《Rogue Queen ➵ 2.0》➵ XLII. Starting Redemption

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Waking up with Asher beside me, his arms around my body, is a feeling I've missed for so long.

I smile softly, remembering what happened last night.

We mated. Took the final step in completing our bond.

Maybe it's a surprise for some, seeing how unsure Asher has been but it helped him be more sure of our relationship and to break past some of the lies Thatcher carved into him.

And, if you remember what happened in the last chapter, I'm not really on my period. Clove and I just told that to Killian and Zaine to get them to go away for a while so we could have some silence, away from their hyperactive selves.

I hear Asher yawn, so I turn around to face him, kissing his cheek softly. He smiles sleepily, holding my body closer to his.

"Happy birthday, Asher," I whisper softly.

He smiles lazily and hums in response, pulling the blankets up to cover his nose, eyes opening for a second to meet mine before falling shut again.

"Sleepy," he mumbles, moving his head to rest in the crook of my neck.

I smile at his actions, running my fingers through his hair gently. "Come on, we need to get up soon."

"That feels nice." His voice is more awake, a little more raspy and slightly accented, telling me Jayden has taken over. He yawns, murmuring, "Asher wants to sleep longer—he never got much sleep the past few weeks—so I'm taking control for now."

I nod, kissing his cheek again as Jayden pulls his head away from my neck. Jayden smiles, kissing my nose in return.

I roll towards the edge of the bed, swinging my legs over and standing up without actually sitting up on the bed. I hear Jayden laugh quietly, making me send him a playful glare.

"Ah, no," I say, walking into the closet when I catch him staring at my naked body. "No, bad wolf, not now."

I hear Jayden whine before he walks in with me. I get dressed quickly to avoid his eyes, knowing if he keeps staring, we won't be leaving the room for a while.

We both brush our teeth and I brush my hair before heading downstairs.

I can hear Zaine singing something along the lines of "I'm awesome, take caution, watch out for me I'm awesome as I wanna be." Rhea and Chase are watching My Little Pony Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks on the TV, so whatever Zaine's singing is likely from that.

As Jayden and I head into the kitchen, Dean pauses, looking up from his cereal and sniffing the air before he squeals, turning to look at us, "Oh my goddess, you guys did it!"

Jayden grins and nods while I smile softly, "Yeah, we mated."

"I'm not gonna get my butt kicked, right?" Jayden says, eyeing Killian, who shrugs.

"I wouldn't know who's butt to kick," he says. "I see you both as siblings. Or I can just beat you both."

"Asher sleeping in?" Scott asks.

Jayden nods, "Catching up on sleep he missed the past weeks."

The others nod, understanding.

"Ah, no!" Zaine shrieks, running into the kitchen to hide behind Killian, Clove running in after him, glaring at him.

"What happened?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"He's disrespecting my husband," Clove huffs, crossing her arms.

"I asked why he's so short and cranky!" Zaine says, peeking over Killian's shoulder. "How is that disrespectful?"

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Raiden raises an eyebrow, "Let me guess. Levi?"

Zaine nods.

"That anime again?" Killian says. "What was it called?"

"Attack on Titan," Clove says, sending a halfhearted glare at Zaine.

Raiden puts an arm around her waist, "Strange, take it easy on him. Not everyone watches and understands the things you do."

"Actually, he does," I say. "Strange and Changeling watch a lot of anime together and talk about them quite often. So admit it Changeling, that was deliberate provoking of the rabid fangirl."

"Whaaat?" Zaine says, stretching out the word, looking dramatically offended. "Me? Deliberately provoke her? Never."

Clove uses her power to cause a spoon to float up and smack the top of Zaine head, making him yelp, "Ow! You bum hole troll!"

I see Jayden raise an eyebrow at Zaine's odd insult. "Anyway," he says, stretching out the word, "What're we doing today for Asher?"

Finally having a dreamless sleep is nice. Great, actually. There's no fear. No pain. No sympathetic looks. Just a vast, dark emptiness.

Of course, nothing lasts forever, no matter how much you want it to.

A soft chuckle echoes through the darkness and color starts to swirl around me, turning the blank scene into a beautiful, starry galaxy. It's a calming scene, thousands of stars shining all around me, distant galaxies and nebulas adding colour to the blackness.

Thatcher appears in front of me, looking the same as he had earlier. My eyes widen and I step back, wanting as much distance between is as possible.

Thatcher chuckles again, smiling softly, "Easy, Cinder. I'm not here to hurt you."

"Why should I trust you of all people?" I breathe, keeping my eyes locked on him.

"You have no reason to," Thatcher replies softly, looking away. "But really, I'm not allowed to hurt you anyway, physically or mentally. Spirits are forbidden to use their abilities to harm or torment someone and are also forbidden to continue any plans, good or evil, from beyond the grave by telling a living person what to do. We're only allowed to visit and chat. Oh and we're not allowed to purposely try to influence someone's decision towards what we want. So healing, yes, influence and pressure, no."

"Then why are you here?" I ask, muscles tense.

"To talk," Thatcher says like it's obvious. "The Moon Goddess was close to banning me from visiting you at all but decided against it because well, I genuinely want to help you."

My eyes narrow, suspicions rising. "And why would you want to do that? After everything you did to me. Why would you want to try and fix it? Fix me?"

"I wanted to see what happens if you break a human mind and then try building it back up," Thatcher replies. Then, to my surprise, his expression turns sorrowful. "And you heard what Daring said. I know pain, humiliation. I know what it's like to try and heal from it. I won't lie and say I had some other ulterior motive that was actually decent and good. I did everything I did because I'm a twisted, psychotic asshole, who saw that as a way to escape the constant boredom I always felt. I didn't care. As long as Daring was alright, I could do anything. Everyone else was nothing to me. Nothing but pawns to use."

