Bloody hell she's fast.

What in the fuck did that twat say to her?

I've seen her cry. I've seen her on the verge of crumbling a couple of times. But this time it's different. She's not just crying. She's hurt.

And I fucking hate that.

"Kennedy!" I shout, running through the quad as I try to catch up with her. "Kennedy, stop!"

"Go away!" she wails, latching onto the railing of the staircase as she heaves to catch her breath. "Go away!"

"No," I say, walking down the stairs towards her, the crescent moon hanging above our heads. "I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."

"I don't want to talk," she whispers, sinking down on the dirty steps.

"Fine," I say, sitting down beside her. "Then we'll just sit until you're ready to talk."

Kennedy rests her forehead on her knees, quietly weeping as silence surrounds us. She has no reason to tell me, no reason to confide, and yet, I need to know.

"What happened, Kenny?" I whisper after a few minutes, sidling closer to her and putting my arm around her shoulder. "What did Sawyer say to you?"'

She expels a trembling breath, craning her neck toward me, her eyes bloodshot, tired, fucking devastated. I clench my jaw. He sure did a number on her. I should go back and sock him in the face.

"He- he said I have no heart, Ollie," she cries, her voice hoarse. "He said that I never prioritized him, that I never put him first, that I-" She closes her eyes, letting out a whimper. "I tried, Oliver, I tried but he doesn't get it, he doesn't understand."

"What doesn't he understand?" I ask, tightening my grip around her body.

No heart? What a wanker. She's got more heart than anyone I know.

"It's so hard, Ollie," she sniffles. "No one understands. I'm only one person. There are only so many hours in the day. How am I supposed to make everyone happy? How am I supposed to be at three places at once? How?"

"It's impossible," I say. "You can't make everyone happy, Kennedy, no one can." I pause, playing with a strand of her loose hair that's flowing down her back. "But sometimes, it's good to take a break, you can't be on twenty-four seven."

"I can't take a break," she whispers, shaking her head. "I need to keep busy, I need to keep going, keep working, keep studying. I can't stop, Ollie. I can't."

"Why?" I ask as she looks up at me, her make-up rolling down her face. "It's only school, Kennedy, it's not everything. There's so much more to life than textbooks and reports and essays."

"No, there isn't," she says.

"Of course there is, love," I say, caressing her shoulder. "There's a whole world outside of the classroom and you should be enjoying it while you can."

"I can't," she says, biting her quivering lip. "I have nothing to enjoy."

"What are you talking about?" I ask, my brows knitting together in confusion. "Nothing to enjoy?"

"I'm not like you, Ollie, I don't have hobbies, I don't have anything that makes me happy," she cries, wiping under her eyes. "I'm only good at one thing and that's school. If I stop, if I take a break, if I give myself time to think about it-" Her face contorts in such deep pain that I feel it in my gut. "I'm scared I'll realize just how fucking miserable I am."

It's odd. I know exactly what she's talking about. Misery hides in the darkest parts of your mind, just waiting for a chance to swallow you whole. Misery is clever like that; it pops up when it knows it can hurt you the most.

For me, that's at night. And the day.

All the time really.

"Come here," I whisper, pulling her into my arms as she nuzzles her face into my shoulder, my chin resting on the top of her head. "You're okay, Kennedy. You're okay."

"I'm so tired, Ollie," she breathes, fisting my jacket. "I'm so fucking tired all the time and when I do sleep, waking up is like a task, it takes so much effort. I'd rather just stay awake, I'd rather be tired than feel...nothing."

"I know that feeling," I whisper, raking my fingers through her silky hair. "I know."

"You do?" she asks, pulling away from me, her glossy eyes scanning my face.

"Yeah." I nod, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Two years ago, for about six months, I could barely get out of bed, I just didn't care, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to sleep." I lower my voice, unwelcome memories flashing through my mind. "Preferably forever."

