~Amira Levi Mazzanti~

Breakfast in the living room while watching a movie was something unusual. I didn't expect Lucian to let us eat anywhere that is not the dining table.

But I was glad to be normal and out of the formality for once. It felt more normal to not worry about these little rules that were being followed unsaid.

I played with the diced fruit pieces in the bowl I was handed along with the plate having pancakes on them.

Lucian sat a little away to my side, eating the pancakes loaded onto his plate and watching TV. He kept glancing at me after every second, so I knew he wasn't paying much attention to the movie.

"Why aren't you eating?" He asked after a while of me just pushing the fruits around.

I tensed up. I didn't know honestly. My mind was racing, overloading with thoughts.

I felt like it was all getting worse. For some reason. I didn't see it getting better like they were.

"Bunny?" Lucian tried again, gentler this time.

"I don't know," I said. I looked up at him to show that I was being honest.

"Want me to feed you?" He asked, making my eyes go wide. I shook my head violently. My ears turned red, despite the offer seeming quite warm and comforting for some reason.

I wasn't going to give in today. Not one bit.

"Are you sure?" Lucian decided to add to my embarrassment.

"Yes Lucian," I grumbled, stabbing a piece and shoving it into my mouth.

I focussed on Moana as she sailed through the oceans. To feel that much freedom again.

It wasn't my family restricting me. It was this condition. No matter how much I tried to ignore this voice or try to communicate, I felt trapped. It felt like there would be no way out.

And now that I was thinking about it, that thought was exactly what was stopping me from letting go completely.

You're on your own when you're trapped.

I jumped when I felt someone grab the plate that was resting on my lap. Lucian shifted closer while I gulped, seeing the plate in his hands now. This is not going how I want it to.

The bowl was on the couch beside me, so Lucian reached around me and picked it up too. He placed the bowl between us and diverted his focus to the pancakes first.

I opened my mouth hesitantly when he moved the fork towards me.

So much for not giving in.

I didn't want to defy and get in trouble so I sat silently, fiddling with my thumbs and just kept eating.

"What going on here?" He tapped my head lightly with his finger. With his other hand Lucian reached for the tissue box on the table. Not this now.

My eyes widened and I reached out to grab his hand quickly.

"I can do it on my own!" I exclaimed.

My tone was anything but respectful. I snapped at him accidentally. And I had to face the scary look that appeared on his face. A glare that was directed towards me and a clenched jaw.

"Sorry," I mumbled, releasing my hold on his hand quickly and slumping back against the couch.

Lucian hummed and pulled out two tissues. He dabbed it at my mouth while I looked anywhere but at him.

"You're not as little today," he noted. I badly wanted to roll my eyes.

"Yesterday was embarrassing enough," I mumbled to myself.

"What was that?" He asked.

"Nothing," I said. I looked at the TV screen to avoid any more conversation.

As time went by, the temperature seemed to be dropping in the room. Or maybe it was just me. But I felt cold. My hands were freezing.

I rubbed them slowly on my sweatpants so as to warm them up without grabbing my brother's attention. I peeked to my side cautiously, slightly relieved to see Lucian was fully focussed on the movie, surprisingly.

I exhaled quietly and clasped my cold hands together.

A squeal echoed around the room when poor little me slid on the couch towards my side. Lucian had grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, like I weighed nothing. When I was close enough, his arm wrapped around my shoulders and his hand came to rest on my opposite elbow, so I was tucked into his side. During all that he refused to look.

"You scared me!" I accused, putting my hand on my rapidly beating heart.

"Good," he said. "That's what you get for acting like a stranger. We've made progress, Bunny. Don't go back to where we started."

I looked down and rolled my eyes, so he wouldn't see.

"I saw that," Lucian said. I felt him shift as he reached out for something on his other side. A fluffy blanket appeared magically in his hand as he turned back to face me. Wrapping the blanket around me, he settled back onto the couch and watched the movie.

So it was just me. I noted. Lucian didn't feel cold because he didn't get in the blanket.

"Do you wear anything other than a suit?" I found myself asking. That seemed to have caught him off guard because he looked at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"I do," he said.

