They did indeed call. It was all about what to do with the body and the funeral and asking if we were okay. I wasn't. Nick knew all the words. I guessed it was because he had gone through the motions before. That was a sad thought.

I myself felt dead inside. I knew it was going to happen but I hadn't expected myself to take it so hard. The hardest part was the fact that I was truly alone. I was the last person in my family and when I got married my last name wouldn't be a thing anymore unless I had some cousins I didn't know about somewhere.

She wanted to be donated to science. It was her idea that if she could help the future than she would in any way possible. The doctors said her body wouldn't be much help. Guessing her second option was cremation, that's what I said. I guessed she'd have to forgive me sooner or later.

Nick had brought me icecream at some point in the day but I didn't feel like getting out of bed unless I had to use the restroom. I didn't mind talking, I just talked quietly because anything too loud was too abrubt. I never ate the icecream.

We had made the decision that the funeral would be in two days. Two days to plan. I knew her favorite flower, her favorite color. I knew what songs my mother wanted at grandma's funeral so I chose those. Nick sat next to me on the bed while I went through the options. He helped make it devine for her.

He wasn't horribly quiet. He knew what to say and when, and he had other things to attend to as well, all the stuff I couldn't handle. I wasn't weak, but at that point in my life I couldn't do anything.

After cleaning the bowl of icecream and picking up the ashes, he said, " Let's go out, do something. You need to get out of this room."

" I'm fine right here." I said, burried under a blanket.

He put the remander of my grandmother in the kitchen then ripped the blankets from my sweat clothes covered body, " Get dressed."

" It's like, ten p.m."

" I don't care. Up. Now."

I sighed, and rolled my body out of the bed. It was all painful. I hadn't moved for a good amount of hours. Changing into a pair of light blue skinny jeans and a black tank top, I said, " alright." I was shameless in front of him, which made me feel awkward after I had changed.

He wore a grey slightly v-neck t-shirt and black jeans, his boots unlaced and his batman beanie scary straight on his head. Without telling me where we were going, he lead us to the car. I got in and he started driving, " where are we going?"

He looked at my in the review mirror than stopped at a park. I followed him out then gave him a crazy look, " a park."

" Sometimes childish things are the best things." He said. While his statement made sense, it didn't feel like it should make sense.

He walked straigh to the swings and sat down. I followed suit. We both started swinging, and i took this time to ask, " what was it like?"

" What like?"

" losing them. Your parents."

He sighed, long and low, before saying, " I've told you before."

" You told me how you handled it."

" That's not the same thing?" He said.

" It sort of is."

" I told you what it's like too."

I sighed, " I mean.... I mean what was it like to see the people around you change. did they change towards you?"

He shrugged, looking out at the few trees in the park. A few of them were lit by a blue-toned light, " I guess. some people acted nicer. the people at school tended to stay away. I was explosive."

" I can't imagine that."

" I have a very uncontrollable personality."

" were you considered bipolar?"

His brows drew together, " sort of. they said I was just confused."

" So you had to take shit?"

He nodded, " I used too. I'm crystal clear now though."

I nodded too, " i would have never guessed."

" you're a butt." he teased.

" what do you think they thought about."

" I don't know what they thought about, but I know it wasn't me."

" How?" I asked, turning my head to look at him, " They had to have thought of you. I've told you that before."

" I know they loved me, I've always known that." He said, " But they were on a sinking boat, they had to have some sort of time to call me, just some sort of phone call.... anything."

I gulped, " I... I guess you're right."

" It doesn't mean they didn't love me. It just means they were humans, and they were scared." He shrugged, " We're all only human."

" That's true too... but even if we're all only human, why are some of us better than others?" I asked, " How are some of us cannibals and others dog lovers. nature people, people who fight for technology. Anarchists, politicians. It doesn't make sense. How can we all only be humans yet not have a stardard exactly for what human is."

" We have a standard."

" Care to share."

