The teens sat in the basement and were enduring Kelso's rant, "What is Brooke's deal, man? I mean, most girls lie about doing it with me when they haven't. This—the—everything is backwards!"

"Yeah, this is just like Freaky Friday, but unlike that charming little movie—your story has no basis in fact," Eric laughed, high fiving Lucy.

"What's the word?" Lucy asked, putting her finger to her chin, "Oh, burn!"

"It does too!" Kelso scoffed, "Except it's just the girl is avoiding me. I mean, how do you get a girl to come to you when you repulse her?"

Without missing a beat, Jackie turned around, "Yeah, Eric?"

"Well," Eric shrugged, "I like to put a hot dog on the end of a stick, and hide in the bushes."

Hyde leaned forward, "So Donna, Lucy, so how do you know Brooke anyway? Did you guys jump out of a cake together or something?"

"Yeah!" Donna fake laughed.

"You dillweed," the blonde shook her head. "She was editor in chief for the paper and I was junior editor, so she like mentored me. And Donna always stayed late to help me with stuff."

Kelso leaned back in his seat, "I think you know Brooke cause there's a secret club in this town, made up of all the hot girls. It's a secret hot girls club."

Jackie shook her head, "There's no secret hot girls club, believe me I'd know!"

"Uh huh, well I'm gonna take off. I have to get to my secret hot girls meeting," Donna stood up with a fake gasp.

Kelso sighed, "Why doesn't Brooke like me? I am a gentleman!"

"Oh yeah, you lied about doing it with a hot girl in the men's room. You're Cary Grant," Eric deadpanned.

Lucy looked up thoughtfully, "You know, the real question here, is who would be the hottest in the secret hot girls club?"

Jackie nodded, "Yeah, I mean, obviously we'd be tied."

"Oh, for sure, we're both way too good looking," Lucy agreed, nodding. "Well boys, who's the hottest?"

"Do you really want me to answer that question?" Hyde asked, eyebrows raised.

Eric folded him arms with a smirk, "Oh I think we all do."

"Oh well, I guess since you're not setting a trap, I can answer honestly," Hyde rolled his eyes, "Brooke's freaking hot."

"Ha!" Jackie stood up victoriously, "We tricked ya!"

"It's gotta be Pam Macy," Fez said after thinking for a moment.

"Fez!" Lucy gasped, feeling betrayed.

"What! Would you rather me say Laurie?" He held his hands up in surrender as he looked for a popsicle in the freezer.

"I'm so torn," Eric shook his head, "I mean, Donna obviously—but I'm hot, and Lucy's my twin, so she must be somewhat hot to someone who's not related to her."

"It's definitely Brooke," Kelso nodded, "Which is why it's so annoying that she won't admit that we did it!"

❁

That afternoon, the gang sat in the basement once again, listening to Kelso's whining, "I can't believe Brooke. I mean standing there at the library, totally resisting me!"

"I can't believe we have a library," Hyde piped up as Donna and Lucy stared at him in disbelief.

"Hyde!" Lucy raised her eyebrows, "How could you not know we had a library?"

"How should I?" he shrugged.

"We went there! Remember, I'd be doing homework and you'd sit with me," she recited back the occasion that happened many a times.

Hyde snapped his fingers as he remembered, "And then we'd make out by the books! Yeah I remember now. Man, I don't know, I guess I just thought that was school."

Eric shook his head, "I still think it's invisible."

"No, no, you know that parking lot where we drink beer in?" Kelso asked, looking to Fez and Eric, who nodded, "Okay, well you know that wall that we lean up against? That's the library!"

Fez smirked, "Well then, guess who has peed on the library?"

"Y'know for the first time in my life, I hope there's not a secret hot girls club, because if there is, I bet Brooke said awful things about me at their last meeting!" Kelso shouted, upset as he stood up, pacing.

Donna snickered, "Kelso, there is no secret hot girls club."

Causing the boy to scoff, "Well of course the president won't admit it. And all I know is that Brooke and I had a romantic night together at the concert. Why is she pretending like it didn't happen?"

