there's only so much of this precious time,

and i want to spend it by your side

tonight and every n i g h t

〰️〰️〰️

My mom's teary eyes were the first to spot me when I walked into the hotel lobby just ten minutes before the party was supposed to kick off. She was the last person I expected to be crying today, and I didn't even know what she could be crying about. I'd been married for seven months and tonight was purely an excuse to celebrate it.

If she was a blubbering mess now, I couldn't imagine how she would have been if she was at the actual eloping ceremony.

"She's already starting," Sutton mumbled to herself from where she was marching five steps ahead of me and Koa. Neither of us could keep up with her since we got out of their car in the parking garage, and instead of my big sister making sure I wasn't dragging the slight train of my gown, it was Koa's job. Over her shoulder, she called to me, "You deal with her. I have to go up and make sure everything's ready."

The flowy skirt of her orange maxi dress swayed with every step she took towards the elevators like a trail of fire left in her wake. It was a color that would have me feeling like a lanky pumpkin. Of course for Sutton, it worked. Seeing how good she looked almost made me regret not putting her in some drab bridesmaid frock, but I knew it didn't matter what she wore. My sister had the power to make even the frumpiest of outfits look runway-ready, and I'd always envy her for that.

"Koa! Come on."

At the barking of his name, her husband sighed. I laughed to myself and twisted toward him to take the fabric of my dress out of his hands. "I'll see you guys up there," I told him, knowing Sutton wasn't going to acknowledge me if I spoke to her right now. Her brain was on perfect-party-planner mode and nothing was going to get in the way of that.

"Lemme know if you need anything." Koa jerked his head towards my sister who was tapping her foot impatiently. "I'll make sure she doesn't throw a fit in the meantime."

I gave him a mock salute before the two of them disappear through the shiny elevator doors, with Sutton babbling away to no one in particular and Koa serving as her shadow. Once they were gone, I made my way to my parents.

"Oh honey," my mom cooed as I approached them. She was clutching the back of the plush chair that my dad was camped out in, calm and comfortable, completely the opposite of his wife.

"Mom, out of everyone I thought you'd have the strongest front tonight," I teased her.

She shook her head with a watered-down giggle and dabbed at the corners of her eyes. "You just look so beautiful."

"I clean up well when I want." I shrugged, brushing my hands along the front of my dress.

The dress Donatella made for me with her own two brilliant hands. I still couldn't believe she did it, but then again, she had a supernatural kind of talent so I never really doubted her.

We managed to do it, among all the mayhem of preparing for Fashion Week that was just around the corner. I didn't want to burden Donatella too much with any outrageous ideas, though she told me time and time again that this was her gift to me and I could make it as extravagant as I wanted. Immediately, I threw out the idea of a proper wedding gown. No frills, no puffy cupcake skirts, no matching lace veils. No "princess bride" bullshit. All I wanted was something kind of elegant, kind of sexy, and easy to dance in. And that was exactly what we came up with.

It was minimalistic. Classic. Effortless. A silky slip dress with a fitted top, drapey cowl neckline, and dainty thin straps that crossed in the back and stopped just above my tailbone. The perfect shade of ivory that wasn't too warm or too white; it almost looked like it shimmered if it hit the light a certain way. It was molded to my body without being too tight while still giving me a flattering shape. My signature slit along the length of one leg. It was everything I wanted and more. It was me.

I thought I would have to get on my hands and knees and beg her with tears in my eyes to come to the party since she never gave me a real answer on whether she would show up or not. By the time all was said and done with my dress, I didn't even have to say a single thing. She told me she'd sooner scrap her entire spring collection than miss out on seeing her creation come to life on me, and that was her way of accepting my invitation.

"What time is it?" I blurted as I glanced all around me for a clock. My phone was in a bag which was with Sutton, and I knew I wouldn't be seeing it much for the next few hours, nor did I want to. I was going to be as present and in the moment as possible, plus I knew Collin would get all the content I would ever need from tonight.

