Greyson took a deep breath and swallowed as his grip on me tightened ever so slightly. "My story is a long and messy one, Avery. I hope you know that," he said, his voice soft and filled with pain.

I nodded. "I need to know this Greyson. It's the only way I'll be able to trust you."

He took another deep breath and nodded. "Contrary to popular belief, I wasn't born the soulless, violent trainwreck you know me as today. When I was younger I was happy. Loved. I had everything I could've asked for. My mother was a caring angel and my dad...he was my hero." He looked down at the rose that was carefully drawn into his skin. "A perfect image of beauty and the beast: she was the beautiful daughter of the pack's maid and he was the Alpha's son. A perfect cliche," he chuckled as shook his head and my heart sank. Why was he speaking of them in past tense? Why did I have a feeling that he had something to do with it?

"I knew that I was different ever since I was a pup, my parents did too but every time I'd ask them they'd act all dodgy and say that it was because I have centuries of Alpha blood running through my veins but I knew something was up, especially when my abilities started manifesting when I was thirteen instead of seventeen or eighteen like they were supposed to. And that's when my wolf, Gavin, first made his appearance. First, he was a mere feeling that was lurking in the back of my head but then he developed into so much more. First he'd whisper evil things to me and tell me to hurt the people I loved and when I was weak, he'd take over and I'd fly into violent rages, hurting anyone in my path. And I hated it. I hated myself. I was terrified." I felt ants of anxiety march up my spine as he spoke. I knew the ugly end of Gavin's rampages and hearing about them again caused the memories I'd fought so hard to suppress to come rising to the surface once more.

"Once again, my parents pointed toward the fact that I had Alpha blood and I simply needed to learn control but they knew they were lying," he scuffed. "If they just would've told me what I really was from the beginning..." he trailed before his jaw set and his gaze found the window. "Then they might still be alive." I opened my mouth but quickly shut it. He'd warned me this would be messy so I needed to give him his time. He sighed and looked down at me before he continued. "When I was fourteen, I'd finally had enough of being lied to and hurting people. So I went to finally confront my parents and after a lot of arguing they finally told me that in addition to getting pure blood from my father, my mother had a dormant lycan gene and I'd inherited it from her, one that'd been passed down for centuries through her kin and presented itself within me."

I swallowed. "What does that mean? What's a lycan? I mean, I faintly remember my parents telling me stories but I don't remember..."

"I'm the worst possible version of a wolf," he sighed. "I'm extremely faster, stronger, and more agile than an average wolf and the only way to properly put me down is by completely ripping out my spine, which is nearly impossible. My actions are emotionally based and as I'm sure we've all learned by now, my emotions are a ticking time bomb ready to go off at the slightest thing. It's worse than a curse, Avery. I'm an abomination and anyone who I love or does anything as much as gets closed to me is damned as well, and my Goddess," he growled as he abruptly sat up, causing me to gasp due to me laying on his chest. "I'm sorry Avery it's just...I've hurt so many people that I've loved because of this stupid thing that's inside of me and no matter what I try or what corners I try to cut he always wins and I just...now I've hurt you and it feels like I'm a little kid again: a hostage in my own body unable to control this bastard inside of me." Tears were pooling in his eyes and he freely let them fall. I wanted to wipe them away, but I knew I couldn't. I had to let them stay. It was a reminder that he had emotions and made me hurt for him more than I already did. So much hatred and violence that he didn't ask for. So much pain and confusion. I ached for him. But I couldn't wrap my arms around his shoulders like I wanted to or kiss his tears away or tell him sweet nothings. I wanted to, but I just...couldn't. So I merely held him tighter, letting him know that I was still here and he could take as much time as he needed.

