It's been over a month since I came out of Convergence and I still hadn't been able to be in the same room as Greyson without having major panic attacks. I could see the pain in his eyes every time Matthew had to drag him away and I started sobbing uncontrollably into Natalie's chest. But he'd just broken me so badly that I didn't know what else to do. My relentless nightmares weren't helping either, though they'd gone from haunting me every night to only a couple times a week. But they were still bad enough that I was waking up screaming and crying until Matthew or Nat came to calm me down. I remember Greyson trying to rush in and comfort me, but that just sent me into a violent panic attack.

Needless to say he hadn't done that again.

And to make matters even worse, I missed him like crazy. Every cell in my body ached for Greyson and whenever his masculine scent filled my nose, I had to fight my wolf to keep her from going after him. One time my wolf actually got a hold of me and it took Natalie snapping my neck to calm me down. Needless to say I was not happy when I woke up four hours later.

I was currently sitting in the living room in front of the fireplace reading a book, but I couldn't focus on the words. Instead, the promise I'd made to my parents kept playing itself over and over in my head. And despite me knowing that the illusion of them was probably my body trying to cope with the trauma, it all felt so real and I had this unshakable need to fulfill that promise. But I couldn't. At least not yet.

"That must be a pretty good book seeing as you haven't moved all morning," a deep male voice said from behind me, causing me to jump and quickly turn around just to see Matthew shirtless and sweaty. He put his hands up in surrender. "Didn't mean to scare you, Av. I thought you'd be able to smell me."

As soon as he said that, the putrid smell of wet dogs and onions filled my nose, which wasn't a good combo. I plugged my nose and swatted him away. "It's kind of hard not to, Matthew. Go take a shower then we'll talk." He merely chuckled before he ruffled my hair, causing me to give him an irritated growl which he playfully mocked. I rolled my eyes, before realizing something. "Wait, Matthew. Where's Greyson?" Even though I was mad and scared of him, I needed to know where he was to make sure I was safe.

"He went hunting. Needed to blow off steam after training," Matthew stated. "But hey, after I shower up and get a bit of rest, we can watch a bad movie marathon like we always do. How's that sound?" I nodded with a slight smile. No matter how many movies we watch, it never gets old, especially with Matthew's "unique commentary". He chuckled and ruffled my hair once more before he disappeared out the door to shower.

I let a breath out of my nose. If I'm being honest, I hated being away from Greyson and missed him a lot. But yet again, I was just so afraid...

I sighed, closing my book. I needed to do something, anything to get my mind off of Greyson. I stood up, causing Greyson's shirt that I was wearing to extend to its full length past my knees-since wearing his clothes kept my wolf at bay and semi-satisfied my urges, and walked to the kitchen, pulling my hair into a messy bun as I did so. When I entered the familiar kitchen, I plugged in the old CD player I'd found in the attic one day when I was exploring before I flipped through the CD holder that I'd found along side it. I'd push myself to listen to a new CD everyday, and though Greyson may be a psychotic, overbearing dictator jerk of a mate, I had to admit that he had an amazing taste in music.

I popped open the CD player and took out the Frank Sinatra CD I'd been listening to yesterday and placed in one called Bad by Michael Jackson. As soon as I pressed play, I was instantly bombarded with toe-tapping instrumentals and incredible vocals. I couldn't help but sway my hips to the beat and get lost in his melodic voice as I began dicing up various fruits in order to make a fruit salad.

I sucked the strawberry juice off my thumb as I danced over to the cabinet and pulled out the cake mix to get started on a chocolate cake, aka a girl's best friend and the world's greatest stress-food. I found myself half-mumbling the lyrics to a song titled "The Way You Make Me Feel" since the lyrics of the chorus were so fun and catchy as I swayed my hips side to side as I mixed the batter, looking like something you'd see straight from a children's musical.

