'cause you show me something

i can't live w i t h o u t

〰️〰️〰️

I made a promise to myself long ago that once I came out of Sutton's wedding alive, I was done celebrating things for the rest of the year. That wasn't entirely feasible, considering my family thrived on festivities of all kinds and my life didn't seem to have a pause button for any of it.

Especially not for Collin's twenty-fourth birthday.

It had been months since we all got together – Collin, Jax, Seb, the whole squad. I knew we all had our own busy lives to attend to and growing up sometimes meant growing apart, but I was not about to allow that. Now that I had gotten through the wedding and fashion week, the timing couldn't have been more perfect for us to reunite.

Although Collin despised it, I refused to let this occasion slip by unnoticed. Having been a leap year baby meant the last time we got to properly acknowledge his birthday was four years ago. Everyone, with myself being the ring leader, deemed it worthy of having an ass-kicking party. Collin always thought the complete opposite.

Deep down, I think he struggled with processing his emotions – it was his inferiority complex. Like he didn't matter as much, he was lesser than the rest of us. What was once jealousy as a child for not having a "normal" birthday developed into pure hatred and a habit of rejecting the date. Though he never admitted this to me, I knew him just about as much as I knew Gus. He didn't have to admit it.

This year, while considering his wishes for a low-key night, I figured having all of our friends meet at our favorite watering hole for a night of strong drinks, pool, and the best shoestring fries would suffice.

When Saturday rolled around, after coming home from Milan in one piece and adjusting into my new day-to-day married life, Collin thought just the two of us were going out for a quiet dinner. I told him we were making up for missing our weekly meetup on Wednesday, blaming it on my severe jetlag. It was partially true, but it also helped make him completely unsuspecting to the plan.

The February air was crisp as we scurried across the busy intersection arm-in-arm until we reached the entry doors of Cruiser's. Collin pulled open the door for us, stopping in the threshold to let the bouncer check our IDs with our arms still latched together before we went on our way.

The moment our eyes adjusted to the familiar space, and the dim colored lights revealed our friends dispersed around the room, his astonished gaze swung around to meet me.

"You didn't."

"Oh, I did," I grinned.

It was fleeting, but I saw the way his lips lifted into a content little smile as he surveyed the scene. The bar teeming with warmth and love and people that were gathered for him. He didn't have to admit it – his feelings were written all over his face.

I did my own inspection of the room and spied Gus leaning against the pool table, a beer bottle in hand, accompanied by Dean and the rest of his cronies. Whatever they were discussing during their lax game of pool had them all suddenly howling with laughter that swallowed every other conversation in the bar. His smile lit up the whole place and if my arm wasn't already interlocked with Collin's, I would have charged right through the crowd to him. The collared shirt with the rolled-up sleeves and teeny bit of scruff he hadn't shaved off yet was working its magic on me.

Collin bumped his shoulder against mine, terminating my daydream.

"This is great," he confessed. I hadn't expected to see his eyes darken when I turned to him, his expression quickly warping into discomfort. It forced my eyebrows together in concern at his sudden change in demeanor. "I'm gonna say hi to some people first, but I really need to talk to you about something. It's kinda serious. I was hoping we could do it tonight at our dinner."

"Oh, okay. I'll uh... I'll go get us drinks. Meet me over at the bar when you're done?" I suggested.

With a nod and another quirk of his lips that didn't reach his eyes, our arms separated. The birthday boy was swarmed with hugs as I veered left and wedged myself through the wall of people congregating by the bar to put my order in. Some of them were friends, but most were strangers that I'd come to vaguely know from spending so much time here. Hiding between them, along with the buzzing volume of the music that ranged from treasured oldies to novel indie hits, was a safe enough spot where we could have this serious talk that Collin wanted without getting interrupted.

By the time the bartender got to me, made my drinks, and took my card to open a tab, I felt a hand brace against the small of my back. I took the glasses brimming with whiskey and with one in each hand, I carefully twisted my head around to see Collin right beside me.

"I got us Old Fashioned's," I said, "Duh."

He grabbed one of the drinks with a crooked, thankful smile and clinked it against my own before we took a sip. I pulled my glass down a moment later and he was still guzzling his, leaving him breathless once he came up for air. His apprehension was far too obvious, but I couldn't let it affect me. One of us had to remain at ease and I knew it wasn't going to be him.

"So, what did you wanna talk about?" I asked calmly but frankly, so we could get straight to the point.

He nudged his wayfarers up the bridge of his nose with his free hand. I pretended not to notice how jittery his fingers were as he did it.

"I'm gonna say it, and I need you not to freak out," he begged, to which I nodded in agreement. The suspense was oppressing, nagging me to scream just spit it out! but somehow I held my tongue. He inhaled roughly and in one garbled sentence said, "I've been hanging out with a girl."

My jaw wanted to drop. My eyes wanted to pop out of their sockets. My legs wanted to give out so I'd be a stupefied pile of limbs and blonde hair on the floor.

Instead, I appraised his words with every ounce of self-control I could muster and stared back at him with what I thought was an impassive look on my face. Judging by his face, it probably came across as more disturbing than anything.

