Louis helped Harry change into something cozy and warm. It was March now but in England it was always a little chilly outside, around that time. They wrapped William up in the carrier with a nice blanket. Louis didn't know where he should take Harry. He didn't know if the floor had been replaced from where the blood had stained it. It's been 3 days it should be.

Harry sat in the back with William like they all do for the ride home. The bumps Louis hit made pain shoot through his shoulder causing him to wince. Harry stared at William he could see the feautures of Louis in him.

He had Louis' ears, his mouth, and his beautiful blue eyes. He had Harry's nose, and hair. Little spiral curls made themselves known on the top of his head. It was by any means adorable.

He looked more like Louis which warmed Harry because that's what he wanted for their little boy to look like his father.

"Haz?" Louis said from the front.

"Hm?" Harry replied.

"Do-do you wanna go back home to the apartment?" Louis said nervously.

"Do I need to?" Harry said sounding off.

Louis was silent for a beat.

"No, you don't not right now at least but you will have to face it sooner or later." Louis answered softly.

Harry stayed silent. Louis was right he would need to face it, but he just wasn't ready right now. How was he supposed to be able to go see Liam at his funeral? All he felt like right now was hell. His heart ached, it was broken. He lost his best friend.

"I don't know where we go then." Louis said feeling almost helpless.

"We- I mean I can try and go back." Harry said.

Louis swallowed.

"I mean I just don't think I have the money for a room right now." Louis said.

"Take me home then Louis, I can try this for the sake of our money." he said.

Louis took the turn for the apartments. He hoped the blood had been cleaned up. He turned in the car park pulling in a space.

"Ready?" Louis said reaching for his handle.

"I guess I have no choice but to be." Harry answered.

Louis opened his door, walking to Harry's and opened it for him. Louis grabbed the carrier. Harry wanted to take the steps so he could slowly get there instead of being flung right into the place.

"You can do this." Louis boasted kissing his cheek and grabbing his hand.

Harry took a deep breath climbing the stairs slowly not only because the incident but the soreness of his stomach plus the pain of his shoulder did not mix well with stairs.

Harry froze at the last flight of stairs, that led up to the floor. Louis gave his hand a squeeze Harry held his hand tighter.

"Deep breath come on baby you can do it I'm right here." Louis said softly.

Harry raised his foot to put it on the stair but put it back down. His eyes began to water and his chest ached even worse. He mustered up the courage and finished those steps.

Louis hopes were dashed when the stain was still there. Right where Liam fell. Surely that meant that the stain of Harry's was still on the floor too.

Harry's eyes froze on the large stain.

"Harry don't look at it." Louis said.

Harry's eyes couldn't move. They were froze as if they were literally stuck. Louis put William down and went to Harry.

"Whatever your thinking right now don't he did it to himself, he chose to do that to himself." Louis said.

"Then why do I feel like everything in me is broken? Why am I aching so much? Why do I feel crushed?" Harry started crying as he said this.

"Because you feel regret for not forgiving him, for the fact that your forgiveness could have changed what happened." Louis answered pulling him into a hug.

"Leave me please Louis." Harry said looking down.

"Har-"

"Please?" Harry begged through tears.

Louis sighed and picked the carrier up again. He unlocked the door and stepped inside leaving Harry like he wanted. Carefully he unbuckled William and cradled him in his arms. The blood of Harry's was still there. Louis sighed and went to Williams room getting Williams baby rocker.

He laid William in it covering him in a blanket. He got the cleaning stuff and moved William away from the fumes.

He scrubbed the blood as hard as he could and luckily it came out. All that was left was a very faded stain of it barely noticeable. Louis washed his hands and picked up William again laying him on his chest.

Louis didn't know what he should do. Harry was in denial for something that wasn't really his fault. Louis hated that nothing he seemed to say seemed to make it better for Harry.

It was a few hours later when Harry finally came back inside. Louis was in the kitchen fixing William his bottle. Once the formula turned to milk he put the nipple in Williams mouth to which William automatically started drinking.

"Haz?" Louis said following him to the bed room.

"No I'm still not okay, but I will be." Harry answered as if he read Louis' mind.

They climbed onto the bed Louis grabbed the nursing pillow and propped William up in it as he continued to feed him.

"I wasn't going to ask that because I know for sure you aren't." Louis said softly.

Harry turned looking at him.

"He shot me then felt guilty so he shot himself." Harry said.

"I don't know if that was his motive." Louis said throwing a burp rag on his shoulder to burp William.

