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CHAPTER 77

Everything seems to freeze as my mind catches up with what my eyes have saw.

Noah.

Noah and Melanie.

My mind doesn't seem to register it, as I stand there feeling my heart shatter with every second I stay standing still.

No...no, no, no.

I can't breath. I can't even think straight as all I see is someone else all over the person that's supose to be mine...

“Lexi!”

A body runs into me but I don't move away, my feet seeming to be frozen but my eyes flicker towards the face of my friend.

“Lexi?! What the hell-”

Charlie's voice suddenly stops, as she sees what I see. Sees what I see just at the moment that the black figure pulls away.

“Oh my gosh...” I hear her whisper, and as I feel the stinging sensation start back up again, a sudden rush of adrenaline pulses through my veins, and as those dark brown eyes meet mine, my feet are moving once again.

Pushing past anyone in my way, I make a run for the main entrance door, bursting into the cold night air but keep running as I don't seem to feel the bitterness of it.

No, no...I just feel the breaking and weight of my heart.

I run into a railing, collapsing against it as I struggle to breath through the sobs that shake my body and I grip hold of the railing as my legs begin to feel weak and give out from under me so I know drop to the concrete floor, not even acknowledging the sharp ground scraping against my bare legs.

I hear shouts in the distance, and I squeeze my eyes shut as my chest burns. Constricting even tighter as I breath out fast gasps of air, I start to feel light headed and grip the cold railing tighter.

“Lexi! Oh god, holy sh*t, Lexi!”

A body comes to my side, and I barely just recognise it as belonging to Charlie as she crouches down to my height.

“Lexi? Lexi, it's alright...it's okay....sshh...” She coos, arms wrapping around my body as she pulls me close towards her...

But I refuse, and pull away from her hold as I grasp hold of the top railing, wobbly pulling myself up to my feet and pushing away the comfort that Charlie wants to give me..

“N-no...no...” My words manage to mumble out through the sobs that pass my lips even though I try to stop..

“LEXI?!”

I squeeze my eyes closed again as my head swirls and hurts as I hear that voice...his voice.

“Lexi! Lexi!-”

“Lex, c'mon...c'mon babe come with me..” Charlie's voice cuts of the shouts from the distance as her arm comes back around me, trying to pull me away from the railing,..

“Lexi?! Lex what's going on?!” I hear the distant call coming from one of my brother's voices and I feel my body fall against Charlie's as she practically holds me up as my legs feel too god damn shaky to even stand..

“Lexi?!” A out of breath Evan comes rushing to my side, eyes wide as he takes in my appearance, my pathetic crying mess of an appearance...

“What happened?! Lexi? Lex...” I try to hide my face from him, pushing weakly for him to move as I turn my had, stumbling out from Charlie's hold...

“You! What did you fuck*ng do!?”

My ears ring voice all the raised, shouting voices and I let slip a whimper, pushing Charlie's arms away again as she attempts to grab me..

I need to get away from here...

Pushing past Charlie my feet stumble forward as I move to get away, my feet, that are bare and haven't realised till now, hit the hard concrete as even with the feeling of my slightly wobbly legs, I push myself away, my pace gradually turning into a run...

My chest and head pound, the aching spreading from my chest to every single part of my body. It feels hard to breathe but I still push my legs forward, not wanting to go back to there.....

Coming to the school gates, I crash in to them, chocking on my sobs as I drag in strangled breathes, clutching at the metal of the gates.....Oh gosh...oh gosh, this feels like a dream. This can't be happening...no..no. I'll wake up any minute now...

“Lexi?”

My eyes snap open as a gasp leaves my lips, suddenly becoming aware of my surroundings...and aware of the fact that this is happening...

“No...” my voice mumbles out quietly as I lift my head up to see him stood there... “No, no....get away from me..” I start to turn away, pulling myself along the gate to get to the opening..

“No, no Lexi listen to me!”

A hand grabs my shoulder roughly, stopping me and turning my body around to come to face with a wide eyed, frantic looking Noah.

“Lexi please! Just listen! It wasn't what it looked liked! Lexi please just-”

“No!”

