Life kinda sucks

You know when you do something with out really thinking and then it comes back to eat you up

Well that's what is happening right now

People always think that just because I drive dance cars and own dance clothes my life would be perfect. Well it's not

I was alone most my life and when you turn 30 you think it's over. Now I am standing here at 38 and I'm not alone yet

An has been brought back to the front of my brain and I wrecked my dinning table out of rage. I sent my assistant home hours ago and I have been standing looking down the New York City from my penthouse all day. Just standing and staring at the small people think how much easier there life would be but then again everyone thinks I have the perfect life

It was now dark and I could hear someone enter my pent house. Cosmo. My only friend and also my assistant. "Didn't I tell you to leave" I say not turning around

"I brought you someone" I turn around to find Cobie my...well I don't really know what we are. We have been on a few dates but I don't know.

"Please leave before I do something stupid" I say as Cosmo turn around but Cobie walks closer. "Please. I don't want to hurt you"

"You would never" She say stroking my cheek as she faces me her back to the city. "Now tell me what's going on. Cosmo called and said he was worried about you" She say not moving her hand

"I can't"

"I won't judge. You know that"

"You swear you won't be scared of me"

"I could never" She say with the softest look in her eye

"Well it was a few years ago. When I was 12 to be exact...

...my dad was screaming at me like always. Just because I cut a piece of wood wrong. "I never wanted a girl. I wanted a boy who could help me. Who could stand up for himself" The screaming went on. This was something daily

The next day came I walked to school. Something I don't like doing but I don't really have a choice. I was then walking home that day. A boy probably two or three years older stopped me. "What you got in the bag princess. Hand it over" Of course I didn't hand it over so he forcefully took it and gave me a beating

I walked home limping. My mom was always so kind and helped me. She iced my eye and patched me up but when dad walked through the door he stopped. "Did you get beaten up again" I just slowly nodes scared of what would happen next. "Who did it?!" I didn't answer. "Who did it!?!" He asked again

I mumbled an answer. "Speak up kid!!" He yelled

"Calm down Jonny" My mother tried to calm him down but he didn't listen he just slapped her arm away and grabbed me. "Nick Young"

"Grab your coat. NOW" And so I flowed him til the young house. Nick was out playing soccer on their porch and my dad grabbed his attention and started asking if he beat me up

Before I could think was on the ground in front of my dad who waved me over. "Lock at this" He then kicked him in the stomach. "Now you do the same" I hesitate but kicked my lightly. "Harder!"

I did it again with a bit of force. "Harder!" I didn't want my dad yelling at me so I hit in full force. "Now do it again" And so I did. "Again" He continued to tell me to do it again until Nick was unconscious and had blood covering a big part of his body

He then dragged me home and sat me down in front of our uneven orange wall. "Now you stare at the and think about what kinda person you want to be" He was about to leave the room when my mom spoke up. "She is 12. She shouldn't sit there"

"She does as she is told" My mom kept protesting until he started hitting her with his belt. I could hear it just a few feet behind me. My mom pleading for help. A couldn't take. I got up and grabbed a hammer form the day before and hit him. Again and again and again. Just like he had told me. I didn't stopped until my mom pulled me of my now dead father. We then spent the next week throwing parts of his body in the river

A few tears leva my eyes she see tries to stop them. "You were protecting your mother"

"I killed him and I haven't had any shame about it until last week"

"And why is that"

"Because I want to be a good woman to you. But how can I" I tried to hold my tears back

"People change you know. I know you take part of some weird business probably illegal but you treat me with nothing but greatness so please stop blaming yourself. You should remember that you saved your mother" She light pecked my lips as I looked down

She brought my chin back up so I could look at her. "Now please fix the table it doesn't look to good with the neat apartment" She said smiling at me making a small smile creep up on my face

God she is doing thinks to me no one has ever done before.