Still don't understand how we got to this point, everything with everyone did a 360. The one person I love more than anybody is hurting for my personal decisions, it's hurting me even more that he is actually putting me through this. That day my dad left to clear his mind after coming to terms with the whole pregnancy then having already duke it out with Chris, he's been really cold towards me ever since. First couple of days he said nothing to me, no how you doing, are you okay, or I'm here if you want to talk, nothing! But I kept trying knowing he could never stay mad at me, finally I was able to push a couple words out of him but he would always respond in short answers and never once looked me in the eye. He pretty much stayed away from me, the expression on his face said it all.

Why the fuck would he be mad at me is what I don't understand, he never liked Chris because of the domestic violence case. I thought differently of him too, just in shock but I was there for him. Chris would never in his life hit me and if he does I swear he will never see his kids again, take me to court I don't care. Any nigga that try to put his hands on me then thats his life, fuck with me if you want to!

No matter what I'll always be a daddy's girl, to have him so angry with me isn't making this situation any better.

"I got tickets to the game tonight, you want to go?"

He looked at me like he wanted to say yes, "No."

"Why? You're favorite team is playing tonight, I had to work hard to get these tickets they're court side."

"No," he said holding the news paper higher so it blocked my view of him.

I shook my head walking out of the kitchen, I thought about taking Mijo but I wouldn't be able to get into the game with him. I asked Ryan instead, he was happy to go and even reimbursed me for his ticket. Course camera men were across the way taking pictures, I didn't care just as long as they ain't got my face.

"Fuck is going on, refs fucking up the game with these bullshit calls!" Ryan stood up and said.

I laughed. "Ain't no way in hell that's allowed, you got a bullshit player on the court. His ass missed half his free throws."

"It's only 20 - 28, my team going to catch up watch." He smiled.

"The hell they are, we got this game on lock!Y'all can kiss the play offs goodbye."

"You want to bet on that?"

I smiled, "What you got?"

"My team win you let me take you on a legit date. No kids just us, no funny business either."

I smiled. "Alright I can handle that, but if I win then you have to buy me something over $100.00 dollars."

"Bet! I'll be able to keep my money in the bank and wine and dine you." He said with a smile as we shook on it.

End of it game it was 33 - 30, he won I owe him a innocent date like I promised. As we were leaving cameras flashed left in right, it was irritating so I stuck the middle finger up as Ryan held my hand while we made our way to the car. Once I got in the house I found my dad watching replays of the game that just came from.

"You wouldn't have to have sit home watching the game if you would have came with me."

"Nah."

"I'm saying daddy, I put in over time to get these tickets just for you and you shoot me down. Why are you so cold towards me?"

"Why, you fucked up Brielle."

"How the did I fuck up daddy? I didn't ask for none of this."

He paced trying to blow off steam but he unleashed a side of him I never seen, he yelled. "You throwing your fucking life away for this punk ass dude, look at you. Your pregnant again, no damn ring on your finger, and you still ended up back home.

I looked at him like he was crazy and yelled right back. "This baby wasn't planned daddy things happen by accident, sorry I couldn't make your dream of having a supporting man with a real job and married before getting knocked up. But I'm doing pretty good for myself considering I have a great paying job, someone who is dying to love me, and a son that loves me no matter what I do. If you didn't want us here all you had to do was say so, I was wrong for thinking I could count on my own parents to help me through this rough time." I said walking towards the stairs but I had one more thing to say. "Did you even once think about how Chris makes me feel though and the things he does for me? I may not be married but I've been faithful to one guy throughout everything and still managed to graduate college and get a job all before Mijo was born."

I packed our things and left, Mijo was with Chris's mom I felt bad about taking him from her but I didn't want anybody to know I was staying in a hotel with him.

"Mommy why are sleeping here?"

"Were on an adventure baby, you having fun yet?

"No."

I laughed weakly "Sorry kiddo."

"What you putting in your mouth?"

"Vitamins."

"Flintstones vitamins momma?"

I smiled. "No, these are for baby so it can be strong and smart like you."

"It will never be smart like me."

I laughed "How do you say My Love in Spanish?"

"Mi amor!"

"What's 2 x 2?"

"4."

"What does your name mean in English?"

"My son."

"What's the rest of it?"

"Christopher Maurice Brown!"

"Who mean the world to me?"

"I do!" He said pouncing on me.

I picked him up and hoisted him in the air. "That's right, very good! My baby so smart!"

He laughed and giggled, "I'm smarter than you mommy."

"I don't know about all that now," I said putting him down on the bed.

When Brielle and I talked that night, I thought everything was going to be a bit easier on me. Till I seen her with that nigga whatever the fuck his name is holding hands and shit. Guess that means she made up her mind or something what the fuck is going on?

"I'll pick him up after you're done with him, just text me." Brielle said dropping him off.

"Why can't I just bring him to you?"

"I'll be out so I might as well come by."

"Out with that dude?"

"Mijo go play," I said waiting for him to disappear out of site. "Fuck is your problem? Did I ask you what one of those bitch friends was you out with? Excuse me I apologize our definitions of friends are completely different!For your information no I'm not going to be with him you, aight with that now?"

"Brielle if we moving somewhere with this what the hell am I suppose to think when I see you getting close with another nigga?"

"I never said I was doing anything with you! You don't know shit about that night, what you do now in your personal time is your business. Don't have my son caught up in your shit."

"You trying to see other people or what?"

"Do what you feel, I don't see how it's been stopping you now." Brielle threw shade before walking out the door.