He inhaled and exhaled before pressing on. "They tried to keep me a secret and we tried many techniques to help keep my emotions under control. We even went to a local witch who put a spell on me to help suppress Gavin since he was in his early stages. And it all worked for a little while, until I was walking to my parent's room and overheard my father telling my mother that my condition had become too dangerous and was a threat to them and my pack," he said, his jaw clenching. "He said that he had a plot in motion to have me put down that night in order to keep me from harming anyone else. My heart was crushed and I felt beyond betrayed and terrified.

"My mother was quick to object but the happiness was short lived when I heard him hit her followed by the sound of her hitting the ground. He told her she was either with him or dead alongside me and hit her again. I was horrified and I wanted to do something but it was like I was frozen in place forced to listen to him mercilessly beat my mother. She begged him to stop but he just kept on and on until...until I couldn't hear her breathing anymore."

Suddenly he broke down in a fit of pained sobs that were dangerously close to shrieks as tears mercilessly cascaded down his cheeks. I instantly wrapped my arms around him and held him close and he sobbed into my chest, his grip on me tightening as if he were afraid I would disappear. "He killed her, Avery. And I..I could've stopped him but I was too weak. I am too weak," he cried causing me to shake my head, though I knew he couldn't see me.

"You can't do this to yourself, Greyson," I softly comforted as I gently ran my fingers through his hair, which instantly caused him to start calming down. "You...you couldn't have done anything, trust me I get it, remember? I watched my family get killed in front of me. You can't go through life blaming yourself for something you had no control over because you get so hooked on that one event, you let it dictate your life and create your own personal hell." I put my forehead on his and closed my eyes. "I know I don't know the full story yet and you can take as much time as you need, but you can't let your childhood control you anymore. You have to trust me and trust yourself, Greyson. I know it might be hard but if you'd just talk to me and let me in instead of beating me down when I try to help you, then...then we'd be alright. We could help each other. But you have to stop hiding behind the fortress of fear you've built around yourself before...before you make the same mistake your father did."

I felt the pressure of his forehead leave mine followed by the feeling of his hardened hands on my cheeks, causing me to open my eyes and see his god-like face before me, the corners of his lips pulled up slightly. "I don't deserve you," he weakly said, barely audible. "I've done so many terrible things to you, yet you still comfort me. I don't get it."

"I guess it's my curse," I said with a slight chuckle, which he mirrored before he kissed my nose and buried his face in my neck, his grip on my body never wavering.

"After I couldn't hear her breathing, I forced myself to walk into my father's office just to see him standing over her with bloodied fists and rage in his eyes. I saw her on the ground, helpless and broken and this unexplainable rage tore through me with an intensity I'd never felt before. And before I knew it, I'd shifted for the first time. But it wasn't fully me. Gavin was there too, feasting off my anger and pure hatred for my father. What happened next was a bit of a blur. I remember lunging at my father and biting into him, but I didn't realize how viciously I'd attacked him until I shifted back." He paused and took a deep breath and I gave him another little squeeze to let him know he could take his time. "I killed him," he finally said after a few moments of silence. I swallowed but didn't say anything. "I'd ripped out his heart and completely decapitated him. The rest of his body was mutilated beyond recognition. His scent was the only thing that gave him away. I was shocked and horrified to see what I had done, what I was capable of, but I didn't feel bad at all.

"But then I heard it: a faint, fading heartbeat of my mother. I hurried over to her and held her in my arms and screamed for help but nobody came. I prayed and prayed to the Moon Goddess or really anyone to just let her be okay. That's when I discovered I could heal people. I felt a terrible pain erupt throughout my body, it hurt so bad that I actually screamed and cried, but after a few moments it had disappeared. After wiping away my tears I saw that my mother was good as new, not a single scratch to be found. I'd taken on her pain and healed her. But my happiness was short-lived because I'd been too late. I can only heal living beings and my mom had...she'd died in my arms. Some nights I dream that I'd discovered sooner so that she'd still be alive so that I wouldn't be so screwed up. But they always turn to nightmares, all ending the same way: with me killing her like I did my dad."

"You didn't know, Grey," was all I could offer, causing him to slightly scuff.

