New chapter!

I've had too much to deal with in the space of a few days. I swear I could explode with everything that's going on inside me.

The guilt, the anger, the pure rage and sadness that pours through me, every emotion under the sun I'm feeling throughout the day, and I can't deal with it much longer....

I rest my head into my palms, my hands tugging through my hair as I shake my legs up and down squeezing my eyes shut as I try to push and ignore these thoughts.

Sitting on the steps of these bleachers in the deserted playing field, the only sounds I hear is the sounds of my own heavy breathing and the slight breeze of the cold wind...

Other than that it's deadly silent...one of the reasons why I found myself here, because it'll allow myself to think without all the chaos around me.

Breathing out a a deep sigh with my head resting in my hands I try to make sense of all these thoughts swimming in my head.

I just can't get my head around it. The fact that we didn't see it...the fact that I didn't see it! Or even why Leon didn't come to one of us before it all got bad, why didn't he tell us?

Groaning to myself, I run my hands down my cheeks as I lift my head slightly up, staring down towards my feet.

Why can't everything be simple! Why do things have to turn sh*t and hurt you!

“Lexi?”

Startled by the sudden voice I suddenly sit up with a small gasp in surprise, blinking my teary eyes to come to see a figure standing, and my heart pounds as a sudden thought of who it is comes to my mind, but as they step closer I relax a little as I see the blonde hair belonging to my twin.

Sniffing, I wipe at my eyes, hugging myself with my arms as I look back to the floor.

“Leave me alone..” My voice comes out croaky as I avoid looking up to him.

Hearing him step closer, over the bench in front of me, he comes to a stop right beside me, “You need to stop telling people to do that...” He sighs, his voice sounding a little irritated as he takes a seat on the bench beside me.

“The past few days that's all we've heard Lex!” He shakes his head, “You can't keep pushing people who want to help you away..”

“Help me?” I choke out, shifting position, “How can you possibly help me?!” I sniff again, cursing myself that I can't stop these tears from falling.

Seth sighs and I lift my head looking off into the distance, wishing that I could go as far as that line where the sky meets the tops of the trees.

“If you let us, you would have be able to know” He mumbles, “Lexi, you were coopped up in your room day after day, you didn't see what the others were like...”

I swallow as I feel a sting of guilt seep up through me, knowing where he's getting at.

“You wouldn't allow us to talk to you, hearing you cry at nights...Lexi it hurt us too just as much as it hurt you.”

I squeeze my eyes shut not wanting to hear this.

“Look....I'm just saying that...I know what your feeling with Leon, I feel it to..” His voice lowers as it gets angered, “And I know what happened..was awful..and trust me, Noah is not getting away with it so lightly...” I feel myself cringe as I don't want to think of what my brothers might, or will do.

“You really do have no idea what we are all going through...”

I swallow harshly, feeling my chest tighten and wipe at a fallen tear, “I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry I caused everyone hell! I'm sorry I didn't notice what was going on with Leon! I'm sorry I got my heart torn out by someone who I thought cared!”

Breathing heavily I stand up, turning quickly and starting to walk, turning into a quick run away, along the metal benches...

“Lexi!” Seth's voice calls as I rush to the end of the bleachers, but don't get very far as a hand grabs my arm, pulling me to a stop.

“Lexi stop!”

Trying to tug my arm free as Seth pulls me a round to face him, small whimper leaving my lips as I struggle with him.

“No..no ..let go!”

“Lexi! Will you just stop!”

“No! It's my fault! My fault that he choose her over me! My fault that I believed his lies! My fault that our brother is getting bullied! My fault that I didn't notice!”

“NO! No Lexi..” Seth raises his voice to be heard over mine, “No...” He speaks quieter with a sigh, “No...it isn't your fault...” He whispers but I cut him off.

“Yes! It is! I'm the one that made him turn to someone else! He told me I wasn't what he wanted any more Seth! Do you realise that! It's my fault that I'm not!” I push at his hands as he tries to grab mine, “It's all my fault!”

