✧✧

"two girls one cup, Have ya seen it ?"

Noah looks at me with wide eyes trying to act all innocent and shit...

But we all know he's a little fucking demon.

"sadly I have..."

"Coolio" I respond.

"Anyways y/n you haven't answered my question!" He says as he walked up to me.

"I don't want to go out, ok?"

I grabbed a piece of bread and started to rub avocado on it with a kitchen knife.

"Dude why the hell not ?" He groans

"Look Noah you wanted an answer and you got it. Now please just leave me alone"

I took a bite from my bread and sit down not wanting to make any eye contact.

I really wasn't in the mood to go out, besides I was to lazy to get ready and do my makeup.

"Alright fine I'll just go with your brother...jeez"

"Someone woke up with a stick up their ass" he mutters as he walked out of the kitchen.

"I FUCKING HEARD THAT !" I shout with avocado in my mouth

"I SPEAK FACTS WOMAN !" He shouts back

Soon I heard quick steps going up the stairs. I'm sure he went into my room to use my shit like fucking always !.

My dad thankfully wasn't home. He had to go to a meeting in another country and wasn't going to be back in another couple of days.

Finns birthday was tomorrow and I wasn't going to be there with him.

Neither was Noah obviously.

But Millie told me she was going to make him a huge surprise party.

I'm excited for him and all but I just don't like one of her ideas.

Which is that ratmala has to take him out and distract him.

I trust him. I just don't trust her.

I mean who fucking knows maybe she's going to whip out her cha cha bingos to my mans.

I definitely do not fucking want that.

If she does, I will pop them.

I swear on Noah's pet turtle.

My talks with Finn were becoming short and I didn't like it.

He was always the first one to end the call.

He was always making excuses to leave.

And he was always keeping the conversations short.

It was like he didn't even want to talk to me anymore.

He was becoming more distant from me and I hated it with every passion in my body.

After I finished my avocado toast I quickly ran up the stairs and walked down the hallway passing all of my brothers rooms.

Only one of them were here at home but he was going to be gone as well as Noah.

Which means that the whole entire house was going to be all mines...well I can't forget Margret.

The maid of this house.

"Noah, leave my stuff alone !" I say as I took away my laptop from him.

This asshat was playing Roblox.

"NOOO I WAS ROLEPLAYING AS A MOM !"

"I was pushing my child in the stroller !" He whined.

I swear sometimes I wonder if he's actually 9 and trapped in a 17 year olds body.

"Jeez sorry just go my brother is probably waiting for you to leave"

I closed my laptop and placed it on my bed.

"Alright fine, but don't get mad if I bring a girl home"

"Noah shut up !" I say as I pushed his skinny ass out of my room.

I closed the door behind me and hear how he laughs through the hallway.

"I'm kidding...or am I ?"

I roll my eyes and scoff at his dumb remark.

Soon I hear him walk away and close the door from the front of the house.

I ran to the window of my room and see if he actually left with my brother just to make sure this wasn't one of his idiotic jokes and surprisingly he did get out of the house.

Once they were officially gone I ran to my bed and opened up my laptop clicking on his contact.

It rang a few times making me worried if he was going to answer or not.

"Please pick up" I whisper as I slightly pinched my lip with my two fingers.

Suddenly Finns faced popped up with a huge smile in his face.

"Hey babeee!" He says

"Hi" I smiled.

It made me feel good to see his face.

"You ok ? You seem worried"

His face expression suddenly changed to a more worried one.

"No, no everything is ok. Perfect actually"

I lied.

"Anyways what are you doing..."

"Nothing much, I'm just gonna stay home all day"

I nodded my head and chuckled

"I wish I could be there with you...Noah went out with my brother and I'm all alone at the house"

"Well it's actually my fault cause I declined his offer" I chuckled

He chuckled as well and spoke up.

"okayyy then, um well-"

"Finn, are you ready to go ?" someone said

It was a female voice. I mean I didn't want to assume but I'm super sure it was a girl.

My face scrunched up in confusion

Who the hell was that in the background.

"who is that ?" I asked trying to see if the person would pop up or anything.