"That's what I've been telling myself for the past ten years, but it doesn't take the pain away. Nothing really does."

I started running my fingers through his hair in a comforting manor once more. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have gone through that."

"And you shouldn't be going through this," Greyson instantly responded before he sighed, nuzzled deeper into my neck, then continued. "One of the Warriors of our pack walked in and saw what was left of my dad, me holding my dead mother, and my father's blood all over me. He didn't even give me a chance to tell him what had happened, he'd just assumed based on my messy track record that I'd been the one who'd killed them and initiated a Code Crimson, a pack wide attack that was usually reserved for traitors and rogues. I tried to run and hide. I didn't want to fight these people who I'd known since I was a pup, especially because I knew with Gavin in me, my fight intuition would be far stronger than my flight and I'd probably end up killing everyone I crossed. But it was relentless, attack after attack, death after death until all of our Warriors, Border Patrol, nearly all of our males, and a few females were dead before the Code Crimson was lifted.

"I...I remember breaking down in tears, crying into my blood stained hands and cursing the Moon Goddess for encoding such a violent, bloodthirsty monster into my veins. But since I was technically the rightful Alpha, I took over the pack and gave the remaining members two options: to stay or to leave. Most of them left saying that they didn't want to be under the command of a murderous traitor, and the ones who stayed were too frightened to even be seen by me. I was alone and afraid, navigating this new world with new responsibilities all on my own without having any guidance and having a raging lunatic inside me ready to come out at any moment." Greyson let out an empty chuckle and shook his head.

"I wanted to die. Tried killing myself once or twice, but none of my attempts worked. Tried ripping out my own heart: it simply healed. Tried blasting my brains out with pure silver, woke up the next day without a single scratch. That's when I did some research and learned about the whole spine thing, which was nearly impossible so I just stopped trying."

I felt tears pooling in my eyes as I could see a young Greyson struggling through my mind's eye. His pain and hatred and self loathing that drove him to want to kill himself made my heart shatter. But I quickly blinked away the tears and continued running my fingers through his soft hair.

"Eventually as the long years went on the rumor of the murderous son who killed his family and pack got lost and people slowly started joining the pack. That's when I met Andrew. He became like a brother to me and helped me come to terms with myself and helped me figure out how to be an Alpha. I eventually learned the ins and outs of it and started finding ways to control Gavin. Massive hunts, injecting myself with wolfsbane and silver cocktails to weaken him, hell, I even locked myself in Convergence sometimes, but they all only worked for a few hours at a time, a few days at most so I kept myself on a strict routine schedule that I followed exactly to a T and it worked for a short while. I still do it sometimes." I nodded, thinking back to the Wolfsbane I'd found in Greyson's desk that one time that seemed so long ago.

"So, the night before that day when Matthew brought you back home and you were shot, I heard you saying that he was getting restless and pushy...so that was Gavin?"

"You heard that?" Greyson asked as he sat up and looked at me with furrowed brows.

I nodded. "The whole thing," I admitted. "And the next day when you 'sensed something off at the border' that was Gavin and Matthew...he shot you, didn't he?" I softly asked as the puzzle pieces of information he was giving me slowly started falling into place.

He nodded. "Gavin was getting too restless. He wanted you too bad and I needed to stop him because..." he trailed and sighed. "I didn't want a repeat of Katherine."

"Who was she, Greyson?" I delicately asked, causing Greyson to chuckle and shake his head, his gaze looking out the window once more.