"I haven't seen you in anything not formal," I said, looking at his navy blue coat.

"You're usually asleep when I get off work," he stated.

I nodded in understanding. And that's usually after midnight.

"What did Damien do to get the tattoo studio?" The next question rolled off of my tongue.

Lucian tensed up a little.

"A lot," he said. He was being vague and that irked me.

I stayed silent waiting for him to continue. But he didn't.

He looked at me and shook his head indicating he didn't want to talk about it. I kept staring hoping he'd cave in. Lucian kept staring back before he sighed and broke eye contact.

Was it really bad or is it just that he doesn't want to give me any ideas?

"Yelled 'I hate you' in my face and attempted to run away from home," he said, looking at the table.

I flinched when he said that. It was scary how sad Lucian seemed. It wasn't visible on his face but some of the sadness dripped into his words.

I shut my mouth and focused back on the movie. Now I know why both of them didn't want to talk about it.

"Don't tell Damien that you know," Lucian said after a while. "He's trying hard to be responsible and set a good example for you two. He won't take it easy if he found out you know."

"Why'd you tell me?" I asked. He could've stayed stubborn and not tell me, if he didn't want Damien to know.

"Because you're our sister?" His answer was framed as a question. "I don't want you to feel unfamiliar, thinking that we're keeping secrets. Besides, I know you won't stop until you knew."

I nodded slowly.

"Does it still hurt?" I asked.

I would've never believed I would direct this question towards Lucian.

"Not anymore. No." Was his instant response. I released a breath. "But it hurt like hell back then."

Did he just say 'hurt like hell'?

"You do know that's a little too informal for your personality?" My hands slapped onto my mouth as soon as the question left my mouth. "I didn't mean for it to sound that way!"

"I'm not mad." He shushed me. He shook his head. I released another deep breath and relaxed a little.

We turned to face the TV again. Although we both looked immersed in the movie, that actually wasn't the case. Instead, we were both lost in our own thoughts, considering the TV was on mute and none of us noticed until we actually felt the silence that was broken by my voice cutting through it.

"You're a good parent," I mumbled. I turned my head slightly and looked up at him.

"I try to be," he answered, avoiding eye contact.

"Give yourself credit for once, Lucian." I frowned. That's something I've noticed so far. He doesn't give himself enough credit for whatever he does.

I haven't seen many people who bear that much but still worry about the other person not feeling bad. He could be taunting Damien about it for all their lives.

"I don't know," he muttered. "I don't think I can be called a good parent after I made so many mistakes with you and Rose."

"But you made everything right at the end," I countered. "You're trying and that's enough."

He sighed but stayed silent at that. After a few moments he spoke up again.

"I just try to keep you all safe and healthy. I don't want to come off as overbearing or too demanding, that just happens on its own." He looked at me finally. "As I've said before, I don't really like it when you're so scared of me, Bunny. But it just comes out on its own and I come off as 'scary'."

I watched with utmost focus as Lucian started pouring the contents of his heart. It was hard to believe but it was the best thing that could happen in our relationship.

"All those years back, when I first found out he got a tattoo, I really couldn't control my anger. I don't know if I hurt him, we've never spoken about it. I just couldn't see him going through so much physical pain on top of the emotional pain he was going through." He sighed. His hand on my elbow started rubbing gently.

"Two years of fighting, arguing and basically ruining our relationship, I said yes to the parlour when it all went out of control," he said, another sigh leaving his mouth. "He had been threatening for a long time and saying stuff that hurt honestly, but then he left the house with some of his stuff."

My heart had jumped to my throat by now. For some reason, I could feel the panic everyone must be feeling at that time.

Maybe because Lucian's always calm heart had started beating rapidly.

I gulped down the lump in my throat and took a deep breath in.

"Worst twelve hours of my life," he muttered. "We found him pretty quickly but he was adamant on not coming back. I didn't see any other choice and agreed to every condition he put before. I felt like a pushover, but didn't really have a choice."

"He was a dumb teenager." I scowled.

Lucian chuckled.

