"Thank you for the award. I am really grateful and I dedicate this to my family who loves me.....kaisa tha ye" asked Bondita cheerfully.

"Bohot accha" I assured her.

The award function is about to start and I noticed her playing with her pallu in nervousness. I placed my hand on her head, "mujhe garv hain tumpe".

"Sir ap yaha a jaiye" an organizer came and asked me to sit with the audience.

"Best of luck" I smiled at her before leaving and she smiled back at me.

I sat in the audience and the programme started. I was eagerly waiting for her to get the award, she deserves it. I think I am the happiest person on the planet right now. From teaching her how to write A to this, we came a long way together. I am glad that I took her responsibilities that night.

Sometimes I wonder, why did I fight for an unknown girl so much. I had gone back then what made me return to Devipur that night. She was not the first one. After coming back to I dia I had seen lots of people suffer then why was it her on whom I got myself invested. Maybe because when I saw her I felt connected.

A tribute was paid to Swami Vivekananda firstly. Then it moved to talk about the reformers like Raja Ram Mohan Roy by the Brahmo samaj head.

After that children were called on stage to receive the awards.

Her name was called. All were excited to see the first female student of Tulsipur. All the audience here were either reformers or great personalities.

She walked up to the stage and looked a bit nervous to me. They handed her the award and gave her the mic to speak.

I was more nervous than her. Will she be able to say anything?

"Thank You very much for this" she spoke and then proceeded to speak.

She was not saying the speech I asked her to. She was saying something else.

"A woman with Vision needs a man with dreams whose perspective faith and support will change her reality forever." She looked at me.

"Mein 8 saal ki thi jab mera vivah huya tha, har ladki sapna dekhti hain Sasural mein raaj karne ki par bohot kaam aise ladki hotey hain jinke pati unhe itna kabil banay ki wo duniya pe raj kar sake. Jab sab ne lagaya labdo pe tala tabh unhone mujhse tark karwaya. Unhone mujhe apna sapna dikhaya. Pata hain pati babu apne mujhe kuch aur his speech tair karke diya tha, par mein wo kyu kahu? Mein sabko thank you kyu kahu, kisine mere baare mein nehi socha tha, socha tha apne.

"There is a thin line of difference between men and women. Fark hain par wo fark khoobsurat hain galat wo log hain jo ye fark karte hain..... dhayawad ki apne kabhi fark nehi kiya, ap fark karte to mein yaha nehi hoti, ap nehi to mein nehi hoti. Jaise behind every successful man there is a woman waise hi behind.....nehi nehi behind nehi, beside every successful woman there is a man.

Jabtak ye behind shabd rahega tabh tak fark rahega. A successful man and a woman are beside each other not behind"

Claps echoed in the hall.

I couldn't control my tears that day. When she got down and came to me to show the award, I hugged her out of happiness, pride, everything.

I could see her becoming a successful Barrister Babu.

When he hugged me, my heart stopped working. My hands went cold. A sudden gust of feeling covered me. I was running away from love as it has caused me so much pain but then again he defeated me. I realized, I never stopped loving him and probably never will.

But I cannot live like this, feeling for someone who doesn't love me. I am tired of loving him, simply tired...that is why all I love now is to dream because a dream is the only place where you are mine, you love me.

Love gives you nothing...

Don't know whether we get something out of love but definitely love gives you a face to remember and cry.

I was writing my diary as usual. Since Dada and Bondita were not at home, I went to study for some peace varna is ghar pe to natak chalta rehta hain.

"Batuk!" Som dada called me.

"Ayaaaa dada" I shouted back and left the diary in the study.

..........,......................................

"What?" She shouted, "you left your personal diary in his study?"

Batuk nodded his head.

"Ye diary jo tum abhi par rahe ho?" She asked again.

"Ha ye diary jaha mere dil ki baatein chupa hain" he replied.

"How could you be so careless?"

"Yahi pe to shuru huya asli kahani" Batuk smiled.

......................................................

