you are my glitter and my gloom,

i am so numb without y o u

〰️〰️〰️

My dad was a cop, and a damn good one at that which meant growing up, my siblings and I never got away with shit. It didn't stop us from being stupid; we were Barclay's and everyone knew we were out of control. It was in our blood, but in my dad's eyes, being his offspring did not equate to a pardon for our shenanigans.

We could be as crafty as we wanted with our lies, even if all four of us were in on it by concocting a foolproof story with zero potholes and every detail accounted for. He would still know the truth.

He knew way too much. Too many people in town that would rat us out to him if they caught us in any compromising situation. He knew what houses always hosted the parties and the second they got out of hand. He knew where we were at all times without even needing a tracker on our cell phones. He knew that despite his best efforts for most of our lives, he could never confine us.

He was a lieutenant so his ranking on the force was somewhere in the middle. He wasn't just a regular officer, but he still took orders from a captain and everyone above them. Essentially, he held a watch on our police squad and made sure they were doing their job of keeping everyone in our town safe. Since Clearloft was the most basic suburb you could ever imagine, he often got called in to patrol nearby neighborhoods for weeks on end. The craziest crime story I'd ever heard him tell about "The Loft" was when he and his team busted a crystal meth lab in the basement of the tiny apartment building that sat just on the outskirts of our so-called "pristine suburban paradise".

He was good at his job, and he was just an all-around good guy. Even with his career, he was always the one keeping things lighthearted which balanced my mother's militant methods of raising us. She was the stickler, he was the carefree soul. He was sharp, hilarious, and (best of all for his well-being) retired from the day I got my college degree.

When the last weekend in March rolled around and my entire family was planning to reunite in honor of my dad speaking at an awards ceremony for the guys currently on Clearloft's police force, I wasn't the least bit surprised. Lieutenant Calvin Barclay was highly admired by officers of all ages and he had an affinity for making speeches. It was only fitting.

It was also fitting that Gus and I took this weekend as our chance to tell our families about our drunken-elopement-turned-relationship-saver.

Gus and I hadn't seen either our families since Sutton's wedding. Ending phone calls early with my mom – or Gus' mom for that matter – was my go-to technique in ensuring I wouldn't blab the news. We blamed our recent absence in their lives for the last two months on being "super busy at work", which wasn't totally a lie. We were avoiding them at all costs until we were ready to tell them the truth.

Now that I was older and no longer living at home, it was easier to keep things from my parents. My dad couldn't keep track of where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing like he did when I was a teenager. My mom couldn't pry into the details of my life as much as she wanted to, though she still tried and for that, I gave her credit. Lying and secret-keeping had always come second nature to me – nowadays it was just a reflex.

I guess that was where Sutton got her detective genes from – our dad. Asher was the baby, the ideal child, the perfect specimen every parent wanted who could do no wrong. Poor Duncan, although he looked just like our father, was a forgetful blabbermouth who couldn't sneak around to save his life. I was the second youngest, the least paid attention to for the most part, and my siblings loathed me for it.

But keeping a secret as big as marriage? Couldn't even compare to stealing vodka from my parent's stash and replacing it with water when I was sixteen and getting away with it despite the fact that water had the capability of freezing while vodka did not.

I was wired from the minute Gus, Ziggy, and I left our apartment that weekend. We were on the road by 7:30 on Friday night and the two-hour drive to Clearloft felt like it took either a week or ten minutes, I couldn't decide. All I could think about while Gus and I bounced from topic to topic during the car ride was what the fuck I was even going to say to my family.

When we arrived at my childhood house and were warmly welcomed in by my parents and Asher, I said nothing. I kept a tight smile on my face, then made up an excuse about being tired. Therefore, Gus and I took turns showering and the night ended with us and Ziggy falling asleep in a pile in my old tiny bed in seconds.

In the morning, Duncan came over with Madelyn and joined us for breakfast. I still said nothing. We spent the rest of Saturday getting ready for the ceremony that didn't start until six o'clock. And I said... nothing.