"I'm sorry," Kennedy whispers, her empathetic eyes flickering around my face.

"Don't be," I say, expelling a labored sigh. "It is what it is. I've learned to live with it."

"Does it ever get better?" she asks, her tone laced with broken hope. "Does it go away?"

"Not really," I admit, my gaze floating down to her pink lips. "But it gets easier to manage."

"How?" she breathes, resting her hand on her knee. "How do I make it go away?"

"You find something that's worth waking up for," I reply, my voice wavering from her touch. "Something that'll get you through the day."

"What gets you through the day, Ollie?" she whispers, her chest rising.

"Music," I say, covering her hand with mine, a rippling sensation of comfort coursing through my body. Her fingers wiggle under my grasp but she doesn't move. "Photography..." I swallow as she leans a little bit closer to me, her sweet breath fanning against my lips. "Y-"

"Ken-Ken! Where you hiding, bitch?!" Kennedy immediately pulls away, snapping her head towards the top of the staircase. What the fuck was that? "Oh damn! I found her, she's with British-boy!"

"Shit," Kenny mutters, ducking down as she wipes the evidence of her breakdown off of her face. Clearing her throat, she smiles up at Maxine. "Hey-hey!"

I narrow my eyes at Kennedy. Hey-hey?

"Kenny!" Felicity screams, joining Max's side. She grins, her gaze darting between us. "Oops, I think we interrupted something!"

"What're you doing out here? Le party is inside!" Maxine exclaims, wobbling down the stairs. She frowns as she looks at Kennedy. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Kenny says, standing up. I follow suit, unease gripping my muscles. "We were just chatting, getting some fresh air."

"Well, stop it!" Felicity says, grabbing Kennedy's hand. "Fresh air can wait, the party waits for no one! Let's go! Leon snuck in a bottle, we gonna get fucked up!" She looks over her shoulder. "You coming, Oliver?"

"Of course he is," Kenny says, smiling at me. Wow, she's good. A natural. "Right, Ollie?"

"Sure," I say hesitantly, subdued frustration bubbling in my blood. "I could go for a drink."

"It's Peach Schnapps! Delicious!" Felicity says, leading the charge back to the Annex. "Helluva hangover though but worth it...I think."

Kenny lets out a forced laugh. "It's never worth it."

"Like you'd ever know, Ken," Max snorts. "You've never had a hangover."

"My head hurts enough on the daily," she says, keeping her tone playful. "I'll do a couple of shots though."

"I'll take it!" Max exclaims, her sumo suit rustling with every step. "You down for the Schnapps, Knight?"

"Whatever," I mutter, unable to get over Kennedy's sudden mood swing.

And the girl stays on for the rest of the night.

Smiling. Laughing. Dancing.

Faking.

It must be exhausting, wearing such a heavy mask.

***

I narrow my eyes, glancing over my shoulder as I stare at Sawyer and Kennedy. I'm surprised she even came to class. Well, that's not true. Seeing as she's decided to completely disregard her meltdown last weekend, it's quite fitting that she's sitting there acting as if nothing happened.

Sort of.

She can fool herself but she certainly can't fool me. If she was sitting any further away from him she's be in the middle of the fucking aisle. And why is he trying to talk to her anyway? Can't he tell that she's not interested? Pathetic really. He's probably trying to apologize. I hope she doesn't give him the light of day.

Fucking twat.

"Worried he's going to steal your girl?" Clifford whispers, drawing my attention.

"Shut up," I grumble under my breath, quickly whipping my head back to the front of the classroom. "I was checking the weather."

Cliff blink, clicking his tongue. "Right, sure you were."

I don't bother to reply.

She's not my girl. Not really.

But she's not his either.

