I COULD SURVIVE ninety minutes.

It was truly a small amount of time, in the grand scheme of things. After all, I'd managed to make it through last week, surely I could do it again. But despite my weak attempt at self-encouragement, I lingered outside of Mugs, clinging to the plastic cup in my hand, and staring out across campus nervously. I debated staying at home and calling in sick, before reminding myself that I'd handled every encounter with both Will and Sabrina so far.

That didn't stop me from coming early enough to ensure Will and I didn't have to sit anywhere near each other in the small Photoshop lab.

The day felt unseasonably warm, as if the winds were unable to let go of the summer heat, and I was overdressed in my large sweater, beads of perspiration forming on my forehead. I alternated between squinting at my phone, and taking sips of the iced latte that was fifty percent water now that the ice cubes had melted in an effort to look busy to passersby. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for. My goal had been to choose a better seat in the classroom, but now that I was at school, I couldn't seem to stop stalling for time, knowing once I entered the building, I would feel trapped, like I could never get out.

"Viv!" I heard suddenly, causing me to startle.

I looked up to see Naomi waving at me enthusiastically, trailed by Ravi. Both of them seemed to have taken advantage of the summery day, Naomi wearing an airy sundress, and Ravi in shorts and a tight t-shirt that showed off the large tattoo of a rose he had on his bicep. It struck me again, as it always did, how good the two of them looked, like walking, talking fashion advertisements for trendy magazines.

My chest swelled with relief at the sight of familiar faces, and my shoulders relaxed as they approached me.

"Morning," I greeted once they were closer.

"Hey, babe," Naomi replied brightly, pulling me in for a side-hug, before her eyes dropped to the drink in my hand. "Ooh, what are you drinking?" she asked, and I offered her the cup, letting her take a sip. She crinkled her nose after downing the liquid. "Milky water with a hint of espresso, I'll pass."

I let out a sound that was a strange mix between a laugh and a whimper. "I've been standing out here for too long," I confessed, feeling frustrated with myself about my pathetic behavior. Something about seeing Will again had reduced me to the mannerisms of a middle school girl.

"Waiting for someone?" Ravi asked, with a quirk of his dark eyebrow.

"Stalling," I corrected him pitifully. "I really don't want to go to class."

He shrugged, not seeming to realize the gravity of the situation. "Skip."

Naomi swatted him, frowning in disapproval. "Stop being a bad influence! Some of us actually have to work hard to do well in school." She turned to me again, brown eyes softening with sympathy. "What can I get you? A hug? A muffin? The promise of free boba this afternoon?"

"It's okay, I'll be fine," I assured her with a small smile, though she still took it upon herself to give me another squeeze. "But I wouldn't be opposed to bubble tea at some point in the near future."

Ravi snorted, shaking his head. "You both act like bubble tea solves all of your problems," he remarked, face deadpan.

"It does," Naomi explained, as if it should be obvious. "How can you possibly be sad when you're partaking in something with the word bubble in it?"

My face cracked into a smile at that, the first genuine one of the day. After my uncomfortable encounter with Will and Sabrina on Saturday, I'd been finding it hard to find reasons to smile in general, so it was nice to spend time around someone like Naomi that made it easy

She pointed to my face. "See? It's working already."

Ravi grinned, shrugging again. "I prefer stronger drinks myself, but who am I to argue with facts?" He glanced over his shoulder, seeming to catch sight of his friends. "Anyway, I gotta head to the science building, so I'll see you guys later." After chucking up a peace sign that I was beginning to think was his trademark, he headed off to follow them.

I left Mugs shortly after that, but not before receiving another one of Naomi's pep talks. I appreciated them now more than ever, especially since she had been Will's friend before she was mine. It meant the world to me to feel like someone was in my corner, even if they didn't know the whole story. Duncan's reaction to my return was never far from my mind, and I'd been avoiding him since the party.

The walk to the Photoshop lab felt like a never-ending trudge, my anxiety building with every step, but when I arrived, it felt like it was over too soon. I pushed open the heavy door, my eyes doing a quick sweep of the room to confirm that Will was not in it before entering fully. There were plenty of open seats, as I'd hoped, and I claimed a spot on the opposite side of the room from where I'd sat last time, hoping he wouldn't even notice me when he came in.

Taking a deep breath, I unpacked my things, pulling out my phone to distract myself until class started. The room was filled with conversation, strangers becoming less of strangers as they made small talk, bonding over their varying knowledge of Photoshop, and recounting their weekend adventures. I immediately felt out of place, the way I had in all of my classes, and kept to myself, my eyes glued to my phone. I couldn't decide if I wanted to be invited into a conversation, or if I didn't.

But as the room filled up with more and more people, it became harder to focus on my phone. With the entrance of each new person, it was difficult to not look up to determine whether or not any of them were Will.

Somehow though, I managed to be caught off guard when a figure approached where I was sitting.