There wasn't a single good time I could think of to bring up the elephant in the room that followed me around everywhere like an oversized ball and chain. Ideally, I wanted to break the news to everyone simultaneously and with Sutton missing for a majority of the weekend, I chickened out. The big ass bandaid I wanted to rip off in one go was hanging on by a thread that resembled my sister, who I wouldn't be seeing until the most inconvenient time – at the ceremony for my dad.

Gus and I were both fed up about it. We were in my bedroom, getting ready in our own ways with fifteen minutes until we had to leave for the ritzy venue where the ceremony was being held. His way of getting ready was much less time-consuming and stressful than mine.

"So uh... when are we gonna tell them about us? Or are we just never gonna say anything at all?" He asked from where he was lounging on my bed in his sweatpants.

"I don't know," I sighed, dropping the last chunk of hair I had wrapped around my curling wand. I ran my fingers through it a few times and carelessly spritzed my head with hairspray in hopes that the loose waves would hold up for the night. "I mean, everyone will be at the dinner tonight but I really didn't want to do it there. I don't wanna take the spotlight away from my dad."

"We're telling my parents tomorrow at brunch whether it's a good time or not. They need to know," he said matter-of-factly. As if I wasn't the one that planned the brunch with his mother in the first place.

"Yeah, you're right," I agreed. "Maybe... after the ceremony? I'm sure it won't get done that late. I could try to corral everybody into coming back here and then we make the announcement."

Gus snorted at that idea. "I think if it hasn't happened by now, it's not going down this weekend. We're gonna have to do it another time."

I watched him in the mirror as he rose from the bed and shuffled over to where I sat at my makeup desk. He stopped right behind my stool, his hands landing on my shoulders while our eyes met in the reflection.

"I just need you to know that I'm here for you all the way," he assured me, even though I didn't need the reassurance. "No matter what either of our parents says about this. Or if Sutton tries to shank us. It's me and you, and that's all that matters."

"I know you are," I smiled, twisting myself around in the matted fur stool and tilting my head up to look at him. "One thing at a time, right? We'll see how it goes over with your parents and then we can go from there with mine."

"Exactly."

I studied the fond smirk on his face, then elbowed him out of the way so I could stand up. We both still had to get dressed and now with only ten minutes to spare, I knew my mom would leave without us if we weren't downstairs in five.

The dress code for the banquet was black tie-optional which pretty much indicated that you should look your best. In most cases, the "optional" at the end of that phrase was irrelevant. I kept that in the front of my mind when choosing what outfit to pack for this weekend, thus I decided on a dress that had never failed me before.

As I changed out of my robe and shimmied the figure-hugging maxi up my body, a strangled noise came out of Gus across the room. Once I secured each thin strap on my shoulders, I looked over to see him ogling me.

"You're wearing your naked dress? Really?" His question was laced with a mocking discontent.

"Yeah, it's my faithful fancy dress." I shrugged, sparing an indifferent glance down at my attire.

It was all sarcasm. I wasn't the least bit apologetic about it, nor did Gus disapprove of it in the slightest. There were very few things in my closet that made me feel as confident as this dress did. From the slit up the side of one leg, the buff color that blended right into my skin tone, to the slinky ruched fabric that clung to every contour of my body from chest to hem. It was my favorite, for how anytime I put it on I felt unstoppable. Plus, it totally hypnotized Gus.

He grumbled to himself as he tore off his sweatpants and swapped them for his black slim-cut slacks. With crossed arms and an eyebrow raised in amusement, I watched him hastily button up his crisp white dress shirt. He tucked it into his pants, secured the belt, and when he reached for his suit jacket hanging on the back of my desk chair, I spoke up.

"Do you need help with your tie?" I asked in a teasing tone.

"Maybe."

I rolled my lips into my mouth to hide my grin, his stubborn gaze catching mine momentarily as I approached him. He silently draped the black skinny tie around his neck and I handled the rest, tweaking the two ends of the silky faux leather fabric until the knot was in the center. I could feel his eyes undressing me, but I kept my head down to playfully spite him.