“NO!” Seth's voice shouts as he manages to grab hold of my hands, “No Lexi stop! Will you listen to yourself! Who are you?!” His eyes are flared wide as he stares down to me, holding back my struggling arms, “What happened to the old Lexi huh? The one who wouldn't take no for an answer! The one who would snap back at you with something fiery and much better, the one that would argue with someone until she turns blue in the face?! What happened to that Lexi? Because this one I'm staring at right now...definitely isn't her.”

My legs start to feel weak and I drop down on the bench, covering my face with my hands as my shoulders shake, his words circling my mind and I know he's right.

Because he's not the first one to say that...

Feeling his presence sit down beside me, an arm drapes around over my shoulders pulling me close to his chest and holding me as my body shakes with these pathetic cries, trying to quiet them as best I can with burying my head in his chest.

“You need to find that Lexi back...” Seth whispers rubbing my back softly, “You need to find her Lexi..”

Struggling to control my breathing, I merely nod, not knowing if he notices or not, but I not. I forget that Seth is really the best person to try and get through to me, the person who I can always rely on for just about everything. I forget that he knows me better than anyone else

I forget that Seth is really the best person to try and get through to me, the person who I can always rely for just about everything. I forget that he knows me better than anyone. And I forget that he can read my like an open book.

Pulling away slowly, I sniffle as the last of what I've been trying to hold back since I stepped foot on the school grounds this morning has stopped, and I keep my gaze down, hating the fact Seth has just witnessed this mess, but I prefer it to be him than any of the others...

“Come on..” He speaks softly, “Let's go back inside, the bell's going to ring..” He wraps his arm over my shoulders and guides me back down the steps of the bleachers, keeping me close to him and it surprises me that even though we are twins, he's still a few inches taller and I can really see that now with being this close.

Trailing back up the path towards the school, I hear the bell echo through the air, signalling the end of lunch and I feel my shoulders tense up.

“Lexi...” Seth murmurs quietly coming to a stop and turning me to face him, “Listen to me, you can do it..” He speaks, “You can get yourself back to what you were, you can find yourself again, and I'll help you as much as I can.”

I nod my head slowly as he pulls me into one last hug, blinking my eyes I know I need to do just what he said...I need to find my old self..

Even if I'm not sure if that's what I want.

~

By the end of the school day,, I'm exhausted. Both mentally and physically. Sick of over thinking ever little thing and playing everything back in my head.

It's made me feel too drained, and as I reach my locker for the last time today, I really could do with just going home and crawling straight to bed.

And I really do plan to do just than.

However, it seems that my dad isn't just over yet, because once I turn around from my locker, my eyes set straight towards those pair of dark green ones and instantly my stomach starts to twist as my fists clench at the sight of her.

Wearing that smirk she walks along the corridor as if everything is just perfectly fine, and she hasn't just been apart of destroying my heart, oh no. she walks laughing away with some of her snobby friends.

That winds me up even more.

Unfortunately for me, those evil, snake like eyes happen to drift over and meet mine, that smirk never fading and instead a smug look covers her face.

Don't react, don't react. That's what she wants. I try to tell myself as I stand rigid, and I start to yell to myself in my head when she suddenly makes a turn and is heading towards me.

“Ah...hello Alexis!” She chirps with a gut twisting smile and it takes ever ounce in my not to rip her head of right here and now as she dares to speak my whole name.

“I have nothing to say to you.” I force out through gritted teeth as I start to turn away, that's a lie! There is so much I want to say to her.

“Oh really?” Melanie questions, tilting her head a little as I stop turning, “Didn't look like it when you were staring at me from across the corridor...” She hums, with a smirk clear in her voice.

“Oh well...I wouldn't blame you actually, for staring that is...” She trails off as she pretends to inspect her fingers, “I mean, you seem to have the same habit as that boyfriend of yours..” Oh she really is pushing it..

