Crazy how we guard ourselves from what we really want, because we think that it'll never be right or it'll hurt us in the outcome. Nothing should be taken as a regret, only the chances we blew off when opportunity smacked us in the face. I didn't want Mijo to be the reason why I'm stuck to Chris but if it wasn't for him, I don't know if I would be here with him right now. Happiness comes and go but it hasn't left me for a long time and I hope it never does. When were near each other it's not me to be the one that calls him baby, babe, or bae. To me that's just not how we work, he's my dickhead, my nigga, my everything. I haven't gotten into the swing of that yet. That's just how we are, nothing can ever change that.

"Good morning, how are you two doing?"

It's another day at work. Usually I enjoy the time I spent here but lately, now I can't to wait to get home to my boys. But you can't complain you when got money in your pocket, and a check coming through the mail when you get home. Besides it's worth every penny when I get to send a child home with a smile. Having them feel better than they did from when they walked through the door.

"Hi sweetie, what's your name?" I said bending down to her level. Clearly I had her chart in my hand with her name on it, but it's always important to make the kids feel comfortable.

"Kataleah, do you hear the lady talking to you?" Her father questioned sternly.

"Kataleah? That's such a pretty name, I always said if I had a daughter I would name her Kataleah." I smiled.

"Do you have kids?" Her father asked.

"I have a son, he's two." I smiled.

"I don't see a ring on your finger, my guess is the father didn't realize what a beautiful woman he had."

I didn't know where he was going with that, but he ended it well. Otherwise if he would've said something different we would've had a problem.

I smiled. "We're still together actually, it's complicated."

I examined his daughter out and did everything I was entitled to do before the real physician stepped in. While I was doing so though, the little girl's father wouldn't stop gazing at me. It was a look I was all too familiar with, not the Lion and Gazelle look. But the sensual look Chris gives me when he examines my body, right before he holds me in his arms and kissed upon my neck.

"Alright Kataleah, I hope I see you soon would you like a lollipop?" I asked as she shook her head yes.

"Thank you!" She said in a angelic voice as her black long curls bounced from shaking her head.

"Have a nice day!" I smiled exiting the room.

"Excuse me, I didn't catch your name." Her father said right before I stepped out the door.

"It's Brielle," I smiled as I extended my arm out to shake.

He lightly took my hand and lifted it up to place a kiss upon it. "A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet."

"That's -."

"Shakespeare," he interjected with a smile.

I slightly titled my head not believing he wouldn't know more from his work, everybody knows that line. "Tell me some more."

"Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake . It's everything, except what it is."

I slowly smiled as I bit my lip as he recited a line from Romeo and Juliet to me. "That was cute, I mean impressive." I was getting tongue tied, the nerves in my body were beginning to tingle for some reason.

He smiled?, "What a brother can't know a little Shakespeare?"

I laughed, "Not many do, but how did you know it?"

"I took a couple of college courses on poetry, it's hard to forget." Lightly shrugging, with his hands in his pockets.

"I know what you mean." I smiled deeply, becoming more interested in him.

"Maybe we can get together and I'll show you a little more of what I know." He licked his lips.

"I don't even know your name." I smiled raising my eye brow to him.

"It's -." he tried to say but the Pediatrics stepped into the room to check his daughter so I waved goodbye to her and dismissed myself from the room.

Ever since I got to know Janaé, I spend damn near all my free time talking to her. Despite her attitude towards me at first. Janaé is

really easy to talk too. When we do see each other, we never run out of things to talk about. She has something about her the inclines me to want to know more about her, even if I found out every thing about her it's just something about her that keeps me strung out to know more.

Janaé surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, I told her I would be there for her. Instead of telling Brielle the truth about where I was going, I told her I would be with Keeis.

It was half true anyway, I was with Keeis for a little while, but the night before I snuck over to her house to spend time with her for the big day.

"You didn't have to come over here, we're just going to see each other in the morning." Janaé smiled as we sat on the couch together.