Before I stepped away, I spotted the gold pin stuck in the left lapel of his jacket. It was a custom family crest I had designed for him to wear to our senior prom, and I gifted it to him on the day of. The fact that he still wore it from time to time stirred up distinct, tender nostalgia that warmed me from the inside out.

Gus huffed, finally gaining my attention. I pursed my lips in response, which prompted him to groan, "So you're gonna go tonight looking like that and I'm just not supposed to get a boner in the middle of fucking dinner?"

"Aw," I cooed dramatically as if this were a serious inconvenience for him, patting him on the chest in a consoling way. "I can't help it that you can't physically contain how much you love me. That's your problem."

His head dipped like he wanted to kiss me, but my mother's unmistakable foghorn of a voice thundered through the house and severed the moment.

"Bayla, you have sixty seconds to get down here!"

I gave him a cheeky smile and pecked his lips anyway. While I put on my nude heels, some lipstick, and a mix of gold chain necklaces, Gus slipped into his prized black Saint Laurent boots that I swore he would marry if I wasn't in his life.

As soon as the two of us were fully dressed and ready to go, we descended the stairs hand-in-hand, but our left ring fingers were bare like they had been since we got here. I didn't like it at all.

〰️〰️〰️

Whatever my expectations were for this ceremony, they were immediately blown away when we got to the venue. The building used to be a library built in the late nineteenth century but had since been renovated into a beautifully regal space that was popular for hosting weddings, galas, proms, and so on. I was fairly certain they still held actual balls here, and I thought those were a thing of ancient history.

It was also stricter than I anticipated. It was classified as "adults only" which meant Duncan couldn't even bring Madelyn. Since he watched her solely on the weekends, my mom scrambled to call her parents as babysitters while we all went to the ceremony without them. Considering this, Asher was lucky he just about made the age cutoff by being eighteen or else he'd be at home too.

Basically, it was super fucking formal. I was dumbfounded at how over-the-top it was.

By the time the main part of the ceremony had concluded – meaning all the speeches had been made and awards were given out – I was two drinks deep at a table for ten. We had eaten dinner and all the guests were free to mingle, occupy the marble dance floor, or pay a visit to the bar. Rather than do any of the aforementioned, everyone at my table was confined to their chairs.

Guys on the police force kept popping over to talk to my parents while my grandparents observed my dad in awe, not wanting to miss a moment of their son in his element. Duncan was awfully quiet for the majority of the night and only got up to replace his beer anytime he finished one. Asher, Gus, and Koa were nonstop chattering away like they were at their personal manly book club. Sutton was in a trance with Koa and every move he made like he was the sole creator of the earth. I finished off my second cocktail and scarcely started to feel the effects of the whiskey; I wasn't drunk, I wasn't even sure if I was properly buzzed. It tasted like there was alcohol in these drinks, but the lack of inebriation made me wonder if they were gypping us because it was an open bar, after all.

I wasn't planning on drinking too much tonight. Pretty damn unbelievable considering I was the token roaring drunk at family events, but I wanted to pull it together somewhat for my dad's sake. I would never be able to forgive myself if I caused a scene on his night. When I found out that the bartender could indeed make me an Old Fashioned, I caved. But like I said, they were weak.

Somehow, the boys' conversation transitioned into my least favorite person as the subject. I didn't want to participate, but I found my ears lending to their voices anyway. Besides, whether I wanted to admit it or not he did sort of change my life for the better.

"How's Keone doing?" Asher directed the question at Koa with genuine curiosity. I had to hold back my eye-roll at the mention of his name.

"He actually just booked a new show," Koa said, and his enthusiasm was infectious. "He's so hype about it. Doesn't know too many details yet, but I know it's a pretty major role."

"I like him, he's really fun to be around," Asher chirped.

Of course, Keone would be the one to corrupt my little brother. Sutton vocalized my thoughts on the spot.