"I hate that I can't remember anything from that night apart from a flash and a loud noise, and me falling to the floor." Harry said.

"I wouldn't want you to remember any of it baby." Louis said patting Williams back for him to burp.

William let out a good burp causing Harry and Louis to giggle.

"I just wish your legs could've moved faster." Harry said sounding sad.

"I know me too but if I had lost you and William I don't know what I would do," Louis said "I didn't want Liam to do that, I hate him for leaving you like that."

Harry laid back against the pillows carefully. Louis was feeding William again.

"I want to go." Harry said after a moment of silence.

"Go where?" Louis asked.

"His funeral." Harry said bluntly.

"Are you sure?" Louis looked back at him.

Harry nodded silently.

"Okay it's in two days. So we have to get someone to watch William if you want." Louis said.

"Yeah okay."

"Anyone in particular?" Louis questioned.

"I would say Gemma but she doesn't live close." Harry said.

"I would say Niall but he's going to the funeral as well." Louis said.

"Guess we'll have to take him with us then."

Louis nodded.

~~~

So came the funeral. Harry and Louis dressed semi nice. Harry settled on a sheer black top that was see through and his black dress pants, with his brown boots. Louis settled on a button down blue shirt with some nice blue jeans and grey shoes.

William was in a plaid button up and gray sweat pants and a grey stocking type of hat.

Walking inside the funeral home Louis had William cradled in one arm and Harry's hand held tightly with his other free hand. Liams mum was sat beside the open casket crying. His dad was stood behind her with his hand on her shoulder.

Harry walked over slowly. He stopped in front of Karen and Geoff. He stretched out his one arm that didn't have a broken shoulder blade. He hugged Karen tightly with his one arm. Karen didn't move to wrap her arms around Harry.

"I'm so sorry." Harry said avoiding his dead best friend in the casket beside him.

"No apology will ever bring back my boy." Karen said, and Harry pulled away from hugging her.

Louis came up behind them wrapping his free arm around Harry's waist.

"I wasn't apologizing to bring him back Mrs. Payne I was apologizing because of how his life ended so abruptly." Harry said.

Harry bit bottom lip fighting back tears.

"He's in a better place now." Louis assured hugging Karen with the one arm and patting Geoff on the shoulder.

Karen was fighting back something Louis could tell it was time for them to move away from them give them space. However, just as they were about to Karen grabbed Harry's bad arm sending pain through Harry's arm and shoulder.

"They said he was at your flat when all this happened. What did you do to make my boy kill himself? Why would you do that?!" Karen cried.

"Let go of my arm please!" Harry said as her grip got tighter.

"Karen honey let go of his arm love." Geoff grabbed Karens hand and pulled it off Harry's.

"I didn't do anything Mrs. Payne." Harry was still fighting the tears.

"Yes you did! My baby is dead because of you!" Karen cried louder causing everyone to turn their attention that way.

My baby is dead because of you!

The words etched in Harry's mind.

"Karen he did this to himself." Geoff said.

"She's right I did cause this." Harry said crying.

He ran out of the home and outside he kept running his feet were carrying him some where. Harry's eyes stang from the tears.

"Thanks a lot!" Louis spit at Karen.

He walked quickly carrying William closely. He put William in the car. Louis drove where could he be?

Louis drove slowly. He didn't know if he should go home and just wait there or not. Niall had followed him out right on his heels and got in with him.

"Take me and William to yours and I'll watch him while you look for Harry." Niall said.

Louis nodded and went faster and made it to the flat. He gave Niall the key so he could get in and he watched to make sure they made it up safely. He sped off. He called Harry but he wouldn't answer.

"The dorm!" something said to him.

Louis was at the dorms in no time. He ran up the stairs skipping a couple of steps at a time. He reached the familiar door, twisting the knob he walked in. There he was sat on Liams bed his head hung down his body trembling with tears. It broke Louis' heart seeing how much pain Harry was in.

Something was in his hands but Louis couldn't tell what. He walked over slowly and noticed that what was in his hands was a picture. A framed picture of Liam and Harry it was black and white. It looked like they were on a roof of a sort and Harry's hair was long in the picture.

He stood to the side noticing more pictures. They were scattered every where on the bed.

They were young in some of them. Louis half smiled at the one he saw of Liam being pinned down by Harry.

"We were just boys when we first met me and Li, we were so close." Harry said as his voice cracked.

Louis frowned as his lip started to tremble and tears rolled down his cheeks. The sad, broke sound in Harry's voice sent Louis to tears.

