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Blair Waldorf had seen many bad things in her 18 years of existence. She had seen things nobody would ever want to see. The moment she opened the door in the hospital that would become her second home for a long, long time, she knew that what she was looking at, the bruised,broken body of Chuck, would be forever printed in her mind. She knew that she would never be able to forgive it. Her hands were shaking and closed her eyes. What if this was just a bad dream? Maybe it was because the sound of his heartbeat on the monitor that brought her back to real life. This wasn't a dream. She knew that she was just fooling herself by hoping that. She opened her eyes again and walked slowly to the hospital bed.

Tubes and little wires were everywhere. A mask that provided oxygen was placed over Chuck's mouth and lips. The lips she had kissed a few hours before. There were big blue and red bruises on his arms and neck. She didn't dare to look at his face, afraid of what she might see. No... no. This isn't real. She kept telling herself that this couldn't be true. They were so in love, so new, so fresh. It was like nothing could be for once perfect, like there was always a black cloud above her head, that always hid the sunlight if things were going too good. She broke down in a sob when she finally dared to look at her lovers face. His eyes, his beautiful eyes were closed and there was a bandage around his forehead. His hair was messy and she could see half of it was clutterd with blood. His blood. Her sobs turned now into ugly tears. The tears she was crying for herself, for him, for them both were falling on the hospital blanket that was covering the rest of his body. She was almost afraid to touch him, afraid that she would hurt him. She bended down a placed a light kiss on the bridge of his nose. She took his hand into hers and sat down on the chair that was standing next to his bed. She was crying loud now and she knew Serena or Nate would come in sooner or later. She whispered inbetween her sobs to Chuck: "Please, fight. I can't do this without you. My.. my world is worth nothing if you don't make it..". She hoped for him to react to her sweet but sad words, but ofcourse nothing happened. This wasn't a movie. This was real-life. She continued to whisper and tell him things, hoping for any kind of reaction. In the mid of saying for the thousand time 'i love you' she heard cheering and music in the hall. She looked at the clock. It was midnight. A New Year. She laid her head down on the available lspace next to his on the hospital bad and whispered while stroking his cheek lightly: "Happy New Year". She smiled lightly. This was the worst beginning of a new year ever. Still, she couldn't imagine being with anyone else than him.

Serena, Nate and Lily entered the room. Blair had fallen asleep next to him. She looked so out of place in her red evening gown. Serena and her mom looked at her with sad smiles. Nate had walked over to the little closet and put a blanket over Blair's sleeping body. "They didn't deserve this". Lily whispered to her daughter and her daughter's on-and-off boyfriend. The doctor knocked a little too harsh on the door, causing B to wake up.

"Happy New Year, you all. I assume you are Chuck's mother and sister?" Doc. McCallister asked the two blondes in the room. They nodded. Blair rubbed her eyes and looked at Chuck's lifeless body before sighing again. "As I told you before, the surgery went well. It's only the coma we are worried about now, from all his other injuries he will recover". The doctor looked straight at Chuck, saying those words. Nate, who was standing in the back of the room walked to Blair and padded her shoulder. "That's good right?". The doctor smiled sadly, just like Serena had done before. "Yes, but.. I cannot tell you when Mr.Bass is going to wake up and in what state he will be if he does". Blair stared at the white wall behind the doctor. If he does. If she will ever hear him talk again. If he doesn't die. The doctor continued: "Right now, he needs oxygen to survive. So it's not looking really good.. But I promise you all that me and my team will do everything to wake him up again". He was looking at Blair directly, unable to imagine how hard it must be for the young girl. "Someone he knows and is familiar with, should visit him everyday and talk to him. Most people in a coma are able to hear people say things, they are just unable to react to it. But right now, I think it's for the best that you all go home. You all do look tired. Go home and sleep. There are nurses that look over him 24/7, so nothing can happen". Nate nodded his head and both Serena and Lily also agreed with the doctor.

"I'm not leaving him". Blair's voice was suprisingly strong and confident. Serena said: "Blair. There is nothing you can do here. I'm sure the hospital will call if there is any change". Blair lifted her head up and looked at Serena with venom and hurt in her eyes. "No". The doctor tried to make her change her mind with silly explanations why she should go home. Still, Blair didn't even move an inch from Chuck away. She repeated that she was not going anywhere, till he woke up. But New Years day became the 2nd of January and in the night of the 3th, she felt so tired and miserable. Chuck still hadn't moved or reacted. She didn't want to go home, but at the same time she would love it to go home and sleep in her bed. Numerous people had visited Chuck and gave her the look. The look that meant: 'I'm sorry'.