I'd just slid the cake in the oven and started on the frosting when a new song started playing, one that compelled my body to dance more than I had been the past half hour. It started with a dark sounding guitar solo then slowly crept into the story of a woman named "Dirty Diana". I found myself dancing all over the kitchen, turning and jumping, all while firmly holding the mixing bowl under one arm and vigorously mixing its contents with my opposite hand and occasionally using the whisk as a microphone to scream "Dirty Diana" at the top of my lungs. By the time the song was over, I was breathing heavy and my heart was ramming in my chest.

Suddenly, the masculine scent of pinewood and fresh morning dew filled my nose, an intoxicating combo. The scent of my mate. And based on how strong it was, I could tell he'd been there for a while, but even knowing that he was there wasn't enough to keep me from jumping when I turned around and saw him standing in the door frame with a slight grin gracing his features. He smelled of deer blood, telling me that his hunt had gone well. A hand instantly went to my heart. "Gosh, Greyson. You can't scare me like that!" I tried saying as normally as I could, though my heart was beating out of my chest while anxiety and panic quickly filled my being.

"I didn't mean to scare you, little wolf," he softly said, looking almost bashful. "I caught dinner and put it in the freezer room down in the basement when I saw you in here dancing and you just looked so care-free and beautiful that I couldn't help myself." His soft words made my heart jump and butterflies erupt in my stomach.

I tucked the hair that had escaped from my bun behind my ear and looked down at my feet. "Thanks," I said barely above a whisper. I felt my wolf stir inside me as goosebumps arose on the surface of my skin. This was the closest we'd been in over a month and if I didn't get away from him soon I don't know what I'd do. "Thank you for bringing dinner. I'll cook it after its skinned," I said before I turned my back to him and put all of my focus into the cake frosting, hoping that he'd get the message and leave. But he didn't. I heard him sigh before he walked toward me until he was less than a yard behind me.

"Look, Avery I..." Greyson trailed, before sighing again. "Little wolf, please look at me." I didn't. I suddenly felt his hand come into gentle contact with my shoulder, causing me to suck in a sharp breath not only out of surprise as addicting sparks moved through my being and made my wolf go crazy, but also out of fear as all the horrible things that happened last time he touched me ran through my head.

"Avery, please I-"

"Greyson, don't touch me," I rushed out as my calm facade quickly came crashing down, my voice slightly shaking as memories replayed themselves over and over. Him tackling me down. The murderous look in his eyes. My blood staining his lips. Everything. I blinked back tears. "Please," I added, my voice breaking.

Greyson instantly removed his hand and I could feel his hurt through the bond. I couldn't help but wonder if he could feel mine. "I'm sorry Avery," he weakly said sounding defeated. "I really want to make this work Avery. I just miss you so much and every waking second that I'm not with you is just a remind of all the horrible things I've done to you, and I hate myself so much for that. I just...I just wish I could go back and show you how much I love you instead of running away from it and...and hurting you." By the end his voice broke and was barely above a whisper. My throat tightened as my mate instincts told me to wrap my arms around him and comfort him, but I couldn't when he'd caused me so much pain. But a part of me wanted so badly to turn around and see the hurt and regret in his eyes. To see if you actually understood what he'd done, but I knew that if I did I would look into his eyes and remember the calm moments between the storms. The laughter, the tender kisses, the sweet nothings. The very thought made my heart ache and my throat tighten.

"I know I don't deserve anything from you, Avery. I'm not even worthy enough to be standing in the same room as you, but please just let me explain myself and I promise after that I'll-"

"Greyson, I need time," I said, my voice coming out surprisingly strong despite the tears I felt tugging at my waterline. I turned toward him, by heart strings pulling as I saw his red eyes that were paired with dark bags. I kept my expression as stoic as possible. "And you need to go. Now."

He swallowed as he looked me in the eyes, silently begged me not to push him away. To let him hold me while I cry into his chest as he whispers sweet nothings into my ear. To let him try to redeem himself after his inexcusable, vile actions. But I refused. I just wasn't ready, no matter how badly I wanted to be so I could hear his story and try to understand how a man who claimed I was his world could hurt me so badly. But I just couldn't. Not yet.