"I know but, you won't be able to talk to me tomorrow so I figured we get it in now."

"Excuse me?" She smiling giving me the side eye.

I laughed, "I mean like we can talk to each other tonight! Since you'll be too weak tomorrow."

She laughed lightly, "It's kind of late, is your girlfriend okay with you here? I seriously don't want you to get in trouble with her."

"Nah she's cool," I lied. "Why, you sound like you trying to kick me out or something?" I smiled.

"No I'm not, if it was up to me I would love for you to stay the night here. My nerves are getting to me now, my body is starting to shake I'm starting to get scared."

"You don't have to worry about anything, there's nothing to be scared off."

"That's easy for you to say, you're not the one getting your chest cut open nor do you have to go through the pain."

"True, but the best part of your day should be that you'll be wake up to see another one. You'll be to hold my hand through it all." I smiled.

She giggled as she brought her knees up to her chin. "Yeah I guess your right about that, you don't have to be there tomorrow. If something comes up, then I'll understand. You don't have to continue to waste your time on me."

"You are far from a waste of time."

Janaé smiled getting up to turn on the t.v. She went into the back real quick to do her oxygen therapy. Once she got back we watched re-runs of Martin on t.v, she snuggled close to me as we both laughed through the episode. After a while she fell asleep resting her head on my lap, I even fell asleep after a while. When I woke up she was still sleep on my lap and Martin was still being shown on tv, I gently and slowly lifted her head up laying it on the seat cushion. There was a blanket on the other couch so I took it and placed it on her.

Turning off the lights and t.v to her place then left. It was too late to go back home I didn't want to come up with a lie for Brielle so I stayed over Keeis's. In the morning if she ask where I been, I'll just tell her I got drunk and crashed over Keeis. That way it saves me the guilt trip from lying to her face and buys me time during the day to be at the hospital.

I set my alarm for 4:30 AM since Janaé had to be at the hospital at 5:00 AM for her surgery. I didn't want to over sleep having her think I stood her up, Keeis told me I was doing a good thing but he thinks my intentions are off. But he doesn't know Janaé like I've gotten too, I'm just doing her a favor by having somebody by her side. Her own friends don't know that she's doing this and her family don't really give a fuck about her so I respect that she's letting someone that she's only know for the course of two weeks to come with her through this surgery. The blogs can say way ever the fuck they want when they see me walk out of here. But I'm doing this all for a friend.

It was raining the morning I picked her up, we were both quiet at first only to say minimal words to each other as we got closer to the hospital. I don't know why but my heart was beating fast as we pulled into the parking lot, I know hers was beating through her chest.

"It's almost time," Janaé smiled nervously standing in her hospital gown.

"I'll be waiting for you to get out."

"Thank you for coming," she said hugging me.

"Ms. Dior were ready for you now, just lay down on this stretcher and we'll handle the rest." A nurse said.

"Good luck," I said.

Janaé hugged me one last time and didn't let go, I heard her sobbing over my shoulder. I pressed my hands against her back as I brushed up and down on the side of her arm, she whispered in my ear thank you once she let go of me. I wiped the tear from her face and reassured her that I'll be waiting right here when she comes out.

The hours past as she made her way into the surgery room, I knew this wasn't going to be a short procedure but it was killing me not knowing what was going on. I just wanted her to be okay. People passed me by shocked to see me and asked for pictures, I didn't want to be rude but now is not the time for that shit. So I respectfully declined. Instead of sitting on my ass for hours I went to visit the children in the hospital who were suffering from illnesses, that killed a good three hours of my time. As I waited back in the waiting room I read up on this heart transplant pamphlet, I had my mind wrapped around all the negative things they were saying seemed like more bad than good things about the heart transplant. So many things can go wrong right now I been telling her that everything will be good, I'm not a fucking doctor I just said that shit to make her feel better. Now what if she doesn't pull through.

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Old Side Note - 2012)