When I opened my eyes I saw sunlight coming from the hotel room window. It was beautiful outside, a mix between cloudy and sunny. I heard the shower turn off in the bathroom, and the sink turn on. My eyebrows drew together slightly.

As the bathroom door opened, I asked, " Do you think we took to long?"

" For what?" Nick asked, his dark hair damp and the color of his eyes highlighted from the freshness of morning.

" To get here." I looked over at him. I thought of my grandmother and the last time I saw her. She was old but lively and didn't wrinkle like a prune. She had crows feet and the corners of her eyes and mouth, and lines beside her nose. The only way you could tell she was over sixty was by her snow white hair. She always liked it long, and I used to brush it for her. For as long as I could remember, her hair had white.

Nick thought about it, tilting his head slightly, " No. I think she'll understand."

I threw the covers off me and stood from the matress, stretching my arms above my head, " I hope so."

He smiled, an easy smile that came to his lips naturally and still made one side of his mouth go higher than the other, " I know so."

" Smartass." I snapped. He rolled his eyes.

That's when I noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt. Nick was not hard on the eyes. If he didn't talk, or move, or do anything to indicate he had the personality he did, I could stare at him for a lifetime. He wasn't overly muscular, it was not bulging off him in layers of tough marshmellows. He was slender and toned, and when he ran his fingers through his hair his bicep worked in all the right ways. I averted my gaze back to the window.

He grabbed a shirt and threw it on, I didn't take the time to notice the design. I grabbed a change of clothes and showered. The hot water felt good on my back and shoulders, and the smell of Nick's cologne in the bathroom was faint but familiar. He didn't smell bad either, nothing like an overkilled axe bomb.

I turned off the water and wrapped my hair in a towel, then I threw on my clothes. I didn't want anything too flashy for my grandmother and stuck to a white t-shirt and dark blew jeans, rolled up once.

when I opened the door, Nick tossed me a muffin, " eat up buttercup, it's a long drive."

" Why do you say that?"

" Your grandmother happens to be three hours away."

I groaned. Waiting that long to see my last lovable family member, joy. I took a bite of the muffin and pulled on my shoes. He had on his boots. Grabbing his batman beanie, he said, " Let's hit the road."

We paid for our nights and left, Nick with his beanie on his damp head, and me with a muffin crumb stuck to my lip. I licked it off.

I opened the passenger side and slid it, Nick literally hopped. I suppose that was his perk of the back being down. He grinned, sliding his hands along the steering wheel, " I can't tell you how much I love this vehicle."

With a huff, I looked out at the hotel, " It's just a car Arson."

" A beautiful car." He replied.

" A car." I stated.

" I see how you are." He started the vehicle and we were off. I didn't mind the wind and didn't touch the other half of my muffin as it sat in the center consil. I was mostly worried about seeing my grandma again. It had been years, the only way we still talked was through emails and rare phone calls. I knew she loved me, but the second she was moved and was placed in a nursing home communication got harder.

The scenery was beautiful. My grandmother was placed at a wonderful home called Shady Oaks. Stereotypical, warm, and friendly. All the good carebear sort of aspects I didn't blend well with. I knew from experience my grandma didn't either.

The trees on either side of the road were orange red and yellow, and the leaves on the asphault would brush away when we drove past. It was like driving through dry puddles. The further we got into the wood, the thicker the trees became and the shadier the road got.

Nick whistled, " That is just wow."

I looked away from the side view, and saw the building in front of us. Two stories with crisp black shingles and edgy red bricks, ivy weaving up the side like a beautiful spiderweb. We had to drive up to a black iron gate to get in. Nick pressed the beeper.

" Hello and welcome to Shady Oaks. One moment."

To validation to come in, just a welcome mat. The gates opened and Nick moved up the circle drive. In the center of the drive was a fountain, an angel cherished by water. He got out and so did I, my eyes on the angel the back to the building. I couldn't see it from afar, but the building was more window than brick, letting in the natural light and showing what I hoped were happy old people smiling and playing checkers. I could have thrown up butterflies.

Nick let me lead the way in, reaching around me to open the door. His chest brushed my shoulder, but I didn't think about it. I didn't think about Nick, because he would distract me and I didn't need an idiot for a distraction.