"He was. Can't blame him," he said. "Dad was never around and Mom couldn't get our custody. I wish she could. It would've been so much better."

"I wish that too," I mumbled, snuggling closer to him to provide every bit of comfort I could. "I hate Father for what he's put everyone through."

Lucian nodded curtly and stayed silent, so I continued.

"She used to cry a lot in the beginning. I thought she missed Father but now I know why she was actually sad. She missed you all a lot," I said. "We used to have special dinners on your birthdays. Even after Dad came along."

"That's sweet," Lucian said, smiling slightly. "I'm sorry we couldn't keep in contact."

"Wasn't your fault," I mumbled.

"You're not that scared anymore, are you?" He asked out of nowhere.

I don't think so. This conversation happened on its own so it was obvious the hearts were trying to communicate. I don't think I'm that scared anymore.

In the past hour I've dove into his eyes and identified various emotions more times than I can count. A heavy contrast to where I couldn't make eye contact with him.

"No." I let out a chuckle. "You don't seem so scary now."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," I said, softly. "Really Lucian. Nothing is your fault. It's just the luck that is being a-"

I stopped myself in time, avoiding a scary lecture that would've probably killed me.

"Bitch?" He asked.

I jumped and my head snapped towards him. He did not just curse!

"Did you just curse?" I exclaimed, pulling away a little to look at his face properly.

His robotic ass is giving a lot of surprises now.

"I'm a human, Bunny." He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. But I'm not used to your human side," I said.

He leaned down and placed a kiss on my head.

"It's just started showing," He mumbled against my hair.

I found myself relaxing in his hold. That caused an inmediate reaction as he pulled me closer and tucked me tighter under his arm.

And that did it. I felt my composure crack. I felt it but I couldn't stop it. All I could see was the carefree world I could live in. It was temporary but it was the comfiest place where I wanted to be.

I tried to push away but Lucian tightened his grip. A thought crossed my mind and I couldn't help myself.

"Why did you slap him?" I mumbled. Lucian tensed up and in my periphery I saw his head turning towards me slowly.

"I don't know." He breathed out. "I couldn't control myself after watching what he did."

The tone he said it in made it clear that he was regretting it a lot.

"When did you know?" He asked.

"Damien told me accidentally the day Rose and I went on that picnic," I mumbled.

"Is he hurt?" Lucian asked hesitantly.

"Isn't it too late to ask that?" I couldn't stop myself. Despite knowing he was regretting it with every bit of his heart, I couldn't stop myself from saying that.

"Sorry," Lucian muttered. I looked up hesitantly just in time to see him turning his head so his face was mostly hidden.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to," I mumbled. I sat straighter and turned to him while he was drowned in his self-pity, avoiding eye contact as much as he could.

"I love you with all my heart, Lucian but you can't hit him when he does something wrong," I said. "I know what he did was a little too much but he still didn't deserve to be hit by his brother for a stranger."

Lucian's head snapped towards me with a glare etched onto his face.

"What did you just say?"

The way he gritted that made me shrink back in fear.

"I was a stranger at that time," I defended myself.

"No you weren't. I don't want to hear anything like that coming out of your mouth again," Lucian gritted again. "Clear?"

I nodded quickly, wanting him to go back to his not-scary self. Lucian took a deep breath and leaned back against the couch, keeping his arm wrapped around me tightly. His other hand moved to his eyes, to rub them a little.

Lucian broke the silence after some time.

"I'll talk to Dex about it." He sighed.

"And apologize," I mumbled, not looking at him. A pout rested on my face as I looked into my lap.

"I will."

We went silent after that, which lasted for a long time.

"Did you get all of your stuffies out?" He asked.

"I didn't," I said, quickly. "I didn't get the time."

"We'll do it in the evening," he said. His hand that was not on my elbow moved to my head. He patted my head twice and turned back to the movie.

"You've changed a lot," I commented.

"You too," He replied, without looking at me.

"Me?" I gave him a deadpanned look.

"Yes," he said, glancing down at me. "Tell me you weren't like 'I'm going to break your neck and bury you somewhere if you even blink at my twin the wrong way.'"