My dad pushed the sleeve of his suit jacket up and squinted at his watch. "Five fifty-six."

"Figures Gus would be running late today of all days," I muttered with an eye-roll. "Some things never change."

"That's marriage," he quipped, aiming a cheeky grin at my mom that she waved off.

"Seriously. You'd think maybe today he would–"

My rant got cut off by the sound of the revolving doors sweeping across the floor of the lobby, followed by footsteps and hushed male voices. I twirled around and sure enough, there was Gus with all of his cronies barreling through the entrance.

I'd be lying if I said my mouth didn't literally water at the sight of him. The slim-cut pants and matching jacket he picked out were a pale, smokey shade of gray, like a dressed-up version of his trusty sweatpants. I had to admit those joggers were probably my favorite look of his, but the man could rock a suit like nobody's business. His Saint Laurent boots he treasured were his shoe of choice, and I wouldn't have expected anything less. His haircut that had grown out perfectly over the last few weeks and the trimmed-up stubble coating his jaw just tied it all together.

His arrival would have been a lot more transcendent, had Dean not been the party animal that he was. Strolling in right behind Gus with a tipsy grin on his face and an obvious flush to his complexion.

"Who's ready to get married?" He bellowed, the sound bouncing off of every wall around us. "I know, I know. You're already married. But who's ready to celebrate it?"

Once the lot of them stopped in front of me, I let my focus travel over to Dean standing beside my husband. "Did you break into the booze at the pregame?" I asked, a knowing smirk twisting my lips.

"Maybe." He carelessly shrugged his broad shoulders. "So what? I gotta make a speech and I'm nervous as hell. Sue me."

I just chuckled to myself. "Fair enough. I'm not forcing you to make a speech, you know. I'm the last person that would ever do that to anyone," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but as the self-proclaimed best man, I have to. I've been waiting for this day for a long, long time and I deserve to make a toast to my brother," he said, roughly clapping Gus on the back with both of his hands. It pulled a hearty laugh out of him that stirred up a flurry of butterflies in my stomach as if it were the first time I'd ever seen him smile like that. When his eyes caught onto mine for a second, I had to bite down on my lip to keep myself grounded.

"Thanks, bro," Gus grinned sheepishly.

Dean turned to my parents, and despite the drunken twinkle in his eyes, he spoke clear as ever when he suggested, "Mr. and Mrs. B, want us to accompany you upstairs so we can give the newlyweds a minute alone?"

"That'd be lovely," my mom answered for the both of them. She tapped my dad on the shoulder as a cue to get up, then sent me a lifted eyebrow as if to say don't take too long, and I had no choice but to give her a compliant nod in return. I watched them all parade to the elevator with Dean as the leader, leaving the groom and me behind in the quiet lobby.

We stood in front of one another, our hands awkwardly hanging at our sides like we didn't know what to do with them. The image of Sutton upstairs pacing and panicking came into my head. I knew she was only going to keep it together for so long before she wondered where the hell the guests of honor were. Even if it was my party, I had no doubt she'd cause a scene if she had to.

"You know we have about thirty seconds until my sister has a conniption that we're not up there yet," I warned Gus, even though we were all well aware of Sutton's wrath.

"I know," he said, his hungry eyes appraising my attire as he raked a hand over his mouth. He didn't really seem to care if we were late or not. "I just wanted to take a few seconds for us."

I looked down at myself and jokingly asked, "Is my dress okay?"

To that, he nodded. "Donatella really outdid herself with this one," his voice dropped a notch, still inspecting every last inch of me, from shoulder to hem and back up again. And again.

"And you managed to tie your tie yourself," I cooed, the shiny gold pin sticking out of his left lapel catching my attention. It was the family crest I had made for him. One of the first real, expensive gifts I had given to him years and years ago that I hadn't realized he planned to wear tonight.

He shrugged a shoulder and finally met my eyes. "It's not as good as when you do it."

The corners of my mouth curled up at the simple sentiment, then I took a step forward to adjust his tie while holding his gaze. It was perfectly fine the way it was, but I couldn't help myself.

