(Devon's POV)

Everybody has a chapter in their lives they don't read aloud, right? I have one, everybody probably has one. If not- then you haven't experienced it yet.

I'm not going to say aloud, but I'll write about it. It hasn't even crossed my mind until today.

People wonder why I went lesbian, right? I simply said I was attracted to girls more then boys. Dead wrong. I mean, it's true, but that's not the reason.

I was in a relationship with a boy, named Drew. Drew was a kind nice guy, handsome and he just seemed, perfect. He was my best friend at first. He stuck with me all through elementary school till 7th grade.

We started dating in the middle of summer after 7th grade. He asked me out on a date, we went on about 2 or 3 until he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, of course. I mean- who wouldn't go out with a hot, romantic guy?

Anyways, in 9th grade- we were still dating. We were a strong couple. He wanted to have sex, he wanted to take my virginity. I said no, but he kept pushing and pushing.

He stopped asking, but took me to a party. Me being stupid, not realizing what he was going to do, said yes.

So I snuck out that night, quietly walking out of the house, trying not to wake my parents up. I got to the party with Drew

We danced, we kissed, we made out, we got drunk and all of that. But one slip up, one tiny mistake. I got too drunk.

Drew took advantage of me. I kicked and screamed for him to let me go. He gagged me. He fucking gagged me.

He tried to rape me, but someone came in. That someone was a girl, a senior to be specific. Tall and beautiful, slender and she just looked beautiful.

She looked shock for a moment, but then registered what was happening by the tears on my face and the rag in my mouth.

She practically killed the guy while I was in a ball crying. She left Drew on the floor and comforted me. Her name was Sylvia. We became best friends even though she was a senior. I grew feelings for her, denying them at first.

And you know how I said Alex was my first love? I was lying.

Sylvia was. I told her about my feelings, she felt the same way. But you wanna know the one fucking thing she didn't tell me?

She had cancer. Cancer. She had fucking cancer.

In the middle of summer in junior year for me, she died. I spent those last few breaths with her. Those last few seconds. I kissed her one last time. I kissed her with so much passion. My parent's weren't there, they were out- not caring about me.

I cried and cried when she was gone. I went through depression.

That's how I knew I was lesbian. By Sylvia. God, I still love her. And when we visit my home town, Virginia, I'm going to her grave.

I haven't been there in a long time, but I'm changing that.

I close my notebook with tears silently falling down my face.

Sylvia was my first love. She was beautiful.

I sigh and hop out of my bunk, putting the notebook under my pillow.

I put on black skinny jeans, a black tank-top, my leather jacket and combat boots. I pop the collar to my leather jacket so it covers my 'Alex' tattoo.

I run a hand through my hair, making it messy. I grab my phone, putting it in my back pocket. I wipe my tears away once more.

I put on a fake smile as I walk into the lounge. I sit down next to Alex, who is making out with Jamie. Do I care? Yes. Am I going to show it? Nope.

I scroll through my Twitter feed, reading some nice comments from the fans. I then go onto my photo album, looking at the photo's. I uploaded all of my old pictures onto my new phone.

I stop at a photo of Sylvia. Her parents took it. They were the only one who knew about me being lesbian at the time. Yes- we didn't show our relationship at school. But we did sneak around, which made it hotter.

In the picture, we were at the park, cuddling on the blanket. Our nose's were touching, along with our forehead. Sylvia had big brown eyes and long brown eyes.

This had to be my favorite picture of us.

"When are we going to Virginia?" I ask no one in particular, looking down at my phone.

"We're on our way there, actually." Ryan informs me. "Why?"

"No reason." I mutter, scrolling through more pictures of Sylvia and I. I stop at the one where she was in the hospital bed. Again- we were cuddling in her bed.

In fact, that was the day she died. God, that was a good and bad day. It was a great day because we laughed, joked and cuddled. It was bad because- well, she kicked the bucket.

"Whose that?" Alex asks, startling me.

"Uh-no one." I respond, putting my phone away. I think the only person that knows about Sylvia is Skylar.

I look at Skylar, then back down. Once Alex stops looking at my phone, I take it back out. I open the photo's again.

As I'm looking through them, I didn't even notice Skylar sit next to me.

"Why are you looking at her again?" Skylar asks me in a soft voice.

"I don't know," I sigh. "I just thought about her again. I'm going to go visit her when we get to Virginia."

"Do you miss her?" Skylar asks.

"How could I not? She was there for me, Sky. She protected me from Drew." I silently laugh.

"Why don't you ever tell anyone else about her?" Skylar asks out of curiosity.

"Because," I hesitate. "Because she's mine. She'll always be mine. She was my first love, Sky."

~~~

I sit down at Sylvia's grave, saying nothing.

"Hey," I start. "Sorry I haven't been here in..awhile. I've been busy, you know?" I silently laugh. "I miss you. I miss us. I've been through a lot. I wonder what it's like up there."

I wait for a response, but like always, there isn't one.

"I found another person that I love," I sigh. "I don't know if she loves me back, though. I mean- we took a break, actually, we're still on a break. I love her, I haven't moved on from her. She's with another person though." I wipe my tears away.

"I need you, Sylvia." I sob out. "I need you to protect me again. Protect me from all the harm in this world."

"I fucking miss you." I whisper as I crawl up into the ball, leaning against her tomb.

I start to close my eyes, falling asleep.

"I loved you, but I've moved on. But I'm staying here tonight."

~~~

was a filler chapter..kind of.

some back round about Devon.

~Gracie