He cocked an eyebrow, pursing his lips. "You look like you really wanna smile but you just got Botox and you've lost all feeling in your face."

"S-sorry," I stammered with a shake of my head. "I wasn't expecting you to say that. Continue, please. I'm ready."

"Her name is Fallon," he went on. In my head, I obnoxiously sang Collin and Fallon, how freaking cute. "I met her at this shoot I did for this local sustainable clothing company. She was like, the director of the whole campaign. We clicked right away. I totally understood her vision but she also let me have my creative freedom too, which was cool. At the end of the day, we swapped numbers and we've been texting ever since."

"When was this?" I asked, which was only my first of many questions.

"The week you left for Hawaii and I didn't tell you about her because I wasn't sure if it would even amount to anything. Plus, you had so much going on with the breakup, the wedding, and then you got married and went to fashion week. I didn't want to throw that on your plate, too," he rapidly explained himself as if he were apologizing for keeping this news from me. "Now that we've been texting for a few weeks, I just wanted to get this off my chest and talk to you about it."

"Collin, it's fine," I urged, reaching out to squeeze his bicep in reassurance.

And it was. Collin hadn't talked to me about a girl in... ever. Probably not since high school, which was a strange, troubling time for him before he discovered how he felt about sex and intimacy. I never pressured him about it and I never wanted him to feel obligated to tell me just because I was his best friend. That's not how it was with us.

He was a tough egg to crack. He opened up on his terms, which were about as often as his birthday. Like I was a professional at hiding my emotions, he was a professional at privacy in all aspects. I could have had a much more maniacal reaction to Collin revealing this tidbit of information to me, but we understood each other better than that. If I did, it would have caused him to creep back into his shell and we wouldn't have gotten anywhere.

Still, I had to admit that I felt absolutely giddy over this as if it were my own relationship.

"Have you guys hung out at all?" I couldn't hide my smirk anymore.

"Twice." He nodded, pausing to take another gulp of his cocktail. "We got drinks the same weekend you moved back in with Gus. She lives in Old City so we went to some little bar by her. Then we went out bowling last weekend, and obviously you were in Milan so I didn't mention it to you."

"That's good," I smiled in an attempt to ease the tension that was radiating off of him and grabbing me by the throat.

"It is," he said, slowly nodding as if he were trying to convince himself. "I'm just scared to get close to her. Fucking terrified, really. I know I'm getting ahead of myself here since we haven't even gotten remotely close to this happening, but I can't help it. I'm scared if a certain situation comes up and I have to tell her that I don't do the whole... sex thing. I mean, what's she gonna say? What is she gonna do? What am I gonna do? What if it ruins everything like it has in the past?"

I shrugged a shoulder and sighed, "Hey, if it comes up, it comes up. I don't think you should feel like you have to walk around with a billboard on your forehead broadcasting that to people. If she genuinely likes you, it won't be a dealbreaker for her. If she's the right girl, she'll like you for you. All you can do is be totally open and honest with her, and then the ball is in her court. You can't force her to do or think anything just like she can't force you to do something."

I had no idea who I thought I was offering advice to someone, but Collin seemed to approve of it because he started nodding again. Hearing it all back in my head made me think I should listen to myself more often.

"It's just been a while, you know? This is why I don't date. I don't know what I'm doing," he chuckled wryly.

"Collin, none of us do," I snorted.

"Well, I know you don't."

Scoffing in mock offense, I fired back, "I hope she can at least deal with your insults."

That got a real chuckle out of him now as he tousled his hair around. "I really do like spending time with her. I haven't felt this way about a girl in so long. It's... weird. I would have invited her tonight but like I said, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."

"Just take it slow; one thing at a time. Enjoy it," I said, "I'm happy this seems like it's working out for you so far. You deserve the world, Coll, honestly. You're a fucking prize and I hope she realizes that. But no matter what happens, I got your back. Always."

"Thanks," he crooned, the corners of his mouth lifting fondly.

I knocked our cups together again as a response. "I love you. Now let's go celebrate your birthday because we won't get to do it for another four years," I chirped before leading the way out of the mob so we could find our friends and actually get this shindig started.

"Speaking of, what'd you get me?"

The words left his mouth and I felt myself stumble in my steps. A flashback of me leaving my apartment to meet Collin outside my building, empty-handed and failing to remember to grab his gift box came to mind.

I had gotten him a handmade wooden watch while I was browsing for Christmas presents two days before the holiday. The merchant said it could take up to ten weeks between creation and delivery, so I ordered it then just to be safe. Now, it didn't even matter.

"Damnit!" I cried out. "I left it sitting on my kitchen countertop. I'm a jackass."

Collin let out an obnoxious cackle, clearly amused by my idiocy as he yanked me into a chokehold and muttered, "That's why you're my other half."

I wriggled out of his arms and jokingly shoved him away, both of us still laughing as we went in different directions. He immediately found Jax and Seb while I drifted over to the pool table, approaching Gus and Dean who were in some kind of lighthearted argument that I only caught the tail end of.

"Dude, you're dreaming," Dean sneered. "Sweet potato fries are the best fry. No competition."