It was something so small and silly – fixing his tie for him – yet it meant as much to me as the day he slipped that diamond ring on my finger. My own silent vow of devotion. An I-love-you without speaking. An unspoken promise that I would always be there for him.

Always.

〰️〰️〰️

A neon sign declaring us as The Monahan's in bright pink script was hanging over our little table set for two, a simple phrase shedding light on how far we had come that every guest saw upon walking into the party. Draped over my chair was a black leather jacket with the words Bayla Monahan embroidered in gold thread on the tag inside, courtesy of my best friend for adding the personalized touch to my armor.

The massive glass doors at the far end of the room were propped wide open, leading out to a spacious balcony that overlooked the grimy city we called home. Twinkling lights were strung above to serve as our own starry sky once the sun went down, resembling the night that Gus re-proposed to me.

Our recommended cocktail list at the bar – among every beer, wine, and spirit you could name – consisted of Old Fashioned's, Mona-mule's, and the ever-reliable tequila shot with salt and lime included. By the time Gus and I made it up those thirty floors, I was in desperate need of all three.

Sutton was standing in the hallway right outside of our designated room when we got off the elevator. She spotted us immediately, squawking about "how fucking predictable" it was that we were late to our own party. I barely had enough time to process what was happening before she was commanding the DJ to announce our entrance and vigorously waving us on like a cracked-out choreographer. There were a lot of hugs, a lot of camera flashes (mostly on behalf of Collin), and a thumping bassline I could feel in my ribcage.

It was sensory overload in the best way possible, and it was the last time I was able to hear my own thoughts for the rest of the night.

My dad set the speeches in motion, of course, because he could never resist himself from "saying a few words". Although he was the most eloquent person I knew, he managed to get choked up right towards the end. When he said he'd never seen me so happy, and that Gus had been a part of our family from the start because he knew he was the one for me.

The feverish clinking of a spoon against a champagne glass was my sister's way of grabbing the spotlight from Keone, who I still couldn't believe flew all the way from Los Angeles to be here. It was only right that we invited him, even if he irked the shit out of me. He got me married and basically saved my relationship, so I had a microscopic soft spot for him, I supposed. Between the two of them, they made sure to remind everyone that if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be having this party. I couldn't say they were wrong.

I had a solid twenty minutes to enjoy my dinner before Gus and I were off to see every guest and thank them for coming. The only other time we got to ourselves was our first official dance as husband and wife, which I didn't think was a big deal at first. It wasn't until I was in Gus' arms in the middle of the marble checkered dancefloor that I felt a knot form in my throat. I gulped it down for the sake of not ruining my makeup and kept my head buried in his chest.

The rest of the night progressed just as I thought it would – drinks, dancing, more drinks, and even more dancing. I was spinning in circles with my niece, which for whatever reason was our signature move at every family function, and I needed a breather or else my dinner was going to make a reappearance. Madelyn didn't even notice when I swiftly passed her off to my dad when the song ended, who set her down on his toes and let her take the lead to the Bruno Mars hit I knew he had to have requested.

I made my getaway and sauntered over to Collin where he was standing by the doors to the balcony. Fallon was at his side, her cheek pressed up against his bicep as they scrolled through his fancy digital camera, while his tried and true film camera hung from his forearm.

"Hi you guys," I sang with a wide smile and stopped in front of them.

"You want a sneak peek at some shots?" Collin asked, jutting the camera towards me.

"Nah," I declined. "I trust you. Besides, I've had too much champagne, and whiskey, and who knows what the fuck else. I can't judge a photo right now."

He snorted at my answer. "It's your wedding, and you'll get wasted if you want to."

"Hell yes, I will."

Fallon delicately grasped my hand then, and I swore her face was glowing from the inside out when I looked at her. It could have been the actual light from outside since the sun was just starting to set, but then again she looked like that at all hours, no matter the time of day.

"You look amazing," she said to me with nothing but sincerity in her tone. "I'm so happy I could be here."

