“Trying to remember you

is like carrying water

in my hands a long distance

across sand. Somewhere people are waiting.

They have drunk nothing for days.” -

Stephen Dobyns

The grey wasteland stretches into the orange setting sun. I would have thought that the heat would have been unbearable, but it feels like a comfortable second skin. As I continue to make my way across it, the landscape morphs to offer me glimpses of places that seem to be familiar, but the scenes do not last long enough for me to be able to recognise them.

Footsteps echo behind me. When I quicken my pace, their sound continue to follow me at a constant distance. Glancing over my shoulder, my pursuer is too far away for me to discern their face.

A pool grows on the horison. From its side grows a sinewy tree of dead bark, limbs stretching into the pool. When I finally arrive, I pause and go down on my heels. Cupping my hands, I stare at my reflection in the water. My face seems foreign to me. I see the same wild curls I face daily, and the brown eyes staring at me with my frown, but I feel removed from it - detached as if somehow there is a divide between me and myself.

Shaking the thought off, I realise that the footsteps have gained on me. As I turn around, I stagger backwards into the pool when I recognise my pursuer. When the water folds around me, my pursuer jumps in, colliding with me. As I stare at myself yet again, the other me grabs my head, forcing my forehead against hers. She continues to exert pressure until she melts into me.

I wake with a gasp and immediately feel on edge when I fail to recognise my surroundings.

“Sunshine, you are awake,” Aedan's familiar voice calms me instantaneously. I turn towards him, only to first have my eyes meet those of another.

Khairrim Cadeyrn gives a short sigh before his whole body stiffens. Clenching his jaw, he pulls his lips into a thin line and averts his eyes.

I turn my attention towards Aedan who is already giving me a hug that is threatening to leave my ribs broken and bruised.

Luckily he lets go just before that happens. “I will be back as soon as possible.” He kisses my forehead. “I will kill you if you die.”

“I won’t die this easily,” I give him a lopsided smile.

Aedan leaves me with the Second One who takes out glass vials from somewhere in the cape he is wearing.

I watch him, suspicion growing as he makes his way toward me. He lifts his eyebrows when he sees the look of distrust on my face. “Laelia, I won't kill you. This is for the pain that you will soon start to feel.” He opens one of the vials and let a few drops fall on my arm. He gently massages it into my arm. “Laelia, you will be fine. I won’t let you die.”

I must be more delirious than I thought. I close my eyes. It really sounded like he was concerned.

“What did you put on my arm?” I do not recognise the smell, and I know the smell and names of all medicinal herbs and plants found in ArBrae.

“I haven’t named it yet.”

That probably means that is a mixture of herbs, maybe even some herbs from Ardamland that I have seen in my books, but not in reality. “My arm feels cold, like I’ve placed it in ice and forgot it there.”

“That is good. It means it is working. It freezes your arm to stop the infection from spreading.”

I must have fallen asleep, because when I wake up the pain in my arm is completely gone and my arm does not feel like a piece of frozen meat. I move my arm just to be sure. I smile. I sit up slowly.

“Aedan should be back soon. He went to buy breakfast.” The Second One straightens in his chair in the corner. For a moment he looked relieved, but he immediately assumes his impassive facial expression.

“How long was I asleep for?”

“Two days. Your body needed time to recover.”

Two days. That is quite long.

“Thank you for saving my life.” I smile.

He does not even look at me. “Aedan would have killed me if I didn’t.”

I try to imagine Aedan killing him, but the idea is so ridiculous I have to smile. Just to emphasise how ridiculous this thought is, think of the fluffiest bunny strangling a sly fox.

“I know he would have. You did not see him. He was beside himself with worry. I had to stop him from contacting your mother.”

“I told him not to call her!”

“I didn't allow him to go against your wishes.”

“Thank you.”

Aedan comes in without knocking and places the food on the small table. He bought fresh bread, cheese and berries from the market.

He hops over to me when he realises that I’m awake: “Laelia! I was so worried, but I am indescribably glad you are awake. You slept for two days.” He gives me a hug.

“You’re smothering me, and I am really hungry. I love you too.”

He hops back to the table. He takes out his knife and cuts the bread and cheese in slices. Placing the cheese on bread, he hands it to me and the Second One. He sits down on the bed next to the Second One with his own portion.

The familiar stranger is the first to break the silence. “Should you not be back in the forest by now?”

