"There is no love of life without despair of life."

― Albert Camus

The next morning arrived much like the others. Claire woke early, early enough to watch the sky flirt with the gray dawn. Despite the time she woke up, she laid in bed and huddled under the warm blankets. Beside her, Nate continued to sleep soundly.

She loved these moments, these calm moments, where the stresses of the day hadn't yet dug their claws into her thoughts. When she was in bed, before she got up, she didn't have to think about anything. Or anyone.

Nate curled his arm around her waist and, with little thought, she snuggled deeper. At first, it'd been hard to get close. The last couple years of her life with this pack had been a tough road. Pack members had treated her family as scum, and she'd been bullied and harassed. Separation from the pack had become a necessity to keep sane. That meant, other than her family, interactions with others were limited. Letting people get close, learning to trust them, was hard. But being with Nate—that was easy as breathing.

"Glad you're back." Nate's cold nose traced the back of her neck, his breath hot along her shoulder.

"I wasn't aware that I'd gone anywhere," she said. Her words stuck slightly in her throat—something they often did when she woke.

"Your wolf and I got pretty close last night."

Claire turned around in his arms, taking in the details of him. Nate always looked best in the morning light. Today would be cloudy, with some rain here and there, but even with the clouds, the light filtered in through the windows nicely. It highlighted the tiny flecks of gold in his brown eyes, the little white hairs along his cheek, and the small spattering of freckles along his nose. This morning he smelled like grass and laundry detergent and—

Her. He smelled a lot like her.

"Please tell me she didn't—"

"I learned two things last night. One, your wolf likes to play in the fast lane. And two, she's kind of handsy. Did you know that?"

Claire rolled to her back and closed her eyes. Luna help her.

A shadow fell over her. Nate's hand came up to her cheek. "Honey, I don't care if she's handsy. I care if you care that she's too handsy."

"Trust my wolf to try to assault you in your sleep."

"Somehow, I survived."

She had to laugh at that. "You know, when you wiggle your eyebrows like that, you look like a creeper."

"I'm not the one assaulting people."

"Hey!"

Nate chuckled and fell back to the bed. "Your words, not mine."

Claire fiddled with the collar of her t-shirt. Something about it wasn't right. "I don't care if she's handsy," she admitted.

"No, but you don't like that you don't remember it."

He knew her almost too well these days. Claire liked that. "No, I don't. She came out again? That's...that's not that long of a jump." Usually, when Claire's wolf came out, it was because something big was happening, or she felt something needed to be known. Her wolf didn't do it often. That she'd made two appearances in 24 hours unnerved Claire.

What are you doing? she asked her wolf.

In reply, her inner beast sent back an image of her curled up, content.

"I believe she said, and I quote, 'Claire not move fast enough,'" Nate said with a cheeky grin.

Oh, Goddess. Claire sat up, trying to work her shirt somehow into a more comfortable position. "Please tell me she didn't try for second base."

"I will not confirm or deny an attempt for second base."

"Look here, mister—" she cut herself off, looking down at her shirt. Holy. Shit. "My shirt is on backward."

"Indeed."

"Damn it, what the hell did she do?" Her words sounded shrill to her own ears.

Nate sat up too, his chest pressed to her back. "She made a move. I said no. We put her shirt back on. End of story."

"Hmm, and how long did it take you to say no?" she asked wryly.

Her mate sniffed. "Two seconds?"

"Liar."

She should have been more scared at the way her wolf seemed to take over like that while she slept. However, she knew Nate, and he would never in a million years do anything that he thought she wouldn't be okay with.

When it came to mates, Claire had won the wolfy lottery.

A knock sounded at the door. "Aaricia! Get your hintern out here. You're late."

And instantly, the day caught up with her. Forgotten was the timeless moment between her and Nate. She had duties to attend to.

"Coming," she called out. Then, to Nate, "I have to go."

Nate pressed a kiss to her head. "Good luck."

Through the door, Gabe growled. "You two act like she's walking into the pits of hell."

A grin spanned over Claire's cheeks. "It feels like I am," she whispered.

"I heard that. Really, Aaricia, do you think wolves don't have ears?" He tapped once on the door. "You have two minutes."

~

Gabe's training this morning was borderline cruel. He was punishing her for being late—she knew that. When it came to time, punctuality was key with the Royal Guard Commander. Yet, that didn't stop her from groaning and grumbling throughout the hour and a half session.

Afterward, she lay on the grass, her breaths still coming out in uneven gasps.

"You need to stretch, Aaricia."

"I can stretch when I'm dead."

"That might be awhile."

"On the contrary," Claire puffed out, "I think if you wait a minute, I'll pass right out."

Gabe sat down next to her. Despite the growing gray clouds, the rain hadn't come. A pity. Claire would have liked to have done her laps in the rain. It would have cooled her as she did her sprints.

The gentle wind played with Gabe's blond hair. It was longer now, enough to tuck behind his ear. With the blue eyes and strong jaw, Claire thought any length hair might work for the man. He was very contrary—one minute he made snappy comments, the next, his seriousness brought an unexpected intensity to any situation.

His presence alone could intimidate. He had a dominance about him that made wolves pay attention, similar to Nate. However, Gabe wasn't a member of the pack. Pack members here weren't used to seeing him around. They definitely didn't feel like they could approach Gabe in the way they could Nate.

Still, Gabe was a handsome man. "Gabe, do you...do you have anyone? Anyone back home?"

Gabe had taken out a rather large looking silver pocketknife and was using it to sharpen a stick he'd found when he'd sat next to the big oak where Claire laid. At the question, he stopped scraping. A low curse fell from his lips. "I was afraid of this."

"Afraid of what?"

"You getting into a relationship and then thinking everyone else needs to be in a relationship."

Claire snorted. As if. "I think I'm the last one to think that way. It took Nate a lot of convincing to get me to accept this whole mate thing."

"Well, your answer is no."

"No, you don't have anyone back at home?"

Gabe whittled the stick until it was nothing but a skinny toothpick. "No... There is no one out there for me."

"I'm sure they're somewhere."

His gaze flicked up to her and then down at the stick. With three fingers, he snapped it in two. "Unfortunately for me, Aaricia, I have taken a vow that removes even the possibility of a mate. It's something the Guard does."

Claire sat up and crossed her legs. "Wait, no one in the Royal Guard has a mate?"

"No."

"Why?"

Now he flipped his knife open, then closed. Open, closed. Open, closed. "You remember dealing with Justin. You tell me. Did having Nate there help your focus?"

"Well, no, but he helped me break free."

"The Guard can't have that distraction. No matter what. You always come first. I cannot have my warriors in the middle of a battle worrying about their mate instead of their charge."

"What if they find their mate after they join the Guard? Do they leave?"

Gabe stood and wiped his hands on the back of his loose combat pants. "They never know who their mate is. A witch performs a ceremony that breaks that tie permanently."

What? "But—but what about their wolf?" Her wolf whined at the thought of not having a mate.

"The wolf survives," he said, "and the warrior has no distractions. Now finish your stretches."

He walked off.