Thatcher pauses, hesitating. "But enough about terrible me. I—"

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"Why'd you do it?" I ask, cutting him off. "Why do all of that to me? What was the point of making me lose faith in my family?"

"Like I said, to see if it's possible to be built back up from being shattered like that. If it's possible to... be sane." Thatcher laughs bitterly to himself, "Hard to be sane when you never completely were in the first place."

"Psychosis?" I ask softly.

Thatcher nods once. "Born with it. It was only a tiny bit and it's faded so now I'm more... normal. Just being... unstable doesn't excuse my actions, but... I know that even though I'm twisted, it's not completely my fault. I... I know why everyone would end up abandoning me... Because they saw me for what I really am."

"Someone who Life dealt a shitty hand to?" I say.

Thatcher scoffs but smiles slightly and I find myself smiling back.

I clench my teeth slightly. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I shouldn't be letting him in. Not after everything. God, what's wrong with me?

"You're not weak, Asher," Thatcher murmurs, avoiding my eyes. "It takes a lot of strength to even think about forgiving or being nice to someone like me."

"Well... You sound like you need a friend," I mumble, unsure of what the hell I'm getting into.

"Friend," Thatcher repeats distantly, sounding almost longing. His guard is completely lowered. I can tell he struggles with that, instinct telling him to stay guarded but he pushes it back. He lets himself be wide open, vulnerable. "I'm not fit for this shit. I can't suddenly turn around and be a Saint, I know I'm never getting out of Hell, but... I can try to be better than I was. I can be an asshole with good intentions." He smiles and nods to himself, eyes lighting up a little, "Yeah, I can do that. I will do that. What do you think, Cinder?"

I flinch slightly at the nickname and Thatcher notices, cursing under his breath before mumbling, "Sorry."

"If you want to be better, I think that would be a good start," I say, eyeing the surprisingly hopeful wolf. "Change little by little. Step by step. You'd just have to stay determined and dedicated, it won't be a quick change."

Thatcher nods, smiling happily. It's a genuine smile, one I've never seen on his lips. Somehow, I find myself giving a small smile back.

I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't understand why I'm letting Thatcher in. Why I'm acting like this. I should be scared of him. I should be hating him. So why am I acting friendly to him? Why am I holding out a hand for him to take? Why am I agreeing to help him become better?

Well... Thatcher has a chance to turn around. A chance to have what he never had in life. And I want to help him earn that. I could never understand what his life was like. I always had enough food, I didn't have to always look over my shoulder and I didn't have to move constantly, meaning I could make friends and make those connections that Thatcher never got the chance to make.

And now, even in death, he has that chance and I want to help him take it.

The scene around us suddenly waves and warps, fading away as I wake up.

"Thank you, Asher," Thatcher says, sincerity clear in his voice. "I won't mess this up."

"I know," I whisper.

Everything disappears, leaving only darkness.

Asher, Jayden says, poking me.

What? I mumble, pouting at being woken.

I open my eyes and see that we're still home, sitting on the couch in the living room with the twins, who're playing with some of their toys. Jayden is still in control of our body, I'm just watching from within.

The others have set up a sort of scavenger hunt for you, Jayden says. They're waiting at the end and now you get to go find them. Chase and Rhea wanted to join us and I didn't think you'd mind if they came with us and helped.

It's fine, I mumble, still waking up. Just give me a minute.

I yawn, thinking about Thatcher's words and our... Can you call it a friendship?

Excuse me? Jayden says, bristling at my thoughts.

I explain to him what happened, making him growl. I smile softly at his protectiveness but it's unneeded.

Unneeded? Unneeded?! Jayden says. Asher, this is Thatcher fucking King, the bastard who tortured you for weeks! And you want to forgive him just like that?!

I don't know, maybe? I mumble, unsure of it myself. I want to help him so maybe forgive but not forget? All I'm sure of right now is that he needs and deserves some help.

But why does it have to be you? Jayden asks worriedly. What if he just wants to hurt you even more?

He doesn't, I reply. And he can't anyway.

Just because he said he can't doesn't mean it's true. He could've been lying, my wolf protests.

Then we'll ask Zaine later, I say. But I saw the honesty in his eyes, he was letting himself be completely vulnerable. You can't fake the look he had, not even he could manage to fake that look. But for now, can we let it go? Let's do this scavenger hunt thing before the sun sets.

Jayden grumbles, Fine but we're talking over this with the others later.

He gives me control over our body and starts pacing in my mind, going through my memory of the dream, studying Thatcher.

"Alright," I say, making Chase and Rhea look at me.

"Ceniza!" Rhea says happily, hugging me tightly.

"Hi," I say, surprised and smiling slightly at the use of the nickname I haven't heard in so long. Chase joins in the hug, seeming just as happy to see me as his twin. "Ready to start this scavenger hunt?"

They both nod excitedly.

"Oh, this is the first riddle-poem-hint-thingy" Rhea says, grabbing a slip of paper off the coffee table.

I look at the words, a small smile appearing on my lips as I read it aloud.

The handwriting changes, from that to a handwriting that I recognize as Raiden's.

I chuckle softly. Yeah, it was definitely Raiden who wrote the note. I can just imagine him sheepishly smiling and shrugging, saying that last sentence.

"Back where our friendship began," I say. "Well... That would probably be the pack house. We would be there while our dads were discussing pack stuff."

"Let's go!" Chase says happily.

I smile and nod. We get our coats, boots and hats and stuff on, because snow still layers the ground. The twins run outside, laughing excitedly while I follow them.

This'll be fun.

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