He looked deep in thought, " No two snowflakes are alike, right?" I nodded, and he continued, " But they're all so similar that we fail to see the different. Only some people take the time to see the difference. You're one of those people. The rest of us see it for what it is. Snow. A group of something so similar it's all been catagorized as the same thing. Maybe we have flaws, granted how large they may be. But in a general sense, we're all only humans and we've found a way to be limitless."

" So basically, we're all different, but no big differences, meaning we're technically the same." I said, trying to grasp the concept of his words.

He nodded, " that's exactly what i'm saying."

It made sense. I also liked the idea that I was a snowflake. It was the first thing to make me smile all day.

" Hey Arson?" I asked, filled with newfound curiosity and reluctance.

" yeah Angel?"

" When we go home, will we still be friends?"

" We're friends?" He said, shooting me a playful grin.

I rolled my eyes and smiled, " yeah, yeah actually we're friends." I shrugged, " I don't hate you anymore. I guess I've learned that yeah, you can be annoying, but you aren't a bad person and you did all of this for me. I actually find you important now."

He said, " yeah, we'll still be friends. It'd be pretty shitty if we weren't." We were swinging in sync now. A childish smile touched his face, " but right now we're married, so."

I kicked his leg lightly, but laughed, and reached a hand out to his. He smiled, and laced our fingers. We swung in syncronized time, holding hands, and I had never felt so comfortable. I felt, not safe, but simply happy. I didn't need to feel safe. I liked the feeling of just enjoying my time with the world.

~~~

" I've been laying in bed only to go back to bed." I said, motioning for him to turn around so I could change into sweats. He did and we both changed into sweat pants, accepting the fact that neither of us owned true, long pajama pants. On the drive home he had tried to sell me on getting matching onesies. That wasn't going to happen.

We both crawled under the covers, before that Nick had opened the window a tad to let it fresh air. I pushed some of the covers under my head and we faced away from each other.

Nick and I weren't awkward around each other, there was no need. We had settled not hours ago that we were friends and if he liked me he liked me.

I felt bare, so I reached back and took his hand slightly, " don't make a comment."

He stayed quiet, but I could feel the lopsided smirk in the air. I rolled my eyes and shut my lids, blocking out all of the words of life.

" The boat's going down!"

Water. In the lungs. Out the nose. Two people. A man and a woman, phone in hand, her finger over the send button. She was trying. Her nerves made her fingers fumble with the keys and she never did get to pressing send. Her freshly teenager son sitting at home, waiting for his parents.

" There dead."

Rebellion. Boots. Batman. There wasn't much else. His grandparents got old. They passed. No heart, no lungs, no stomach. No organs, one of the things you needed most. It was a marvel he functioned. He was young, his black hair was a mess under a beanie. Dark circles craddling his eyes just a bit more each day and yet he didn't sleep. How could you sleep, when everytime you closed your eyes you saw dead faces? How, when all you got were lifeless eyes staring back at you?

I, too, would much rather watch my ceiling.

No drugs, no drinks, no smoking. Just receding in on yourself. Out of his shell, he was friendly. He had old rock, and his free self. And he had a van to take a girl across country. He had the money for gas and he had the ambition. It was his chance.

He could help her.

When I opened my eyes, I saw sunlight. It was overbearingly bright in our room and it wasn't a fun experience for my retinas. Nick was sound asleep.

I found myself with one leg tied with his, one arm around his chest while one of his arms was under the small of my back. We had found a way to tangle ourselves in our sleep, wonderful. I slapped his chest with my arm and said, " up."

Nick groaned. Every time I saw him asleep, I had to do a double take. He wasn't someone you just casually saw sleeping. I, and probably everyone else who knew him, saw him as someone you always saw awake. He was something else when he was asleep.

The rays of light caught strands of his hair, highlighting the black hair. It caught the tips of his eyelashes and lined the bridge of his nose. Without thinking I reached up and tentatively placed my fingertips against his lips. My hand lingered for a moment before I ripped it away and shoved him, " Arson, seriously, up."

