them. like fuck all that shit and for what ? so it can be immensely awkward afterwards ?..

i just sat there thinking to myself letting iris continue to do what she had to do to make me look good on that damn carpet. you'll know when you'll know.

fuck i'm not gonna know.

"we look amazing" iris says as we get off the black suv.

"of course we do, after the fucking beauty guru shit you pulled back at your house how do you expect us to not look good."

"i mean you used your fingers instead of your brushes for mascara...that's top tier" i add

"what ? let me guess you use a brush for it ?" she crosses her arms letting a smirk creep up on her face

"naw homie i use my dick, and then i use my balls to apply blush, it does wonders" i kiss my fingers and make an expression towards her.

her smirk drops and looks at me in disgust wanting to forget what she had just heard.

"it's called fashion, get with it." i laugh and begin to walk towards the carpet with her.

i stop my feet and see him standing there taking pictures with caleb...i couldn't help but smile and cry a little at the same time. after the conversation with iris it really wasn't the same anymore, i just didn't want to face him at all this night.

"what's wrong ? is he with a girl ?" iris quickly asks

"if he is just ignore it and continue walki-"

"no iris i didn't see him with a girl, i just saw him...thats it" i explain

"then what's the problem ? don't you wanna go up to him ? isn't this what you came for.."

"yea but i just, i don't know-"

"CEO of i don't knows !" she yells almost a little to serious but giggles it out either way

"hello y/n ! stop saying you don't know because you obviously do...it's in your damn heart. just let out whatever you feel it's okay to feel whatever it is that you're feeling" she smiles

i smile back at her and laugh at her ceo comment.

"petition for iris to be my girlfriend say i"

"i" we say at the same time.

"no homo tho" i repeat.

"unless..." she answers back raising an eyebrow at me.

"i'm messing with you but let's just, go have fun and take amazing pictures. besides i know for a fact noah is going to be so excited to see you" i completely forgot about noah, ohmygod.

"you're right ! let's go, cause i've been dying to see my friends" i pull her by her hand and run into the carpet leaving a little bit of paparazzi's shocked at my sudden appearance, especially knowing that i was out "traveling".

"y/n you look stunning ! over here !"

"who are you wearing ?"

"y/n ! y/n ! weren't you traveling ?"

"is it true you and finn broke up ?"

"is it true you die in season 4 of stranger things ?!"

"did you leave stranger things ??"

trying to smile for everyone was very easy considering that i was with one of my best friends and excited to see the rest of them. especially noah...i needed so much to tell him.

until my eyes landed on pamala, she seemed very much happy to see me which was too good to be true...she definitely had something up her sleeve and i know for a fact that i won't be able to avoid or sit this one out..

fuck.

hey i got sum sad news for sum of yew

uhm i'm just not interested in writing this story anymore it's just so boring and i've been out the finn fandom since 2018 so it's just really not the same anymore to write this story :)