somehow i'm full of forgiveness,

i guess it's meant to b e . . .

〰️〰️〰️

I was the first one up the next morning. No alarms, no rude awakenings, no disturbances. My internal clock had my eyes opening at seven on the dot and when I came to, it seemed like neither Gus or I moved at all overnight. We were in exactly the same position from when we fell asleep.

It had me temporarily debating if I should go to bed before nine every night. The thought then became an impossibility when I remembered I was twenty-three and that would never happen.

Gus was still dormant when I slithered out of his arms, but Ziggy was up when he sensed me make the first move to leave the bed. That dog had a way of knowing my every move, especially when it was around the time for him to eat. I had to give him credit though, he definitely wasn't stupid that's for sure.

The two of us crept out to the kitchen after I slid my feet into a pair of slippers, neglecting to put on pants and figuring Gus' oversized t-shirt would suffice. Without making too much of a ruckus, I turned on the coffee maker and got together Ziggy's breakfast.

He gobbled it all up before the coffee even had a chance to start brewing.

"Damn, dude. It's like I never feed you," I muttered, kneeling down by his bowl to pet him as he nuzzled his head into my hand.

While scratching his chin, I stretched my other arm out behind me to open the cabinet that housed all of Ziggy's things like food, treats, medicine, brushes, and so on. Usually he could hear us opening the door to it from a mile away, but he was too zoned into my scratches to notice.

I sneakily grabbed a treat for him and kept it hidden in my fist. It didn't take long for him to catch a whiff of it, his eyes ogling my hand and the tip of his tail twitching.

"Gimme your paw," I told him, and he did exactly that after sitting down. "Other one. Okay, good boy. Here you go."

The fake bacon in my palm was gone in the blink of an eye. I just smiled at him, giving him one last pat on his head before standing up.

Since our coffee maker always seemed to be in its own world and took centuries to do its job, I hopped on top of the island versus taking a seat at one of the stools and scrolled through my phone to kill some time.

There was something so strangely fulfilling about sitting on a counter top instead of a chair. The only downside was how shockingly cold the surface was against the back of my bare thighs, which had a hiss involuntarily leaving my lips when it happened.

It was rare that I got to have a morning to myself in our apartment. Gus would routinely be the first one awake, followed by Ziggy who got up whenever anyone made any sort of movement because it meant breakfast, and then I was last. Due to Gus' dalliance with a whole lot of whiskey and Irish cream yesterday at the luncheon, today was different.

I took it all in; the serenity I had no idea my apartment was capable of having. The moments I often missed in the mornings because I was either sleeping or pressed for time, forever unable to have an easygoing start to my days. It was a type of calm I wasn't used to. The only way our place was ever this peaceful was when it followed an argument or we were just too tired to communicate.

It was so sublime that I almost didn't notice the toilet in our bathroom flushing.

My eyebrows knit themselves together, staring at our open bedroom door and waiting for a sign of life. A minute later, the culprit emerged. Gus, with the unmistakable glow of a hangover radiating off of him and a pair of well worn gray joggers as his only form of apparel. The sight made me smirk.

I didn't say anything as he shuffled over to me, his eyes barely open and locked on the ground. He didn't speak either. He just wedged himself between my knees, curled his arms around me, and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

The coffee maker beeped as the steaming liquid began pouring itself into the carafe. Neither of us budged to get it.

"Thanks for yesterday," Gus suddenly spoke up, his voice hoarse and tickling my skin. He cleared his throat then, his allergies making that one of the sounds I was most familiar with in the morning.

I blinked, running my hands along his exposed back from his lack of wearing a shirt. "For what?" I whispered. It was so abnormally quiet that I felt if I spoke too loud, it'd ruin everything.

He pried his face away from my neck, keeping his hands fastened on my waist. His eyes trailed down my body thoughtfully, and he smiled. "For being so good with my family, and for being so damn supportive. You're always there for me when I need it. You're so, so good to me and sometimes I think I take that for granted."

"That's what you do when you love someone," I said cheekily. I took one of my hands and traced my fingertips along his jawline as our eyes finally connected.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted yesterday... but I handle death really weird and you know that. It shouldn't be an excuse though, so I'm sorry. Not just for yesterday either. For a lot of things. I know I'm not the best, but I'm trying."

A wave of modesty came over me at his words, a blush painting its way across my complexion. All this soul-stirring talk and sheer affection from Gus was unusual. He'd get sentimental and serious easily with the help of liquor, and it was always to a syrupy point where I'd almost gag. Our relationship wasn't like that in real life on the daily. We didn't have a cloying kind of romance that made you roll your eyes. We were real and raw, romantic in our own fucked up way.