His brows drew together, and he tried to say something, but it only came out as air. In a final desperate attempt to wake him, I stood on the bed, and jumped. Violently, and unforgiving, nearly landing on his arms at times.

It was weird how, despite the room having two beds, we still gravitated towards the same one. I blamed it purely the gaps. It was the only time I wasn't alone, the only time I wouldn't be alone for a long time.

I jumped harder, the mattress straining against my force. Nick grabbed my ankle and I gasped, losing my footing and falling directly atop him. That woke him up. His eyes flew open and every once of breath he had completely exited his lungs. Out of breath and freshly awake, Nick choked, " Your knee. my stomach. Your elbow. my rib-cage. off. please. now."

He was fighting for breath and I pulled back, rambling, " I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Are you okay? oh no. This will probably bruise. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. You should have gotten up. I'm sorry."

He sat up, propping himself with one arm, and said, " alright, stop apologizing."

Nick rubbed his rib cage right where my elbow went and I said, " um... oops?"

This earned me a lopsided smile and an airy chuckle, " Jesus."

I winked, " nope, just me."

His shoulders shook as he laughed a bit harder, though the sound itself didn't generate due to his lack of oxygen. I smiled, and giggled myself. While I stood off the bed the phone rang. Nick grabbed it, said, " hello?" Then nodded a few times.

While he was distracted I put together an outfit for today and moved to the restroom. I ran my fingers through my blonde locks, brushed my teeth, even applied a light layer of mascara. Then I took some time to just look at myself in the mirror.

I wasn't really searching for anything, not in my own lives. Their wasn't much to me. I was a girl, my skin was pale but it wasn't golden. I didn't have any expanse of family. I didn't have any special interests that drove me to college. I was just me. There wasn't anything else.

Nick walked in shirtless, but by this point I had learned to accept it. He had on a pair of black jeans and was holding a white t-shirt with a black and white photo of freddie mercury wearing aviators. It hit me that Nick was also himself. While I just existed he lived. He was unique and I was an extra in life. His black hair lay in a tousled halo around his head, his lashes lined smokey grey eyes that practically rolled with different shades of emotion. His skin was gently tanned, and I had noticed that his nails were never long, but always kept right at the quick.

He caught me looking at me in the mirror. Looking up, we stared at each other through our reflections. Then he smiled, " Like what you see, Angel?"

I shrugged, and smiled back, " it could be worse."

The smile I earned from him was tilted and clear. He raised a brow, and I raised both. Then I wiggled them and he chuckled. He brushed his teeth, shirtless mind you, while I packed up my suitcase.

Tomorrow. That was when the funeral was. It was just a day away. I wasn't sure I was ready. Nick walked out while he pulled his shirt over his head, " wanna go to the beach?"

I shrugged, " sure."

He grabbed my suitcase, then tossed me my grey and blue striped beanie. Grabbing his own blue and grey, he slid it over his mess of black hair. I stared at the hat, then up at him. A small smile touched my lips, and he smiled back, " You're right. I wear my batman beanie a lot."

Placing the beanie over my curls, I said, " yes, you do."

I tossed him the keys and we headed out, hotel room card in his wallet. The drive to the beach was a distance we could have walked, but Nick had a weird infatuation with the roof being down and the wind whipping his t-shirt wrinkly. The sky was cloudy and the Californian air was cooler than normal.

The beach was clear of people, mostly. I supposed this was a day for jackets in California, which ruled out the option of going to the beach. Being raised in New York, I enjoyed the weather.

Nick and I set out a blanket and he had made a small assembly of food. The breeze wasn't overbearing, so we got the blanket to stay down by covering the corners with sand. I pulled off my tank top, leaving me in shorts and a bikini top, " imma go build a sand castle."

He nodded, stuffing headphones into his ears. The sand by the water was already damp, so I used that for my foundation. All the while I thought of my grandma. She would have carnations at her funeral, white and ruby red. I had also decided roses would be added for accent. Mom's songs were going to be used, and I hadn't even planned a eulogy yet. Nick found a place, and a catholic pastor, since that was her religion. Whatever suits her fancy.

