I woke up on Saturday feeling like such an idiot. I can't believe Gabe is sleeping with Jenna. And I can't believe I propositioned a guy I barely knew and then, to make matters worse, got denied! The rest of the weekend was a complete and utter write-off. Other than a couple of sporadic study breaks, Priya and I just vegged out and binged watched Grey's Anatomy. We both sobbed during the entire helicopter crash episode, even though we've already watched the entire series. We ordered a ridiculous amount of comfort food after being tossed through that emotional wringer. Carbs are necessary to deal with the loss of our precious McSteamy. That being said, our Postmates bill was so obscenely high, I'll probably have to eat instant noodles for the rest of the week to balance it out.

This morning I attempted to go for a run but ended up just jogging to Starbucks for a latte. I want to blame my lack of energy on having a lingering hangover, but honestly, I think it's because I'm sad.

Unfortunately, sadness is not a valid excuse to turn in assignments late, so I'm hunkered down in the library writing an excruciatingly dry paper on cognitive behavioral therapy. Ironically, CBT is used by therapists and counselors to help patients become aware of how their negative thinking can affect complicated situations, and provides methods for dealing with said situations in a more effective manner.

The past two days I've done a lot of negative thinking.

It's difficult, though, pulling yourself out of that headspace. It's like a vicious cycle and even though I am acutely aware that I have many things to be grateful for, to be proud of, I still find myself drifting to those dark corners of my mind.

I don't want to be the type of person whose entire source of happiness stems from being loved by someone, but I'd be lying if I said my phone call with Gabriel hasn't messed with my head. He didn't text me all weekend, which made me think he was being serious when he said to move on. Or, maybe he just said it because Jenna was there. I don't know. But this morning, as if our conversation never happened, he messaged me saying I miss you.

I haven't responded yet, I'm letting the text marinate. And as the hours pass by, I teeter between wanting to say I miss you, too, and fuck off.

Right now, I'm leaning more towards the latter.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Why am I refusing to let go of someone who clearly has no respect for me? He's sleeping with Jenna Larsen, that is a fact. Yet, why can't I cut the cord? As a psychology major, I should be able to answer that. No, I probably can answer that. It could be because Gabe bruised my ego, attachment issues, or that I'm not capable of dealing with rejection. It could also be because love activates chemicals in your brain similar to drugs, and when that love is taken away, it's like you're suffering from withdrawals. Really, any of those theories could explain it, plus a plethora of others. But knowing the reason doesn't help; my heart still hurts. It was supposed to us until the end. This was supposed to be temporary.

My throat suddenly feels incredibly dry and I chug the rest of my water bottle. A hand on my shoulder startles me and I spill the cold liquid all down my shirt. Crap.

"Sinclair!" I turn my head to find Aiden standing behind me with a stupid grin on his face. "You got a little something right there." He points to my chin.

"Aiden, you can't just creep up on me like that!" I wipe the water from my face and use my sleeve to dry myself off. "Also, this is a library, maybe keep your voice down."

Aiden and I are in the same program. Although, he seldom comes to class and when he does the entire lecture becomes the Aiden show. He's so funny and charismatic that even the professors laugh at his jokes. We were partnered up for a project last year and now I suppose we're friends. Well, he thinks we're friends. I'd say we're more acquaintances. Priya loves Aiden because he reminds her of Jackson Avery from Grey's Anatomy. 'We'd have such cute babies!' She's not wrong. If they had his looks and her brain, the kid would rule the world.

Aiden takes a seat in front of me and pretends to zip his mouth shut. "Are you still working on your Psych paper? I thought you'd have that finished by now," he whispers, obeying my request to keep his voice down.

"I was just revising." I flip down the screen of my MacBook. "Did you finish yours?"

"You know it! Just submitted it an hour ago. Professor Simmons might as well just give me an A in the class, cause I killed it."

He didn't even ask me to review it. Odd. Aiden and I have a deal. He buys me a coffee before every shared class, and I double-check his papers.

"You sound awfully confident." I narrow my eyes. "What makes you think she'll give you an A? Especially since you didn't let me edit it."

Aiden adjusts his snapback and reclines backward. "I used her own research as evidence," he answers as he wiggles his eyebrows.

"Oh, God. You're such an ass-kisser." I chuckle as I shake my head. "Like a legitimate brown-noser."

"I just know my audience." Aiden leans in closer and rests his chin on his fist. "Think about it. If I use her own research to support my claims, then she has to pass me; otherwise, it would be like she's failing herself."

"Well, it seems like you've got college all figured out." I roll my eyes as I begin to pack up my laptop and notes. "So, what are you doing here then? Obviously, you're not here for my help."

Aiden flashes me his pearly white teeth. "I came here to ask you something."

"Ask away, Williams," I respond. "But if it's school related, I might have to start charging you."

"What're you doing on Thursday? My roommates and I are throwing a kegger down by the abandoned warehouse."

Aiden's 'roommates' are actually his frat brothers. Delta Sigma Pi are known for their epic parties. So epic in fact, that the Dean banned them last year. Apparently a makeshift slip and slide from the roof of their house to the front yard was the last straw for NYU. In the Deltas' defense, they made everyone wear a helmet before riding. Safety first, I guess.