We walked in and a lady in a light blue polo met up with us. Her name tag said Susie. I guessed her name was Colleen, based on her face. Her grin was too big for her face and her eyes were too asian for her jewish nose, but she was surprisingly pretty. Her voice was like butter and kittens, another butterfly throw up scene went through my head. She clasp her hands together and said, " Hello, I'm Susie. Can I help you find someone?"

I could have taken and killed any of those elders, but the good part of me decided that would be too much for little Susie. She was little, and her hair was like jesus's. She had it rolled into a bun. I said, " Yeah, i'm looking for my grandma. Um, Mildred Cooper?" She hated it when people called her Mildred. She was always grandma Minnie.

I heard Nick say, " Carter Cooper?" Under his breath, like he was confused. I shook my head, but I didn't think he saw me.

Susie frowned, " Oh, Miss Cooper was admitted in the hospital a few days ago. She hasn't been doing too well. Is she your grandmother?" Now she asks.

I nodded, " yeah... yeah is she okay?"

My brows laced together and I crossed my arms low over my stomach. Susie shrugged, " I suppose. She stable, that's for sure."

I freeze, my brain sort of locks down. A few days ago. Nick stands rigid behind me, as if he was thinking the same thoughts. He asked, " What hospital and how far away is it?"

" City of Angels Medical Center." Susie says, worry crossing her oddly pretty face.

Nick nodded, and took my hand. He turned and started to pull me to the door. My legs down want to work as I stumble after him. We aren't even half way through the hallway when he groans and turns on me. He bent over slightly and had one arm beneath me knee and another under my back. Next thing I know he's carrying me and he's warm and I'm not because I just can't help but think, We were too late.

Nick's impatience was obvious as he sat me down in front of the car. He got in, slamming his door hard behind him, and I slid in the passenger side. My slam wasn't nearly as forceful. He muttered curses to himself as he moved us forward and pushed the mustang a little as we went, " dammit. Dammit. Fuck me."

I could barely hear him. At this point I don't want to know what he's saying. I feel his hand on mine, " She'll be okay, Angel."

I only shook my head.

~

City of Angels Medical Center was large and consisted of windows. Nick led the way in, one of his arms wrapped around my waist as he steered us. I let him, I was too cold to help. He talked to the receptionist, he found out the room number and got us on the elevator. I took in a deep breath.

He sighed, " You have to say something Angel, you're killing me."

" Are we there yet?" I say, my voice soft but the sarcastic rift very much alive.

He let's out a small dry laugh, a smirk making that one side of his mouth lift a lot more than the other, " You make my day."

The silver doors opened and we walked through a series of white hallways. Room 414. I knocked. Then I opened the door. My grandmother was a woman with a presence. When you saw her you couldn't look away because she was old but beautiful. She wasn't pale but she wasn't tanned and she definitely didn't sunburn. She didn't need makeup because her eyelashes were naturally dark and her eyebrows seemed to make themselves right.

I couldn't believe the state she was in while she laid there. Her skin was paled and wrinkled, much like fingertips when they're in water for too long. Her lips were pink and her eyes were lively but her hair was shorter than usual and not very well kept. When I reached her bedside and held her hand, it was cold. She smiled, and glowed, " Carter dear, I didn't expect you so soon."

I let out a small laugh, " I meant to be here sooner."

She shrugged a shoulder, " I don't think it'd have made much difference. I'd end up on a hospital bed somewhere." She winked, " i'm old, you know. Much older than I look."

She looked as old as she was, but I didn't tell her that. I smiled, " I guess..."

She sighed, and squeezed my hand gently, " I'm glad your here, I'm so so glad to see you again."

My bottom lip trembled some, and I bit it swiftly. Not now, not ever. I wasn't going to cry because I was supposed to be bigger than that. I nodded, " I'm glad to be here."

She smiled at me, then looked at the doorway. Nick had hung back, one had in his pant pocket, the other laced through the front of his hair. He watched the floor. My grandmother went wide eyed, " Who's the handsome young man in my doorway?"

