After waking up, I looked at her who was still asleep in my arms, curled up like a little turtle. It is hard to believe that she is going to be the mother of my child when she still acts like a child. Her face shone like early sunshine. I kissed her forehead when she slightly opened her eyes, "suprabhat" she whispered and smiled at me.

"Uth gyi?" I whispered back while removing her hair from her face. "Nehi abhi so rahi hu".

"Tum seedhe sawal ki seedhe jawab nehi de sakti" I said and got up from my bed. Bondita was about to get up too but I stopped her. "Arrey mujhe kam hain".

"Tum kam nehi karogi" I scolded her to which she frowned, "mein karunga".

Hearing this she started to laugh, "ap aur kaam, na baba jala huya khana aur patthar jaisa cake mujhe nehi khani".

"Accha" I smirked mischievously and picked her up. She wrapped her hands around my neck while I twirled her around. Bondita started to laugh and Her laughter was the sugar in our day

To laugh is to express joy from the soul with a beauty that is vulnerable and honest. When she laughs I see her child self. I rotated, carrying her in my arms.

In Tulsipur

I was returning from a friend's house when I got a glimpse of that girl talking to a group of people. It wasn't looking like a peaceful talk rather a dispute. I walked up to the dispute and as soon as she saw me, she spoke out, "ye rahe mere pati".

"HAIN? KYA??"

What was this girl saying, has she gone mad?

"TUM PATI HO MERE" she said aloud, emphasizing more on the words, gesturing me to say yes.

"H...ha..ha p..pati hu" I started encouraging her lies without even knowing what was making her lie.

LIAR!!

"Tu pati hain iska" asked one arrogant man.

"Shayad!" This is all the my confused soul could say to which she pinched me on my waist.

"Aaaa" I winced in pain but she covered up her lie again, "chiti ne kata kya?"

"Teri patni abhi keh rahi thi ki iska pati ayega to humme maza chakhayega" said that man.

"KYA?" I looked at her in horror, "ARE YOU SERIOUS??" She looked at me with guilt.

"Dekhiye dada ap iske baaton ka bura maat maniye, kuch bhi bolti hain. Mein to Gandhi ji ko maanta hu" I laughed weirdly.

"Nehi is ladki ne bari bari baatein ki thi ki iska pati humme dhul chatayega, Bujhli(samjha)".

I was feeling like killing her right now. Why did I even come here? Why did I even support her?

"Abh kya?" Whispered Priyam who clearly understood Batuk is not the knight from her fairy tales who will fight the enemies.

"Hath pakdo aur bhago"

Priyam and Batuk held each other's hands and started to run.

"Tum jaha bhi jaati ho waha missibat ana zaroori hain kya?" asked Batuk as they both ran from those boys, "tumhe kisne kaha tang arane ko?" shouted Priyam.

"Diary chor ladki!"

They hid behind a tree and started to breathe heavily. "kya kar rahi thi tum unlogo k sath"? Asked Batuk while breathing heavily.

"Wo ladke pareshan kar rahe the to maine kaha ki mein shadi shuda hu aur mere pati a gaye to bohot marenge unhe".

"Tumhe mein hi mila tha pati bana ne k liye?" Asked Batuk.

"Tumhe mein hi mila madat karne ko?" She answered.

I was happy...so so so happy.

I was alone in the room and happiness grasped me as if I got wings. I started to dance and hum sounds, twirling around in the room.

Motherhood!

Such a beautiful phase of life.

I remembered my mother saying, "jab tu maa banegi tabh samjhegi".

I placed my hands on my stomach and took a deep breath. The happiness of my eternal soul danced around.

While humming a song, "I opened the cupboard to take out his shirt"

But then!!

That ladies handkerchief fell from the cupboard washing away all my cheerful mood in a moment. I recalled the guard saying that a girl stayed here the whole night and not that he was lying because I too heard her voice.

I recalled the day when I cried and panted, "pati babu ap mere sath aisa nehi kar sakte. Ap nehi kar sakte ye shadi Pati babu!" He started to take pheras in front of my eyes and I could feel my heart break, my soul dying slowly, freezing gradually.

"Nehi pati babu" I cried.

"NEHI!!!!!!!!!!" I closed my eyes, covered my ears and shouted. After a while, I slowly opened my eyes and realized that I was thinking all these. I sight stopped at my hand where "Anirudh Bondita" was written.