"You're having a party on a Thursday? How scandalous," I joke.

"I know, right? We're living on the edge!" Aiden's eyes shine as he laughs. "So, will you come? You can bring Priya. I know she's always down."

I bite my lip as I contemplate. I only have one class on Friday and it doesn't start until the late afternoon. "I have work on Thursday but we can stop by after. But only for a little bit."

"Hey, I'll take as much Sinclair as I can get." Aiden winks and I find myself smiling. "I'll text you the address, ok?"

"Sure," I answer as I swing my bag over my shoulder.

Aiden hesitates for a moment before standing up. "Where you headed? Do you need a ride?"

"I'm going to meet Priya and grab a bite to eat. They just opened a new burger place down the street," I yawn as I answer. It's been a long day. My eyes dry and tired. I should really get blue light lenses.

"Mind if I join you? I'll buy you a coffee on the way. You look like you need it," Aiden offers with a grin. "Plus, I think I owe you one from last week."

I check my watch. "I think it's a little late for coffee but uh- yeah, you can come." I should text Priya and tell her that Aiden is coming. If I don't give her a heads up and she doesn't have make-up on, she'll stab me. Figuratively speaking, of course.

"Sweet." Aiden hops out of the chair and we walk towards the exit. "This place does veggie burgers?" he asks as we exit the library and are greeted by a cool autumn breeze.

"Yeah, they do. Are you a vegetarian?" I ask, confused. Last time we went to a Delta Sigma Pi party I caught Aiden in the kitchen inhaling a rotisserie chicken.

Aiden throws his head back and laughs. "No, I'm not. But I know you are."

"How do you know that?" I try to recall if I've mentioned it to him before.

"You ordered a veggie sandwich at Subway that one time," he answers casually.

"Oh, right. I forgot about that." They closed the campus Subway and replaced it with a coffee kiosk at the end of last semester. "That was a while ago, I'm surprised you remembered."

Aiden hums as we cross the street. "Good memory, I guess."

Suddenly, I remember I didn't text Priya yet. I reach for my phone in my back pocket and open it up to find a new notification.

I grunt.

He's sorry? Oh, that's rich.

A one time thing? Is that supposed to make me feel better? He's the one who said we shouldn't date anyone else and focus on our 'individual growth'. Unbelievable.

Was that a tad juvenile? Yes. Do I feel better? No.

"Poppy, look out!" Aiden grabs my jacket and pulls me to the side. I look up and realize that I almost walked into an open car door. Ah, the hazards of texting and walking.

I scrunch up my nose as I apologize to the lady stepping out of the car. "Sorry!" I increase my walking speed so she doesn't have time to scold me.

"What's got you so preoccupied, Sinclair?" Aiden asks as he slips his hands into his pockets. "

"It's not important. Just some problems back home." I slide my phone back into my pocket. "Nothing a Beyond Meat burger can't fix." I force a smile, Aiden doesn't seem convinced but doesn't pry any further.

We walk a couple more minutes in a comfortable silence. The trees lining the street are almost completely bare, only some are left with leaves and even those are withered and dying. I find fall to be a depressing time of year. The vividness of summer dwindles into a neutral toned waste land. Every store and restaurant on the block has their windows decorated with thematic Thanksgiving decals and arrangements. At least this means I'll get to see my family soon. And Gabe.

We stop in front of Buddy's Burgers.

Aiden reaches for the door and opens it. "After you."

"Thanks," I mutter as I scan the tiny restaurant. The walls are white and red checkered tiles and there are eight black leather booths spread throughout. In the corner of my eye I see a hand waving.

"Over here!" Priya exclaims as we walk over. Crap. I forgot to text her! As we approach the booth, I'm relieved to find out that she's dolled up and has her long raven hair curled. "Oh, you brought Aiden! Hi!" She reaches out and gives him an awkward hug.

"Sup, Pri." Aiden hugs her back, barely. "Haven't seen you in while."

I slide in beside Priya and Aiden sits in front us. "I'm taking six classes this semester. My social life is suffering," she jokes as she hands us each a menu. "I already ordered."

"Suffering?" Aiden laughs. "I heard from Hugh and Scott that you went out on dates with both of them last week. Back to back days might I add. Seems like a thriving social life to me."

I cover my mouth to avoid laughing. I think Priya forgot Aiden's in the same fraternity as them. Priya opens her mouth as she looks around and then blows a raspberry into the air. "Ok, fine. You got me." She pouts as she reclines into the plush leather booth. "It's not my fault that they all keep asking me out!" She pauses. "Are they mad that I went out with both of them?"

Aiden looks up from the menu. "No, they're big boys. I think they're just happy you said yes in the first place."

A prideful smile creeps up on Priya's face. She's loving this. "Oh, well good. I just don't want them to think I'm slutty or anything," she whispers.

Aiden shrugs. "If they can have multiple dates a week, I don't see why you can't." He looks back down at his menu.

Priya leans over and whispers in my ear, "He's so cool! I'm so glad you brought him! Thanks, Poppy."

"You're welcome, I guess." I didn't think I was doing her a favor but I'm glad she's enjoying herself.

I check my phone just before the server comes to take our order.

No reply from Gabe.

Maybe I was too harsh.

He did say he was sorry.