Nick looked up, a bit wide eyed, when my grandmother spoke. I raised my eyebrows, then looked at him, " Oh... that's Nick."

My grandmother smiled softly, " Nicholas, come on in."

He was hesitant, but he walked in and stood next to her bed. She left my hand and grasped his arm. Lacing her brows together, she gave him a hard look, " You've been taking good care of my granddaughter?" She was teasing him.

A small smile played his lips. Even a grin that small managed to make one corner pull up more. He nodded, " I'm certainly trying."

She grinned, " Good. She deserves the best, you know." She winked.

I groaned, " Oh god. No, Arson and I aren't like that."

Nick gave a nod of his head, " I'm just a good neighbor."

My grandmother looked between the two of us and laughed, " Oh dear, oh my sweet dear I haven't had a laugh this good in months!"

She pressed a hand to her heart and said, " Why, it's almost too adorable how oblivious you are in your young age."

" Me or him?" I asked, the side of my mouth quirking up in distaste.

She looked between us, " both of you. I wish I could take a picture!"

" Ugh, nah grams, I'm good." I took a step away from Nick.

She rolled her eyes, still chuckling. Still grasping his arm, she gave in a light squeeze, " You certainly are a looker too. I'm sure you've had a lot of ladies, but you'll find none of them are like Carter."

Nick looked both shocked and amused, " Trust me I know. She makes sure I remember that." His gave flicked to mine.

I rolled my eyes. Grandma patted his arm and took my hand again, still looking at him, " It's good to see some eye candy before I pass."

" Grandma!" I said. First off, she said eye candy. Second off, she said pass. That equalled death when it came to little old ladies on hospital beds.

She frowned, " what? Can't I enjoy the sights of life before my end? And don't say i'm not dying because I know I am. And I can't that you enough for coming."

She held my hand tighter and said, " You're such a sweetheart."

" I just wish I could have come sooner." I said, scooching past Nick and sitting in the chair by her bed, " I wish I could have gotten you home."

" Oh don't worry about that. All I really wanted was to see you, and here you are." She smiled. I had to smile back, she was contagious.

Nick shifted awkwardly, " I'm gonna go get something to drink." He backed up a few steps before turning around and leaving the room. I watched him go until he was behind the door and down the hallways.

My grandma snapped once, gaining my attention again. She said, " You don't like him a smidge?"

" He's my neighbor. He's annoying. His hat. His boots. His personality. Hell, the only plus with him is his looks, and I don't date just for looks grams." I said.

She huffed, " watch your mouth. and He's a wonderful boy. He cares about you."

I nearly choked on my own spit, " Nick doesn't care about me. He lives to patronize me."

" Are you kidding me child? He drove you across the U.S of A and stood in here and braced your crazy old grandmother. What kind of boy would do that to patronize you?"

I swallowed hard. He payed for all of the gas. He forgave me for the family jewels incident. He shared a bed with me when he had to and he was worried for me when it came to my grandmother. I shook my head, " Nick's just.... like that."

" Mmhmm. I suppose he's just like that how your father... look Carter. Look at me."

I looked away from the floor and met her eyes. She sighed softly, " I love you so much honey. So much. And It's a really sad thought for me to be gone. I want to be here for you, I can't think of a single thing I would want more." She gripped me hand tightly, while I chewed at my lip. She continued, " Someone needs to be here for you, and if that boy, Nicholas, is right there, how can you not accept him?"

" we don't blend." No, blenders blended. They didn't kiss at night in a pool while no one is around, while dripping wet and on a mission from hell to get to grandma. They didn't kiss and night and have a weird conflict over it later.

" You don't need to blend to be right. If that makes sense." She scrunched up her nose and shook her head.

I let out a shaky laugh and said, " You're too cute grams. I'm gonna go find Nick, he is my ride, afterall."

I needed to get out of that conversation and if going to the source of it was the only way, then so be it. Grandma was risky, but she wouldn't talk about my relationship with Nick, at least not in that much detail, while he's around.

I found him in the hallway walking back, nearly ran into him. He didn't have a drink, or anything really. Just a lost-in-thought look on his face. I took a step back, " hey... I was wondering where you went."

He looked behind him, then shrugged, " For a walk around the place, I guess."