I noticed the shoes first, the movement of their footsteps falling into my periphery, and my head snapped up to find their owner.

The boy I'd been so desperately trying to avoid was standing above me, the corner of his lips upturning tentatively despite the uncomfortable expression on his face.

"Is this seat taken?" he asked, sounding unsure of himself.

My lips parted, eyes flickering to survey the rest of the room once more. Many seats hadn't been filled yet, so it didn't make sense for him to intentionally choose the one next to me. "Um. . ." I stammered. I could see him swallow nervously. "No, I guess not."

Dropping my gaze, I moved my stuff out of the way slightly, making more room for his as he slunk into the chair beside mine. A frown of confusion began to pinch the space between my eyebrows, my heart hammering persistently in my chest. He didn't say anything as he pulled things from his backpack, placing them on the desk in front of him. His demeanor felt like a jarring contrast from what it had been the last time we were in this room together, and I was beginning to feel like I couldn't read him anymore. The expressions, mannerisms, and tiny quirks I used to have memorized were starting to feel foreign, like a language I'd once known but since forgotten.

My knee began to bounce nervously, hoping Jen would make an appearance soon, launching into a lecture and preventing any opportunity for conversation. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky.

Will cleared his throat, and my eyes jumped to him in spite of myself. He glanced at me, lips pressed into a thin line, and for the first time I noticed the hints of exhaustion in his face; the patches of dark beneath his striking blue eyes, the stubble on his jaw that seemed to have grown darker since I last saw him, the tightness between his eyebrows. There was a part of me that ached to do whatever I could to make it go away.

But I was almost certain I was the reason it was there in the first place.

"I'm not going to ignore you, Viv," he told me, voice quiet, and subdued. "I can't."

The words made something like hurt twist in my stomach. I bit down on the inside of my lip, considering. "You already did," I said softly, surprising myself, the statement escaping without my consent. "At the party. And then you left."

The memory of that night seemed to momentarily play through both of our minds—the crestfallen expression on my face, the unreadable, cool one on his, the kiss. Will swallowed again, looking somewhat anguished.

"That was. . . I regret acting like that," he murmured, low and sincere. "I panicked. I didn't know how to deal with it, I just freaked out. I'm sorry."

I looked away, shaking my head and bringing my eyes to my computer screen, guilt brewing in my belly for even bringing it up. "Don't say sorry," I remarked. "I deserved it."

"No," he said, and our gazes locked again. "You really didn't."

A silence fell over us like a weighted blanket, and I fidgeted with my fingers, unsure of what to say.

"I don't know how to navigate this," he confessed, the vulnerability in his eyes holding me captive. "But it's too late for us to be strangers."

Before I could begin to process his words, Jen breezed into the room, calling out apologies for running late, and pulling our attention away from each other. Class formally began shortly after that, and I found myself unable to get a proper handle on my feelings.

I wasn't sure what this meant for us. Was it him extending an olive branch, an attempt at friendship? Was friendship something I even wanted? Or perhaps it was him accepting defeat, facing the fact that he would just have to deal with me for the remainder of the school year. My heart began to sink. I didn't want us to be strangers either. I never wanted that.

And I realized for the first time, somewhat gut-wrenchingly, that I desperately did not want to move on. I did not want to lose Will Tucker.

But I already had.

Once again, typography class flew by without me being able to absorb a single word that was being spoken.

As I walked back across campus toward the parking lot, I missed Japan more than I ever had. There was a freedom in being far away—it gave me a feeling of invisibility. I could share as much or as little of my life as I chose, and the separation of distance meant it felt like a pocket of safety, protected from the reality of home. It was easy to pretend my troubles no longer existed, I was miles out of reach, too far for them to touch me. It gave me a feeling of invincibility, and independence.

Coming home had made me retreat into myself. Suddenly my problems were vast mountains that seemed impossible to summit, surrounding me as I lingered in their shadow. This way of life couldn't be sustainable. I had to do something about it.

I clutched my books tighter to my chest, keeping my head down, feeling wrapped up in my thoughts, until an outburst of laughter dragged me out of my reverie. I had ended up next to the soccer field without noticing, and the Cougars were warming up for a practice.

My eyes were immediately drawn to Will, and my heart ached when I saw his face-splitting grin as he jostled one of his teammates. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen him look so happy. Duncan approached the two, clapping Will on the back, and the three of them laughed at something out of my earshot. I felt my footsteps falter, slowing to a stop, even though I knew I should keep moving before I was spotted.

As I watched him fool around with his friends, it dawned on me yet again that I was the thing making him unhappy. Our ties to each other were keeping both of us from truly moving forward. But the thing was, he'd already been trying. He'd started seeing someone new. I was the one sulking, hiding out in my bedroom, clinging to the past and selfishly refusing to release it from my grasp.

And that was the moment I decided that it might be better to let go. 

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thank you so much for reading, and please let me know your thoughts on the chapter! ミ☆