"We all know Bayla's not his biggest fan," she scoffed, which earned her a look of bewilderment from her husband that she took no notice of. At least she and I could agree on something. "Can you blame her? He's always hitting on her. I know he's your best friend but he's a perv."

Gus' hand that was curled around my thigh under the table tightened its hold on me.

At Sutton's declaration, Koa's eyes landed on me, so I gave him a timid nod for an answer and he grimaced as if he were the one at fault. "E kala mai. I didn't know that."

I dismissively waved my hand at this whole discussion and said, "It's all good. I can't stand him but I do kind of owe him my life."

"Why?" Koa chuckled in confusion, furrowing his thick brows.

"Well, he helped us elope–"

The words came tumbling from my lips before my lagging ass brain could catch up. What started out as a promisingly bold reply quickly tapered off into a regretfully conscious whisper.

It could have been the diluted whiskey talking. It could have been a lapse of concentration on my behalf. It could have been that I was so used to Gus and I being married that it just felt completely normal.

For a second, I thought that maybe I didn't actually say it. The term elope came out so painstakingly slow, like the last few drops of honey oozing from the bottle, that maybe nobody understood it. Against the clashing of two hundred or so voices in the room plus the background music, it was damn near impossible to hear.

I was proven wrong when I looked around my table and saw everyone had stopped whatever they were doing to gawk at me.

Gus leaned closer to me then so his mouth was by my ear as he murmured, "I think we have to explain ourselves now."

You couldn't have paid me to squeak another word out. I was shellshocked to the core, frozen in time and too busy wishing I was dead. I had come so far by going to therapy with Gus. I was learning so much about opening up and communicating. I was getting better at it, but damnit, therapy did not prepare me for this.

Gus cleared his throat before he spoke up for both of us. "So um, obviously this isn't how we planned to tell you all... but Bayla and I eloped."

A monsoon of questions – who what where when why how – hit us in full force. I even heard a "you guys are kidding, right?" from my mom. I couldn't answer any of them.

All I managed was to raise a shaking finger in my sister's direction, my mouth parting like I wanted to say something but not a sound came out. From across the table, her bloodthirsty gaze was already fixed on me. I could see Cyclone Sutton brewing in the distance and this time, I couldn't run from it.

"We did it in Hawaii," Gus shouted over everyone, drawing them into silence and squashing their interrogation. They all listened with bated breath and beady eyes as he continued. "It was the night of the wedding when we left the reception early. It wasn't planned. We were very intoxicated when it happened. Keone took us to the chapel because we were joking about getting married and he told us he knew a guy so that's why he got involved. Next thing we knew, we were walking out of there with rings on our fingers. It's been hard, but we're happy and we've been trying to figure out a way to tell you guys ever since. We're sorry it took us so long."

He spoke so earnestly as if the story wasn't outright asinine. As if this whole thing were a rational, day-to-day occurrence. Much to my surprise, Sutton still hadn't reacted but the scorching effect of her stare had me feeling like I just took a step on the sun.

Instead, Koa was the first to say something. He shook his head incredulously and asked, "Wait, Reverend Henekai?" When Gus nodded in confirmation, his eyes lit up. "Brah, I haven't seen him in a long time! He's a great guy. You know, I thought about having him do our wedding but he only does small private ones so–"

"Why are you chitchatting right now, Koa? Did you hear what he just said?" Sutton cut him off with an impatient, frenzied shriek.

"Yes, mau loa, I heard him. Loud and clear," he smiled wryly, then added on as an afterthought, "Exactly like I'm hearing you now."

Cyclone Sutton ignored his remark. She was about to touch down and take us all with her, and it wasn't going to be pretty.

"I didn't know when I demoted Valerie from being my Maid of Honor that I was replacing her with her understudy."

At the mention of the snake, Duncan sitting next to me visibly stiffened. I peeked at him from the corner of my eye but I kept my mouth shut. Sutton must not have noticed; her verbal onslaught was set in motion and nothing could stop her.