I turn my head to look at him, sick of hearing his lies, and my voice surprisingly comes out louder than I thought, cutting Noah straight off..

“No....no!” I shake my head stepping back a tiny step, “No! It wasn't what it looked liked?! Oh please Noah how stupid do you think I really fuck*ng am!?” The anger starts to boil up through my body as I let it show through my tone, “That's what everyone says! 'It's not what it looked liked', pile of fuk*ing bull$hit that I've heard my brothers say millions of times to their pathetic dates! No! No Noah your wrong! It was exactly what it looked liked!”

“No, Lexi I swear! I'm telling you, it wasn't-”

“Shut up!” My voice suddenly sparks up louder than I've heard, almost sounding like a screech that echoes out across the deserted, dark car park as I stand facing the person who is causing me to feel my heart splitting into two....

“...Stopp...stop saying that! I won't listen! All I've done is listen to you Noah! Listen to you feed me lies for the past few months! Ooh god! I'm so stupid...so, so fuk*ing stupid!” I groan, my hands tugging at my hair in anger as my mind comes overloaded by everything that Noah has said to me....everything little thing now has me asking, was it true?

“Lexi please...I'm so, so, so sorry, but please.. just-” Hearing his plead in his voice just causes me to shake my head, cutting him off as I don't want to hear any more lies.

“No! No Noah I've had it!” I shake my head wiping furiously at my eyes, with a small bitter laugh, “You told me I'm not want you want any more, hell maybe I've never been! But you know what? That's not even the part that hurts the most...” I shake my head with a half bitter smile, “The worse part is that you broke that promise....You told me you will keep the smile on my face all night...” I shake my head closing my eyes as another tear leaks through and start to turn away...

“...And I believed you..”

Not giving him another chance to open his mouth and speak,I take off running again, out through the school gate into the street, pushing my legs to move faster worried that he might decided to run after me...and I tell myself that I don't want him to do that....no, I don't want him to follow.

Slowing down as I grasp my side, my breathing coming out heavy and uneven as it's mixed with the sobs coming out my lips, my vision blurred from the tears and with no idea where I'm going, It doesn't cross my mind that I don't have anything helpful on me...

As I reach a street with the orange glow of street lights, I feel the first drop of water hitting on my bare arms. I can't work out how long I've been walking but I can now feel the sharpness of the concrete under my feet, even the chill bitter cold wind starts to get to my bare arms as everything that was once too numb to feel is now coming back and hitting me all at once....

And now the heavens have decided to drop buckets of water down from above.

And I'm pretty sure the weather is matching how I feel as the droplets of rain become heavier and more frequent around.

Great. Just classic that it decides to rain. And no, not just any usual light rain. No, it's damn right heavy flood-like rain!

Hugging my arms to my chest as in seconds I get soaked from head to toe, my hair falling, sticking to my neck and face, my dress drenched and clinging to me as goosebumps cover my entire skin.

But no...no I don't care, the coldness of the rain is now numbing everything that I don't want to feel. And I don't want the numbing to go...

A sudden blare of a horn startles me though and with lifting my head I blink my eyes squinting as a large vehicle pulls up to the side of the curb..

“Lexi!”

Hearing a familiar voice shout, I become a little panicky as to who it is, but soon as I see the familiar shape of the bus we arrived on...I see Evan standing in the opened door way as the bus slowly trickles along the side of the road..

“Lexi!” His voice sounds distant from over the sound of the pouring rain and I blink blindly as a droplet falls from my eyelashes..

“Lexi! C'mon, are you crazy!? Come, come here!”

No...but I don't want to. I want to stay here. Stay where everything is feeling numb.

“LEXI!”

I have no choice, because Evan seems to get too impaitent and he jumps from the bus, running over to me through the rain and wrapping his arm over my shoulders, “C'mon Lexi, you can't stay out here...let's get you in the warm...” He pulls my reluctant body with him towards the bus, pushing me forward in front of him as I step up the step, seeing the hired driver sitting at the wheel but I ignore the look on his face, not wanting to see the pity from others.

