《Objection! Dear Love...》#23 To Begin Again
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"I figured it out;
Saw the mistakes of up and down
Meet in the middle,
There's always room for common ground.
I see what it's like,
I see what it's like for day and night,
Never together
'Cause they see things in a different light like us
They never tried like us..."
— "You and I" // One Direction
ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ
Mishti has chosen to act, the difficult part is how!
So when she walked out of office and received not a single text or call from Abir, she decided against going home immediately. No, she's not trying to hide. But she needs to clear her mind and find the right words so that she doesn't mess up again. The only problem is Abir has not called her yet and that's definitely not helping her. It is in such moments when she realises all over again how important Abir and his words are to her, how she needs him - not to make decisions but to calm her mind.
He holds her sanity.
Mishti makes her way through the park nearby, her feet dragging her to this place automatically. Maybe because parks are one place she used to visit with her mom when she was a child, her mom would tell her stories and she'd listen. They'd talk about anything and everything, little Mishti would ask questions and Rajshree always had answers to everything. Back then it was so easy, nobody would judge her words, it was all innocence and no disappointments, zero pressure of being perfect. She'd be just giggling and chasing butterflies and her mom would be running after her - smiling and calling her name...
Mishti...
Mishti.
"MISHTI, can you hear me?"
Mishti jumped and immediately turned back to find a worried Abir. Suddenly it clicked in her mind. She's running again, but this time it's Abir, taking her back home. After everything she lost, she found Abir.
It's always Abir.
"Are you alright Mishti?" Concern and fear cracking Abir's voice, "I was so scared, you weren't home. Mishti.. I- I was calling your name, you didn't say anything. I'm sorry I screamed. I didn't mean to. I- I thought you left ---" His struggle to express himself is clear.
"I'm fine Abir. Look, I'm here." Mishti softly smiles, "What are you doing here?"
"I, what?" Abir's demeanor changes, "I should be asking you that. What am I doing? Of course, I'm taking you home. You scared the shit out of me, Mishti. I thought I lost you again. I shouldn't have left you."
Taking you home.
Home.
The home she was deprived of when Rajshree was gone. The home she got back when Abir came along.
Her home.
"Let's go Mishti."
"No. Wait." She doesn't even know why she said that.
Abir stared at her for some time and suddenly his eyes were moist.
"It's wrong that I can't even stop you if you want to leave today. I hate it that I can't say anything if you want to go. But I kind of knew this would happen. So yeah." Abir wipes his eyes and looks straight at her. Now Mishti feels a little nervous.
"Look Mishti, I don't know why you didn't go back home. If you're planning to leave already then I know I'm no one to stop you. But that day I made a promise to not let you go." Abir gulps down the overwhelming feeling, "And I just want to say something, if you want to go then I won't stop you. I know I'm repeating the same thing, but I'm sorry."
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"Abir -"
"Just let me finish okay?" Abir says. Mishti notices him nervously cracking his knuckles, she simply nods at him.
"Okay. See, I honestly don't give a damn to what people say when we're together. I really don't care because you're the one who makes me happy. I know it sounds cliche but it's true. I don't know if I've told you enough but Mishti Agarwal, you're the reason I still believe in love. You mended the brokenness inside me just by being here. I didn't know I needed this, but now I do. I need you, I want you here with you always. And honestly I'm tired of imagining.
The day you left, I knew that was the end for us but I was in love, Mishti. How could I give up without even trying? And look at this, we somehow made it. I've always seen it in your eyes, I know you feel the same for me too. And right now, after all that we've been through I really don't even need you to say anything. But today if you choose to leave again, I'm sure I'll break. I'll give up this time and I don't even know if I'll be able to function or not. Heartbreak kills Mishti, you're all I want. So much that it hurts."
He stops as his voice cracks. He just realised that he hasn't talked so much about his feelings to anyone yet. And before Mishti leaves, it's better to let it all out. So this time Abir doesn't bother to wipe his tears.