"This is one of my favorites." Harry held up the black and white one of them two on the roof, "and this too."

"We were so close, we parted ways for a while do to problems, but then we bumped into each in college here again." Harry explained.

"So you two were friends before then?" Louis said through tears.

Harry nodded.

"He wasn't bad you know," Harry's eyebrows scrunched together as he body began to shake with tears again, "he wasn't bad at all." he hugged the frame and picture to his chest.

"Oh Harry." Louis said feeling his heart ache for his boy.

Louis stayed in front of him leaned against the wall in front the window. Louis wiped away some of the tears from his cheeks. He wasn't certain if Harry wanted to be touched right now.

"He was going to be something good," Harry croaked "he was going to be a doctor. He would of been such a good one too, he cared for people Lou. He really did but something inside him snapped, the Liam that did this wasn't the Liam I knew."

Louis kept listening.

"It's my fault Louis all my fault! If I hadn't of fallen in love with you and left him or seen through it all from the start he'd be alive right now," Harry almost yelled "if I had of given him the time he begged for, if I had of listened to him and let him explain. He would still be here." his voice turned into a rasp.

Louis didn't really know what to say, or where to start. He took a breath and figured where and began.

"You know those pages I told you that I didn't you to see in my journal?" Louis said.

Harry nodded.

"Well come with me please, I want to read one to you." Louis said extending his hand.

Harry took it and turned gathering the pictures and one of Liams sweatshirts that smelled like him. Louis led him out to his car.

"I'll take you some where special." Louis said.

Harry didn't let go of his hand as Louis reached and wiped away his tears. He kissed his forehead letting his lips rest there a beat before pulling away and starting the car. Harry slid over and rested his head on Louis' shoulder.

"Wait!" Harry said noticing William wasn't there "where's Will?"

"He's okay he's with Niall at ours." Louis said rubbing Harry's knee.

He pulled into the familiar gravel road that took you to the old warehouse. He turned off the engine and they slid out but Louis reached in the glovebox of his car and pulled out a roll of paper that was tied up.

"Come on." Louis said with a soft smile.

Harry took his hand again and he led him inside. They layed down on the cot and covered their legs with a blanket. Harry put his head on Louis' shoulder and listened. Louis rummaged through the pages finding the one he was looking for.

"Here it is." Louis smiled.

He began reading.

"Dear journal,

You remember that bet I told you about? Yeah? The one where... well I called it off. I fell in love with him not during it. Not after. Before it all happened. The first time I saw him when I walked into the dorms to meet Liam. I fell in love, he was beautiful, and so cute the way he had his hand through his long hair trying frustrated about something he was working on. I found myself watching him as the others picked on Liam. I looked away when he caught me. I didn't have a clue about what was going to happen that same day. I knew then I would need to take the bet for myself to keep him safe. I fell for him the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.-John Green.

Louis rolled the paper back up he turned to look at Harry.

"Why did you read that to me?" Harry questioned.

"Because that last line not only because of that other reasons too." Louis said.

Harry looked up at him.

"I'm still confused." Harry said scrunching his brows together.

"I think the reason Liam was for the bet was because of me."

"You?"

Louis nodded.

"Yeah, he knew the moment I took that bet it was for you and only you. Not for some nasty reason. Why did he go off like this I don't know why did he kill himself I don't know. Why did he turn on you I don't know. I explained why I took the bet to him. Not long after that he went all weird." Louis said.

"He didn't feel something for me did he?" Harry questioned.

"I think so." Louis said.

"I could've never loved him the way I love you." Harry said.

"Even then?"

"No not even then. I loved him like a brother and you I love you so much." Harry smiled.

"Ahh there's that smile I've been itching to see." Louis pecked Harry's nose with a kiss.

"I love you." Harry said softly.

"I love you most." Louis said.

"I know that Liam never meant this," Harry said "I saw an envelope on his night table and it had my name on it. I just don't think I can read it without breaking down again."

Harry pulled a folded envelope out of his pocket. Showing it to Louis.

"Don't read it then if you don't want to." Louis said.

"I want you to read it to me." Harry said.

"Harry that's your business though." Louis said.

"Please." Harry begged.

"Okay if you want me to." Louis said.

"I think I'll be able to bear if I hear you saying it verses hearing Liams voice in my head saying it." Harry admitted.

Louis envelope and began reading.