"Well maybe she's embarrassed. I mean she's used to dating really brainy guys," Donna shrugged.

"That's so rude!" Lucy shook her head, "I mean, Kelso is—decently smart—and—well, he has a great personality if you ignore the fact that he lies and cheats! Nevermind, she's embarrassed."

"Either way, she's not used to dating guys who set their own pants on fire," Hyde pointed out.

"On a dare! And I won a dollar," Kelso said indignantly.

❁

Brooke came through the basement door and sighed, "Michael, I need to talk to you."

"Yeah, about what?" Kelso asked and played dumb.

The brunette hesitated and said, "About our night together at the Molly Hatchet concert."

Kelso beamed, "Excuse me," And he turned to each of the stunned members of the gang and pointed, "Burn! Burn! Burn, Burn! Burn! Burn!" And the boy ran upstairs and "Burn! Burn!" was distinctly shouted before he returned to the basement and calmly sighed,

"Burn. We totally did it!"

Brooke purses her lips, "Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant."

All the teens looked around shocked before Kelso turned to them and said, "I never touched her."

❁

Lucy trudged down to the kitchen tiredly while her mom prepared breakfast. She waited behind Hyde at the coffee machine, he poured creamer into the coffee as he mixed the mug before passing it down the counter to the yawning girl. Lucy merely shrugged and gave a groggy "Thanks," in response before sitting beside Laurie at the table.

"Laurie, try these banana walnut pancakes I know youve always had a thing for nuts," Kitty offered as she held up a plate of pancakes.

"Every man in town knows that," Hyde chuckled, while moving to sit in his seat beside Lucy.

Kitty furrowed her eyebrows, "What men? Oh, never mind!"

Just then, Eric and Fez came in with a letter in his hand, "You guys! An agent from immigration is coming to check on Fez and Laurie's marriage, and if he finds out it's fake Fez could get deported!"

Everyone turned warily to look at the newlywed couple. Fez turned and placed a hand on Laurie's shoulder, "But this marriage is based on love, right, honey?"

Without missing a beat, Laurie smiled sweetly while saying, "Don't touch me."

"So," Lucy dragged out, "Is this niceness kick over with then I guess? 'Cause it was a bit unsettling." Laurie turned to sneer jokingly at her younger sister who just jutted our her tongue childishly.

"Now there's nice, and there's magic. And I'm no magician," Laurie shrugged.

"Fine, I'll give you 20 bucks to pretend to be my wife," Fez begged.

Hyde smirked and said under his breath, "That's gotta sound familiar."

"Steven, if you keep doing that, it's gonna be really hard for me to pretend I don't know what you're talking about!" Kitty chided.

"Then I should go, because it's just too easy," Hyde started as he walked out of the kitchen, "Like Laurie."

"When is this I.N.S man gonna be here?" Kitty turned to Fez with a hand on her hip.

Fez wringed his hands nervously, "Uh, sometime this week—it's a surprise visit. So I have to stay here."

"Stay here? With, Red?" Kitty started with wide eyes, "Oh, no, I can't allow that."

"Why not? Red loves me!" Fez insisted.

With a mouthful of pancakes, Lucy choked before laughing nervously in her mother's trademark, "Fez, last time he saw you he pulled out his shotgun."

"I thought—you told me he was polishing it?" Fez shouted.

"Polishing it—to shoot you!" The blonde enunciated clearly.

"Honey, you gave him a heart attack!" Kitty reminded.

Eric tried helpfully, "Maybe he just loves Fez so much—that his heart exploded?"

"Yeah, 'cause that's what Dad is known for—being too loving with foreigners," Lucy joked with a sarcastic smile at her twin.

"Please, Miss Kitty! Let me stay," Fez pleaded. Finally, their mother obliged and Fez went in for a hug. "Oh, thank you! Uh, that was a sexy hug you really put some boom-boom into it, huh?"

