can you tell me why i hold on to you

and you hold on to m e . . .

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Wednesdays were significant to me. For whatever reason, it was the only day of the week that I got out of work a little earlier than usual. Donatella never told me why it was Wednesday, but then again I never questioned it either. I treasured that extra time like it was a whole twenty-four hours, versus just one.

While clocking out early was a blessing in itself, Wednesdays were important to me for another reason. It was when I'd get together with the person who was like the other half of my brain – the only way I'd want to toast to the middle of the week.

Believe it or not, it wasn't Gus. As tempting as it was to have one of our nightly dinners that had a fifty-fifty shot at being lackluster or enjoyable, that wasn't a typical Wednesday for me. It never made Gus jealous either that it wasn't him who I'd have these weekly rendezvous with, because he knew by now how deep our connection was.

I severely lacked the ability to put into words how much Collin Pemberton meant to me. My soul mate, my main man, my lifeline, my day one homie. The one person I knew that would be in my life until the end of time. We'd been through everything and more together, and nothing could separate us.

He had moved to Clearloft from the west coast when we were nine. At first, I figured he was just another new kid that we'd have in class for a year until the family picked up and moved again. That was the drill whenever we'd get new students in primary school, so I thought nothing of his arrival. He was the blonde boy from Utah that pronounced some things a little funny and wore clear-rimmed wayfarer eyeglasses.

It wasn't even a week and the two of us became inseparable.

The thing of it was, Collin happened to enter my life during a somewhat miserable time for me. I always liked to think he was sent to me for a reason, but he'd always tease me for believing in "junk like fate", as he'd say, for the rest of our lives. He came to town right after my original best friend had moved away. In a way, he saved me.

Peyton, who was practically my soul mate pre-Collin days, lived around the corner from me. We'd met in preschool and were attached at the hip from that moment. We were the ideal pair of best girl friends. We were a package deal; one never came without the other and everybody knew that. Until her dad got promoted to a higher position at his job and they had to move to Sacramento.

It all happened in what felt like a millisecond. She broke the news to me, we cried, she packed up, and then she was gone. I knew I'd never see her again. I was also dead set on the fact that I would never have another best friend, because by then all my classmates had established who theirs were. We were two years away from middle school at the time and friend groups were getting tighter and clique-ier.

I became the outsider without a best friend. Then Collin appeared and the rest was history with us.

Now we were here – living on opposite ends of Philly but still as thick as thieves.

On that particular Wednesday, two days after the infamous shoe-chewing incident, I was running a little behind. I'd left work on time at four o'clock, only to get stuck in traffic on the cab ride home due to construction in the middle of the city. It was hard enough driving on the narrow streets with infuriating one-way roads every other block, people either speeding like maniacs or going far too slow, and bikers or pedestrians weaving in and out of cars. Add in some construction and it was like everyone forgot how to operate a car.

Eventually I got back to the apartment after a tedious hour long commute, beating Gus home since he worked until six. All I had to do was feed and quickly walk Ziggy, switch my work tote for a smaller purse, and use the bathroom. Knowing Collin's drive from his place to mine was thirty minutes without traffic, I decided to tell him to just meet me at the restaurant, rather than waiting around to pick me up.

The elevator made three stops on the way up to my floor, which was yet another thing testing my patience. It barely dinged once it got to my floor and I was clambering out of it. My feet unconsciously marched me towards my apartment door, one hand poorly typing out a text to Collin and the other fishing for my key in my bag.

Naturally, I couldn't find the key in my junkyard of a tote bag. I ended up shoving my phone into the pocket of my leather jacket with the text still unsent, and crouching on the ground to search instead.

"What the actual fuck?" I grumbled to myself out of sheer annoyance.

Work folders, crumpled tissues, lipstick tubes, spare change, and anything else imaginable started flying. My belongings were littering the floor of the hallway, my profanities were littering the air, until I found the key at the very bottom of my bag. I pried it away from where it was caught in the spiderweb that my earbuds had formed and thrust it into the air in success, a stupid grin on my face and all.

