based on the song "watch" by billie eilish

( in honor of her AMAZING hair )

some aNgSt

louis is ... kinda a jerk in this one ... sorry

warning: kinda low self confidence idk if that's a warning but yeah

———

Louis kisses Y/n, her soft lips against his, his hands cupping her cheeks softly as her hands rest against his chest.

Y/n can't help the way her heart beats at his light touches, but the pessimist part of her reminds her that he would never feel about her the way she feels about him.

Their relationship started off as a little flirting here and there, then grew into soft kisses and touches stolen, and into... well, whatever they were now.

Everyone knew that Louis was just with Y/n because they made each other feel good, not for love, or whatever you were supposed to have in a relationship. His sisters frowned upon his actions, but no one did anything about it, because they hoped Louis would change, because maybe Y/n could be the positive light in his life that he needed.

Hell, even Y/n saw the way he was treating her.

But yet, she still stayed with him.

She realized how toxic he was, she knew how it was slowly breaking her inside. But she didn't want to leave.

He was like an addiction, a strange addiction, and she didn't want to stop, just to be close to him.

But it still felt fake.

Everything felt fake.

Later that night, Y/n lies awake, unable to sleep as Louis snore lightly next to her. She turned to face him and watched his calm features in the dim room.

She wished he actually cared about her, she just wanted someone, anyone, to care about her.

She almost couldn't take it anymore, she felt as if she would break any moment, not ready to leave him behind, even though he was almost breaking her life apart.

———

Louis sighs as he enters the house, Y/n could practically feel the anger radiating off of him.

"Hey, are you— are you alright?" She asks gently, coming to his side.

"Y/n." He says sternly. "I can't. I cant do this." He says, sniffling and pulling his arm away from her grasp.

Y/n falters back a step, "Do what?" She asks, although she's pretty sure she knows what's about to come.

"This." He says, motioning between the two of them. "Us."

Y/n can't help but feel numb inside as she simply nods, grabbing a few things and quickly walking out the door, closing it quietly as Louis stands there, his eyes glued to the floor.

As Y/n gets to her car, she throws all her junk in the back and gets into the driver seat, before the tears start to fall.

Not full body sobs, but more like angry tears, tears because she was so so stupid to think someone might love her.

She puts the key in the ignition, getting ready to leave.

She looks back at the house and she huffs before letting out an angry scream, mentally cursing herself for being to caring, being hopeful, being so desperate, because of course it all blew up in her face.

As she pulls up to her house, she immediately makes a beeline for her room, before opening the closet and grabbing anything and everything that belonged to Louis.

Hoodies, shirts, sweatpants, anything, and she made a pile in the middle of her room.

She tore down her whole polaroid wall with a grunt, more tears of frustration blurring her vision.

Once she was satisfied, she grabbed everything and brought it to the backyard, the small fire pit the only thing her eyes would focus on.

Yes, maybe it seemed really chiché to burn his things, but he deserved it.

Treating her like shit for months, playing with her feelings, using her, it made her angry.

Her hands ran through her hair as she pulled out a lighter she grabbed when she went through the kitchen.

Lightning a small part of the hoodies, she stood back as she watched the flames grow, the pit containing them quiet well. She fell to her knees and sobbed into her hands, her emotions on overdrive, her anger at herself and Louis, the pain Louis caused, everything he'd ever did to her.

She screamed again, realizing how much he put her through, how much pain he's caused.

She looks back to the fire, and realized that if everything Louis owned was in that pile, then so was her crumbling heart.

Her mind added it to the pile, all her feelings for him.

She realized that this was also a closure for her, picturing her feelings and love for Louis burning with the pile of clothes, the orange and red burning into her irises.

It would take her a long time to get over him, but he knew she could do it, and she knew she would not let Louis get the best of her again.

She feels her phone buzz in her pocket, and she quickly grabs it, tapping on it once to see three missed calls from Louis and 14- no 16- uh, 20 messages from him, with more coming in.

She scoffs and blocks his number, a breath of relief exiting her body.

He really though she would forgive him and come running back to him? Did Louis think Y/n was just his little puppet?

Maybe the other times he broke it off with her, she would've gone back. But not this time, she's done.

Done with all his fake love, all his lies, all his bullshit.

Louis wasn't good for her, and she hoped that maybe one day he would change for the better, and love someone like one should be loved, but she was not going to be around to see that.

It was bittersweet almost.

Louis would not hold her down any longer, she didn't want to go running back to him.

Her eyes travel back to his burning pile, her fists clenching as she watches.

There was a fire inside of her now, and he wasn't going to be there to put it out.

And who knows, maybe he could've loved Y/n, maybe even with the new fire she obtained through his psi , but we'll never know, he never came back to ask it out.

Louis, on the other hand, seemed to realize what he'd just done.

He realized he was being numb towards her, he realized all the fucked up things he'd done, he knew what he was doing was wrong.

He knew he loved Y/n, but he was too scared to show it.

And now, it was too late.

He let her go, and now she would never let him back.