One day all them bags gon' get in your way

Tapping my foot against the floor, my eyes scanned the bland room. Gray walls, check. White furniture, check. Pompous grass and succulents, check. Psychology books about the black mind, check.

Yup, I was definitely in a psychiatrist's office.

The white door soon opened up and a black woman in her mid fifties appeared. Today, she wore the most peculiar Ankara print slip satin skirt, a plain white tee with a denim jacket over it, and a pair of white converse on her feet.

The brightness, not only from her clothing and eccentric style, but from her aura as well brought some color into the humdrum space.

"How are we doing today Laya?" Dr. Adebiyi asked with a smile.

I flashed one of my own and responded as I normally would, "I'm doing well, thank you for asking Dr. Fefe."

I've been seeing Dr. Ifueko Fefe Adebiyi every Tuesday for about a month. Our first two sessions were rather difficult to get through, but she believes that I've been making great progress.

She wrote something down in the black leather bound notebook, "That'd been your response for every visit." A toothy grin spread across her face, before she fixed her skirt and crossed one leg over the other.

"It's the truth...I do feel that way." I countered. "I literally have no complaints about anything."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself, Allaya?" She paused for a while. "Did you get a chance to practice what we talked about during our last session, with Dave?"

She was referring to the homework that she assigned me. Ever since I became her patient, we've been working on my communication skills. The assignment was to use some of the communication tactics I learned to explain my feelings during an argument and then use them to comprehend my partner's feelings as well.

"Yes I did." I admitted.

"Tell me about it."

"Well...last week Dave and I got into a small argument about the bills. Now that we share a space, I wanted to take some of the financial responsibilitity from him. But he didn't see it that way."

"How did he see it?"

"As me being stubborn and difficult for the hell of it." I rolled my eyes as I reminisced about what he said.

Dr. Adebiyi chuckled quietly, "I think I'm inclined to agree with him. Laya...if a nigga wanna pay yo' bills then he wanna pay yo' bills. I wish that I found a living breathing man in NYC that wanted to do the same...who wasn't a scammer." The last part made me laugh. This was one of the main reasons I chose her to be my therapist, she was hella New York and down to earth, but professional at the same time. "But it all comes down to your personal preferences."

"I know but why would I let him do something, when I can handle it myself?"

"Because you love him." She wrote something in her book then proceeded, "Okay we're gonna bookmark that and revisit it later. How did you both come to a resolution?"

"He explained to me that he was taught that a man takes care of his household and everyone in it. Then, I explained how I felt. After which, Dave told me that he understood that I needed to be independent and we came to the compromise that I'd pay for food and groceries."

"Do you think that's a suitable compromise?" She asked.

I twisted my mouth, "No because he still has the majority of the financial burden and I don't grocery shop. Our housekeeper does and he pays her. So, I realized that he basically said alla' that to get me to shut up."

Dr. Adebiyi laughed again and shook her head.

I didn't see what was so funny.

"He's a smart man. Don't you think?" She adjusted her cat eye glasses. "Laya in a relationship, you have to relinquish some sort of control, sometimes just to make the other person feel better. But for you - someone who has childhood trauma, you need to go through an entire rewiring process of how you think relationships work. That's what I want to do today. But first, we'll need to discuss your dad."

I immediately became uncomfortable. I've deliberately avoided this topic for weeks and she knew it too.

Dr. Adebiyi leaned across the table and spoke again, "I know it's difficult, so we'll talk about him for ten minutes. If you can't handle anymore, then we'll stop. How does that sound?"

I tucked in my bottom lip and nodded my head. "Okay we can do that."

She reached under the brass coffee table between us and pulled out a box of tissues.

"Let's get started."

/•/

That night, I snuggled closely against the two girls that made me the happiest. We all sat in Kairi's bed, while she leaned against me and Lilo cuddled in my lap as I read them a story.

"And the caterpillar..." I read slowly as I stroked my hand against Kairi's head. Her suttle breaths let me know that she had finally fallen asleep. While Lilo's quiet mumblings told me that she planned to stay up until dawn with me.

Little did she know, I had plans.

When the story was done, I slowly eased myself away while lifting Lilo onto my shoulder.

Then, I entered Lilo's room and placed her in her crib. Instead of laying down, she stood up on the soft mattress and held onto the wooden bars to stare at me.

"Lilo..." I sighed. "Go to sleep."

"No sleep!" she shouted while bouncing.

"Yes. "

"No."

"Lil' girl I'm not about to argue with you." I walked up to her and smoothed her wild hair down. "If you don't go to sleep, I'm gonna call your daddy." I threatened softly.

"Call daddy!" She got excited when I mentioned his name. How could I forget that she had him wrapped around her little finger?

"Go to sleep baba." I picked her up and laid her back down.

"No." She whispered this time.

"Alright imma call your Gigi instead." I pulled out my phone to pretend like I was dialing her number.

