《Homeward Bound Part One: An Unexpected Journey》Chapter Thirty

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Bilba crouched near Kili, watching him as he continued to try and repair his bow. She felt as badly as he did. She'd come to enjoy archery and had hoped to learn more on their trip.

"Is he still staring at you?" Kili asked in a low whisper.

Bilba risked a look across the clearing to where Radagast was seated huffily on a rock. She hadn't known there was a way to sit huffily but the wizard had clearly found one.

She rolled her eyes and focused on the bow again. Kili had been the one to drag her away under pretense of helping him. In reality he was apparently convinced she was mere seconds away from being transformed into something...unnatural.

Bilba had asked him what he meant by unnatural but he'd just repeated it in a hushed voice as though she should magically know what it meant.

Seeing as how she was still happy over the not-being-dead thing she let it slide.

Radagast was still glaring off into the distance and, really, did he have to be so thin skinned? All she had done was ask why he couldn't call the eagles back.

"They are not pack animals, Miss Baggins."

"I never said they were. I just don't understand why they can't come back. They came before."

"That's because the others were in danger."

"We're still in danger! The orcs could come back at any minute! I don't understand why they can't just come get us and fly us to Erebor like they were planning too."

"They would never have flown us all the way to Erebor, probably only halfway at best."

"......why?"

"As I said--"

"I got it, they're not pack animals. Why does flying us halfway make them not pack animals but flying us ALL the way does?"

"I believe they wish to avoid humans. They do not wish to endanger themselves."

".........................So they flew down onto a cliff with orcs and fire and wargs and attacked them? What if the orcs had archers? Or what if they'd attacked the eagles when they swooped in low to pick up some of the others?"

By that time Radagast had been turning a rather interesting shade of purple and she'd been dragged away by Kili moments later.

So, in short, she was pretty sure that meant they were walking.

She looked around at the various battered and bruised forms of the dwarves, Balin leaning on his makeshift crutch as though it was all that was keeping him upright and Thorin swaying slightly from side to side as he spoke with Dwalin.

Correction, it meant they would be stumbling, hobbling and limping...slowly...and with frequent pauses.

She sighed and focused back on Kili again. The bow was hopelessly broken so it was an exercise in futility but she could at least give him moral support.

Footsteps crunched across the dirt and Fili knelt on her other side. He raised an eyebrow at her and she shook her head. It was possible they'd have to hold an actual burial for the bow in order to get Kili to let go of it.

Speaking of letting go of things.

"I lost your knife," she told Fili, "it must have fallen off when we went down the slide thing."

He shrugged, "no problem." He shifted, his hand going behind his back. When it came back, he was holding a nearly identical sheath and knife. He grinned at her.

"It was a set."

He handed it to her and Bilba almost hugged him as she settled it into its place, hooked on her belt behind her back.

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"Can we practice more while we travel?" She asked him.

"Of course," he replied.

He started to say more only to cut off as shadows fell over them.

Bilba looked up to see Thorin and Dwalin standing over them. Both had the oddest expressions on their faces.

"Bilba," Thorin said slowly, "Dwalin informs me he did not kill the orcs or wargs and he does not know what happened to Azog."

Bilba gave him an incredulous look. "Why would you think he would know that?"

Thorin frowned. "I lost consciousness. When I regained it they were either dead or gone entirely. I assumed the others had arrived and dealt with them."

"That would have been nice," Bilba said, "and awfully convenient."

Fili and Kili were both staring at her now and Bilba looked back in confusion. "What?"

"When we arrived," Fili said slowly, "the orcs and wargs were dead--"

"Mostly dead," Bilba corrected, "some of them got away."

"Mostly dead," Fili agreed, his expression disbelieving. "Uncle was unconscious and you were on the ground by his side. We assumed he had killed the creatures and then lost consciousness just before we arrived."

"Also would have been nice," Bilba said, "and equally convenient."