I shrugged a shoulder and a coy, sideways smile appeared. "Whatever. I'm not the best either, so... it's okay," I said under my breath and my gaze left his.

I didn't know what else to say – my brain couldn't come up with a proper response to words I hardly heard.

"No, not whatever, Bayla," he urged, his hand tilting my chin up so I'd look at him again. "I love you. Always will."

Then I really knew it was a rare morning when my eyes centered in on his. Blue on blue, but there was no contest on the intensity of his; a vivid sapphire that spoke more than words ever could. They were either warm and inviting like the waters bordering an island, or as frosty and forbidding as a stormy sky.

They resembled the former on a whole new level. I'd never be able to make sense of how someone's gaze could hold the promise of something better. I only wished I possessed that gift.

"I love you, too," I easily replied, "Always."

The coffee was done, but nothing else mattered more than the man in front of me.

My fingers laced themselves together behind his neck, our eye contact as steady as ever. I pulled myself closer to him with my hands at the same time he pulled me in by my hips, forcing our lips to meet from the absence of space between us.

It was so brief I thought I imagined it.

Gus drew back and I could tell he was stifling a grin. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What?" I asked brusquely, wondering what he could possibly be thinking of to sabotage the moment.

"Thanks for turning me down last night," he said, and he allowed his grin to show now. "You really know how to put up with my annoying ass."

I hummed in thought, my lips pursing. "After all these years, I think I've finally become an expert at it." He nodded at that, his eyes not leaving mine as I continued, my voice low and teasing. "It was a tough decision, but I had to do it. Didn't want to take advantage of my wasted boyfriend when I was like, excruciatingly sober."

His smile softened to a fond, lopsided one. "Another reason why you're so good to me," he crooned, ever so mellow.

"Eh, I guess you're not so bad yourself either. I mean, you must do something right for me to keep sticking around."

He rolled his eyes with a shake of his head, and I couldn't hide the chuckle that escaped through my nose in uneven breaths. I was still smiling when his lips landed back on mine and he swept me off the counter like I was weightless, my legs locking around him once his hands were the only thing keeping me up.

But I knew he'd never let me fall.

〰️〰️〰️

I made it to my work meeting by the skin of my teeth. With one minute and thirty seconds to spare, precisely. Though it wasn't out of the ordinary for me to be running late for work on a weekday, Saturday monthly meetings were something else entirely.

Gus and I were in our bed for far, far too long. He offered to drive me to work, knowing that calling a cab would've been yet another horrible decision made by me. Since he was half the reason why I'd be late and had nothing else planned for the day besides my sister's party later, he felt like he had to make it up to me one way or another.

I didn't get to eat anything, nor enjoy any coffee I'd made. I ended up chucking it into a travel thermos with a splash of creamer and draining half of it down my throat in the car ride to Donatella's studio. No makeup, matted hair, and my obligatory all-black outfit was how I showed up at the office, barreling through the glass doors like a convict who just escaped prison and was finally in a safe zone.

Nadia, who was sitting at her desk across the room from mine and looking annoyingly stunning for the hour it was, opened her mouth to probably satirize me when she heard me enter the room. Once she looked up and saw me – taking in the rosy tint to my face and the spot on the back of my head where my waves laid strangely flat – she held her tongue.

All I got then was a suggestive smirk, to which I retaliated with two middle fingers.

Donatella being late herself was a godsend. Dumb luck was on my side for the rest of the day when the meeting ended up to be just under two hours, which was pretty damn good for how long they could go given the chance the devil was working overtime. Whatever stars were aligned for me stayed that way until I got to the ballroom where Sutton's "Bon Voyage" party was being held.

Gus and I arrived, hand in hand with giddy smiles on our faces, unsuspecting of anything because we were too busy reflecting on our morning and how we reenacted it when I'd gotten out of work. We were three hours early for the purpose of helping set up, but still managed to be an hour late. I'd told Sutton we got stuck in traffic; a believable excuse considering we lived in the city and the roads were regularly jam-packed with cars. We also had to drop Ziggy off at my parents' house since we'd be crashing there after the party, so between the nonexistent traffic and my dog, I thought I had a solid case.

My sister eyeballed me the second the waffled soles of my sneakers touched the linoleum flooring of the designated party room and I knew she didn't believe any of it.

"Oh, good!" Her exclamation laced with sarcasm bounced off the walls. I bristled as if it were our mother scolding me, but it may as well have been. "You decided to show up. Fantastic."

