《Beautiful Nightmare (The Beautiful #1) ✓》20 | then
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Hunter has been avoiding me.
It's been a whole week and I haven't seen him since that day. The day we kissed. And it is safe to say that I am profoundly pissed.
He can't just kiss me and evade me like nothing happened. He can't do that. Heck, no one should do that. At first, I thought maybe its just nothing and that I was overthinking. Then, I went to work and Rudy had told me that he wasn't working. I thought maybe he just needed space.
Two days later, I went to the school library as I was vastly sure that he would be there. It was his favorite place after all. But to my shock, displeasure, and slight anger, he wasn't there. Emily had told me that he hasn't been there in the past few days.
So, I came to the arduous conclusion that he was indeed avoiding me. But I am not going to tolerate this any longer. I have feelings and I'm not going to let him toy with it. I'm going to gather all the confidence in me, walk up to him—trap him if I have to—and confront the hell out of him.
It is Operation Hunt the Hunt all over again. But this time the mission isn't going to be easy to accomplish because Hunter is so damn good at being out of my sight. So, I'm going to take a possibly dangerous approach. But not without any support.
"Nina! I need your help with something." I said as I stood beside her while she opened her locker.
"I'll help you if you talk to Newt."
Newt. Just thinking about him breaks my heart. I feel like a horrible person for not noticing his feelings. I feel way more horrible for not being able to return his feelings. One-sided crush sucks. But it sucks, even more, when it's your best friend.
I still didn't understand why Newt would even like me. It doesn't make any sense. Did I accidentally lead him on? Did I somehow give him the erroneous conception that I liked him? Because if I did, I'll just feel extra horrible about myself.
So, since thinking about him was remorseful and painful, I just didn't. I avoided him the whole week just like how Hunter was avoiding me. I channeled my every thought on Hunter, so I didn't have to think about Newt.
"Nina-"
"No, Hera, It's been too long. When are you going to stop running away from your problems? Newt thinks you hate him, Hera."
"He does?"
"Yes. I had to convince him multiple times that it's not true and that you need time because you're just taken aback by all this. You can't run away any longer, Hera. I know this is hard on you as well, but I also know that you can't lose Newt. If you don't talk to him, you will lose him."
"I know," I whispered.
"So, go talk to him now. Get your friend-slash-brother back."
"But, Nina, what if he doesn't want me to be his friend anymore?" I asked as my voice cracked a little.
Nina smiled. "You and I both know that Newt can't live without us. So, don't worry, okay?"
I nodded. "Can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it wasn't my place to tell. But I am sorry that it happened like this. I always thought Newt would never confess to you, but he really shocked me that day. I never saw him like that before."
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"Me too."
"Just talk to him, okay? Do it for Newt."
"Hey, Newt."
Oh my God. I was actually doing this. I am extremely nervous and severely uncomfortable, but I have to do this if I didn't want to lose Newt.
Talking to Nina helped me put some sense into my head and made me realize what an idiot I was being. I let my fear of hurting Newt control me that I failed to see that I was hurting Newt tenfold. By avoiding him, I just let him go through all that stress and apprehensiveness from him wondering what I was feeling.
I can't let that transpire any longer. I have to tell Newt the truth. I have to let him move on. I have to let him free of the hurt I was giving him.
"Hera, hey." Newt said as he was mildly surprised that I was talking to him.
Newt was sitting on the bleachers just like how he was there every lunch break since that day. He didn't join us, and I was thankful at first. But now I just hate myself for not reaching out to him sooner.
"Long time no see," I said lamely as I sat beside him.
He snorted. "Really?"
I smiled. "How are you?"
"Surviving."
I forced myself not to grimace at my stupid self for hurting him that long. "I'm sorry I didn't notice. Newt, you have to know that I didn't know you felt that way about me. I really didn't-"
"I know, Hera. I know." He smiled sadly. "I've had feelings for you ever since middle school. Actually, maybe even before that, I don't really know. But I knew you never felt that way about me."