"Uh, no one I think it was my manager"

"Finn your manager is a guy, not a woman"

I was already starting to get pissed off at him.

For some LOGICAL reason I knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Finnie come on let's go- oh hey y/n !"

He was going out with ratmala.

Here I was looking at ratmala with her hand on MY boyfriends shoulder.

"Hey Rat- I mean Pamala"

She only giggles and sits next to Finn.

She was literally sitting on him.

Or half of her nonexistent ass cheek was on his leg.

"I haven't seen you in forever !"

She sounds like one of those fake friends that everyone has.

oH wAiT !.

"oh really why's that ?" I ask sarcastically.

She probably didn't even notice it from how fucking stupid she is.

"Well, Finn always tells me that your busy and always end the calls on him" she frowns.

I look at Finn with the most heartbreaking face ever.

Why would he lie..

All those fucking times they were lies.

They were all fucking lies.

"Y/n-" he started but I cut him off

"Uh, yea I'm actually super busy most of the time...you know I'm never in my room bored out of my mind missing my boyfriend wondering if he's ok or if his schedule isn't to busy for me....yup I'm always darn busy" it was obvious I was directing this to Finn because I gave him a hurt look.

She giggles and gives me one of her signature fake smiles.

"Finn says you're always modeling for big companies and doing auditions for some amazing shows"

"yea well you know me...ALWAYS BUSY, I never even have time for Finn as you can see but I know you've been keeping him company for these past BUSY weeks"

"Of course ! Anything for my Finnie and you of course !"

I gave her a fake smile and licked my lips.

"Well I see that you even gave him a nickname ! Super cute by the way !" I sarcastically say

"Y/n, please-"

"What ? Please give you more time ?...well I'm afraid I cannot do that I am so sorry Finn but I am so darn busy ALL of the time as you've already mentioned to our dearest friend Pamala over here !" I say as I clapped both of my hands together.

"Anyways I um I must go now because I have a photo shoot to do and I haven't even gotten ready...but I would like to speak to Finn"

Pamala only nodded her head and I was just waiting for her to get the hint.

But no she's an idiot so she obviously wasn't going to get it.

"In private ?" I smiled

"Oh, oh yea of course I'll just wait downstairs when your done so we can go out to have breakfast sound good ?"

"Sounds great.." he says faking a smile.

Pamala says bye one last time to me and exits the room.

"I'm busy...yea right"

"Why the fuck have you been lying to me huh ?!" I slightly shout.

"I'm sorry...I really am"

I bit my bottom lip which was preventing me from crying.

It wasn't working tho.

"Its just-"

"Save it Finn, I don't want to hear it...I don't need any more excuses from you since you've been basically been doing it from the day I came here"

"I'm sorry"

I looked up and chuckled in disbelief.

"I'm actually going to go out with an old friend named Zach...bye I have to get ready"

"Y/n wait-"

Before he could even finish his sentence I ended the call.

What's UP

IM FUCKING BACK FROM THAT LONGGGG ASSSS BREEEEAAAK

ima say this again...

CAuse its been a whole while

SO DID YA MISS ME

BAHAHAH

ima take that as a nO

Well anyways I'm getting slightly better from this tragic and terrible loss.

My best friend will always be in my heart and will always remain there.

I actually have a necklace of a little bottle and in the bottle there's some frozen flower pedals that she picked out and I kept it in there and I wear it literally every day like I haven't taken it off at all.

I do literally everything with it.

I still feel like it's partly my fault. Even tho everyone says it isn't.

School has gone better.

I'm mentally stable.

I'm going to therapy.

I'm eating well.

And I'm celebrating my life and hers as well.

ALSO FATMA IM HAPPY YOUR BOOK HAS 50k READS LIKE YOU DESERVE IT SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU ❤️❤️

Anyways I love you guys and please text me if anything is going on with you or if you're feeling suicidal. Just know I'm always here. ❤️

do you go to public school or private school ??

I go to private school. I honestly see no point in it because we have to pay 🤷🏽‍♀️.

sorry I've been gone.

- xoxo gossip girl 💕

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