Her small eyes widened at the action. Lilo knew that as much as her great grandmother doted on her, she was not afraid to discipline her little behind.

"I go night night...I go night night mommy." She laid down in her bed and waited for me to pull the blanket over her and turn on the white noise machine in the corner of the room.

"I love you."

"I love daddy."

"Well the next time you poop your pants or start crying 'cause you hungry...call daddy." I spoke to her in a baby voice which caused her to laugh.

Dave needed to come get his kid.

After, dimming the lights, I headed into the kitchen where the sound of female laughter erupted. I shook my head at the three women conjurgating over the stove, struggling to make birria tacos.

"Y'all don't know what the hell y'all doing." I laughed and filled my glass with the frozen margarita mixture I made earlier.

It was my turn to host Taco Tuesday night, since the last time I saw Bri and Nene were at the wedding two months ago. Nene was too busy honeymooning with her new husband, while Bri has been taking over the fashion scene with her new job position. I invited Eva too, so that we could all hang out.

"Well maybe...if you stopped sipping that damn drink and help, then we could get somewhere." Bri whined. "Evaaa, I don't think that goes in there."

"Girl...look at the tutorial." Eva passed her phone to Bri as a YouTube video played. "Plus I'm half Hispanic... I think I know what goes in some damn tacos."

I busted out laughing again and held my hand over my mouth to prevent me from spitting out the drink. They were both so much alike and witnessing their interactions was pure comedy.

Nene took a step back and held her forehead in frustration. "Eva...oh Eva Eva Eva." She repeated. "Sweetie you're you're like half Dominican, tacos are Mexican...so what point are you tryna make??"

"I'm saying that...I think I know what I'm doing." Eva strained as she finally got the top of the pressure cooker to seal over its bottom. "See?! Now all we gotta do is wait for the meat to cook...I think." She scratched her head and stared deeply into her phone to read the instructions.

"We could've just ordered these you know...doesn't that take like three hours to cook?" I sipped my drink.

Both Bri and Eva rolled their eyes, while Nene gave me a knowing look.

"This supposed to be bonding time - cooking equals bonding." Bri sat at my side and poured herself a drink. "You put my kids to bed?" She asked with every ounce of seriousness.

"Your kids?!" I chuckled.

"Yup! Them is my kidssss. I'm so glad you decided to take that bullet." She exclaimed.

"What is this girl talkin' about?" Nene looked at me and back to her with confusion.

"I'm being deadass! You and Nene loved me enough to take one for the team. You had a baby, so I don't have to." She pointed at me. "That way I can be the cool ass auntie I was destined to be. And you..." she pointed at Nene, "Got married for all of us. Cause you know me and Devon just chillin' and Laya scared of commitment."

"I am not scared of commitment." I nudged her arm, sounding offended.

"So if Dave came in her right now....at this very second and dropped to one kneee and asked you those four words. What you gon'say?" Three pairs of wandering eyes landed on me, awaiting an answer.

I downed the rest of my drink and shrugged my shoulders like it was nothing. "I'd say...maybe."

"Bitchhhh you is lie." Bri tossed her body back against the bar stool causing her to fall out of the chair and onto the floor.

That's what she get for asking.

"Bri are you okay?" Nene asked between laughs as she held her hand out for her.

"I need a new best friend. I need a new one..." she repeated over and over until she finally sat back up.

"Allaya...you a whole fool!" Bri laughed while rubbing her sore butt.

"No for real though..." I stopped laughing and became serious. "We literally just got back together a few weeks ago and we aren't ready for that yet. I think - no...I know I have some more shit to work through, and it's not gonna happen overnight. So, jumping into a commitment like that would be irresponsible." I explained.

"I completely understand Lay. Please don't feel like you gotta explain anything to me, I was joking." She nudged me back.

"Nah don't sit here and pretend like you ain't afraid to FULLY commit to Dev either. Y'all been together wayy longer than Laya and Dave..." Nene tossed the shade her way.

"Don't worry about me and my man Shaneiceee..." She closed her eyes, then opened one of them. "I see a common law marriage in me and Dev's future. No scary ass titles...just vibessss. You know how da' ting go." She winked.

"Actually I don't... I enjoy being Mrs. Banks and all...of the benefits that come with it." She swooned in a sultry voice.

"Nasty heifer." Bri muttered humorously, causing all of us to explode into a fit of laughter.

"What about you Eva?" Nene asked.

"Oh no baby I stopped dating to marry. Now, I'm dating to get my pussy ate." She sipped her drink unapologetically. "And after my last so called relationship. I'm not taking none of these niggas serious no more."

"I know that's right!" Bri exclaimed while trying to high five her.

Brielle knew that she was a certified lover girl at heart and that she'd literally melt at the mere sound of Devon's voice.