“Always staring, and looking...actually, that's just what he was doing Friday night...” She giggles and I can feel my eye twitch with anger, “Staring at me across the hall with those big, dark, lust-filled eyes..” She sighs dreamily, “Oh it makes me tingle! Picturing the way he was looking at me-”

“Shut up!” I growl spinning round to face her with my fists clenched and eyes narrowed to slits, “Shut. Up.” I spit.

That smirk continues to grow as her eyes flash with something and she opens her mouth again, “I was so thankful he decided to come after me...” She licks her lips, “Mm..his lips are just so soft aren't they? Mm..he's rough but loving at the same time, I just love it”

That's it. I cannot stand here without doing something to get that smug fu*king grin of her face.

Lunging forward, a growl leaves my lips as I my hands grab at her shoulders roughly, my hand swiping out before I forcefully bring it towards her, making contact with her cheek and and sharp sound making echoes down the walls.

Gasps fill the air, as well as a muffled cry coming from the blonde who is half bent over and her hands covering her cheek, staring at me with wide startled eyes.

“Are you fu*king crazy!?” Melanie shrieks, “You b*tch! You fu*king mental B*tch!” She screams, suddenly taking a lunge towards me with wide fiery eyes but I push her back by the shoulders forcefully, causing her to stumble a bit.

“Me? Crazy?” I scoff, “Have you met me?!”

She tries to swing at me again, and I block it before shoving her back aggressively more, feeling myself becoming more and more angered with every second, oh how good it feels to fight this b*tch.

Within the chaos of voices shouting, and screams....a sudden arm is wrapped tightly around me, pulling me back just as I'm about to swipe back at that skank after she tugged violently at my hair.

“Stop it! Girls stop it!” A voice booms out across the crowded halls, and at first I think it's a teacher...but when I start to feel the tingles on my skin and the swirls in my stomach, my heart drops as I come to realise who has pulled me back.

“Lexi! What the hell are you doing?!” Noah's voice shrieks from behind me, my gaze still glued and narrowed to opposite me, where Melanie has been pulled back by my brother, by Seth who looks towards me with wide eyes.

“Get off me!” I screech, fighting with his arms that are around me, not wanting him to touch me, to be anywhere near me.

“Yes! Hold her back Noah! She's fu*king crazy!” Melanie shouts, shaking Seth's arm free from around her as she glares to me, “She attacked me!!” She shrieks pointing to her bright pink cheek that I cant help but to feel proud of a little.

“I didn't attack you, you stupid b*tch!” I scoff, still wiggling in Noah's arm, “You had it coming! Walking around with that smug smile on your face all day! You had it fu*king coming you who*e!”

She gasps at my words, but I can tell....and hear that it's fake, as she widens her eyes, looking to the person behind me. “Did you hear what she just called me?!” She shrieks, “Come on, seriously! She's nuts!”

I growl, trying to push Noah away, “Let me fu*king go! Let me put my hands around her throat and squeeze!”

“Threatening now?” Her laugh meets my ears “Damn....you've just proven my point.”

Pushing at Noah's arms he suddenly yanks me back, speaking up “Stop it!” He shouts, his grip still tight, “ You two can't do this! Mel stop trying to wind her up! It's not helping! Lexi, apologise to her!”

“Oh yeah sure...just after I smash her face to the ground..” I growl scratching at his arms to let me go.

“Just do it! Or stop with the fighting before a teacher comes, or worse...your brothers..” He lowers his voice a little at the end of the sentence, so mainly I can hear which causes me to throw a harsh glare back over towards Melanie.

I know that if another of my brothers come it'll be worse than a teacher. I don't want neither to come...and actually listening to Noah...I let out a long deep sigh, muttering a fine as I stop trying to push him away and relax, well as much as I can before become tense as I'm still in his arms.

“Good...” Noah nods, his grip slowly loosening around me and he slowly pulls back hesitantly, seeing that I'm actually staying still rather than pouncing back over there..

“See...” A smirk flickers up at Melanie's lips, “He's so fierce and strong, just like when he pushed me up against that wall...but he comes out with that soft, loving side ...just like those kisses-”

“You slu+!” I growl, lunging forward again to take that b*tch down, but only manage a few steps and my fingers twisting in her hair, before an arm latches around me again, pulling be back forcefully, causing me to yank at her...before I'm pulled back fighting and yelling through the small crowd that has formed, with many curses falling from my lips to get him to let me go.

