《ρυℓѕє; chanlix. [BOOK ONE] ✓》VI
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Just pick up the blade, Felix. Why are you such a coward? Just make the first cut, and it won't hurt anymore.
It's not gonna hurt anymore? At all?
Nope. Just pick it up, and that'll be the end of all your pain. All your problems, worries, and anxiety will be flushed down the drain.
I chuckled to myself as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I must be insane, talking to myself like that.
Why are you still staring at yourself? Do you think you're beautiful? *scoffs* Just make the cut, just drag a simple object across your arm. It's not hard.
I fumbled the razor blade around my fingers. I touched the sharp tip with my index finger, testing it out.
"Ouch..." I mumbled, dropping it to the marble counter.
In a sudden fit of anger, I slammed my fist onto my sink, making the everything fling up as a result. My teeth were clenched and I could only see red.
Why must I be like this? All those people I could've been, but I was put in a body I don't even like. They must see me as weak and incapable. And I-N-S-A-N-E. I can't even control myself from hurting myself, what would happen if I hurt them? I don't want pity-
This is the only way. Hurry up and pick up the damn blade! You're wasting time, it'll only make you more unsure. You'll for sure regret it later.
"Do I really want to do this? What if I hurt myself more than I intend to?" I thought to myself.
The anger slowly dispersed and turned into hopelessness and stress. These mood swings really are killing me... This is why I'm hesitating.
I ran a hand through my wavy hair and leaned closer to my reflection. My forehead glistened with sweat while my brown eyes remained cold and emotionless.
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Fuck it.
I watched my fingers grasp the small piece of metal. I watched myself flip over my shaky left arm and lift it up.
No.
The shard hit the floor and rebounded a little, landing slightly to the right of my foot.
No. This isn't right. I can't.
...Just one cut won't hurt, right?
"It BURNS! STOP! You're killing yourself!" My brain screamed for me to stop, but all I could hear were voices ringing in my ears telling me it wasn't enough.
Just a little more, you're almost there. Yes, watch that blood gush out. Yes, it's normal. It's okay, just keep going deeper until-
Shit.
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