“C'mon, gosh Lex your freezing...” Evan murmurs from beside me, as the door closes and he comes up behind me, guiding me through the bus and I take no notice of the design of it this time, only noticing that it's eerily quiet in here with the blasting music turned off.

“God Lexi...” Evan cusses as I feel my body start to shiver as I stand staring blankly ahead, “Gosh, okay...come on...sit down...” A warmth of a fabric wraps over my shoulders as Evan moves me towards the seats at the back of the bus, a dry large coat wrapped around me as my body moves to sit, Evan coming down beside me...

“It's alright Lex...” Evan soothes into my ear as I fall into, the wetness on my checks being both my own tears and the rain, “It's okay....ssshh....”

Not used to this caring side of my brother, I keep still only allowing him to pull me towards him, my head slipping down to lay on his lap and his arm around me comfortingly, as I stare down towards the floor feeling completely motionless...

My mind starts to go blank as I lay here, not registering anything. Not when the bus pulls to a stop and hushed voices fill my ears as everyone else climbs on, all the faces that I would prefer not to see and the whole ride is practically silent, or maybe it's just my mind blocking out the voices of everyone around me...

I don't even realise the bus has stopped again until Blake whispers to me, gently helping me up from Evan as if I'm injured or ill and guiding me from the bus...but as soon as I've stepped out I shake off his hand, hating the fact they are making out as if I'm ill and need 'caring for' and before they can protest I make a bee line for our front door, running up the steps and into the house, straight up the stairs and to my room, not stopping for anything and that's where I let everything out as the chocking and aching feeling comes back and I collapse on my bed in damp and cold clothes, tangle myself up in the sheets as my body shakes with sob after sob....my chest hurting and my mind swirling...

I soon come into blackness as my body becomes drained of energy...

~~

I wake up the next morning to the sound of a door being slammed, causing me to jolt awake from my sleep, squinting my eyes groggily.

Gosh can't people learn to close doors quietly!

Groaning, I tug at my covers more, wanting to get more sleep as I feel the start of a headache coming on, pulsing gently in the back of my mind.

But as I close my eyes again, the image of last night comes to mind. The image of Noah and and Melanie flashing up in my mind as it replays everything that happens...

I was only able to forget for just a split second.

Immediately the gently pulsing in my head becomes more stronger, resulting in me to bury my head into my pillow, squeezing my eyes shut as I try to get rid of the image that's burnt into them. Trying to release some of the pain in my chest...

IT happened. It really, really happened.

And now I have to face it...

The sound of my door opening causes me to hide myself under my covers, not wanting to see anyone.

“Lexwii!”

The sound of Tom's chirpy voice pipes up and I hold back a groan.

“Lexwiii! Wakeyy up!” I feel his little body jump up onto my bed, giggling as he climbs over my body.

“Lexwwi!”

“Urgh...what Tom?” I groan out, not really in the mood for the little four year old right now

“Mommy wants you down stairs!” He bounces up and down, rocking my body as he does.

“Okayyy Tom...” I mumble, pulling the covers higher as I close my eyes shut.

“She wants you nowww Lexwii!” He continues to bounce, prodding my body to get me up.

“Alright!” I speak a bit louder but my voice still muffled from the covers, “Just stop it Tom”

“Lexwii! She wants youu! Come! Come!” He giggles, obviously finding this amusing, however he doesn't realise I don't.

“Urgh...I said stop it Tom!” I finally snap, moving to sit up with throwing him a glare, and immediately stop when I see him freeze looking to me with wide innocent eyes.

Oh god..

I let out a sigh, feeling guilt come to me for snapping at the four year old and push myself up, “Sorry Tom...” I sigh, shaking my head and force a smile to my face... “Okay...I'll be down in a minute...” I tell him, leaning over to ruffle his hair slightly as I swing my legs off of the bed and see a grin come back to Tom's face..

“Yay! I'll tell mommy!” He bounces of my bed, running across my floor back to the door and disappears.

I let out a sigh, dragging my hand through my hair and cringe at how the tangles get caught on my fingers as well as feeling some clips still in there, stuck in with hairspray.

