《Faux Real》35: Labels
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Oh my God. That was close. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
I attempt to control my breathing as I run to the girls washroom, stumbling over my feet as I burst through the doors and drop my stuff on the sink. Gripping the edge of the counter, I look at my flushed reflection.
What are you doing, you stupid girl? You don't have time for this. You don't have any room for error, mistakes, nothing. You need to focus. You need to concentrate on what matters. He's just a boy. A boy is not more important than your future. He's not. Harvard. That's the only thing that matters. Not him. Not him. Not him. Harvard. Don't be this person. Don't lose focus. We can't lose focus. We can't let daddy down. We can't bring shame to our family name. We can't. We can't. We can't.
I let out a long exhale, fumbling through my purse as I pull out a mint tin that's monogrammed with Zeek's logo and pop an Adderall into my mouth. Homework. That's what we're doing tonight. That's what matters.
If only my heart would just slow the fuck down.
As I'm shoving the tin back into my purse, a faint echo of sobs fills my ears. At least I'm not the only one having a bad day. I snort internally. A bad year is more like it. Circling the sinks, I quietly walk over to the stalls, following the sounds of weeping.
Pausing in front of the line of teal wooden doors, I gently ask, "Hey, are you okay?"
"Shit!" A voice mutters from behind the stall. My gaze darts to a rectangular box hitting the tiled floor. My eyes widen as I read the logo. Clearblue. A hand reaches down, yanking it off the floor. I catch the daisy ring on her ring finger. "Fuck!"
Ho-ly shit. No way.
"Corrine?" I ask awkwardly, still trying to wrap my head around what I just saw. "Are you- are you okay?"
"Go away!" Corrine cries. "Leave me alone!"
I know I should. I know I should leave. I shouldn't pry. I shouldn't care. But my feet don't seem to be moving away. No. They're moving closer to her.
"Cor-"
"I said go away!" she yells. "Go. Away!"
My heart clenches as I mindlessly check the other stalls. Empty. I turn around and head to the exit. I hear the shimmying of a stall unlocking as I grab the 'closed for cleaning' sign from the maintenance closet and hang it on the door before bolt locking it. I don't know why I'm doing this. It's not me. It's instinctual. Like I'm on auto-pilot.
"Hey," I whisper, turning the corner to find Corrine bent over the sink, splashing water on her face. "Are you okay?"
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"What are you still doing here?" she spits, mascara running down her cheeks. "I told you to fuck off, Kennedy."
"Everything is going to be okay, Corrine." I glance at the unopened pregnancy test on the counter. "You're going to be fine."
Her jaw clenches, tears welling up in her eyes. "Well, thanks Miss Perfect. That means so much coming from you! You can leave now."
"You have options, Corrie," I say, cautiously moving towards her. "Whatever you want to do, there are options."
Corrine scoffs, wiping her face. "You must be getting a kick out of this, huh? You must be loving this, aren't you?"
"If you need any resources-"
"Just shut up!" she wails, burying her face into her hands as she staggers backward, her back hitting the wall as she slides down. "Shut up, Kennedy! I don't need your help! I don't need anything from anyone!"
I swallow, asking, "Have you told Sawyer?" Corrine lets out a manic laugh and tugs on the roots of her hair. "I mean you don't have to, that's your choice but if you did, I think he'd be there for you-"
"No, I didn't fucking tell Sawyer!" she screams. "I didn't even take the stupid test yet and even if I did, it's not his fucking problem!" Her shoulders bounce as she begins to wail. "It's not his problem."
I blink, lowering myself to my knees in front of her. "What...what do you mean? Did you-"
"Did I cheat on Sawyer?" Corrine wipes snot from her nose, scowling up at me. "Yeah, Kenny, I did, okay? I...I fucked up, okay?"
I frown, shaking my head. "But...but why? I thought you-"
"'Cause that's what I do, isn't it? Fuck guys?!" she cries. "Isn't that super on-brand for me? Huh? What else would you expect from Corn on the Cob?"
I wince, guilt washing over me. "I'm sorry, Corrie. I'm sorry."
"Stop calling me that!" she demands. "We're not seven anymore, okay? You can't call me that! You can't call me that anymore, Kennedy. We're not friends. We're not kids anymore, okay? We're not." She pulls on her hair again. "You're you, this perfect little angel, and I'm a slut, that's who I am now. That's what I'll be remembered as. Please just go away. Please."
I place my hand on her knee, memories of our childhood flashing before my eyes. "You're not a slut," I whisper. "You're not-"
She scoffs, peering up at me. "Yes, I am, Kenny. That's exactly what I am."
"No," I say, shifting my weight so that I'm sitting cross-legged. "That's not who you are."