It occurred to her that almost the entire Company was now standing in a loose circle around her, staring at her with various stunned expressions on their faces.

"Bilba," Thorin said, "what happened to Azog?"

Bilba told him.

After she was finished the dwarves simply stared at her, for a really long time. Even Radagast, who'd come closer as she started talking was simply staring at her.

Thorin finally broke the silence. "You....how did....what--"

"Magic ring," Bilba said, "remember?"

Radagast frowned, "magic ring?"

"We found it in the caves," Bilba said, purposefully keeping her mind away from OTHER things that had happened in the caves, "it makes you invisible, comes in handy when getting attacked by orcs." Her eyes narrowed at Thorin, "speaking of which, I'm STILL mad at you!"

"That's right," Fili said, looking at his Uncle. "What was she talking about anyway about you flinging yourself into Azog's arms?"

Thorin sputtered, his face reddening. "I did NOT throw myself into his arms."

"Pretty much did," Bilba said. "It was very sweet, right up until his mace connected with your face. Was that his way of saying he was happy to see you?"

Thorin looked downright apoplectic. Dwalin rounded on him, demanding an explanation and, soon, almost the entire Company was railing at their King over his colossal stupidity.

"Well done," Kili murmured next to her.

Bilba grinned at him. She'd gotten their attention off her and the ring and gotten Thorin in trouble all at the same time.

Radagast was still studying her, a curious expression on his face, but she ignored him. The ring was hers; he could go find his own.

She refocused on Kili's bow and pointed out an area where she thought maybe he could salvage some of the wood at least.

The rest of the Company continued to yell at Thorin.

Again. They had already yelled at him over her implying he'd been an idiot. Now that they knew beyond a doubt it was time for round two.

Bilba smiled.

All was right with the world.

* * *

In the end, as she'd suspected, they walked.

Their group was a sorry sight trudging across the landscape. All of them were bruised and battered and a number limped or needed frequent stops.

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Dwalin and the Ri's had lost all of their armor to the goblins, boots included. Dwalin had managed to reclaim his axes and carried them in both hands, refusing to put them down regardless of how heavy they had to have been.

They'd also lost their packs as had Bilba and Thorin. Bilba mourned the loss of her sketchpad and the nearly finished drawing of Fili, not that she'd had any time to work on it, but was doubly glad she hadn't brought her parent's rings or Bungo's doll with her.

The others still had their supplies and packs but much had been lost or damaged in the fall. That slowed them down even more as they had to stop frequently to hunt for food or water.

Bilba had worried they'd show up in Lake-town crawling on their hands and knees but Radagast had announced he had a friend who might be willing to help them. Said friend was at least a three week journey away but at least he would be closer than Lake-town. Thorin wouldn't even consider the idea of asking the elves in Mirkwood for help.

So they set out.

Bilba found quickly that the dwarves had not been distracted from her actions as much as she'd thought. She soon found herself swamped by every member of the Company, all of whom wanted detailed descriptions of what had happened after she and Thorin had fallen.

She stumbled over telling it as she found there was little of the experience she WANTED to tell. There was no reason at all, for instance, to describe Thorin's devastation to his friends and family and she found herself glossing over it and leaving it purposefully vague. When it came to the part where she left she told it as Thorin going with her immediately, taking the lead and guiding her out. As she spoke she caught Thorin studying her, a look of unmistakable gratitude in his eyes. She gave him a slight smile in return and continued, leaving out completely anything...interesting...that happened in the tunnels and simply skipping straight to leaving and running into Azog.

Somewhat to her surprise she found herself at the center of a massive amount of praise and appreciation. Dwalin and Fili immediately started boasting of how she was their student, a fact she was grateful for as she fully intended to continue.

As the praise continued to flow, however, Bilba felt something begin to change inside her. She thought over what she'd done...and felt pride. More than that, however, she felt confidence. It was small, just a spark, but the feeling that spread through her was warm and so much better than the dark thoughts she normally carried about herself.