"I didn't lead you on or something?" I asked while fidgeting apprehensively.
"God, no. You were crystal clear about your feelings towards me. It hurt like hell, but I was managing. Then, I saw you with Hunter and you were.....different with him. I guess it just kind of messed with me. I thought my feelings for you subsided by now, but it obviously hasn't. But don't worry, I'll get over it."
"I'm so sorry, Newt."
"No, don't apologize. It's not your fault. Feelings can't be forced and that's just the way it works. In fact, I'm the one who should be saying sorry for how I handled the whole thing that day. I'm sorry, Hera."
I shook my head. "It's fine, really. I was just really surprised. I didn't have a clue."
"I guess I'm just that skilled at hiding my feelings." Newt chuckled but it wasn't authentic.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, Newt. Even if it was unintentional, I truly am sorry. I feel horrible that I'm the one who's hurting you. You're my best friend and I care about you so, so much." I paused as I felt the bile rising in my throat. "Newt, I'll be very honest with you, I can't lose you. I know it's selfish but it's the truth. You're so important to me and I hate that I did this to you. I know I'm being so inconsiderate right now but, will you still be my best friend?"
I looked at him and saw that he was deep in thought. I must have looked extremely pathetic, but I didn't care. Newt has seen me at my lowest anyway.
"You can say no if you want. I'm not forcing you or anything. As you said, feelings can't be forced and that applies to friendships too. So, please don't feel like you're supposed to say yes." I added clarifying what I meant.
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"Hera, take a deep breath. You look like you're about to pass out of anxiety."
I did as he told, and it really did calm me. This is exactly one of the reasons why I can't lose Newt. He knows me inside out. How many people are there in someone's life who knows them inside out? Little to none.
I honestly thought I knew him inside out. But apparently, I don't. If Newt still wants me to be his friend, I will work harder to be a better friend to him and really get to know him.
"Now listen, okay? I honestly thought you wouldn't want me as your friend because I thought you were weirded out by my feelings for you."
"What? No-"
"I said listen, didn't I?" He smiled teasingly. "But now that I know that you still want me to be your friend, let me tell you that we were never not best friends. Hera, I can't lose you either. Before my feelings, I saw a friend in you. An awesome and caring best friend. You are someone neither Nina nor I can lose. You're important to me too, Hera. So, remove all those negative thoughts from that tiny head of yours, okay?"
"Hey! My head is not tiny!"
He chuckled and ruffled my hair. "Well, I'm sorry to burst your bubble but it is tiny."
I was about to argue about the size of my head when the sound of a familiar voice entered our ears, getting our attention.
"Finally! I thought I was going to die going back and forth with the two of you." Nina said quite dramatically after appearing on the row below us. "I am extremely relieved that you guys made up so to celebrate that, let's take a selfie!"
Nina didn't give us much of a choice as she practically forced Newt to hold her phone, got in between us, and smiled wide while threatening Newt to take the picture.
Looking at my two best friends, I knew that I was blessed. I'm beyond ecstatic that I have them in my life because honestly, I don't know what I do without them.
So, I took this opportunity and smiled for the camera alongside my best friends as this moment was surely going to be a memory that would be close to my heart. A picture to remember and reminisce just in case I ever forget.
"Now, don't you dare sit here for lunch again or I will smack you. Hera can testify to that." Nina threatened Newt.
"Yes, I can," I said and gazed at Newt. "We missed you. Especially her." I said pointing to Nina teasingly.
"Aw, did someone miss their big brother?" Newt said in a childish tone while ruffling Nina's hair.
"Get your filthy hands off of me, you dimwit!" Nina said while attempting to remove Newt's hand from her hair.
I laughed. "As much as I enjoy this, I have to stop you guys here because lunch is almost over. Nina and I have free periods but Newt Scamander over here has AP Biology." I said reminding Newt of his next class.
"Oh shoot, I better go now. My bio teacher is not very nice. I'll see you guys later. Bye!" Newt said and left in a hurry.