On cue, my apartment door swung open and Collin was standing on the other side of it. He was staring down at me with his arms crossed and his expression blasé, for he had seen me in this state too many times to count.

I'd say I was surprised to see him, but with his flexible schedule and spare key to my place, it wasn't so much of a shock.

"Hi! I was just trying to text you and tell you to meet me there... but I got preoccupied." I slowly lowered my hand that was clutching my key ring, and Collin blinked.

"Uh huh," he uttered. I caught the corner of his lips tipping up, before he stooped down to help me collect my things which were scattered all over the ground.

We grabbed each other's hands to stand up, then I walked through the door first as Collin shut it behind us. The sound prompted Ziggy to leap off the couch and come careening over to me, his paws climbing up the front of my legs in his usual way of greeting.

"Hi bud, I missed you too," I cooed, kneading his head with my fingers.

"I fed him and walked him around the block for you," Collin told me while strolling over to the living room area and shutting the TV off. "We were just hanging out, waiting for you."

My shoulders sagged in relief, gushing, "You're the best."

"I know. Now hurry up, I'm dying for Cruiser's fries."

"Okay, okay. Same. I think the last thing I ate was a croissant on my lunch break," I babbled over my shoulder, tossing my bag onto an empty stool at the island and heading into my bedroom.

"A croissant? How the hell is that lunch?" I heard Collin exclaim from the living room. I just rolled my eyes with a smile and entered the bathroom without responding.

The two of us left my apartment five minutes later after a drawn-out goodbye to Ziggy. We embarked by foot on the route to Cruiser's in the brisk, nighttime air, since Collin got a killer parking spot right around the corner from my building and there was no chance he'd give that up. Luckily, it was only a few blocks away, and we could do the walk in our sleep by now. It'd also be near impossible to find any parking around the restaurant since it sat in the buzzing hub of my neighborhood.

Cruiser's was a place we frequented so much to the point that practically all the staff knew our names, our drink orders, favorite dishes, and random life details. It was a gastropub with a pretty compact food menu, dim-lighting, funky decor, and the best shoestring fries around. They had a hell of a cocktail and beer list, and would have local bands play on the second level from time to time. The first time we ever went a couple of years ago, it instantly became one of our favorite spots.

Collin and I would switch having dinner on my side of city and his for our attempted weekly hangouts. He lived in what was deemed as one of the trendiest districts for going out, and even though we had tried nearly every restaurant, tavern, bar, and food truck both in and outside of our respective neighborhoods, it was never quite as fulfilling. So it was a given that whenever he'd come to my area, we'd go to Cruiser's.

We rolled up to the entry doors in what felt like record timing, and strolled straight through the bar section to where booths and tables were set up for dining. A waitress we easily recognized jerked her head in a silent way of saying "seat yourself", so we slid into a tiny booth in a corner of the room and dove right into the drink menu.

"I could so use one of their Old Fashioned's right about now," I said, weary and desperate for a strong drink. I shrugged off my leather jacket and tucked my hair behind my ears, my eyes scanning over what the food specials were.

"Guess I'll get a cider or something since I have to drive home," Collin mumbled.

"Sorry," I sang out, grinning at the frown he sent me from across the table. "I'm hoping after this, I'll be just drunk enough to pass out when I get home and wake up on Friday."

He chuckled softly, "Long week?"

"The longest. It started off with Ziggy chewing up Gus' sneakers on Monday morning, and then I gotta end it with Sutton's bridal shower on Saturday." I rubbed my temples at the mention of the bride – my sister – not even slightly enthusiastic about the party.

"Ah, right. I forgot that was this weekend," he mused, nodding as he pushed his glasses a little further up his nose. Still the same style wayfarer glasses with clear frames that he wore as a kid, only now he wore them sparingly for aesthetic's sake, or when he didn't feel like wearing contacts. "Gus probably deserved it, though."