It was probably that newfound confidence that caused her to make the decision to speak to Thorin as soon as possible, instead of putting it off or letting him come to her as she'd originally planned.

She waited for the evening, after their meager dinner had been eaten and the others were falling asleep. Thorin, as always, took first watch, seating himself under a tree and quickly becoming lost to darkness as night fell.

Bilba huddled near the back, farther from the fire than she'd wished but she hadn't wanted to speak to anyone. As the day had gone on she'd found her little spark of confidence waxing and waning. It was a new thing after all and very fragile and she had years of negative thoughts and emotions that were more than happy to snuff it out at a moment's notice.

The others fell asleep slowly. So slowly in fact she half wanted to go yell at them to hurry it up. Finally, however, the last of them slept and there was nothing but the soft snoring and occasional movements as they settled in for the night.

Bilba had her knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around them, fingers digging into her calves.

Okay, Bilba, she told herself. Now is your chance, go talk to him.

She didn't move.

Come ON, she mentally ordered herself. This is what you've been waiting for. Just GO TALK TO HIM.

Still her body stubbornly refused to move, content to sit where it was and absolutely NOT go speak to Thorin Oakenshield for any reason.

It was fortunate, therefore, that he decided to come talk to her.

She saw him the second he stood up and began to move toward her and it was patently unfair that he looked so amazing in firelight, and any other light for that matter. Her stomach began to flutter and Bilbo took a deep breath.

He settled down next to her, his eyes staring out into the fire. It reminded her of the talk they'd had before taking the pass, before everything had gone so utterly wrong.

"I imagine you wish to talk," Thorin said shortly, his voice low. He continued to look ahead, his hands on his knees. His body was stiff and Bilba wondered if his ribs, cracked after being used as a warg chew toy, pained him.

Bilba steeled herself. She had already decided she would be adult about this, she would.

She reached inside the collar of her jacket and drew out the thick chain with the ring dangling on the end of it. She felt the loss immediately, the ring no longer a solid weight on her breastbone.

"I imagine you want this back."

She kept her own eyes fixed forward and, as such, it took a few moments to become aware of his gaze boring into the side of her head. She looked and saw him studying her, his eyes unreadable.

"Only if you wish to give it."

Bilba blinked. She opened her mouth and then closed it as words literally would not come out. Finally she managed a confused, "what?"

He sighed. "I would understand if you did of course. You accepted because of my situation and, now that it's changed--"

"Wait," Bilba said, "are you saying you think I accepted out of pity?"

Thorin's expression went flat though Bilba could see one of his hands clenched into a tight fist on his thigh. "Did you not? You hadn't thought of me in that sense before that time and then--"

"I thought of you in that sense from the moment I saw you," Bilba blurted and then immediately flushed in embarrassment, her eyes going to her hands. Thorin went quiet, his entire body still. The only reaction at all was a slight widening of his eyes.

Bilba felt her nerves taking over, her heart fluttering wildly in her chest and she struggled to control it. "I mean I wouldn't say I was in LOVE with you. I didn't even know you and you were pretty obnoxious...still are sometimes..."

Thorin made a noise that sounded like a snort and Bilba felt her lips tug in a small smile. "I never saw you in the same light as anyone else though. You always stood apart."

"As did you," Thorin said; his voice nearly inaudible. "From the moment you opened your front door. I didn't realize what it was I was starting to feel, however, until Rivendell--"

"Rivendell?" Bilba said in surprise. "I'm beginning to think you may be a masochist, Thorin Oakenshield. You noticed me when I opened my door, after which I slapped you and then in Rivendell where, if I recall correctly, we had a rather intense disagreement."

He laughed. It was not something he did often and Bilba felt a warm feeling of happiness spread through her at the sound.

"Indeed," he agreed. "Perhaps it's simply the fact that you aren't afraid of me, you call me out on my...obnoxiousness as you say. You challenge me to be better."