"Really?" she asks, closing her eyes. "Then who I am, Ken? I'm not smart like you. I'm not funny like Max. I don't have super rich parents. I don't have anything, okay? I'm nothing. I'm just someone guys want to fuck, okay? That's all I am. And that's okay. That's fine. I've accepted it."
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Every time I'd make a snide remark against Corrine, I'd hate myself. It's not who I am. I've never wanted to hurt her. I just wanted to protect myself. We all want to protect ourselves. Look strong. Worthy. Valuable. But at what cost? I fight back tears as I stare at Corrine, her face morphing into a young girl.
"Do you-" I sniffle. "Do you remember when we were ten? And that uh- that redhead from Miss Thorton's class pushed in the playground and called me a loser 'cause I was reading during recess?"
"Maybe," Corrine whispers warily. "Why?"
"Do you remember what you did?" I ask. Corrine rolls her eyes, looking away from me. "You punched her in the face." She snorts. "You punched her in the face and told her if she ever bothered me again you'd get your dad to throw her ginger ass in jail."
"I remember that," Corrine admits. "I got detention for a month."
"I know," I say with a smile. "But you were protecting me. You always protected me."
"What's your point, Kennedy?" she asks, sighing. "Why are we taking a trip down memory lane?"
"Because that's who you are," I explain. "You're loyal and fierce and you care about your friends."
She snorts, shaking her head. "Maybe that's who I was...but I'm not that person anymore." She taps the pregnancy test. "This is who I am now. This is me."
"It doesn't have to be," I say. "You can always-"
"Kennedy," she interrupts me, a docile expression capturing her features. "Stop trying to change the facts. I'm not you, okay? I'm not talented or interesting or creative." She motions down her body. "This is what I have to offer. And this is-" She glances at the test. "This is the risk."
I frown. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say, and you once asked me if pepperoni comes from peppers."
Corrine scowls at me. "I was like five when I said that."
I shrug, suppressing a laugh. "See? You're also funny."
Corrine rolls her eyes. "No, I'm just stupid."
"Stop it, okay?" I demand. "You're not stupid, Corrie. You've never been stupid. Ever. You're probably one of the more resourceful people I know, including myself."
"If I were smart, Ken, I wouldn't be crying on the bathroom floor right now," she says, "Possibly pregnant with a baby that's not even my boyfriends."
I cringe. "Why'd you do it, Cor? Why would you cheat on Sawyer?"
"Because..." She shrugs, shame plastered on her face. "Because I wanted to feel good, I guess. I don't know. I don't-" She closes her eyes. "I was drunk and mad and...I don't even remember if we used a condom." She chuckles. "Guess I'll find out soon."
"Are you gonna tell Sawyer?"
She jerks her head up. "Are you?"
"No," I say honestly. "It's not my place." I bite my lip, adding, "I won't tell anyone either, I promise."
She narrows her eyes at me. "Why would you do that for me? You don't owe me anything. We're not friends, Kennedy."
"I know," I say, a nostalgic ache in my belly. "But we were...at one point."
"Yeah," she scoffs. "Until you and Max abandoned me."
"What?" I ask, my forehead creasing. "When?"
Corrine blinks. "The summer you went to Italy without me? You guys just left me alone for two months. No calls, no texts. Nothing. You dropped me." She snaps. "Like that."
"We didn't drop you," I state, "We just went on vacation. You said you didn't want to go, you said-"
"Whatever," Corrine sighs, waving me off. "I don't care anymore. It doesn't matter."
"Were you mad at us? I ask, completely shocked. "Why didn't you-"
"I don't know, Ken!" she whines, clicking her tongue. "Maybe because my parents just told me they were getting divorced and I was a mess. I needed you guys and you weren't there for me. You were in fucking Italy while my entire life was falling apart. You weren't there."
"I didn't know..." I place my hand over Corrine's. "We thought you were fine. You said you were fine."
Corrine's eyes water. "You should've known I wasn't fine, Kenny. You and Max should've known."
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
"Yeah," she sighs, pushing herself up to her feet. "Me too."
Were Max and I that oblivious? That self-centered? How did we not see? Corrine is right. We should've known. We should've stayed.
I stand up, joining Corrine by the sinks. "I know that we're not tight but if you need anything, I'm here for you."
"Just don't say anything," she says, fixing her makeup. "Okay?"
"I promise, I won't."
"Good," she says, clicking her tongue as she checks out her reflection. "Do you have make-up wipes in your bag? I look fucked."
"Yeah," I say, removing a few items from my purse and handing Corrine some baby wipes. "Here."
"Thanks." Corrine's eyes float down to the counter briefly as she takes the wipe from my hands. "Are you okay?"
I snort, shaking my head as I shove all my shit back into my purse. "I'm fine."
I might have problems.
But right now...they don't seem nearly as big.
____________________
Y.I.K.E.S.
THOUGHTS? PREDICTIONS???
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