Chapter XXXIII

"Come on, baby." I heard while I was hoisted up in the air.

I heard a click and then a breeze broke me from the bit of sleep I was still caught in. I let out a groan, holding onto Atlas' shirt for dear life as he kicked the car door behind him. We approached the house and I blinked to adjust my eyes to the porch lights.

"Are you planning on staying up for a little longer?" Atlas asked, setting me down to unlock the door.

I still held onto him to keep my balance. "I can if you are. I don't have plans tomorrow."

"If you don't mind," he opened the door for me and put his hand on the small of my back to guide me into the house. "I want to talk to you about something."

This made my stomach tie into knots. I swallowed some air from my mouth walking to the living room. I twisted to face him and I wished that I didn't.

He looked so guilty.

He looked tortured

What did he do?

"Maybe we should sit." He averted his eyes to the couch.

Only getting quick breaths into my lungs, I couldn't fulfill the request. "I'm fine standing."

"Okay..." he trailed off, wiping his palms on his pants like he was nervous.

Oh, goddess, what did he do?"

"Please, after I tell you this, let me explain. You can make your decision after." He begged walking towards me with a pained look in his eyes.

"Is this what was going on with you earlier?" I asked.

"Yes,"

"Okay..." I licked my lips and prepared myself for whatever it was.

"I have been with another girl before. Just one." He blurted out.

A knife went through my heart and I took a step back. Celeste stirred hearing this but it wasn't enough to wake her up.

Lucky him.

I don't know why I was so shocked, most Alpha's had been with plenty of women before his mate. Atlas just had one.

I can handle one.

"Everly..." he held my face in his palms. "I am so sorry, it meant nothing. I was extremely drunk and she came to my bedroom. I didn't even know what was happening until it was too late. Please believe me."

A snarl left my lips making his hands retreat off of my face. Celeste was fully aware and perky as if she wasn't asleep for days. She was livid and so was I.

"Everly, please don't," Atlas begged, bending to my eye level. "I know I fucked up. I have fucked up so many times."

"How many times?" I ask as my body begins to feel light.

"Just once, I swear. I didn't even want that time to happen." He looked frantically into my eyes.

Celeste asked in my mind. We already had an idea of what happened to him just by what he said previously. That just confirmed it more.

"Atlas." I gritted out. "Could you move?"

I swear on everything I love...

Celeste snapped.

"I don't understand why that matters." He was shrinking away from me now. I didn't want him to shut down and I knew that my reaction was not helping him.

I approached him and tried my best to keep Celeste under wraps. "Atlas, I need you to tell me. I'm not going anywhere. Just please, tell me."

"No, I couldn't. My body felt like a dead weight."

It made sense. All of it.

The defensive sleeping.

Him freaking out when I climbed on top of him.

The fact he wouldn't step into his old bedroom.

Everything came together.

My body was shaking feverishly. I couldn't contain the rattling of my heart as I used every ounce of my being not to fly off the rails. He didn't need that.

It was clear he was in denial or he wouldn't be apologizing like he just fucked a random girl.

"Who is she?" I wanted to cry.

He held so much shame in his eyes as he slumped onto the couch. "Baby,"

I bent down between his legs and grabbed his hands, putting them on my face. "Please," it was my turn to beg.

"Declan's sister." he sighed, rubbing his thumb on my cheek. "Esme."

I sucked in a breath like I had been punched in the gut. "Esme?" I choked out pulling away from him. "The Esme at R.E.M.?"

"Yes," he answered with apparent hurt in his eyes. He gulped as he watched me struggle to process this information.

I felt like I was going to vomit. "Oh my..." my hands went to my stomach and I stood a few feet from him. I just hugged her in front of him. "I gave her my number. She picked out my dress for the mating gala. You shook her hand. I-" I couldn't control the tears as they fell. "Atlas."

"I'm so sorry," he came to me and pulled my body into his as I cried into his black shirt.

I wrapped my arms around him like I could protect him from her and what had always happened. "It's not your fault. Don't apologize."

Sharply he pulled away, "what do you mean? Of course, it is my fault. I let it happen. I betrayed you and our bond."

My eyes searched his face and I could break at what I found. He honestly believed that he was at fault and had a part in the act. "Listen to me," I pulled his face to mine and kissed his nose. "Answer me truthfully, okay?"

He gave a weak nod and then I began. "Did you want to save yourself for me?"

"Of course."

"Did you invite her to your room?"

"No,"

"Did you want it to happen and were you able to physically do anything about it?"

"No..." his eyes held confusion until he ran my questions through his head again. "No." He sternly said and got away from me.

"Hey.." I tried to grab his hand but he moved too quickly for me to do so.

"Everly, stop. Just stop what you're thinking." He put up a hand and began to walk away but I put myself right in his way.

"No, you are not running. We are handling this. I am right here," I reassured him.

"You are trying to make something into what it is not." He narrowed his eyes on me with Helix on the surface. Unfortunately for him, Helix was just as scary as a hamster to me.

"What would you call it if were me?" I say not backing down. "What if it happened to me? What would you do? What grounds would you call to throw the male that did it to me in prison?"

Atlas shook as Helix burst the color from his eyes. "Don't you ever say that again! Do you understand me?"

"So it is a horrible thing if it was me. Why? Because it would be rape then? Just because you are a man does not mean you can not be a victim." I cried harder. I cried for Helix, I cried for me and most importantly I cried for all his suffering.

He was coming undone now. Helix fell back but Atlas was just as mad as he was.

"No!" He yelled, making me jump back a bit. "I am the Alpha of Phoenix Moon! I am not a victim! I am fine."

"Atlas, listen to me." I wept. I went to approach him but he turned away from me. "This does not make you any less of an Alpha, man, or mate because you are traumatized. You are allowed to not be okay, especially when it comes to this."

He scoffed, still not facing me. "How could you possibly think that?"

I put my shaking palms on his back, feeling him relax against them. "Because I still want all of you and love you all of you as I did a few hours ago," I whispered into his shirt.

He nearly knocked me over when moved his body to face me. "What?" His face was so broken and held honest shock.

"I love you, Atlas Roman Lycurgus."

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