"Oh, definitely. I try to remind him not to leave his shoes out, but when he forgets to give Zig breakfast, that's on him."

Like I said, it never bothered Gus about mine and Collin's hangouts. If it did, Gus and I probably never would have dated in the first place. Collin played a crucial part in my life as my best friend and if that was a problem with anyone, they'd get the ax from me. Besides, whenever we were together, it was the only time I could bitch about Gus without receiving any sort of judgement.

We'd all gone to school together, the three of us. Though Gus was now my significant other, I'd known Collin for longer. We weren't introduced to Gus until middle school, when two other nearby school districts joined with ours to create a larger class. Gus and I knew of each other, had some classes together here and there, but we didn't start dating until senior year. That was when we were officially dating, at least, because we were in a long-term flirtationship prior to then.

Before Gus, I'd never had a relationship. I didn't know what a date was like, or what authentic feelings were. I'd kissed a few boys, intoxicated at a house party or shaking with nerves in a dark backyard, but nothing more. As fundamental as it was for me to have Collin, the same went for Gus. They were both requirements in my life, and each of them knew that. Granted, they weren't best mates or anything, but they got along for the most part and that was all that mattered to me.

Another waitress we'd come to know over the years dropped by our table then, taking our orders since we already knew what we wanted. She vanished soon after, myself anticipating my cocktail more than my meal. With how and where my week was going, alcohol was looking like pretty a good friend.

"So what else is going on with you? Anything remotely exciting in your photography world?" I asked Collin as I took a sip from my Old Fashioned after our waitress brought our drinks over. The liquor hit my taste buds and I shuddered, which only made him laugh.

He swallowed a mouthful of his hard cider first, his lips rolling into his mouth. "Not too much. I'm doing a shoot Friday for this up-and-coming clothing brand, then on Saturday, Jax and I are gonna try to find this abandoned hotel to take pictures in. It's a really cool space, just kind of tricky to get to. Other than that, I've got a shit ton of film to develop."

"That sounds fun," I said, "Consider yourself lucky that you got out of doing my sister's bridal shower."

"Hey, I mean, I could always use the money from Mama Barclay," he jokingly smirked.

"If she didn't already hire some other asshat, trust me, you'd get the job. But I doubt you'd want to spend your Saturday around a hundred tipsy women for four hours."

"Are you kidding? That sounds like paradise."

"Shut up," I scoffed, but still unable to hold back a giggle.

"Did I tell you Seb wants to move out?" He brought up out of nowhere, running a hand through his disheveled, golden locks that had grown out past his ears. At his question, I nodded, so he continued. "Yeah, him and his girlfriend are looking for a place. Which means Jax and I are probably going to have to start looking for another third roommate because there's no way only us two could afford our place."

"I wish I knew somebody so I could help you guys out," I sighed, heartbroken over how much stress this would bring them.

He shrugged it off, smiling through the trouble in typical, Collin style. "Nah, don't worry. It's alright. We'll figure it out."

"I know, you always do," I said, trying to mimic a smile too. "It just sucks. You guys were like the three musketeers for the longest time. It's gonna be so weird if Seb moves out."

"Definitely. It does suck, big time. I can't imagine we'll find anyone else to rightfully fill his shoes. But if he wants to live with his girl, I can't stop him. Just gotta wish him luck and... hope everything works out, for all of us."

To that, I solemnly nodded my head in agreement, my gaze dropping from his hazel eyes to my glass.

Collin was, without a doubt, one of the best photographers I knew of. Ever since we were kids, he had a way with a camera that came so naturally to him. His talent couldn't be taught, and that was what was so great about it. After dropping out of community college where he was studying liberal arts, he decided to be a full-blown freelance photographer. The last thing he'd want to do was work underneath of someone, and I had heaps of respect for him just dropping everything and doing what he loved.

