. What does it actually mean to love someone? We say it all the time to one another, but do you know what it means to express it to someone we feel deeply for? Some people believe it's lost its meaning and become overrated, then there are those dumb fucks that say I Love You after a week or so of going out with someone. Love is expressed differently depending on who you talking to, but when it comes to loving a man or a woman how do we know if it's real? How do we know what it feels likes to actually be in love? What if what we both feel for each other is ? Blinded by what we think is love, everyone knows a REAL relationship can't survive off of that. Half of you won't be able to tell the difference between the two because you're so head over hills for someone. Who most likely couldn't care about what you're doing right now. But I'm not trying to get into that, I been trying to figure out what it means. And if we don't know what it means, then why in the hell do we continue to say it one another?

"Happy Birthday baby boy! My little boy is two years old today!" I said picking Mijo up out his crib.

Reaching his hands up with a big smile on his face, I smothered him with kisses. I ran his bath water and began getting his birthday outfit ready. Had to get two because knowing him he'll mess the first one up. Mijo was given ten minutes in the bath, I watched him splash around the water like a happy baby. I fed him breakfast then sat him in the living room so he could play with his toys as I set up for the party. As I was setting up everything, Mijo began tugging on my pants leg with a picture of Chris and I in his hand.

"Daddy?" He said.

"Yes baby what about him?"

"Daddy Mommy?"

"Mijo I don't know, he's coming home soon."

When he does get here I'm going to kick his ass too! No reason why he shouldn't be here helping me set up for this party. Mijo only turns two once, with that big said I didn't want to do anything to pricey. Just a little old fashion party in the backyard. Entertainment for the little kids, music, alcohol, and food for the rest of us. Chris's only job for today was to be here and his ass can't even do that right. People started showing up by the dozen and still no Chris. As the hours went by, Mijo was getting cranky and didn't want to be bothered by anybody.

"Where's the baby daddy at?" Chyna asked.

"I don't know, I'm trying not to have him piss me off. It's not about his ass it's about Mijo."

"Well his ass should be here for Mijo don't you think, I mean y'all made him together right? Have you tried calling him?"

"I can't Mijo won't let me put him down long enough too."

"Give me him," Chyna reached for him. "Come here birthday boy, you miss your Auntie Chyna?" Chyna cooed at Mijo, surprisingly he made no fuss in her arms.

I stepped away going into the house to see if I could reach him. But once I stepped to the door my dad pulled me to the side.

"Everything okay baby?" He asked.

"Yeah daddy, I'm good."

"Why do you look mad, what happen?"

"Look around, everyone is here but one person. Only damn person that matters the most should be here, but his ass is running the streets right now."

"Daddy he's on his way, it's okay."

"No baby I don't play that shit, wait till he gets here I'm going to choke his ass out. Not here for his own sons birthday what type of shit is that?"

I smiled. "No daddy, leave that up to me. I got that, trust me."

Nigga seriously must got me twisted, he should know better then to screw me over on some shit like this! I don't give a fuck where he's been, his ass don't have to say shit to me about it because it won't stop me from killing his ass! Nothing is excused from this situation. When I called his phone up, it went straight to voicemail. God please save me tonight from committing a sin, because at this rate I'll be sending him up to you.

"Did you reach him?" My dad asked.

"No, his phone must be dead or something. I'm going to get Mijo to sleep so he'll be in a better mood when it's time to cut the cake."

As I walked over to Chyna she wasn't holding Mijo. "Where's my baby?"

"Look what the dog dragged in," she pointed across the yard to Chris. He was holding Mijo in his arms, as all the other little kids crowded by him. Not only was he late to his own sons birthday party but he had the nerve to come with Jasmine. Is that how we're doing things now.

"What are you going to do? Crack a bottle of his head? Snatch the ugly off her face? Come on, what's up?" Chyna threw out suggestions.

But I walked away from her and headed towards him. Nigga had the nerve to be laughing, getting cozy with Mijo and this Jasmine bitch!

"Give me my son," I said with attitude seeping through my mouth.

His smile was still there on his face when I stood before him, "What's the problem?"

"Hi Brielle!" Jasmine tried to ease her presence in.

People would have to see the look I gave this bitch, just to see how bad it was.

"Chris don't fucking talk to me just give me my damn son."

"Why you getting loud with me and watch how you talk around Mijo!" He said handing him over to me.

As I took him of course he began crying, I figured maybe just as long as he had Chris holding him he would be alright getting through cake cutting. I brought the big chocolate cake out as Chris sat with him at the big table while everyone crowded around them. I lit the flame on the big '2' candled as we began to sing Happy Birthday to him. Most kids cry but Mijo smiled and covered his eyes, I swear on everything I love my baby boy! I don't care if I'm lonely, sad, or pissed off just as long as I have him to brighten my day with his smile I don't give a fuck about nobody.

Already know that I fucked up but I didn't sleep with her, all I did was sleep over her house. Jasmine and I are nothing but friends, she's always there to hear me out when I need it. Jasmine is almost like Brielle but nothing can match up to her, Brielle is different from everyone else but right now she's just . . . I don't know I can't put it into words. Hard to believe but Jasmine and I didn't even kiss each other last night I was really tempted to though, she's a beautiful girl and telling by her body language I know she's feeling me. But I'm already deep in the hole with Brielle I don't need to bury myself deeper.

