"she is stillness in a world of chaos"

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I check my phone for what seems like the fiftieth time today and I'm disappointed once more. I texted him earlier today and he still hasn't responded. I know that sounds clingy and desperate but I'm just worried. Sterling is basically the world's fastest replier, so long as he's not at hockey practice, but even then he'll usually answer my text.

Every day we text 'good morning', without fail. Then, we let each other know what we're doing that day. It's simple but it keeps us in touch, even on the days we're too busy to see each other in person.

This morning I guess I woke up first, so I texted him. Now it's late in the afternoon and he still hasn't responded.

I know this shouldn't freak me out, but something feels wrong. I usually have a sort of sixth sense about this stuff. When something feels off to me, it always is.

I swear I'm psychic.

It's been about three weeks since Sterling's accident and he's basically back to normal. He had a concussion but the doctors said he'd be pretty much fully recovered by now. Plus, even throughout his recovery, he still texted, so I know it has nothing to do with that.

I try to ignore my lack of a response from Sterling and focus back on my school work. Obviously, that doesn't work, and in about two minutes, I'm back on my phone. This time, to ask one of the guys if they know what's up.

This probably seems like a major case of overreacting, but I don't know, my gut is telling me to just check on him.

"" I text the next fastest replier of the group.

"" Is all I get back.

""

"" Theo clearly knows about our daily texts.

""

""

""

"" Is his response.

Why is he being so cryptic? Especially considering he couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it.

""

"" He leaves it at that and I'm kind of left with more questions than answers.

While the text exchange with Theo gives me no useful information, I at least know I'm not crazy, and there actually is something wrong.

I decide to give Owen a try, he's not good with secrets either.

""

"" He jokes.

""

""

For the next half an hour I text the rest of the guys, even Daisy, asking them all what's going on. I get the same answer over and over again, telling me to ask him myself.

So that's what I decide to do.

I think about where Sterling might be. I know he isn't answering his phone and he hasn't been at the house all day. Which means, knowing him, he's probably at the gym.

Determined to figure this out and frankly pretty worried about him, I get into my car and drive over to his gym.

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I enter the relatively unfamiliar space and scan the room. Luckily, the gym is essentially empty right now so if he's here, it will be easy to find him. I begin walking around, my eyes peeled for Sterling.

My breath gets caught in my throat when I spot him, his bare back facing me as he zips up his backpack and begins walking in a direction away from me.

"Sterling!" I call out but he can't hear me with his earbuds in.

Not wanting to look like an idiot yelling across the gym with no response, I run over and tap him on the shoulder.

He stops in his place, turning around slowly, and his eyes widen as he takes me in.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, his voice a little more harsh than I'm used to.

He looks different right now. Defeated, tired, numb, almost. Yet, I can tell he's angry about something. I can see it in his eyes and the way he's carrying himself. I can tell by the subtle frown painted onto his lips and the way a wrinkle forms in between his brows from his current scowl.

"Um, you weren't answering your phone and I got worried so I texted Theo. He mentioned that he hadn't seen you today and his messages were weirdly evasive. I just assumed you would be here and something told me to check on you. So I did, and you were here, and that's why I'm here." I blab, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Well, I'm fine so go home, Laney."

I'm a little taken aback by his attitude.

"What?"

"I said I'm fine and I'm done here anyways. So, whatever, you stay and I'll leave." He turns away from me and walks into the change rooms.

Excuse me? What the fuck was that about?

He's got another thing coming if he thinks he's going to be bitchy with me and think I won't do anything about it.

Fuck that.

So, against my better judgement, I walk into the men's change room.

I open the door and immediately move my hands in front of my eyes, not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable and see people naked without their consent.

"Laney, no one else is in here." His tone is flat.

"Oh." I move my hands away from my face and my eyes re-adjust to the light.

"Are you just going to stand there while a change?" While this comment would usually be said in a joking way followed by a cocky smile, this time it's delivered plainly and with a hint of annoyance.

"Well, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on, so if it takes that long, I guess so."

Sterling just ruffles through his bag, picking out a shirt and pulling it over his head. "Suit yourself."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Did I do something to you? Why are you being so rude?"

I'm met with complete silence.

"Sterling?"

Silence, again.

"Please don't push me away. I want to help but I can't do that if I don't know what's going on."

Still nothing. He just turns away from me and looks through his locker.

I'm trying not to take his cold-shoulder personally, it's clear there's something going on with him right now.

"I'm here for you, I will always be here for you. But what am I supposed to do when you get like this? Non-responsive and aloof."

I watch as his back muscles tense at my words. His movements slow and I can tell I'm getting through to him. So, I keep taking.

"I can't do this, Sterling. I can't watch the person I lo– you, go through something that's clearly hurting them alone. I won't."

Shit, that was close.

Just when I'm about to give up, he says something. "It's not you, Laney. I'm sorry." He sighs.

"I know, Sterling." He turns around and our eyes meet for the first time today. My heart almost breaks when I take him in. He looks smaller right now, somehow, and his eyes are slightly red, presumably from crying.

"It's my dad. He's getting remarried." He lets me in.

"To Nancy?" He nods his head yes. "I'm sorry, Sterling. That's got to be so hard. But I thought you liked Nancy and knew how serious their relationship was." I'm struggling to find what has him so upset. Don't get me wrong, I can't imagine how overwhelming it would be to watch your dad move on after everything. But Sterling is strong, so so strong, there's got to be something bigger at play.

"It's not just that." Sterling almost whispers, confirming my suspicions.

"Well, then what is it?"

"He told me today of all days. My mom died 5 years ago today. I mean, what kind of insensitive bastard tells his son he's getting remarried on the anniversary of his mom's death."

"God, Sterling. I'm so so sorry." I walk closer to him and comfortingly cup his face with one of my hands.

"I– I just don't know how to do this. I know I need to be strong for Charlotte, and I love Nancy, I do, and I'm happy for my dad. But I don't know if I can do this shit. Moving on. I can't help but feel like I'm betraying my mom in a way."

I don't say anything, I just let him talk. Let him rant and figure out his feelings. He needs this. He bottles up his emotions, never letting himself deal with whatever is bothering him.

A single tear rolls down his cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb.

"The wedding is in a week, you know."

I take a deep breath in, sort of in shock.

Talk about no warning.

"Let me come with you. Let me be there for you. Let me help you through it," I offer, not fully sure if that was the right thing to do.

His eyes find my own and his brows furrow. "Really? You'd do that?"

"If you want me to, of course I would. Sterling, you need to get it through your head. I would do anything for you."

He musters up a smile for me and takes both my hands in his. He kisses them quickly and pulls me in for a hug. "I want you to," he whispers into the crook of my neck. "Thank you, love."

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Ok so apparently I can only find motivation for short chapters right now. I know short chapters are the worst but I don't want to take breaks from posting and this length is allowing me to do that.

I promise I'm not just leading you all on, things are happening soon.

Also, can I just say a huge thank you to all the Delaneys/Laneys. One of my tiktoks blew up and I owe that to the hundreds of comments excited that I used their name. Delaney is probably my favourite name in the entire world, hence why I used it for this character.

Question of the chapter: Do you like your name?

Please vote and comment!

Stay safe and healthy besties!