"I won't ever forget that night. You said we'll figure things out together, I still believe we can make it. I really do. That day you didn't just give me a chance, you gave me a reason to not lose my faith. You're already my reason to look forward to the day and now you've become so much a part of me that I can't let you go. Do you hear me? I can't let you go. I just can't. Not after everything we've shared, not after giving you all that I have.
So this is it. I've decided to leave Rajkot and will settle down somewhere else. As of now Delhi, I guess? I've not exactly decided. I'll start private practice there. Honestly I'm just fed up with business and all the negativity associated with it. So yeah that's better for my own good. I've sent the official papers to Meenakshi Rajvansh, I'm giving up on the company. Especially if this is the reason you're leaving me, I don't even need a single thing. This bloody company is not making my life better anyway."
Mishti's jaw dropped at Abir's statement. She's not entirely surprised, to be honest that move from Abir was not unexpected. But that's exactly what she feared, she can't be the reason Abir gives up on everything.
Abir gulped and cleared his voice. He could feel the lump in his throat and knew he wouldn't be able to hold back his tears anymore. But letting Mishti go without really expressing his love to her would be worse.
"Have I explained how important you are to me, Mishti? I'm sure I haven't. I'm so sorry Mishti. I've not told you enough. I suck at expressing myself, I hope you know that. But you must know that you're my pillar of strength, Mishti. When you were not here I was just a reckless dumb bloke with a wounded heart and I was so used to the pain that I decided that I don't want to feel loved. You always say that I'm your stability. That might be true but you've to know that you're the one who has given my reckless wandering a meaning. I was sitting there, crushing my already broken heart, ignoring every call to life, ignoring everyone who tried to reopen the door to my heart. I know it sounds filmy but that's the truth. I didn't even know and you silently took the keys and entered my heart. And for the first time in a million years I felt alive. I could feel my heart, I came to feel the emotions that I thought were deep buried. You make me feel human, Mishti. And you did all of these without even trying. It was like a connection that already existed, like it was just a matter of time that you and I would come together. As if I was waiting for you only. And now you've become the reason for my entire being. You hold my heart and now I can't remember how it was to live like a heartless person. Please don't leave Mishti, please!"
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With that Abir flung his arms across her neck and kissed her forehead with all his might. Now he was sobbing like a baby, hugging Mishti tight like his life depended on it. Each word he spoke was ringing in her ears. She knew they both meant the world to each other, she knew whatever she is today is because of Abir. But now she knows she's not a choice to Abir, she's his entire reason for being! And in this one moment Mishti knew her decisions will affect both of them equally and she can't mess up this time. She needs to say something now but words leave her side in such situations. So she finds herself struggling to speak again.
Abir looks at her once and sighs. Why does he even expect her to speak up?
"Fine Mishti. I take your silence as my signal to leave." He pulled away from her.
Abir looks at her once and sighs. Why does he even expect her to speak up? "Fine Mishti. I take your silence as my signal to leave."
"N- No Abir. Wait." She managed to speak.
"And why is that? What do you expect from Mishti? Please tell me exactly what am I supposed to do? I planned on not saying this again but I have to say this. I love you, Mishti Agarwal, I'm in love with you - since the day I first saw you. I love you with everything I have and it hurts. It hurts to see you not acknowledging me. This time I really believed we'll go through this, you needed time and I was willing to do this. Suddenly Meenakshi Rajvansh appeared and the first thing you said was that you're leaving me. I can't live this way, Mishti. I'm tired of trying to keep you when your first instinct is to leave. This is not fair, this is totally not fair!