He and his two roommates, Jax the photographer and Seb the mural painter, were all freelance artists. The only drawback to this was all of their income relied on other people needing them, and their prime townhouse location overlooking the main river that ran through the entirety of Philly definitely wasn't cheap.

Of course, Collin was the first person I came to whenever I needed photos taken for any reason, because he was both incredibly talented and my best friend. That wasn't every day, but it was something, although he never took a single dime from me. I'd offered plenty of times, but I gave up after being turned down and regularly finding money I'd given him magically back in my wallet.

My parents were the only people in my family that he could take a payment from. He knew if he denied a check from my mother that he'd have to deal with her wicked wrath. They had hired him for numerous family events, portraits, business purposes, and the like, though Sutton had a different, particular taste level. For this reason, he wasn't taking the photos at her bridal shower. If I had any say in it, or cared about my well-being at all, I would have called the guy she requested and cancelled him for Collin instead. My sister would have my head on a platter at her wedding reception if I did that, so I intentionally stayed out of it.

The rest of our dinner included burgers and whole lot of best friend bullshitting. Hours went by like seconds with us, so by the time we moseyed on back to my apartment building, it was almost eight o'clock. It wasn't truly a Collin and Bayla hangout if the time didn't fly by.

"How the hell do we always spend so much time in that place?" Collin questioned in disbelief once he checked his phone.

"I-I don't even know. It's like we time travel when we're in there," I stammered out a response, the effect of my one and only Old Fashioned I had downed before my food even came to the table. Cruiser's was not only known for their addicting fries, but also their drinks made by their heavy-handed bartenders.

We made the walk home with our arms around each other, more so that I wouldn't trip and fall. Anyone that really knew me was acquainted with how clumsy I got whenever I started to drink, and Collin was definitely one of those people. The last thing I needed to do was stumble home to Gus with skidded knees or a cracked bone.

"So true," he agreed, squeezing me a little tighter. "Come on, I'll walk you up to your place and then I gotta head out, before we get sidetracked I end up crashing on your couch."

I laughed, though that wasn't an uncommon occurrence for us, either. Still embraced, we passed my doorman and rode the elevator up to my floor with ease. He wasn't going to come inside, but when I stuck my lower lip out and guilted him by saying Ziggy wanted to see him, he caved.

As expected, we were bombarded with kisses and paws and tail wags when we walked through the door. What I wasn't expecting was another voice, much gentler than usual.

"Hey."

I snapped my head up from where I was seated on the floor with Ziggy and a kneeling Collin to see Gus sitting at the island. A couple of takeout boxes were in front of him on the countertop, the TV in the living room playing an old sitcom.

"Hey man, how's it going?" Collin smiled, pushing himself off the floor and walking over to Gus so they could shake hands.

"Can't complain," Gus answered contently. In my head, I retorted, oh yes, he can. "How was dinner?"

"Awesome. Their burgers are out of this world," I cut into their conversation, not bothering to look up at them since I was too busy playing with Ziggy.

Collin let out a snicker, and I glanced at him with narrowed eyes. "Yeah, uh... she had an Old Fashioned and I'm pretty sure it was gone in five minutes."

"Wow, is that a new personal record, Bay?" Gus asked me with a teasing quirk of his lips.

If there was one thing he and Collin had in common, it was making fun of me any chance they got. Which to my dismay, was pretty freaking often. And if my dad was with the two of them, forget it; I had no chance.

"Whatever. I'm going to bed," I announced, rolling my eyes as I ungracefully stood up. I ambled to where the two boys were loitering at the island, watching my every move with a playful glint in both of their eyes. "Love you, Coll. Get home safe, and text me when you're there."

"Always." He gave me his word with a firm nod.

I locked my arms around him, as we rocked back and forth a few times and mumbled friendly endearments to each other. Then I kissed Gus goodnight, and heard him and Collin exchanging farewells as I wiped my makeup off, changed into pajamas, and climbed right into bed.

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