She was already cremated. I sighed, shakily, and started to work up the walls and the roof. Slowly, the water inched closer, foaming near my feet. While the small wave receded, I looked up at Nick. His fingers were laced on his stomach, his legs were crossed at the ankles. Head rested to the side, eyes closed, he was completely envoloped in the song he was listening to. I stood, dusted off my legs and hands, and left my sand castle to get eaten by the water.

Laying next to him, I stole one earphone and placed it in my ear. Band of Horses by The Funeral was just starting. I rested my head against Nicks shoulders and pulled my knees up to an angle. Arms crossed over my ribs, I listened and waited. The ocean licked up and circled my creation, my sad little lumpy castle.

I hadn't realized Nick was awake, his face was turned away from mine. One of his hands grabbed mine, linking our fingers. I let him.

The sun rolled through the sky above a blanket of grey clouds, the sand was nearly white with the lack of sunlight. Nick's skin looked lighter under the greyscale, his boots looked even more scuffed after the trip. I couldn't look at those boots with disgust anymore. They were the only real thing he had left of his father, the only tie that really kept him there.

My curls spilled over his shoulder, one strand on the corner of Freddie Mercury's picture. His hand was relaxed in mine, I was holding on more than him.

Nick. Nicholas Dean Arson. I thought I hated him from the second we became neighbors. Now he was one of my best friends. I couldn't see myself laying on the beach with anyone else, not even Chasity. Hell, not even a week earlier I couldn't see myself lying on the sand with him.

" Arson?" I asked, quietly, afraid he may be asleep.

" yeah Angel." He mumbled, just as softly. He didn't sound tired, just relaxed.

I waited a moment, not for effect, just to figure out what to say, " What should I do for the Eulogy?"

" You shouldn't write one."

" Why?" I asked, my eyebrows pulling together.

He shrugged, shifting some of my hair off his shoulder, " Because I didn't write one for my parents. I didn't want to. I wanted everything I said to be raw and real and not pre-prepared."

" I guess... but what if I stutter?"

" So what? It'll be so much more effective if you speak from you and now from something you edited and made sure didn't sound overly mushy." He rolled over and propped himself up on one elbow, " Angel, she wouldn't want you to edit your words. She'd want you to let out what you felt needed out."

" I don't want to sound stupid." I said.

" You never sound stupid."

I shot him a dead stare, my eyebrows raised slightly, " mmmhmm."

He shook his head, smile touching his lips, " Are you really going to write a Eulogy in a day?"

" fair enough." I sighed, " fine, I'll wing it."

" don't think of it as winging it, think of it as preparing in a few seconds." He smiled, and I smiled back, shoving him off the blanket and onto the sand.

He shot me a childish grin and started brushing himself off. I sat up and wrapping my arms around my knees. I took a deep breath through my nose and said, " I'm alone."

Nick postioned himself next to me, arms wrapped loosely around his knees. Everything about his posture was more relaxed than mine. His rested his head on my shoulder, " you're not alone."

" All my family... i'm the only one left. I can't even carry on my family name anymore." I said, " That.... blows."

His head still on my shoulder, he said, " Family isn't about blood. Chasity would be happy to be your sister."

" Arson."

" What?"

" Aren't you technically alone too." I felt horrible for saying it after I said it, but he needed to understand. It wasn't like I could call my mom and tell her about how I was feeling, it wasn't like I had any siblings to rant to.

Nick was quiet for a very long time. Maybe it wasn't that long, but it was long enough for my heart to stop and my lungs to die. When he did speak, his voice was very soft, " I have myself, Angel, and I like to think you're there for me despite how much you say you hate me."

He lifted his head from his shoulder and ran his fingers through his hair, " I know it sucks to have no one. I've dealt with it for awhile now. But you can't just stop, it doesn't work like that. Because despite how shitty it is, you still have a whole life and it would suck to live it in the past."

My stomach twisted so tight I could have thrown up. He was right, I could bombard him on being alone when I wasn't, when he was there to annoy me and Chasity was there to talk and to serve world-famous coffee. I wasn't alone, I had people. I had to keep that in mind.

That also meant I had to keep Nick.

I couldn't take him for granted. So I scooted closer to him and put myself under his arm, wrapping my arms around his waist, " I'm sorry.... I just...."