Standing from my bed I only realise that I'm still in my dress, and since it got soaked last night, I swear I can still feel the dampness in the material.

Dragging myself across my room, I go straight to the bathroom, locking the door and hitting the shower straight away with allowing the hot water to cover my body, untangling the tangles in my hair and hoping to wash away the memories of last night....

Taking the stairs slowly, I start to feel a little nauseas of going down, of seeing their faces as don't know what to expect..

Does mom know? …. Oh gosh...No, no...

reaching the bottom floor, I tug at the sleeves of my baggy hoddy, slowly advancing towards the kitchen where I can hear voices, but they seem to be hushed and quiet.

Gulping, I enter the kitchen, keeping my gaze down as I move forward, instantly noticing how the hushed voices become silent and knowing that it's only my mom and one of my brothers in here, Blake.

Shuffling forward I avoid eye contact as I come to take a seat at the high breakfast table, biting my lip with feeling eyes on me...

“Morning darling....” My mom speaks softly, a smile sounding in her voice, “How you feeling?”

Great. She does know.

I gulp and shrug my shoulders as I find the stone top of the table more interesting and wish I never bothered coming down here. Why did Tom have to wake me up?

I hear her talk to Blake quietly, before he leaves the kitchen but not before taking a glance towards me, even though I don't meet his gaze.

“Oh honey....” My mom sighs as she makes her way towards me, standing the other side of the table, “Darling, I spoke to your brothers and Charlie....” She tells me, and that's all I need to know that she really does know. “I'm so sorry honey...I know it's hard...”

“Where is she?” I ask, keeping my eyes glued down in front of me..

“Charlie, Abby and Nathan left earlier this morning, they thought it'll be better to but will pop round later if you want...”

'Thought it'll be better to?' what does that mean? Why does it feel like everyone's walking on egg shells around me!

“Honey, I..I know you may not want to talk about it, but I'm here if you-”

“Yeah...your right” I pull my hand away as she was trying to reach across for it, “I don't want to talk about it” I push back the stool, stepping down from it and walking away towards the living room.

I don't need sympathy. I don't need pity. I don't need to be reminded of how stupid and pathetic I was.

“Lexi?”

Stopping dead in my tracks I look up to only be met with the eyes of my brothers. Oh.... I've just walked straight into the people I really don't want to see.

“Hey...Lexi, how are you?” I blink looking over to where Evan sits, eyeing me with a small frown.

“Lex?...hey...you wanna talk?” Blake now speaks up looking over to me with the look of sympathy.

A frown comes to my face, and I look over to where Chris is, seeing him sitting there with his fists and jaw clenched, staring straight ahead as if he's thinking too hard.

“Lex? Come, come on you can talk-”

“No...” I speak up darting my eyes around, “I don't want to talk!”

“It's alright....we know your upset and trust me, knowing that Noah hurt you is enough for us to rip his head off, but please tell us what happened-”

“Tell you what happened?” I laugh bitterly cutting Noah off, “You really don't know what happened?”

Seeing their hands shakes give me their answer and I scoff, trying to hold back the tears bubbling up in my eyes, “He hooked up with that blonde tart Mel right in front of me! That's what happened!” I spit out, pushing past Blake as I move to leave the room in a rush.

“He what?!” I hear Chris roar, the anger in his voice slightly frightening me as I didn't expect that and I freeze on the spot, turning to face him seeing the anger flaring in his eyes.

“That's it! I knew I should have punched him harder last night! That little f*ck isn't getting away with this...oh no! Just fuck*ng wait until I see that face, oh I swear I'll-”

“Chris!” Blake hisses cutting him off, “Shut. Up” He glares towards him as he steps to my side, a silent conversation going on between their eyes.

I stare at my brother, blinking in shock...”Y-you..you punched him?” I squeak feeling my stomach tighten at the tought.

“Did I hell!” Chris snorts shaking his head, “Of course I did Lexi! The state you were in I didn't know what to think, only that he caused it!”

I feel my heart start to pound faster, images of Chris throwing punches to Noah crushing my heart as I can see the blood stained floor in front of my eyes as we speak. Oh god..