We returned home after that.

Tomorrow is Bengali new year or Nabo borsho or poila boishak.

Early morning I woke up, wore new clothes, kept pati babu's new kurta on the bed and went downstairs.

All women were dressed in red saree with a white border.

I touched the feet of the elders of the house. A great feast was organised. Kaka sasurji distributed new clothes to poor villagers.

In the evening we all sat in the round. Women sang Rabindra sangeet and danced on it. Bengali poetry was recited.

I danced on Rabindra sangeet too.

Bondita along with Sampoorna danced so well. I kept on gazing at her and smiled non stop.

She wore a white saree with red border in Bengali style. A large red Bindi on her forehead and hair tied in a bun with jui phul ki mala.

Bondita came and sat beside me, "kya soch rahe hain ap?"

"Maa jab thi to aise hu hum sab poila boishak mana te the" I said remembering my mother.

She kept her hand on my shoulder and smiled at me.

I was recalling my mother a lot on this day.

A small Batuk was in kaka's arms. Som stood behind his Baba and Munshi Kaka.

A 10-year-old Anirudh stood near the door with Saurav.

His mother was lying on the bed, covered in a pool of blood. Everybody had lost all hope of her survival.

Shubhra gestured for her eldest son to come. He took slow steps towards her mother who can die any minute. She placed her hand on his head, "tum mujhse ek vaada karoge? Mere jaane k baad apne bhaiyo ka khyal rakhna" she said faintly.

He held his mother's hands, "maa" he cried, "apse vaada karta hu apne se pehele apne bhaiyo k liye sochunga, unke liye mein apne hisse ki khushi bhi chor sakta hu, apna adhikar bhi chor sakta hu, apne sabse pyari chiz bhi gavah sakta hu, mein kuch bhi kar sakta hu".

"Vaachan do!" She said faintly.

"Vaachan deta hu"

Shubhra smiled at his son and took her last breath.

"Shubhra behen!" Kaka exclaimed in a shaky voice

Binoy slowly walked to her and touched her opened eyes with his palm and it closed forever.

She held my hand tightly and gave the most pleasant smile. I reciprocated the smile back at her.

She reminds me of my mother a lot. I just stared at her while she sang.

"Amar hiyar majhe lukiye chile dekhte ami paini". -Rabindranath Tagore

(Mere dil k bhitar ap chupe te, mein dekh nehi payi")-Rabindranath Tagore

Those lyrics applied to me the most. Sach mein, mein dekh hi nehi paya kabhi. But abh no fayda...I don't care what I feel, all I care is about her well being. She never got to choose her partner which is an injustice to her. Once she grows up, I will free her up from all knots and find the perfect guy for her.

Par na jaane kyu Bondita tumhe khone se daarta hu ye jaante huye bhi ki tum meri nehi ho.

Suddenly I heard the phone ring and went to study to pick up the call.

Galat mannat humesha puri ho jati hain.

We were all enjoying a lot but for some reason, dada was absent for a long time.

"Batuk jaake dekho Anirudh kaha hain" Baba asked me.

"Ji Baba" and I went in search of Dada.

I went to study and saw him looking on the other side, facing his back towards me.

"Dada niche sab bula....."

My feets stopped. Dada who was facing the other side turned towards me. My soul shrunk when I saw my diary in his hand.

I entered the room and stood in front of him. An awkward silence prevailed in the room. We didn't talk but stared at each other. Tears brimmed our eyes but we looked at each other with teary vision.

'ap dono yaha ho aur niche sab bula rahe hain" that voice made us cautious and we looked at her together.

"Kya huya ap dono to mujhe aise ghur rahe ho jaise do bhai mele mein kisi ek ko ghurta hain" she giggled and came inside.

"Chaliye" saying she held both of our hands and pulled us.

Dada and I continued to look at each other, there was silence but the silence was speaking a thousand words and the our eyes were reflecting pain without shedding tears.

In all these, our ears heard her laugh and giggled but heart was crying.