"Mijo come here!

"I didn't do it daddy!"

"Who is Ryan?"

"Mommy friend."

"You sure?"

"Yes, he's give me ice cream."

"What you and mommy do this week?"

"Had an adventure!"

"Where at?"

"A hotel, I don't like it there. When are you going to get all the monsters out so we can come home?"

"Wait, why was you at a hotel?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I dunno daddy."

I took Mijo to Chuck E Cheese then to the mall to get him some clothes and sneakers, we returned home and I shaped him up a bit after he ate. After all that, he was out like a light.

"Where is he?"

"Sleeping, what is this about you staying at a hotel?"

"Chris not now, can you just go get him?"

"Nah he's fine where he's at, why the hell you got my son sleeping at a hotel?"

"I got into a fight with my dad so I left, I'm just trying to get away from the negativity. You know how close I am with him, he said something's that I took into offense."

"Why can't you just stay here, you know you could come back."

"Mijo can stay but I can't."

"What happens when your money runs out, you can't wait on your paycheck?"

"I'll be fine."

"Just come home."

She thought about it for a while, she wanted to say no but knew it would be a waste to stay there. "Alright, alright. I'm not sleeping upstairs don't look for anything out of this."

Brielle said this would be temporary but I know she staying for good. Now she barely looks me in the eye, and for the most part she tries her best to stay out my way. Starting to think now we really not getting back together, I wish I could have told her that night. It really was nasty and fucked up of me to have sex with her right after I had sex with Jasmine. I should have just walked away. Now I don't know what I'm walking into.

It's hard to comprehend exactly what I'm feeling. Between the news of my unborn, my father deeply hurt over something he can't control, and not being with Chris is difficult to put turn into words. The separation is needed to figure out what needs to changed between us, supposedly my temper is one. But you would blow up too if the man you gave your everything to had sex with another woman to save his career. Not tell you, but fuck you the exact same night like nothing. Really though that was a bullshit move he made, it was selfish and stupid of him and I'll just leave it at that. I don't want to talk about it anymore it hurts inside when I think about it.

By chance if I do decide that I'm ready to go back, there's one thing I want to happen, I want to fall in love all over again. I want to feel the same way I used to feel in the beginning stages of us getting together. The fear of taking that dive, the experiences we shared, and the anxious feeling of something new and unexpected to come. I want to make sure everything will be solid between us, I want to stay in love and never fall out. Those videos and poems I made wasn't to bash him, it was expressing how I was feeling at the time I didn't tell him about it because I wanted to see a change without enforcing it. The thing is though, Chris is the first guy and the only guy that I've been this deeply involved with, for him to cut me like this is really what's taken a toll on me.

"Mommy we're home now, daddy got all the monsters!

"He did!"

"I missed my bike, I'm glad they didn't take it! Can you come outside and watch me ride it?"

"Go get your helmet first."

I sat on the step as Mijo rode his Big Wheel around, soon after Chris sat out beside me.

"He's real happy," he said .

"Least someone is."

"We really doing this right now?"

I buried my head into my lap. "What do you want me to do Chris? If this stays bottled up eventually I will explode on you, this aggravation is killing me. I try and I try to stop thinking about it but it's hard, you just don't understand. I just pray when Mijo grows up he doesn't do anything like this to his girl. No more talking about it, it's fucking done I want to leave it in the past."

"You right it's done, I'm not apologizing anymore, and I'm not going to talk about it either. Can I show you something first?"

"I don't want anything from you."

"It'll be real quick."

"Wait till Mijo is done," I sighed.

Mijo wore his self out on that bike, I made him a snack and set his Tom & Jerry up. Weird how when I came back I stepped back into my role, cooking, cleaning, everything. I went upstairs to see what Chris wanted.

"What do you want?" I said nonchalantly.

"Here, I should have gave it to you before but I was a bit self conscious about giving it you."

It was the painting he did of me, it was extremely beautiful. I'm not saying that cause it's me either, it was well constructed it really looked like some Picasso shit. Everything was perfect, from my face to my smile and entire body.

"Why would you say that?"

"I don't know, I thought you would pick at the things you didn't like about it then I would challenge myself to do better."

"It's really beautiful, honestly."

"You'll keep it right?"

"Wouldn't you want to place it in your gallery or something?"

"It's for our eyes to see remember!" Y smirked

I smiled slightly looking at the painting "I'll put it up then ."

"Ahh, I got a smile out of you ."

"That wasn't a smile, I was just turning my lip up"

"Don't play yourself, I finally seen you smile."

"Whatever keep an eye on Mijo, I'm going to take out the garbage."

I placed the picture downstairs in his artist room and grabbed the garbage from the kitchen walking outside to put it out, but as I did I stepped on something that felt like a knife cutting into my foot. The front door looked so far at the moment I tried hop but it hurt too bad and I was bleeding so I hollered for Chris.

"What happen?"

"I stepped on something, what it look like?"

"Can you walk?"

"No."

Without even asking, Chris lifted me up into his arms and carried me into the house. Placing me on the bed and examined my foot.

"What is it?" I asked wincing.

"We about to find out," he said slowly taking it out my foot.

"Be easy, that hurts!"

He smirked. "You complaining over a little shard of glass."

"How about you get a piece of glass stuck up your ass and tell me how it feel!"

"Nah, I don't think I would feel too comfortable with glass up my ass."

I laughed "You know what I meant, now move."

"Wait, let me clean you up first."