“No, our father gave us leave to explore Ligtland.”

Ignoring my reply, he rambles off his next question: “Aedan, your sister kept mumbling something about a library. I am just wondering why?”

“We thought it would be a good idea to try and find the Lost Library while we were exploring, as you know our people are always looking for knowledge.” Aedan's answer is smooth, without any hitch. He has always been the better liar.

“Your mother is looking for something. She is looking for a book. She is looking for the answer to question that has been troubling her for a long time.” He looks at me even more deeply. “I will help you find the Library. The answer she seeks is not in there.”

It seems all too easy. There has to be a catch. We've spent a year trying to find it, and now he offers us the location out of the blue.

“Where is the library? When do we leave?” I ask warily.

“The library is everywhere and nowhere.”

He stands up and leaves the room. Just before he closes the door he says: “Wait for me at midnight, just outside the inn, and we will leave for the library.”

“Aedan, I smell a snake. I don’t trust him.”

“Nonsense Laelia!”

Hours later, the feelings of distrust have grown even stronger. As the time ticks by while we are waiting outside the inn, I have difficulty in refraining from slandering the Lord Water's good name. Goosebumps erupt on my body when the cool wind continues to creep and howl around the inn's corners.

Fifteen minutes after the dictated time, the Second One finally decides to grace us with his presence.

“You are late,” I say rudely.

“I know. You should be grateful that I came,” he states simply and starts to walk away. “Well, the night is not getting any younger.”

That is probably his way of saying we should follow him.

“What about the horses?” Aedan asks.

“We will not need them.”

Aedan and I look at each other, then quickly tie the horses to the pole outside the inn. We hurry after our guide who already has disappeared around a corner. After leading us through the town, he finally stops at a stained window next to a heavy wooden door. He takes out a thin piece of wire out of one of his pockets and picks the lock.

He pushes the door open and walks in. We follow him.

“There is a lantern on the opposite wall. Could you please light it? Even though you can see in the dark, I cannot,” he asks, and my urge to smother him grows stronger.

Walking to the opposite wall, I light the lantern and study pur surroundings. We are in a small room, filled with stacks of books and papers touching the roof. Maps decorate the walls in the few spaces that there aren't books.

“This is one of the only book and paper stores in this region. It is also a small library. The entrance to the Lost Library is somewhere inside.” He leans back against the wall and folds his arms across his chest.

“What are you doing?” Aedan enquires.

“I am waiting for you to find the entrance, retrieve what you want and come out. I have no need to go into the library. You might need to start looking. Time is ticking.” He yawns lazily.

I start to formulate a nasty reply, but Aedan gives me a warning look. “Laelia, leave it! He has made it clear that he will not help us from here on. We are on our own.”

I frown and sigh. “At least tell us what we are looking for.”

“You will know when you find it.” He yawns again.

That is not helpful, but Aedan eyes me again so I keep my mouth shut. We set to work, trying to find whatever we are looking for.

I run my hand across the spines of the books. The dust leaps up into the air, causing me to sneeze. I look around, but I have no idea what I am looking for. There is nothing other than the books and the shelves.

I see a door in the corner. I walk to it. It is not locked. It leads to a small study. I guess that is what it is, because there is a small table with an unlit lantern and a comfortable-looking wooden chair.

I notice that one of the shelves is shorter than the other. It still reaches the ceiling, but it has a large slab of rock under it. The rock is made of another type than the floor and ceiling. That is weird.

I sit down on the floor and trace the rock with my fingers. Unlike everything else in the shop, it is not coated by dust. I feel grooves on the rock.

No, it is not grooves. Only one groove. I trace it. My mind forms an image of the groove. I recognise it after tracing it a few times. It is the rune for ‘library’ in the old language.

“Aedan, I found it!” I say and jump up.

He rushes in. I take his hand and pull him to the ground as I go down to sit.

I place his hand on the rune: “Trace it.”

He confirms my conclusion after a minute. “Livare.” He whispers the word for library in the old language.

The rock groans and retreats into the floor. It opens a narrow hole under the bookcase.

“I’ll slip in first.” I withdraw my sword.

Aedan nods. “I will come in after you, if you say it is safe.”

Aedan knows that the honour of entering first belongs to me, because I discovered it.

I lie down on my stomach and slip my feet into the hole. Lowering my body into it, I drop into the unknown.