"So, what do you want to do?" Nina asked.
I was about to reply 'I don't know' when an idea popped into my head. "I know what we can do," I smirked.
I grabbed Nina's left wrist and dragged her from the bleachers all the way to the entrance of the school while Nina complained the entire time. Just as I hoped, the person I was looking for was standing there beside a bright red motorcycle.
As I was about to approach, Nina stopped me. "What the hell do you think you're going to do? Why would you go there? That guy is part of the scary gang! You do know that area is basically out of bounds, right?"
"Come on, it'll be fine. I have talked to him before. He is harmless. I think."
Nina's eyes widened in shock. "What?! You're becoming crazy ever since you started hanging out with Hunter!"
"Don't I know that," I muttered under my breath.
"And why do you even want to talk to Dare Williams?" Nina asked curiously.
I sighed. "I haven't told you something. Something that happened that day after Newt punched Hunter."
"What happened?"
"Hunter kissed me. And I kissed him back."
"Wha- You and Hunter- You guys- Woah."
"Yeah."
"If you kissed him back, that means you liked it, right? Then, what's the problem?" She asked confused.
"That is the problem, Nina. I liked the kiss. I like Hunter. But he went MIA on me. He's been avoiding me ever since the kiss. I tried searching for him but it looks like he doesn't want to be found."
"What a douche. Maybe it's a good thing that Newt punched him because he deserved it." She said and then looked at me. "But I'm actually more surprised at you."
"Me?"
"Yeah. Usually, you would run away from your problems but this time you're facing them hard on. I'm proud of you." She smiled.
"I'm actually surprised at myself. I just feel this immense rage instead of the usual moping around."
"Maybe that is you fighting for him? Maybe you feel deep down that what you two have is something special."
I blinked as Nina's words reverberated through my mind. "Maybe."
"Is this what you needed my help for? To support you while you talk to Hunter's best friend?"
"Yeah. Is that okay? Sorry I dragged you here." I said scratching the back of my neck.
"It's fine. It isn't like I haven't dragged you anywhere. Now let's go and talk to scary guy over there." Nina said as she hooked her arm around mine and walked us towards Dare.
"Hey, Daredevil," I said getting the attention of Dare who seemed surprised at our sudden appearance.
"Hey. Hera, right?"
I nodded. "Yup. And this is my friend, Nina."
"Hey," Nina said to Dare.
Dare shifted his gaze from me to Nina. His eyes scanned her from top to bottom and I swear I saw them darkening. It was almost as if someone knocked the breath out of him, but he quickly covered that up and replaced it with an arrogant smirk.
I turned to Nina and found a nonchalant expression plastered on her face as her eyes were fixed on Dare. I knew that it was just a front she was putting on to look unaffected by Dare because of how tightly she was gripping my arm.
I stifled a laugh and forced myself to keep a straight face at these two's abnormal behavior.
"So, Hera, what are you doing here?" Dare asked me with his gaze never moving away from Nina.
"I wanted to ask you about Hunter."
That caught Dare's attention as he turned to look at me. "What about Hunter?"
"Do you know where he is? I've been trying to find him but he-"
"You've been searching for him?" Dare asked somewhat surprised.
I blinked. "Yeah."
Dare looked away. "He is such an idiot."
"What?"
"My best friend is a total idiot. Whatever you're thinking, you're right. He is avoiding you. But not because he doesn't like you or something but because he is scared." Dare said sincerely.
"Scared?"
"Yeah. Since I can tell that you really like him and care about him, I'm going to tell you where he will be after school."
"Oh. Thank you."
"It's no problem. Hunter has been through a lot in his life and it's very hard for him to trust people. It might seem like he has a huge group of friends but in reality, I'm his only friend that he can trust completely. It took me a lot of time and effort to get his trust, but it was worth it. Hunter is a good guy and he deserves to be happy. I hope you can work things out with him, Hera. I really do."
After checking thoroughly that I was hidden properly like a million times, I took a deep breath and waited anxiously.