"Me too. Thank you for being a part of this. And I mean, you are..." I started off with the intention of returning a compliment. Instead I became the flustered, bumbling idiot I morphed into every time I was around Fallon.

How could I not? She had as many eyeballs on her as there were skyscrapers in Philly. Her chocolate brown waves were fit for a hair commercial, and the golden wash of color across her eyelids matched the glimmering ring between her nostrils. The dress she wore was all but breathtaking in a sage green color that complimented her caramel skin, flattering cutouts at the sides of her trim waist, and a Bayla-approved slit all the way down to the floor.

Clearing my throat, I tried again. "Collin, all I'll say is you're a very lucky guy," I concluded.

"Same could be said for Gus," he uttered, a smirk twitching at his lips.

I would have had a smart comeback ready, had I not seen his eyes dart back and forth to something behind me. It had me wishing I could see the reflection of whatever or whoever it was in his clear wayfarers. That way, I'd be slightly prepared to turn around and see Gus' dad approaching me with careful yet calculated strides.

My spine stiffened, shoulders squared, head held high like I was ready for him to critique my posture. It all mimicked a showdown in an old western movie – two rivals meeting to declare who owned this part of town. If I waited him out long enough, a tumbleweed had the chance of blowing by.

We hadn't spoken much during the night. Mainly at the beginning of the party when he and his wife initially congratulated Gus and me. Quick side hugs on his part and girlish shrieks from his other half. That was about it for my interactions with him. It was safe to say I had absolutely no fucking clue why he was coming up to me, by himself, without Mrs. Monahan or his son.

"Bayla, can I speak with you for a moment?" His voice was just as I always remembered. Mellow and mild, like the first summer night you didn't need a jacket for. The kind of weather we were having tonight. He followed up with, "I won't take much of your time."

"Of course," I rasped. The words felt like sandpaper against my tongue and I inwardly cringed at my failed attempt to appear indifferent. That frosty gaze of his could always make me crack.

I sent Collin a brief glance to dismiss myself and he nodded at me for extra reassurance, then I led the way outside onto the balcony. A few couples and small groups were scattered around the terrace, but I found a vacant spot against the railing where we could talk without worrying about an eavesdropper. Not that I had any idea what they could possibly eavesdrop on.

We both leaned an arm on the barrier, our eyes scanning over the buzz of the city that stirred below us. Sirens wailing. Horns honking. Dogs barking. People carrying on just footsteps away from where we stood and yet the two of us were silent. I sure as hell wasn't going to start this already painfully strained conversation, so I waited for him to initiate it.

He did so by releasing a weary sigh I swore his necktie was holding in. It was a side of him I hadn't ever seen before. It brought me a sense of ease because apparently, he was a person with emotions and a functioning heart. Not just an indestructible man, made of steel and disdain.

"This is extremely overdue, but I want to apologize for my behavior and my initial reaction when you and Gus told us you were married."

He didn't waste any time with small talk. I had to stop what the fuck from flying out of my mouth.

Gus and his dad hadn't hashed this out with one another as far as I was concerned. The infamous explosion over brunch at their house when we broke the news. We didn't so much forget about it as much as we just put it to the side. Placed it in a box, left it unlocked, waiting for the right moment to bring it to light again. I supposed Mr. Monahan chose now to be that moment.

"Truthfully, I was blindsided," he continued, a hint of shame in his voice that was so out of character for him. "I let my emotions come through first, rather than process the news and consider it from a different perspective. It was highly inappropriate and uncalled for. If you've thought any less of me because of it since that day, I completely understand. I didn't necessarily want to do this today of all days, but it couldn't wait any longer. I just want you to know that I am sorry, both for what I said then and for how long it's taken me to apologize to you. You have every reason not to believe me or forgive me."

I was always pretty good at holding conversations with adults. Not a strong suit I'd wish for, but it was what I had been gifted with. That being said, most adults were not like Mr. Monahan. He was a different kind of breed, the kind that could choke up even a world champion livestock auctioneer.