Once he realized that my mind was made, he said a soft "Okay", defeat and regret saturating his voice, before he silently left the kitchen and left the house. As soon as he was gone, my weak knees I'd been willing to keep me up gave out, causing me to collapse against the counter as strangled sobs escaped my lips and tears rolled down my cheeks, but I quickly wiped them away. I was stronger than thins. I would get through this. After taking a few deep breaths and stabilizing myself, I started the Michael Jackson CD up once again, hoping that Michael's voice could bury my sadness and tears and replace them with joy and terrible dancing.

But his voice only drowned out my sobs.

***

My heart hammered in my ears as my eyes zeroed in on my enemy. He was a head taller than me, maybe a bit more, and had an extremely fit build, his muscles bulging. But I could take him.

We slowly circled each other, strands of my hair that had escaped my ponytail stuck to my face due to my excessive sweat but I didn't wipe my forehead. He'd take that as an opportunity to strike.

He let out a low growl and his nostrils flared, the moon's reflection shining in his ink black eyes. He was growing impatient. Good. When they're impatient, they're sloppy. I just need to get my timing just right. Luckily I didn't have to wait long. He made a quick move toward me, his right hand balled in a fiat aimed at my face, but I swiftly moved my body in order to avoid the punch before I grabbed his fist with my left hand and utilized his momentum and easily flipped him over my shoulder. But instead of landing on his back, he landed on his feet. I let out a growl of frustration, but before I could even think about what to do next, he'd managed to somehow contort his body around mine and held me in a firm choke hold.

"You've put up a good fight, Luna," the man grunted, his hold of me slightly loosening. "Now yield."

I let out a low growl to let him know that I was not going to yield, before I quickly tucked my chin and twisted my body in a way that got me away from his chest before I rammed my elbow into his ribs, causing a low crack to fill the air as he let go of me. I took the opportunity to elbow him once more, this time in the lower back before I brought my knee into his stomach, causing him to grunt. I did it a second time. A third time. And right as I was going for the forth, he grabbed my knee and forcefully pushed me to the ground, causing me to grunt as my back made painful contact with the hard earth. He wasted no time straddling me and pinning my arms above my head.

"Yield," he demanded, causing me to narrow my eyes at him before I reluctantly bowed my head.

"You put up a good fight, Luna," Justin said as he climbed off of me and offered me his hand. "You've improved a lot in your short time with us, but you've still got a lot to learn though." I nodded as I let him help me up. "But your on the right track," he said with a friendly smile before clapping me on the back then walked over to another training group and yelling, "Hey, Anthony! Keep those knees bent!" just as Matthew approached me with a towel and some water.

"You did good there, Av," he said as I took the items from his hands. "We just need to work on your planning. But if you keep up like you are, you'll be one of the best in no time." I merely offered him a silent nod of thanks before I greedily took down the water that my body had desperately been craving.

It'd been a bit over three weeks since Greyson and I's "moment" in the kitchen and that night I'd decided I was done feeling weak and helpless, especially when it came to Greyson. So the next morning, I'd woken up bright and early and decided to train with the Warriors. It'd been extremely hard and tiring, but also extremely therapeutic and calming. So I'd been going every day since, training four hours in the morning and three in the late evening. It felt good being able to hold up with these men, and even though I've had to yield my fair share of times, I've also one my fair share as well and when I did, an unexplainable pride washed over me and I felt like I could take over the world. But sometimes that feeling would be overshadowed by my longing for Greyson to be there to watch me succeed and become stronger the way that I was.

But then I would remember that I was learning all of this because I feared him.

I'd seen him around the grounds and in the house a couple of times since our "incident", and despite the obvious longing to say something, he gave me my space which I was beyond grateful for. He even retired to sleeping in the Pack House instead of in the house with me, which put my mind at ease while I slept.