Not being here for the day wasn't my intentions, I wouldn't do some foul shit like that. I can't make an excuse on why I showed up late, I was busy trying to get my mind right. It's not like Mijo is going to know the difference whether I was there from the moment he opened his eyes this morning or from the time the clock strikes 11:59 PM. Regardless I was here on his day, but none of that matters to her. Tonight I'll have to hear about what a dumb ass I am and how I fucked up the day, not much I can do at this point but accept it.

Once everybody left, Mijo and I played with all his new toys till it was time to put him to bed. I sat downstairs with him in my arms as he held on to his bottle while we watched the basketball game together. After a while I fell asleep too, when I woke up there was a blanket place over us by Brielle. I looked up at the clock as saw it was 1:03 AM, I took Mijo upstairs and placed him into his crib then hopped in the shower real quick. When I came into the room Brielle was sitting there on her laptop, once I walked in she quickly closed it.

"What's up?" I said casually walking in getting my clothes out the dresser.

She laughed. "Nigga please don't say shit to me right now! What's up? Really though? That's all the shit you can say to me right now?"

I was tempted not saying anything but once Brielle and I get started, it's pretty damn hard to stop. That's just how it's always been between us, nether one of us can back down from an argument.

I smirked, "I just asked you a simple question."

She smirked shaking her head. "You don't understand how hard it is to not bust you in your lip right now."

"If that's how you were feelin', you would've done it by now." I said

"Please don't get smart with me, I am not in the mood. You are real wrong for what you did today. I hope the bitch was worth it."

"Pause, first of all I didn't sleep with her."

"Nigga do I look like Boo Boo the Damn Fool to you? You're lying! You dickhead you were still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. You came here with her, I know your ass was with her last night!"

"I ain't sleep with her ass though, why are you trippin? I told you once already I didn't touch her!"

"This isn't about me, it's about Mijo! And I'm fucking trippin' because I care. When I stop trippin' you'll care, when I stop caring nigga don't trip!"

I laughed shaking my head. "You are something else right now I'm telling you. So is this conversation done yet?"

I pushed a button with that because she crawled over to me and began hitting me, I wasn't even dressed yet I still had on my towel. I blocked her hits holding up my arm but then pushed her back and laid on top of her laughing.

"Fuck off of me, I'm not laughing Chris!"

"Calm down first," I continued to laugh.

I smiled looking her in the eyes, she finally broke out of her anger and laughed a little too. "I swear you make me so damn mad sometimes."

"You really wildin' right now over nothing," I smiled,

"Would it be nothing if I just showed up wearing the same clothes you seen me wear last night? While I was with some dude bringing him to Mijo's party?"

"You always have to compare it that way, when you already know what I'm going to think."

"Exactly so if I do something like that and you know it's going to piss you off. Why would you do it to me? I'm not even mad that you did that blatantly rude shit to me, I'm mad you did it to Mijo.

I laid my head on her chest. "I know, I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be apologizing to me, you should be apologizing to him."

"He's taken care of. Also for the record, can you stop going I'm Every Woman on me every time you get mad at me? There are other ways to get my attention without you blowing up at me all the damn time."

"If I didn't yell at you the way I do nothing would get accomplished and we both know that. Who else is going to keep that ass in line."

I laughed as I kissed her cheek, "Whatever you say."

She laughed "That's right, whatever I say let's keep it that way."

"You talking crazy now," I said as I began tickling her.

She wiggled and giggled as I endlessly tickled her rib cage. To get free she tried pushing my hands off, but it was no use I was stronger than her. Once I stopped, her laughter slowly faded.

"Why do you always do this to me?" She smiled.

"Do what?"

"Make me so damn mad that I can't breathe. Then you always find a way to make me smile in the end. I hate that shit!"

I laughed rolling her on top of me. "Aweeee, it's all cause you love me."

Brielle laughed resting her head on my chest, she looked me in the eye. "No I don't, actually you starting to burn my nerves up."

"Nah, you love me." I smirked

She laughed lightly, "I'll let you think that for now."

This is it right now this is the last time I'm going through this, I'll tough it out to see if this is really what I want. if not then I got to let her know. It's not that I don't want Brielle, I do want her it's just that I feel like I'm not ready to be tied down to one person yet. Obviously she feels the same, otherwise she wouldn't be putting it out there that she could be doing her own thing with somebody else. Maybe if Mijo wasn't in the picture things would be different, we could be together exclusively but with him it makes it hard, since he's the root of our decisions.

I don't want him to grow up and find out that I played his mom out. It's not in me to hurt Brielle like that. I love her but right now I don't think it's enough for me to change my life. If I still feel like I can't hold through with my promises, then I got to let her go. Then she can gladly get with whoever she wants, until then she's mine and nobody else's. Deep down inside I know for a while I won't be happy about that, but ain't shit I can do about it.

"So are you going to do something with this dick tonight, because you teasing me right now laying here in this towel." Brielle smiled biting her lip.

I laughed, "Feenin' for it I see."

She laughed "And tonight, I'm in charge."