She was laying down in her bed. The doctor had promised her that he would call immediately if there was a change. It seemed like everyone was worried about her. She couldn't understand that. Her head was screaming at them: "You should be worried about Chuck!". Even Brooklyn boy had come to visit her. She visited Chuck everyday and he was on her mind 24/7. She forgot how happiness felt again. Without him, was life really worth it all? She felt like she was holding on to a ship that was slowly but undeniably sinking.

We are holding on to the pain, because it is all what we have left.

A few days later, Arthur was buried. It was a sad, lonely funeral. Only his daughter and father had shown up. Blair went too. Arthur had always been really nice to her and he didn't mind that she and Chuck were doing things in the back of the limo. He always cleaned up afterwards, without saying a word. When his coffin was lowered into the ground, all she could think about was Chuck's body. When would his coffin be buried? What if he never woke up again? Before she could leave the funeral, she was in tears. So, so afraid for him. That night, it was way worse than usual. Since the accident, she had been having nightmares. Terrible ones. About Chuck been buried alive, about Chuck been locked into a burning house, unable to escape. She screamed so loud that night that her mom and Cyrus had woken up. They held their (step-)daughter into their arms and rocked her gentle. When Eleanor's eyes met Cyruses, they knew that only one thing could make her pain go away and no one could give it to her.

Days turned into weeks. There had been a slight change in Chuck's situation. He didn't need oxygen anymore, so if you didn't know, you would guess the man was just laying asleep. Blair was always by his side. The nurse that took care of him, even became friends with Blair. Blair told C about how hard it was without him, about a memory of them, about how she imagined their wedding... She never left without a kiss on his lips. Time started to move fast. It had been 3 weeks since the accident. Was there still hope for him? Would doctor Mc.Callister give up on him? She was so afraid to ask the question, but was even more afraid to know the answer. Sometimes she became so hysterical and desperate, she slapped him in the face to make him wake up. She knew that wasn't going to help, but she still could try right? The nurse knew she had to keep an eye on Blair.

On Valentine's day, the 14th of February, she was, like always, sitting on the chair, next to his bed, brushing his hair and shaving him. She knew Chuck hated beards, so she shaved him every two days. It was Valentine's day. Not her favourite holiday, but still a really nice one. She decided to dress up for him, knowing that he couldn't see her. Still, she did it because you could never be sure right?

She was stroking his hair when suddenly she heard suddenly a long loud unstopping beep. She looked at the heart moniter, only to see a straight line. Her heart sank to the ground. This can't be happening. Don't leave me now! I love you! It was all her mind was able to think. Doctors and nurses runned into the room, shouting at each other and pushing Blair away. "I'm sorry miss, but I need you to go away right now". Blair wanted to protest, but she couldn't utter a word. The door slammed shut right before her face. Suddenly feeling dizzy, she couldn't walk straight anymore. Since Chuck's accident, her bulimia had come back. She hadn't eaten a proper meal in days. All she saw was stars. You are my star too Chuck. That was the last thought she had before blacking out.

She was laying in a hospital bed. She was so afraid that if she would open her eyes, Chuck would be gone. To heaven, to hell, to the other side. Chuck would be dead. Gone forever. When she heard a familiar voice, she opened them. Everyone was in the room. Nate, Serena, Lily, Brooklyn boy, Rufus, Cyrus, Jenny, Eleanor,.. The list could go on for a while. The first thought that sprung into her mind was: Everyone's here. That means he's dead. He's dead. Rufus eyes met hers and a strange sound, something between a sob and a cry became out of her mouth. The whole room turned to stare at her. her mother and Serena rushed to her side. Blair looked up at them, the fear so visible in her eyes. "Please don't tell me.." Blair bottom lip quivered. Everyone in the room was dead silent.

Serena smiled. A genuine smile. Blair was so confused.

"Blair." First she thought she heard wrong. "Blair, look at me." The voice of her fiancée, her everything. The voice of the man she loved so much, reached not only her ears, but also her heart at that very moment.

Next Up:

Chapter 9: Uniting Us

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