Maybe, just maybe, I'll always be waiting for you to come around. But now it looks like I'm chasing a cloud with a dumb luck. I'm already losing it all, so I've given up. Probably investors are waiting in the conference hall for the new project but here I am, standing in front of you. And I ain't saying this to brag about it. But you've to understand that Abir Rajvansh will choose You, Mishti Agarwal, above every Goddamn thing in this whole wide world. Nothing matters above you and I'll prove this again and again if that's what you want. I can keep assuring you all my life. But today I want to ask you, Miss Mishti Agarwal, what else do you want me to do? How do you want me to prove my love? It feels like I'm already burying myself in a grave, so tell me, how deep do you want me to fall? Because if you ask me to leave every damn thing behind and run with you, I'll still gladly do that. And you've to know that I mean it."
Abir took a breath trying to control his emotions but he knows now he won't be able to speak anymore. He feels drained and nothing is left inside him to pull out. So he takes a step backward, his gaze straight at her demanding answers. He looks exhausted but determined. Mishti wonders if he knows she has fallen for him in this one moment all over again.
She has fallen for him.
Her eyes ran through her surroundings, kids playing with their parents, giggling, being happy, not caring about the world - isn't that what she always wanted? To live a life without caring for anyone, to go on adventures and wander around the whole wide world, to be the best she can and be herself. To be Mishti - not what others want her to be, not what looks like her best image, not what someone said she should become. Just her.
Mishti blinks and looks at Abir. She won't mind sharing her dreams with Abir, in fact she can visualise herself getting old with him. He'll crack his stupid poor jokes and she'll still laugh at them. She can picture them standing in front of the Eiffel Tower holding hands, she'd love to kiss him passionately at the airport when he leaves for a business trip. She knows Abir will be waiting for her holding those red heart-shaped balloons at the airport when she returns from her trips. Right now she's sure of everything. Everything.
It's crazy, she can't even remember when was the last time she felt so confident.
I don't need to tell you anything Mishti. When it's the right time and the right thing, you'll know this in your heart. This heart never lies and it needs no one's approval.
Mishti knows - this is it.
All this time Abir was the one assuring her, not for once he let Mishti's insecurities and self-doubts hamper their way. But what about him? He too feels weak, he too feels like giving up, he too needs someone to assure him. It was so foolish of her to even think of leaving him for a second. Truth to be told, now she doesn't know how she will survive if Abir is not with her. It's scary to think of a future that doesn't have Abir in it.
So she takes a step forward - towards Abir, towards the future that she is sure of and towards her home.
Abir looks up at her expectantly. He wishes Mishti to choose him this time, honestly he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to go back to life if she leaves again. He's not tired of fighting, but this time he wants to know what he's fighting for, if his fight even makes sense or not.
Mishti's heart warms seeing the fondness in those teary eyes, even in all his vulnerability he's standing here. He never walks away, and this time she can feel his heart calling her name. And when the heart calls, who is she to deny? A smile creeps on her lips, she could stare at those hazel orbs forever and happily get lost inside them. It's peaceful.
"Say something please." Abir whispers but Mishti hears it. "If you leave without saying anything, this time I won't be able to handle it."
Mishti didn't even realise she was grinning in this situation. It seems like she has finally gone crazy. But it's alright, as long as she's with Abir, they'll be alright.
We'll be alright.
Her life has made it very clear that Abir is a center pillar in it and it would crumble down if he moved out. She did not come this far to mess things up. So she says the first thing that comes to her mind.
"Stay."
Abir's expression softens immediately as if he was just waiting for her to utter that single word, his lips slightly parted and eyes twinkling, as if her one word has brought him back to life. Mishti swears she can stare at this man forever and won't get tired of it. So she reaches for his hand, bridging the gap between them and softly presses her lips against his. Abir's tears wet her cheeks, she feels his body stiffening at the sudden contact but she smiles. And when Abir finally gives in, she pauses. Their lips stay unmoved, like they sealed the unsaid promise to never leave.
It's Abir who pulls away and he tightens his grip on her hand. Mishti softly wipes his face and buries her face on his shirt. Abir loosens up and holds her by her waist. Mishti wraps her arms around his neck, she can now feel his heart beating faster.