I recalled the day when he tore the papers that had our names.

"Manorama meri patni hain Bondita! Choti patni".

"Nehi pati babu" I cried and pulled his hand, "ap mere pati babu ho. Ye jhoot hain na? Boliye na? Ap mere sath aisa nehi kar sakte!!!"

I went back to where it happened, my memory lane. I had kept these memories locked in a part of my heart today I revisited again. I wanted to take away the power of the painful memory to hurt, prove to myself that I could choose to move on. So I took the one I love the most, my pati babu, and we made a great memory, a happy one. Now when my brain goes back there I divert it only to the good memory, the healing one. It's as if I wrote a good story over the top of a bad story, and in time the ink of the bad story fades away until only the good one remains.

But today the ink of good memories were fading away.

I couldn't resist but cry. I need to ask him. Last time I believed him blindly but now I will confront him no matter what.

"Bondita" pati babu came into the room, "tum chilla rahi thi kya abhi?"

"Apko kuch kehna nehi hain mujhse" I looked into his eyes, "boliye na".

"Kya kehena hain"?

I held his collar immediately, "apne firse aisa kiya?

He chuckled softly, "kya ho gaya tumhe? Kya kiya hain maine" he said, cupping my face but I jerked off his hand, "itna maat toriye mujhe".

Bondita suddenly started to talk wierdly. At first, I thought she is joking but then I noticed pearly tears escaping her eyes. "Bondita" I tried to rub off my tears but she pushed me away, "dur rahiye".

"Bondita kya hu....."

"Kyu kiya apne?" She lost control over her anger and held my collar, "Firse kiya apne? Ap saare mard aise ho ho kya".

"Bondita!!" I shouted at her, "keh kiya rahe ho tum mujhe kuch samajh nehi araha".

She forwarded her hand which was holding a handkerchief.

I realized what must have happened and chuckled at her silliness, "ye" I laughed and was about to explain her but before I could, she said something that made me lose my calmness.

"Kya aisa tha usme jo mein nehi de payi? Kya huya us raat. Kya mein bakio ki tarha bistar k sarwato....".

"BONDITA!!!!!" I shouted at her before she could complete her sentence How can she speak ill about herself. I won't mind uf she says to me all these but she was talking ill about herself"tumhe pata hain tum kya keh rahi ho?"

"Apne firse aisa kiya? Dogle pan ka...."

I couldn't take her nonsense any more and held her shoulder tightly, "ek aur shabd nehi".

He held my shoulder. His eyes were as red as the burning sun. His nails dug my skin and I winced in pain, "mujhe dard ho raha hain".

He pinned me to the wall with great force, "maine kabhi tumpe shak nehi kiya par tum...."

"Mujhe choriye, dard ho raha hain" I cried.

When he gets angry, he gets out of control like a mad horse. He does anything in anger.

He left me, picked up a glass vase and thrashed it to the ground.

I shivered in fear and covered my mouth, "ap kyu kar rahe ho aisa, agar kuch huya hain us raat to bata dijiye! Sach sehene ki takat hain mujhme"

He clutched his hands which made his veins visible on the skin but today no one can stop me from confronting him. He broke my trust once again, "kaun thi wo ladki? Kya Saudamini didi jitni khoobsurat thi ya Manorama didi jitni sahasi? Kaise rajhaya usne apko?"

I closed my eyes and clutched my fist to control anger only because she is pregnant.

"BOLIYE NA!" she shouted and this time I again held her tightly. Everything has its own limits and today she crossed them. What was she trying to say? Was she questioning my character? My past? My relation?

She groaned in pain when I held her. Indeed my grip was too tight for her to bear but I was losing control over my anger, "bhagwan kare mujhe tumhari shakkal na dekhna pare aj" saying this I pushed her away and walked out of the bungalow.

I tried to stop him but mistakenly stepped on the broken glasses which pierced my feet and I started to bleed. Till then he had left already.

I sat on the floor, crying, and tried to take out the glass pieces but I couldn't. It was paining so much.

All of a sudden something hit my mind. Did I speak too much today? One who makes mistakes is always guilty when confronted but he seemed confident. What if I am wrong?

The words I used were cheap and I cannot take them back. I covered my face and broke down into tears. I was sobbing hard but he wasn't there to console and comfort me.

To sob is to give away any pretence of self-defence, to feel the full hurricane that is the pain. I rested my head on the edge of the bed and my tears made the bedsheet wet.