I nodded, " right." Then I added, " let's get back."

I led the way, and when we walked in my grandma gave me an expectant look. I glared and her and she rolled her eyes, " Children."

I sat next to her on her bed and Nick sat in the chair, and the three of us chatted for a while. She seemed to like Nick. I sadly had to comply to that. If she didn't like him, it would be one hundred times more awkward.

We talked through half our day about things that didn't even matter. I didn't look much at Nick and he didn't look at me at all. Finally he said, " Carter, you need lunch."

My grandma said, " you do. You too go out and get something."

" But grandm-"

" No buts. Shoo!" She waved her hands for me to leave.

I sighed, and kissed her cheek, " alright alright. I'll see you again soon, okay?"

When we got outside it was drizzling and cold. I prayed Nick and the brain to put the top up. He did. The car was safe. We both got in and he drove us to a little corner cafe called Bendie's. When we get in, I order tea and toast and Nick ordered coffee.

I sat on one side of the both, he sat on the other. I said, " I was fine."

" Lunch is kind of necessary."

" I wasn't hungry." I snapped, " I could have waited for dinner anyway."

He didn't say anything, just took a sip from his coffee while he stared out the window. After a few minutes of silence he said, " I'm sorry." But didn't elaborate.

We left when I finished and went back to the hospital. I talked to my grandma for what felt like a lifetime, chatting about how the nursing home was and how it differed from the hospital. She stated that she liked the hospital ice because it was softer and easier to chew than the Shady Oaks ice. I agreed, and added that Dairy Queen had good ice too.

Nick was oddly quiet. I never knew him as a silent person, but while he sat there on the chair, scooted a little bit further from the bed than it originally was, I saw what I thought he must have been like when his parents first passed. He was there without being there, deep somewhere in his mind where he could think without distraction. He frowned. His mouth was even when he did so, and his elbows were placed on his knees. One of his eyebrows was raised a bit more than the other and a strand of black hair hung by his brow.

I listened back to my grandma as she talked about a handsome man who worked at Shady Oaks, then went on to tell me stories about one of the other residence who would give her roses. She said he told her that they would keep her that beautiful for eternity. She said, " I kissed him once. Full out on the lips. He had lips softer than your grandpas." She sighed, " But I love your grandpa, bless his heart." It turned sour when she said, " I think I'll see him in that better place."

Nick said, " You will." and gave her a small smile.

I hadn't realized he was listening. I rested my hand on her and said, " He's right. And you'll run on the ocean and eat all the icecream I never could when I was little."

She grinned, but looked sad, " I'll miss you so much."

She made me lean down so she could kiss my cheek, " You'll always be my baby girl."

I nodded, and chewed my bottom lip. She said, " You two should get going, it's late."

" Alright... I love you Grams." I said.

She smiled, " I love you too honey."

She kissed my cheek again before we left, and the walk to the car felt too long.

We went to new hotel. When we got to our room, I asked Nick, " are you okay?"

" yeah why?" He said, as took off his boots and beanie. The room had two beds.

" Because you're quiet today."

" Oh. Sorry?" He raised a brow.

I looked down and crossed my arms. He placed his hands on my shoulders and asked, " are you okay?"

I nodded, " Yeah. I know she's older, it's natural. It's fine."

" She's the only family you have left."

" The only family I like."

" I'm sorry, Angel."

" For what?" I asked, meeting his eyes.

" for not getting you here in time. I shouldn't have made so many sidestops."

I shook my head, " It's not your fault. She was right. She'd have to stop anyways."

He nodded, without saying more. He changed in the bathroom, I changed in the mainroom. It was almost foreign to get in a bed alone. I didn't like the fact that I was used to him being there, right next to me. I was too used to the fact that he was a better pillow and blanket than my actual pillow and blanket.

I had troubles falling asleep, and I wasn't sure if Nick ever did.

~~

I woke up in a cold sweat. It was fully raining outside and everything in me was shaking. I was alone in my dream. Completely and utterly alone.

There wasn't Nick blaring music next door. There was grandma with her glowing smiles. There wasn't my mother, who had left before everyone else. There was just me. I looked to the bed beside me.