"Stay, Abir. And if you really want to go, take me with you." She softly says yet her words are firm and Abir knows his heart is going to explode. He couldn't manage to say a thing instead he tightens his hold on her. Mishti's smile doesn't leave her lips.
"I'm sorry Abir. I'm always late to acknowledge my heart, aren't I? Please don't cry now, I really don't know what to say when you cry. It's better when you make your stupid jokes and they're so bad I have no choice but to laugh." She hears Abir's chuckle and her insides do a thing. What is it? Butterflies? Maybe. It's a good feeling.
They just stood there, arms around each other, listening to the other's breathing.
"Oh God. That was quite speech I gave. I didn't even prepared it, you know? Now I feel it was too much." Abir shakes his head with a dramatic expression and Mishti can't help but wonder how this man always manages to lighten the situation. "But I loved it. Your speech, I guess it was needed for both of us. And I love when you speak." She places a soft kiss on his cheek and felt proud for making her man blush. Only she can do this to him. Only she has this power over Abir. Mishti breathed in his cologne like she needs to imprint his fragrance inside her as they stood there in each other's embrace.
"Are you sure, Mishti?" Abir spoke after a long but comfortable silence. "I mean, I know my voice is so great and all. But are you sure about this? About, uhm, us?"
Abir pulls away but doesn't his arms are still wrapped around her shoulders.
"Never been more." The smile doesn't leave Mishti's face.
"I was really scared, I thought you'd leave and I'd never see you again. I was terrified."
"But I'm here. You finally stopped my reckless wandering, didn't you?"
"Well I'm honoured, to be honest."
"I give you that. This time when I leave, you'll be tagged along."
"Okay but you've to make dinner. Ordering four days a week is unhealthy and the rest of the days I only have to cook." Abir pouts.
Mishti laughs, pulling his cheeks. She is right; only Abir Rajvansh can think of this in such an intense situation.
"We'll see that. No promises though."
"Alright. Just promise one thing."
"And that is?"
"No, it's a request actually." Abir takes her hand and puts it on his chest. "Please hold on to my heart always. I don't want to fall apart. I feel so weak when you're not here."
Mishti stares at him for a moment. Had this been another day, she'd have laughed it off saying it's a cheesy line or something like that. But not now. This is Abir and she's Mishti and everything they say to each other, they mean it. They mean it in every way.
"You're all I want Abir, you're the only one I'll ever hold on to."
"I love you." Abir says, "I love you Mishti. I know, you know this but you don't need to say it back. I just want to tell you that so that you always remember that."
Abir smiles fondly. He really means it. Mishti can take all her time and it's really alright now. What they have is something that can't be expressed in words, it's more than just a feeling. And Abir knows neither of them will ever be able to explain it properly. Because this is Mishti and he's Abir and no matter where they start from, they always end up finding each other again. It's been like that since forever and now there's nothing that can change it. Maybe it took them sometime to find each other but now they're here and it's all worth it. Every single feeling of pain, every single day of waiting is worth it. Even today they might not know where they're heading to but they know where they belong.
Home.
Abir to Mishti.
Mishti to Abir.
They belong together. Pushing away and pulling in, but at the end of the day always finding their way together - from the thousands of mistakes they've ever made till now, this is the only thing they both are sure of. And maybe this was supposed to be like this to make them learn the only constant truth of their lives - there ain't no other way but to love who you love. They kept objecting to the love until they couldn't anymore. Because hearts need no approval.
They fit each other like a missing piece. Like Yin-Yang - poles apart yet incomplete without each other. Most definitely their story is not the fairy tale but it's real, it's true. It's their tale. A tale they'd tell everyone till the end of time.
"Abir?" Mishti calls.
"It's fine Mishti, we're alright." Abir says with a toothy grin.
"I know. But guess what Abir?" The beautiful smile never leaves her eyes.
"What?"
"I am in love." Pause. "I'm in love with you, Abir Rajvansh. I love you too."
**********
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