What did just happen?

I banged my fist on the stairs of the temple I was sitting. I will not give ger any explanation since I am not at fault. Today the girl I saw is not the Bondita I know. My Bondita has immense faith in me and this girl was someone else.

I looked upwards to prevent my tears from flowing down, "mujhe aj uska chehera nehi dekhna" I said in anger when the temple bell clonked as if god granted my wish.

I sat there for a long time because I was not willing to return back.

But before leaving I did lock the door from outside.

Chahe mein kitna bhi naraz hu, chahe mein ussey kitna bhi nafrat karu, mera gussa apni jagah aur Bondita ki hifazat apni jagah.

I lowered my head and remained seated for a long time unless it was dusk. Bondita is alone at home and it is not really safe for her to be alone in the big house after dark. She will be scared I know. She will call for me I know. Even if I am angry, I couldn't resist myself from worrying for her and thinking about her safety think about her safety although I told Zafar, our guard to not let anyone enter unless I return and I can blindly believe in him since he had been looking at our bunglow for all these years.

His father, Qasim chacha was the house help of this bungalow. When maa was alive, she and baba used to visit here and Qasim chacha really loved maa just like Bihari loves Bondita like his daughter so I knew no one will dare to enter since Zadar is their.

I think I should return home.

When I stood up, a few men came and blocked my way. They were holding sticks in their hand, "tu hi Anirudh Roy Chowdhury hain na?"

"Ji haa par ap log kaun?"

"Hum jo bhi hain" said one of them, "chetavni dene aye hain jo do dharmo k baccho k liye vidyalay bana ne ka socha hain wo bhul jaa".

"Matlab?"

"Tujhe hum apne dharm ka virodh karne nehi denge!"

This angered me and made me question them, "ap log chahate hain sikhsha mein bhi bhed bhav ho...to aisa nehi hoga...arrey ap log g dharm ka kya rakhsha karenge jab ap khud dharm k naam pe adharm karte ho".

"Tu musalman hain kya!" The mob shouted at me.

"Ji nehi mein insaan hu!" I faced them boldly, "abh rasta choriye mera".

"Isko sabak sikhana hi parhega" said one and then before I could comprehend anything...

Thud!!!

I blow on my head from behind and I fell to the floor.

It was difficult to recall for me how long the beating had gone on for, only the final kick and the sound of the iron bar falling to the ground. Just a cut above my eyebrow, the scarlet blood flowing into my eyes and blood dripping down from the side of my lips, oozing out the scarlet fluid. The man placed his feet on my injured head, pressing my head to the ground even more, "ye chetavni tha, agli baar jan le lenge hum".

I lied on the ground breathing on a rusty floor. One man kicked me on my stomach as I spat out blood.

"Dharm virodhi ka yahi parinaam hota hain" they said and left.

I had no strength to even stand up but then suddenly I recalled Bondita who is alone in the house. I, with my all strength, stood up, groaning and roaring in pain but all I was thinking was of Bondita. I fell on the ground once, twice, thrice but stood up again.

Somehow I managed to go home because every time I gave up one thing stuck in my mind and that is I am already late, it is dark and Bondita is alone. I had locked her from outside and asked her to lock the door from inside as well but what my tired and injured eyes saw shook me to the core. The latch was broken.

"B..Bondita" I knocked once, trying my level best to stand properly although I was not in such condition. My shirt was soaked in blood and deep cuts on my back were evident.

"Bondita" I knocked twice.

Fear grasped me. I forgot that I am injured and wounded and tried to break the door open without wasting another minute. The old wooden door wasn't hard to break. When I broke open, I called her name, "Bondita....."

"Bon....."

The view inside horrified me.

"BONDITA!!!"

Everything was broken and picketed. Things were not in their place. It seemed like there was a storm inside the house.

"BONDITA!!!!"

No answer.

I searched every corner of the house, "BONDITA KAHA HO TUM!!!"

My eyes suddenly stopped at the floor which had marks of blood leading out of the door as if someone was dragged mercilessly.

"BONDITA!"

I ran to the corridor and started to call for our guard, "ZAFAR!!"

no one responded.

"ZAFAR!!"

I even called the house helps, "MANOJ! SUGRIV KAKA!! "

No one responded.

I sat on the floor holding my head and my own voice echoed in my ears,