I was starting to slowly heal myself by focusing on me instead of worrying about him. I'd even picked up new habits. I let Natalie teach me how to knit and she'd gotten me hooked on drinking tea instead of juice or coffee, while Matthew took me to train and even taught me some relaxation exercises that his father had taught him when he was younger. I'd even traded quiet sobs in the shower for relaxing bubbles in a warm bath and quiet sulking for letting River run free among the trees. And it all felt amazing.

I felt like I was slowly taking all the jagged broken pieces of myself that Greyson had left behind in Convergence and was slowly starting to build myself up. I was starting to love the reflection in the mirror instead of hating myself for being so weak and allowing Greyson to do what he did. My nightmares had even lessened and fallen out of a pattern and were replaced with happier alternative universes where Greyson and I weren't broken, and even sweet memories of my parents who were sometimes still alive in my dreams.

But I still had that desire for Greyson lowly simmering within me, no matter how much I pushed him away and focused on me. So I simply chose to ignore it...or at least tried my best to.

"Alright everyone, great work. Our training session for today is over," Justin's voice boomed over us. "Tomorrow is Matthew's day to train us...Goddess be with us all." Matthew shot Justin a glare which he merely winked in response. A series of laughter filled the air, including mine but we all knew that when it came to Matthew there was no fun and games when it came to training. He'd work us until our muscles aches and even the air in our lungs felt too heavy for our bodies.

"Dear brother, please go easy on us tomorrow," Natalie begged as she approached us, drenched in sweat like the rest of us. "Justin just killed us and I'd hate to get recharged just to be killed again tomorrow."

"Oh dear sister," he said, slinging his arm across her shoulders, causing her to crinkle her nose due to Matthew's intense oder, "you know I can't make any promises such as that."

She plugged her nose. "Can you at least promise me you'll take a shower? You'll stink up the whole house, and it's bad enough that Avery and I are stuck with you all night."

Matthew gave her a devilish grin before he swiftly locked her neck under his arm and gave her an intense noogie. "Matthew!" She whined as she attempted to pry herself from under his arm but had no luck, causing her brother to laugh before he let her go. I couldn't help but laugh at their sibling bickering as well. She shoved him and narrowed her eyes at me. "You won't be laughing when it happens to you," she coldly said before she turned to Matthew once more. "You are so lucky you're my brother because if you weren't, I would've snapped your neck fifty times over."

"Awh, I love you too, Natalie."

We all walked back home, and I wasted no time running myself a warm bath with endless bubbles on top. Was taking a bath just you rubbing your own dirt back on yourself? Yes. But we're they relaxing? Also yes. The pros outweighed the cons.

As soon as I slid into the bath, I felt my muscles relax and all tension left my body. I closed my eyes and slowly sank deeper until the water was just below my nose as I listened to the Frank Sinatra CD that I had playing.

I found my thoughts wandering to Greyson as Sinatra sang about love, and I reminisced on our good times instead of the bad, which I usually did to stop myself when I found myself wanting to run back to Greyson. That peaceful day in his office. That night we sat on that cliff and were just us. The first time we sparred. Our first date. Our first kiss. The moment he told me he loved me...

I sighed opening my eyes. He just made things so hard and his attitude could change on a dime and I don't know if I could put myself through that. I also didn't want to find myself rationalizing or trying to defend his abuse. But I also wanted to give him one last chance. Part of me was convinced it was because of the promise I'd made to my parents, but a bigger part of me knew that it was because once upon a time I saw hope in us and I yearned to see that hope again. That I was tired of being afraid. That I wanted to give him one more final chance, which was far more than he deserved.

I got up and pulled the drain for the tub. This was too much to think about. I was already physically tired and there was no need to emotionally wear myself out, especially with such an important training day tomorrow.

I dried off and turned off my CD player before I quickly threw on some clothes, said goodnight to Matthew, who was sleeping downstairs to keep an eye on the door, and Natalie, who was sleeping in the guest room a couple doors down, then climbed into bed. But no matter how hard I tried, my body refused to sleep. My mind was racing and River had suddenly become extremely restless within me, stirring and pushing against my boundaries which created a dreadful headache, demanding to be let out on a run.