It's not until we're through the doors and stumble out into the cold air that those arms loosen around and I fall from the grip, angrily trying to get back in side but am stopped from the figure in front of me.

“Move out the way!” I scream “Move out the way and let me go back in there and let me wring her fu*king neck!”

Noah just stands there like a human shield with his arms crossed and standing tall blocking the entrance of me getting back up the few steps that lead to the door.

“Move out the fu*king way Noah!” I walk right up to him, pushing at his chest but it only causes him to wobble a little as he has balanced him self in a position to not fall over with.

“Move. Out. The. Way!” I thump his chest, getting frustrated as my thumbs die down and my head dips forward... “Move...” My voice croaks, wavering as tears fill my eyes. No, no...not again.

Taking a deep breath in, a small whimper leaving my lips, I let my body sink down and collapse onto the stone step in front of Noah's feet, burying my head into my hands as I can't stop the shake of my shoulders as a sob escapes. I can't cry again. No, no. especially no in front of him!

Angrily wiping at my eyes, I hide my face as I feel his body coming to sit down next to mine, and a weird feeling of deja vu hits me with what only happened at lunch.....gosh... I'm so, so pathetic for crying like this twice in one day.

“Lexi...” Noah's voice whispers out and I shake my head, not wanting to hear it as I haven't heard it in over two days.

“No! No, no!” I shout “Go away, go away! I don't want to talk to you!” I try to curl my body up, wanting to disappear so I don't have to go through with his.

“Lexi, please....did she get you?” He asks softly as I feel him tug at the sleeve of my coat, “Are you hurt?”

I yank my arm away from his grip, “No!...no she's to fu*king weak to cause any damage” I snap, pushing myself closer to the corner of the steps, “Just leave me alone Noah...I don't want you here..” I swallow harshly, hating that those words have hurt as I spoke them.

“I know that's a lie...” He whispers, “Lexi, please....just listen to me. We need to talk.”

“Arg...we've had this conversation before! I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses! I know what I saw! I saw it with my own god damn eyes!” I snap back, keeping my head turned away from him.

“Gosh, your so god damn stubborn Lexi...” He sighs and I picture him shaking his head, “That's something that hasn't changed..”

“Stop saying that!” I snap “Stop telling me that 'I've changed'! That's what caused this!” I wipe at my eyes again, “I don't understand why you keep bugging me, you said so yourself.... I'm not what you want any more, so why are you still sat here, talking to me and telling me to 'listen'!”

“Because I love you Lexi”

“No you don't.”

“I do. I really do. And no, I didn't mean what I said at the dance, I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did!” He sighs with a little frustration, “I just wanted to tell you that you seemed different, surely you've noticed it too....you aren't the same Lexi you were when we first met...”

I shift position, as I blink rapidly, “Yeah, well....people change..” I push myself to stand, “And if you don't like it...then your a liar because you can't love me. Loving someone means you love everything little thing about them, even if those things change, not just the few bits that you happen to like..”

I start to walk away, but of course Noah's quick to stop me with rushing to stand in front.

“I didn't say that. I never said I didn't like it, I just....argh!” He trails off, a hand running through his hair in frustration, “Lexi please, just listen to me, I can explain everything! Just please...please-”

“OI! Get away from her!” A voice suddenly breaks through the air, shouting out and I instantly feel my body tense, knowing exactly who it was.

“Are you deaf as well as plain stupid?! I said get away!” Chris comes running towards from across the school grounds, stopping a few meters away and turning to walk in a fast pace.

“You don't go near her you hear! Never!” He spits, taking my arm and yanking me towards him, sending a dirty look towards Noah, “Your lucky we're on school grounds, otherwise I would finish what I started the other night!” He growls, pulling me away as he walks back, and a frown comes to my face as I realise what he said.

What did he do the other night?!