He was quiet another moment and then suddenly turned and leaned into her, bringing his face mere inches from hers.

"Perhaps it is also because you simply see me as Thorin and no one else."

Bilba gave a small laugh of her own and leaned in the last few inches, resting her forehead against his. "And who else would I see you as if not yourself?"

He kissed her, gently, with none of the desperation or despair from back in the tunnels. Bilba reached up and slid a hand into his hair, pressing into the kiss.

This...this was not what she'd expected.

Bilba broke the kiss first and moved her head back just enough to stare into his eyes.

"I thought...since you hadn't said anything before...and you thought everyone was dead...and--"

"None of it changed the way I felt," Thorin said, "rather it just made me more apt to try and seize what I had right in front of me rather than wait and risk it being taken from me." He looked down. "I felt very--"

"Selfish," Bilba whispered. "I felt selfish."

He nodded. "As did I."

Bilba chewed on her lower lip, considering. "Would you have spoken to me if...all that...hadn't happened?"

"I do not know," Thorin responded truthfully. "There are many...difficulties."

Bilba nodded. She knew it well. Thorin was royalty, she was not. She doubted any relationship between them would be welcomed by anyone outside their Company. Not to mention the complication that they weren't even the same species.

Then there was the fact she had the Shire and Bag End while he, if successful, would have Erebor. The two locations weren't exactly close.

"We don't even know each other outside of this quest," she said. "Who's to say we'd even like one another under normal circumstances?"

Thorin's response was to kiss her again, lightly. "It's possible," he agreed.

"And then there's the fact I couldn't bear you children," Bilba said, "I'm a child of Eru. You're a child of Mahal. You would never have heirs."

He kissed her again and gave a slight shrug. "I already have heirs. You seem quite fond of them."

Bilba rolled her eyes. Apparently she wasn't the only one deliriously happy over the others being alive.

She sighed and looked out over their sleeping forms, her eyes lingering on Balin. He'd lost his wife in Erebor and now faced the rest of his life with no one at his side.

She was young for a Hobbit, only thirty, but, at best, she'd have about seventy years left. Thorin had hundreds left. If he chose her that was it, there would be no one else for as long as he lived.

His eyes followed hers, lingering on the form of his closest advisor.

"Are you sure?" Bilba whispered.

"I am," he responded, his voice firm.

"We'll take it slow," Bilba said, almost to herself. "There's no rush and the middle of a quest isn't the best time for a relationship anyway."

He kissed her again. "Agreed," his voice rumbled next to her ear and she shivered.

"And we won't tell the rest of the Company," Bilba said, "that way, just in case one of us changes their mind--" And by that she meant him because SHE certainly wouldn't be but she felt it fair to give him the option just in case he still wasn't fully in his right mind yet, "then we won't have to deal with any fallout or embarrassment from them knowing."

Again his lips met hers and she was pretty sure he was trying to distract her. She was also pretty sure he was succeeding quite spectacularly. "Agreed."

Bilba continued to study the Company, her mind running through the long list of why any sort of romantic relationship with Thorin Oakenshield constituted a Very Bad Idea.

She sighed. "We're both idiots."

"Agreed."

Then he kissed her again and she didn't care anymore.

* * *

The next three weeks were spent trudging through the wilderness.

Bilba spent the time training.

She fought with all of them, even Thorin, learning the ins and outs of fighting against opponents who were different sizes and shapes and who possessed different fighting styles. She fought with them as they walked so she could have experience fighting while moving and over different terrains. She fought with many or all of them against her and fought with some of them on her side against the others. As Dwalin explained she couldn't always expect to fight one on one or in a situation like with Azog where everyone was her enemy. There could very well come a time when she would find herself fighting alongside others against a common foe and, in those cases, it was vitally important she be able to tell friend from foe instantly.

All of them still seemed stunned by what had happened with Azog and were eager to help her so that, next time, if there ever was one, she could do more than just stab him in the stomach.

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