"Have you ever even had their shoestring fries here? They're life-changing!" Gus exclaimed in retaliation with raised hands.

"Fuck your lame-ass shoestring fry."

"That's my husband you're speaking to and I really don't care for your tone," I snapped at Dean, but the threat clashed with the grin on my face.

His previously crossed arms fell to his sides and he beamed when he realized it was me who cut into their potato debate. "Oh shit, it's the wifey," he cooed.

"Yeah and if you come at him again, we're gonna have a serious problem," I said, snaking my hand around Gus' back and nuzzling myself into his side as if I were an extension of him.

"It's good to see you guys like this," he commented. "I knew you were always gonna end up back together. Everyone did. But this time around, it's like you're both new people. I don't know what happened in Hawaii, but it treated you two real good."

"It did," I agreed as a blazing blush engulfed me from head to toe.

My sheepish reaction made Dean chuckle, his eyes catching my left hand that rested flat against Gus' chest. When his smile widened, I knew he saw the ring. The least bit glamourous kind of ring – a mere piece of plastic – but it was my most prized possession now and nothing could change that.

Gus leaned into my ear then, murmuring, "I am so attracted to you right now."

"Well it's a good thing we're married," I mimicked his low tone.

"Hey, catty girl!"

I whipped my head around to see that the remark came from across the pool table. A tall frame, dark shoulder-length hair, a flannel, and a pool stick in hand were the only attributes I could identify in the poor lighting of the bar.

The figure stepped out of the game and came over to us, as Dean clapped him on the back when he got within reach. When I saw his boyish grin up close, my skepticism vanished and my pinched face relaxed into a small smile.

"Dalmatian dude," I quipped for a greeting. "I hardly recognized you without the black and white outfit."

"As soon as I saw you with your other half, I remembered you," he said, jutting his chin out towards Gus. "How's it going? By the way, my name's Harley... but Dalmatian dude works too."

"Bayla, was he trying to hit on you at my Halloween party?" Dean chimed in, an amused twinkling in his eyes with his hand still clamped on Harley's shoulder. "I'm sorry about him. He's a certified horndog."

"Suddenly the costume makes sense," I mused, which made Harley playfully roll his eyes.

Dean gestured to me with an outstretched hand, and Harley's gaze followed until it landed on my wedding band. "She's married, man. Don't be a homewrecker."

"No shit," Harley gasped with a dumbfounded smirk. "I thought you guys were just dating. When did that happen?"

"Actually... it's almost our one month anniversary." I turned to look at Gus as a blissful smile tugged at my lips when I realized the date. "And since there's no February thirty-first, it might as well be tonight."

We stared at each other in wonder, thinking how the fuck had a month already gone by. Thinking about how far we'd come in such a small window of time. Thinking about who we were a matter of weeks ago and that I hardly remembered those people now. Thinking Donatella was right.

Thinking, God, I love this man and that's all that really matters. It's as simple as that.

As a man whose favorite pastime was drinking in honor of any accomplishment, big or small, Dean raised his glass high into the air.

"I want to propose a toast," Dean announced, his thunderous voice gathering far more attention than I thought he would. Everyone around us had their glasses up whether they knew what they were toasting to or not. All I could do was laugh in embarrassment and lift my own glass as well. "To the newlyweds. May you live a long, happy, prosperous, dope-as-fuck life together."

There were a few random whistles and low cheers that ensued, while Gus was laughing as he asked, "Can you follow up prosperous with dope-as-fuck in a toast?"

"I don't know, but I just did it," Dean said proudly as we all took a sip from our drinks, then he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before adding on, "And if you guys ever do have a real wedding and I'm your best man – which I'd better fucking be – I'm gonna say it again."

A real wedding.

I almost got too excited about it. Until I remembered that would require telling our families we eloped in the first place.

But I guess that was our next official order of business as newlyweds.

〰️〰️〰️

A/N - ayeee our favorite golden boy collin is making MOVES!!! are we proud??? i had quite a few people asking me if anything was going to happen for him in this story, and this chapter could be your answer :) do we see a happy ending for him?? do we want to meet this new mystery girl??? also HOW have my kids already been married for a month?!?!! ugh i cry. this chapter has a shit ton of dialogue and i'd be lying if i said it didn't stress me out, but we did it.

so how are we DOING folks?! i have been quarantined in my home for the last week or so and apparently they are saying it could last for 10-12 weeks total! times are... weird. idk what's going on. just taking one day at a time and hoping for the best. 2020 really just said "Fuck Y'all" and that's that. at least this social distancing thing is giving me a ton of free time which hopefully means i'll be able to write more for y'all! (let's not get our hopes up too high tho bc i'm still the slowest writer ever lol)

i can't believe we're winding down with this story. i keep saying that but i'm still in disbelief over it. CRAZY. i've been writing about gus and bayla for almost 2 years now!!! i really don't wanna give them up but i know i'll have to eventually. let's not think about it yet.

THANKS for reading and still putting up with me and for being so loyal and amazing. you guys are great. i love ya LOTS.

xoxo, sabbbycat