Laurie turned to her sister, "How long are you here for again?"

"Another six weeks and I'm outta here," the blonde sighed in relief.

"Please don't leave me here with them!" Laurie whispered desperately.

❁

Lucy sat on top of the Vista Cruiser with her legs crossed and her eyes closed, while Hyde, Jackie, and Donna leaned against the car. Kelso had to relayed his last interaction with Brooke at the library.

"Michael, there is no way Brooke said you're off the hook! Okay, I bet she said I'm gonna take every penny you have you irresponsible bastard because that's what I would say," Jackie said plainly.

Kelso smiled goofily, "No, she definitely said off the hook." He jumped as he dunked the basketball, "Man I am one tall, cute, lucky kid!" Jackie scoffed and walked off to sit in the porch chair before Kelso turned to look at the blonde who still had her eyes closed and was humming slightly. "Lu, what the hell are you doing?"

Eyes still closed, Lucy responded, "Trying to channel out this bullshit and find some inner peace and give it to Brooke."

"That's way harsh! It's not like I told her to say I'm off the hook!" Kelso pleaded.

Hyde crossed his arms, "So that's it, man? It's like this thing with you and Brooke never happened?"

Kelso bounced the basketball once in thought, "Yeah! Well no, I mean, there's still gonna be a baby out there. But...my life's back to normal...Sorta. I mean, it's kinda weird, but I'm not gonna think about it 'cause I dont need to. You know, I should be happy right now. You know what? I am happy, right now! Yeah, I think."

Lucy stopped her humming and sighed, "Okay, that's all the inner peace I can muster with this kinda dumbass-ery."

"You know that stuff doesn't work, right?" Hyde looked up at her with a curious smile and a raised eyebrow.

"Oh," the blonde scoffed, "Excuse me Mr. Zen!"

"Kelso," Donna said, regaining the boy's attention, "Think, feel, look deep inside like deep, deep inside almost to China. There's a good guy in there."

Kelso shook his head, "You know what? Don't lecture me, okay?" He tossed the basketball back into the car in frustration. "I went to her, and I tried to talk to her, and she said it was cool, which is awesome because this could, like, screw up my whole life!"

Hyde nodded, "Yeah, man, you know you gotta stay focused if your gonna invent those quadruple Oreos."

Kelso looked around wide eyed before muttering under his breath, "Those are a secret, man."

"No yeah, this is good." Donna started, "Why put yourself out for some kid? Children grow up without dads all the time."

"Right!" Kelso nodded curtly.

"Yeah, like Steven," Jackie piped up from the porch.

"Well, I don't want him ending up like Hyde...With all those angry thoughts," Kelso grinned jokingly before Lucy sent a swift smack upside his head and Hyde punched his shoulder. "Ow! And violent, too!" as he swatted Lucy's hand away.

Hyde glared at Kelso, "Kelso, you know what you should do, but you're not gonna do it because you're too much of a tool."

"You know what?" Kelso sighed, "It's real easy to talk about the right thing to do when it's not your life." Before stalking off, away from the driveway.

"He'll come around," Lucy nodded after being quiet for a moment, "He makes up for his lack of smarts with his heart."

"Yeah, let's hope," he joked as he turned to look at her perched atop the car.

Lucy bit the inside of her cheek before asking, "Do you get pissed off with Bud a lot? For not being there?"

Hyde shrugged, "Well, I guess. But he helped out with some stuff."

"Like what?" Lucy asked as she moved down from the car.

Hyde grabbed her hand and helped her hop down, "I mean, I wouldn't have had you guys if he wasn't such a dillhole."

"Aw," Lucy cooed, "You're a softie!"

He slung his arm around her shoulders with a scoff. The pair didn't know really where their feelings stood regarding the other, but walking alongside eachother just felt comfortable and right. Lucy looked over at the boy with a confused smile. Hyde opened his mouth to say something before he was interrupted by the sliding of the glass door.

"The immigration agent is here and I'm gonna go to jail!" Eric cried desperately.

❁