He made his voice heavy and cracked at the end, imitating a cartoon monster.

I stared at him for five seconds before my eyes closed on their own and I fell limp. I fainted!

"Bunny." A warning was thrown at me, which for the first time in my life did not scare me one bit.

I opened one eye to look at him.

"I don't know who you are," I said. I closed my eye again and relaxed.

Acting unconscious is making me sleepy.

"Is that so?" He said. Before I could answer that, his fingers poked into my sides and I jerked up. As laughter rang in the room, I tried to squirm out of his grip. I failed obviously.

"No. I was joking!" I exclaimed.

"I believe you need to be reminded of who I am." He grabbed my hands in one hand when I tried to claw his hands.

"I know who you are, Lucian. Please stop." Giggles escaped when his hand moved to my neck to tickle me there.

"I'm going to snitch to Asher," I said, between laughs.

"Oh yeah?" He mocked. "Then I don't see a reason to stop."

"Alright no again." The blanket fell down with all the movement of my flailing arms and legs.

"Say I'm your smartest brother!" He demanded.

"You're my smartest brother!" I yelled, desperate to get out of this situation.

Lucian released his hold immediately which caused me to almost fall off the couch. But Lucian caught me in time and pulled me to him again.

I gasped for breaths while keeping my hand on my heart. A few more giggles escaped while I was calming down which caused his smile to widen.

"You have to lie your way out of tickle punishment sometimes."

"Now, baby," he cooed. His fingers sprawled across my cheeks as he grabbed my jaw and turned me to face him. "One more cheeky remark and the tickle monster will appear again."

I scoffed.

"That's mean."

"I know." He rolled his eyes and played the movie again.

I shrugged and snuggled closer while he took his time wrapping me in the blanket.

He was warm. Warmer than the blanket, I'd say. And it felt so comforting that I forgot about the movie playing and focussed on the warmth instead.

My eyes closed as I yawned as quietly as I could. Opening my watery eyes, I fought with my inner will to keep my eyes open.

The hand on my elbow started rubbing again in a slow soothing motion. That caused me to shift a little to Lucian's side, to get my head closer to his heart.

"Are you sleepy?" Lucian asked when I yawned again.

"No," I said, softly.

"You are," He declared. "And you're lying."

His tone took a scary turn at the end. I bit my lip and stayed silent. His hand moved to my head and he started stroking my hair. That was an immediate sleep inducing action. My eyes closed and my head lolled before I snapped up and pushed his hand away forcefully.

Lucian, of course, didn't like that.

He sighed.

"Fine. Be that way."

He retreated his hand, then proceeded to pull away completely. I blinked when he slid away from me and crossed his arms, staring at the door which was towards our left.

His fingers tapped against his bicep as he refused to even look at me and sat there with crossed arms and legs.

I twisted the corner of the blanket in my hand, watching him closely.

"Lucian?" I asked, moving forward to poke his bicep. Just as my finger touched his arm, he jerked it away and I swear I heard him huff.

I scowled and turned to the TV. Crossing my arms too, I scowled at the TV, glaring at it fiercely.

Why do I feel like it'd be nice to see it breaking?

About thirty seconds of feeling cold, my scowl changed into a pout and the glare vanished. Puppy eyes replaced it as I looked at the TV sadly.

I turned to look at Lucian. He was still staring at the door and tapping his fingers against his bicep. His legs were not crossed now and he was tapping his foot.

"Fine." I whined when he still wouldn't turn.

The foot tapping stopped and I moved forward slowly. Setting myself on his lap, I wrapped my arms around his torso, while keeping my face buried in his chest. He wouldn't be able to push me away now.

"You can't possibly be throwing a tantrum just because I didn't want to sleep," I muttered. My voice came out a little too nasal because my nose was squished.

"You can't possibly be resisting sleep when you know that's not healthy," he said. His tone was a little stern but not much.

"I slept for so long last night," I said.

"Oh? Tell me you didn't wake up once after I left," He challenged. I stayed silent. I did wake up. More than once.

"You were being mean." I can still win this.