"She was amazing," he sighed. "I met her about two years ago. She'd wandered into my territory looking for a new pack since she'd been kicked out of her old one for not wanting to be with the Alpha's son since she was saving everything for her mate, but the moment I set my eyes on her I knew she was the one for me. I remember Matthew walking her into my office after only being in the pack for a few days with this small girl with a mischievous look in her eyes, all she needed was to just look at me and I knew I was hooked. Matthew got the memo and left us alone. She had a defiant personality, much like yours and loved helping others, again, much like you. I kept her hidden from the rest of the pack, she was like my little secret and I didn't want the outside world to taint her. We were inseparable and spent every waking moment with each other, but it wasn't enough. I had this urge that wanted all of her. It was Gavin and he was getting restless to meet her. He began pushing his boundaries and coming for her at my most emotionally vulnerable times, much like he did with you that day in the shower.

"But there was one time where he came too close to getting her one night when we were about to go to sleep. She just kept teasing me and doing things that she knew made me crazy and Gavin came out. She thought it was rough foreplay or something, but when Gavin put his hands around her throat..." he shook his head and looked at me. "He wanted to kill her, Avery. All he wanted to do, all I wanted to do was sink my teeth in her neck and tear her apart. And it terrified me. So I did the only thing I could: I started searching for witches to help me get rid of him, or at least suppress him enough to the point I had complete control. To the point he wasn't a threat to those I loved. But it seemed like he was always one step ahead of me. Mutilating them or decapitating them. I mean he ripped out one's tongue and crushed their skull just to prove a point. It was awful. I was starting to lose hope when I found my final resort-"

"Atonya," I filled in, remembering that name from Gavin's file.

"Yeah," Greyson nodded. "I forgot you read that part of Gavin's file."

"Not the whole thing," I said, though that didn't do much for my case.

"Well, to make a long story short, she tried a spell to help me suppress him. I'd still have his abilities but he wouldn't have as much control over me. And it worked for about two weeks and I was elated knowing that I could be with Katherine as much as I wanted without fearing for her life. We became extremely intimate and close, all the while she was still my little secret with only Matthew and Andrew knowing of her. But then, the night I let Matthew lead his attack on Natalie's sorry excuse for a pack, she told me she wanted to try for a pup. I was beyond excited and eager, even though we'd only known each other for a few weeks. I knew I loved her and she loved me, and with Matthew and Andrew away on the attack, we didn't really have to worry about interruptions.

"I remember how crazy things instantly got the moment we hit the sheets and before I knew it, she was asking me to mark her and show everyone she was mine." I found myself swallowing down the jealousy that crept up my throat hearing him talking about another girl so fondly, especially in such an intimate way. But I kept telling myself that I had nothing to worry about because it was in the past...and because she's dead as morbid as it sounded.

"Naturally, I had no objections and started the process. I let my emotions lead me and allowed myself to truly feel love and happiness for the first time. And that was my first mistake. See, the spell to suppress Gavin worked, but it had timed out far earlier than expected and he was simply laying low until the perfect opportunity to strike. And I'd handed on to her over on a silver platter. He took over me as soon as I bit into her.

"I fought my damn best to get back into control but he was simply too strong. He bit too deep, severing her carotid artery and even when she was begging for him, for me to let her go as the life was draining from her eyes, he just bit deeper, severing the taste of her blood until she was gone and beyond healing." Tears were flowing down his face once more as his hands formed fists and anger swam in his eyes. "He let me back in control and I could hear him laughing at my screams and sobs. He'd bitten so deep that one wrong movement of her body would result in her head coming off. I...I didn't know what to do. I was numb and crushed. It felt as if my heart had died with her. All hope had been sucked out of me like the life had been sucked out of her.

"That's when Becca found me after she'd heard my screams. The look in her eyes when she found us reminded me of the looks I'd gotten so many times over the years: dear, disgust, hatred. Everything. I didn't have to tell her who Katherine was, she knew she was my mate and she knew I'd killed her, but she didn't know why, nor did she need to know. Since her father was the person who took care of the bodies in our pack, I ordered her to give Katherine a Warrior's send off and demanded that she told no one. She complied and as I watched her drag my beloved Katherine away, all I felt was a furnace of rage and hatred, everything Gavin fed off of. And I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore since Katherine was dead. He'd finally broken me.