"We hit some traffic. Sorry," I said casually, doing everything I could not to laugh as Gus squeezed my hand.

"Traffic, my ass," Sutton snapped, stopping before us with her hands on her hips. Her eyes darted from mine to my boyfriend's, narrowed in suspicion. "I was checking the maps every fifteen minutes. There was no traffic. Where the hell were you?"

Sutton's voice, much like our mother's, could capture the focus of practically anyone. The room was gigantic and had an echo like no other. That being said, the rest of the bridesmaids who were previously decorating the walls with colorful paper flowers were now watching our exchange with curiosity and muffled giggles. So were my parents, the DJ and his crew setting up their equipment, and the whole catering staff. Koa seemed to be the only one unbothered as he shook his head at his fiancé's temper and continued sweeping.

"Answer me," my sister bellowed when all I responded with was a blank stare. I wouldn't have been surprised if the tone she just used summoned the flames of hell to arise and consume me.

"I had a meeting... we got lunch... we got distracted," I fumbled for an explanation, avoiding her fiery gaze like how I was avoiding the details of the truth.

She inhaled with purpose and I saw her cross her arms from the corner of my eye. I knew I'd have to deal with her heinous alter ego of a bride the second I lied to her about being caught in traffic. I had to turn a blind eye to how my heart rammed its way into my windpipe when I initially sent the text.

Essentially, I guess I got what I asked for. No one could fool Sutton, especially when it came to something pertaining to her wedding. The supposed "happiest day of her life" that we were all dying to be over.

"Fine. Since whatever you were doing was more important than this, you can take Koa's job and sweep." The order spilled out of her mouth like that was all she was meant to do in life.

"Mau loa, come on. Ease up, will you?" Koa called out from across the room in disapproval. He'd given her the nickname that meant "forever" in Hawaiian from when they first began dating. I wasn't sure how he'd want to put up with her forever, but bless his soul for wanting to.

Sutton cast him a sharp glance and he only sighed. I respected the sympathetic look he gave me, but if there was anyone to feel sorry, it should have been me for him.

"Okay," I said, hiding a wry smile as best I could. "I'm just a bridesmaid. I'm here to follow your every command. Right?"

Her hands raised in dismissal, rolling her eyes and huffing, "Get to work. Gus, go help Asher and Duncan with the Mai Tai machine." Then she twirled around on her heels and strutted away to where my parents were talking with a man holding a clipboard who looked to be in some position of authority around here.

I turned to Gus and we both couldn't hold back our laughter now, my forehead dropping onto his shoulder as a sign of defeat. His free hand found mine and all of our fingers were intertwined.

"I guarantee you're going to have a better time fucking around with the cocktail maker and my brothers than I am this entire night," I breathed.

His mouth was against my ear when he rasped, "I'll make it up to you later."

I smiled into his shirt for an answer.

"Bayla!"

Sutton snarling my name had me lifting my head with a groan. Before I broke away from Gus I pecked his cheek, then took my sweet old time on my way over to Koa. I could feel Sutton shooting daggers at me, but she never said anything else.

Just like that, everyone returned to their rightful jobs. Had Sutton not been the absolute control freak that she was, we could've left all of this up to the venue employees. Instead there we were, slaving over a party I wasn't even sure I wanted to be at anymore.

Koa handed me his broom and went to his fiancé, while I mopped with about as little effort I could muster. The DJ would test a random song here and there, overpowering the nonstop warbling of every other perky bridesmaid. I could hear an occasional roar of laughter from Gus and my brothers being anything but helpful, though I figured that would happen. Assigning three boys to mend a machine that freely dispensed frozen Mai Tais and Piña Coladas was nothing short of a bad idea, but that was Sutton's problem.

Two months and however many days left. This wedding couldn't be here fast enough.

〰️〰️〰️

- ok tbh i really like this chapter. it was kind of tame and nothing exciting happened but i like how it came out. my crazy kids can actually be cute sometimes when they want to be!!!

so we've got the bon voyage party coming up, some holiday bullshit and. some. DRAMA. of course. because what would a story be without drama??? any questions, comments, or concerns are welcome. i'm slightly going through writer's block right now but it's like half-writer's block bc i know exactly what i want to write and how to plan it out but i just.. can't... actually do it. sos send help i need to be inspired asap. i'm either writing nonstop or i write like ten words and i hate it all. fuk. i'm also currently battling with my shit computer which isn't cooperating with me at all so that's just great.

anyway, enough of me ranting. don't forget to vote bc that would make me very happy. thanks sooo much for reading and supporting me always. i love ya lots!

xoxo, sabbbycat