"Alright, class," Mr. Takanaki says, changing the slide on his powerpoint. "Your final assignment for this semester will be a portrait project. This assignment will be done in pairs but you'll be marked individually." He pulls up an image on the screen. "Photographs tell stories, and your job for this assignment is to do just that. Now, I trust that you will be able to pick your own partners, yes? Alright-" He checks his watch. "That's all for today's class. Portraits are due in two weeks, so don't wait until the last minute to start. I will know if you did. Selfies will not be accepted, alright? Feel free to use the editing software on the school's computers if you want, that's up to you."

"Wanna be partners-"

I jump out of my seat and head towards Kennedy and Sawyer before Cliff can finish his sentence.

"Hey," I say casually, leaning against a desk as Kennedy collects her textbooks. I glance at Sawyer who's quietly lingering between us. "Don't you have a ball to throw around or something?"

"Kennedy, please," Sawyer pleads, ignoring me. "Five minutes."

"No," she murmurs.

"Doesn't seem like she really wants to talk to you, mate," I note, scanning Kenny's tightened features. If she could teleport, she would. "Best to leave now, yeah?"

"KC, come on, I'm sorry," he says, touching her arm. "Just give me five minutes, okay?"

"Save it, Sawyer," she says, flinching from his touch. "I don't want to hear it. Just go away."

"Fine!" Sawyer's jaw clenches as he pushes past us.

"Oh thank God," Kennedy says, sighing with relief as she looks up at me, a grateful smile on her face. "Thanks for the back up."

"Anytime," I hum as we head out of class. "Has he uh- been bothering you a lot? Or just today?"

Not that I care, obviously.

"He's texted me a few times this week asking to talk," she groans. "I would think that being left on read would indicate that I'm not interested in speaking to him." She glances at me. "Guys aren't very perceptive, are they?"

"I'm truly offended that you would group in the same category as Sawyer," I joke, hoping to lighten the mood. "Apologize this instant or I won't be your partner for this project."

She grins. It worked. "You wanna be partners?"

"Yeah, why not?" I smirk, wiggling my brows. "I'm an excellent model, I take direction very well." I motion around my face. "And with these dashing good looks, you'll surely get an A."

"Yeah?" she asks, a playful glimmer in her eyes. "And what will you get? Am I modelesque enough for you?"

I rub my chin, pretending to study her face. "I'll probably pass with a solid C+, maybe a B?"

"Oh, shut up!" Kennedy frowns as she punches me in the arm.

"Violence is never the answer, Kennedy," I tease, feigning injury. "You're such an American. Just use your words, love, they are far more powerful."

"You. Are. A. Dick," she states with a smug smile. "How's that?"

"Much better." I laugh as we round the corner to the common room. I hesitate for a moment before asking, "So, how are you feeling? We didn't really get a chance to talk after-" I pause. What even was that? "Well, you know."

"Yeah, this week has been super hectic," she says, avoiding eye contact. "But um...I'm fine. I think. I don't know." She glances at me, a hint of embarrassment in her eyes. "Sorry for dumping all that shit on you. I don't know where that came from."

"I didn't mind," I say, scratching my head. Is she not going to bring up the fact that we almost- Fuck sakes. Whatever. I'm good with that. I don't need any complications in my life and that would indeed be a severe complication. "We've all got our shit."

"True," she says slowly, biting her lip in thought. "Well, I think it's best if we just forget everything that happened that night and move on...right?"

"Do you want to forget?" I ask, loaded air hanging around us. "It's up to you, Kennedy."

"Up to me?" she whispers, tapping her fingers on her textbook. What is going on in that head of hers? I sure as hell am I not going to tell her what to do. "You have no opinions?"

"It's your life." I shrug. "Maybe forgetting is the right thing to do."

"Right," she frowns, clearing her throat. "Well, I gotta go meet Maxine, so I'll see you later I guess."

"Sounds good."

As I watch her walk away, I can help but wonder...who is she forgetting?

Me? Or him?

You know what? Doesn't matter. Why? Because I do not care.

I don't.

______________________

My sad, confused, little beans :'(

THOUGHTS?

Ollie watching Kenny like...