Dare told me that Hunter would be going to the school library after school to return some books only because it was the due date. Hunter has been skipping school since that day so that was why I could never find him.
I wonder what he was scared of. When Dare told me that Hunter was avoiding me because he was scared, he didn't elaborate. I racked my brain for an answer, but nothing came to my mind.
So, that was why I was more than determined to talk to Hunter and clear things up. Even if it meant hiding behind a library trolley filled with books beside the wall that had the book drop.
Just then, I heard one set of footsteps getting louder. That only meant that someone is coming to where the book drop is at. I popped my head out just a little so that I could see who that someone was.
That person's back was to me and he was currently dropping all the books into the book drop. I slowly and silently got up and away from the trolley.
"Hunter."
Hunter instantly froze in his place. The remaining books that were in his hands fell to the floor due to what I guess was shock. He slowly turned around and met my eyes. I didn't know I could miss someone's eyes that much. I didn't know that was even possible.
"Hera? What are you doing here?" He asked confused and surprised.
"What do you think I do at the library, Hunter?" I smiled slightly as I remembered the times, he asked me that exact same question.
Hunter's jaws clenched. "How did you know I would be here? Are you stalking me for real now?"
Disbelief emerged inside of me as I frowned at Hunter's words and attitude. I found myself rendered speechless.
"What? You can't even say anything to save your reputation? I guess I was right all along." He smirked.
His arrogant behavior was starting to irk me. "What the hell is your problem, Hunter? Why are you being like this?"
"What am I being like?"
"Like someone who is the total opposite of the real you."
Hunter scoffed. He then walked right into my personal space and grabbed my wrist harshly while glaring at me in a way that was daunting. "This is the real me. And the real me wants you to stay the hell away from me."
He shot me one last glare and walked away. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding while I leaned on the wall for support as I felt my knees weakening. I knew Hunter could be intimidating but I never knew he could be terrifying.
My first instinct was to run away. Run away as far as possible from Hunter. But then what Dare said earlier popped into my head like a reminder as to why I should not run.
'He is avoiding you. But not because he doesn't like you or something but because he is scared.'
'Hunter has been through a lot in his life and it's very hard for him to trust people.'
'It took me a lot of time and effort to get his trust.'
'Hunter is a good guy and he deserves to be happy.'
It was as if a thousand bricks came falling on me in full strength as I finally figured out what the reason behind Hunter's uncanny behavior was.
And I just knew I had to go after him.
Taking in a deep breath, I gave myself a few words of encouragement before running out of the library so I could catch up with Hunter. I know he wouldn't be too far away.
I ran out of school and scanned the carpark for Hunter's car. After about a good ten seconds, I did spot it and I also spotted a figure walking somewhat angrily towards it. I quickly ran towards him and shouted his name when I'm within his hearing distance. Hunter halted in his step but didn't turn around.
"I know what you're doing. You're trying to make me hate you so that I won't try to be in your life. That's why you've been avoiding me, right? It's because of your parents, isn't it? Your birth parents?"
The ones who abandoned him. But I didn't say that out loud. I didn't want to accidentally hurt him.
"They're the reason why you're unable to trust people, isn't it? It's why there are only very few people in your life, right? You act like you have a big group of friends like you're some big bad scary guy when you're obviously not. All those rumors and your group are just a cover for you because it hides your vulnerability. Your real fear. Fear of people leaving you."
Hunter's clenched fists were now unclenched. I didn't know what to make of that but I knew I should just keep going.
"Hunter, I honestly don't know what it's like to have someone important in your life leave you. I have never experienced that. My father did leave me but I have never met him so it didn't have much of an impact on me. But I can only imagine what it does to someone. What it did to you."
I paused as I chose my words wisely in my head before saying them out loud.
"I'll fight for you, Hunter. I'll do my best to earn your trust. I'll wait patiently even if it takes years for you to trust me completely. I'll do anything if it means that I have a chance with you." I said meaning every word.
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