"Wait what happened with you and Wayno?" Nene asked out of curiosity.

Eva's eyes met mine for a brief second and I gave her a small knowing smile. Whatever Zora did, was Zora's issue, it had absolutely nothing to do with me.

"I chased a nigga who never wanted to be tied down. So in the end...ya girl had to learn the hard way. And I'm okay with that." She put on an obvious brave face.

I don't know how long ago the situation happened, but it was crystal clear that shit was still real raw for her.

Nene pouted and reached over the counter to grab her hand. While Bri grabbed a shot glass and filled it with 1942, before pushing it over to her.

Eva chuckled at the action and swiped away a small tear before saying, "I'm okay...I'm cool. That nigga can kick fuckin' rocks...a whole ass bucket. And you know what... sometimes God puts a trash ass nigga in your life so you can meet one of his homies."

"Girl which homie??" I laughed out with everyone else. Lowkey, I wanted to see if she'd confirm my suspicions.

"Shoota." She side eyed me while taking her shot.

I smirked at her, my suspicions - confirmed. I saw the both of them cutting up in one of the studios last week.

"Alright enough of thatttt. Tonight was supposed to be about tacos, tequila, and good vibesss. Laya where's the musi-" Bri's question was interrupted by the sizzling sound of liquid overflowing onto the hot stove.

"Shit!" Bri hissed, as she struggled to turn it off while trying to avoid burning herself. "Laya help...please."

I rolled my eyes and turned off the burner, then placed the hot pot in the sink, to avoid more mess.

"I can fix this..." Bri looked at all of us.

"You ain't never made shit other than a microwave meal a day in your life, and for some reason you think-" I argued with her. "You know what I'm ordering food..what do y'all want?" I pulled out my phone and opened UberEats.

"I'm fixing it." Bri played with the contents of the pot, while Eva helped me to pick a restaurant to order from.

I looked up at Nene to ask for her order when, her face paled as she read something on her phone.

"Gimme a minute...I got a call to make." She got up and went into the other room.

After getting Eva and Bri's orders, I went to find her to ask what she wanted. But she seemed to have locked herself in the bathroom. The closer I got to the door, her hushed voice grew louder.

"Stop fucking calling me. I told you everything!"

I knocked twice. "Nene you good?

It took a minute before she opened up and hastily pulled me in then locked it behind her.

"Gir- what's the matter?" I took note of the pools of water circling her eyes.

She quickly wiped them and began to pace around the small space. "Laya I'm sorry. I -I...oh my God why is this shit happening again?" She asked ominously.

"What's happening again?"

She exhaled heavily before explaining, "About three months ago, while I was on my honeymoon, I get a call from Kyle's mom." My heart dropped into my ass, when I heard that forsaken name. "She'd seen the wedding photos that my family posted on Facebook, and called to congratulate me. At first, I was kind of shocked because she never liked me, especially while I was dating her son and when he disappeared she cussed me out for pushing him away and told me to never contact her or her family again."

"Ok soo..." I pushed the story along as the anticipation ate me alive. Where was this going?

"So why would she be happy about me getting married?! Well, it turns out that she's not! She thinks I had something to do with Kyle's dissaperance and...and she's hired a private investigator Laya."

"He's not going to find anything." I kept a straight face.

"But what if he does?" She ran her hands through her hair. "He's already been harassing me Lay - popping up outside Jay and I's condo, at my business, when I'm at an event...shit even when I'm buying tampons at the store. He just keeps calling me, and calling me, to get information from me." Tears formed in her eyes again.

"And I've kept my composure. I keep giving him the same responses your Dad drilled into our heads that night. But what if I slip up?" I grabbed both of her hands to still her. "Shit has been going soo good for all of us and now that nigga is trying to ruin it from the grave."

"Increase the base there, lower that second track, and drop the beat after I say that third line." I gave the instructions to my producer, then listened to the track again.

"Alright it's coo. Send my verse over to Durk's people, when he approves we'll drop that shit just in time for Halloween." I rubbed my hands together. This drill rapping shit was really starting to take off. I been in the studio day and night trying to perfect my technique, and it finally came together.

"Meek and Baby also been requesting you for their albums. You down for that?" Wayno asked while taking a sip from his cup.

"Let them know my price and I need to hear the track first. Tell Meek I ain't hopping on no whack ass shit." Niggas knew that any song I touched was guaranteed to reach gold within the first few months, so now the price had to go up.

"Alright. I'll let them know." Wayno nodded.

I dug my phone from my pocket and checked for any messages from Laya, then grabbed my jacket ftom the back of the chair.

"East you leaving already?! You forgot about the event downtown... they expecting you to show up." He exclaimed.

"Send my regrets. It's already two am and I got a home to go to." I dapped the producer and Wayno, ignoring the dumb expression on his face.

"Alright man. Aye...tell Laya I said I'm sorry...for that night at the club." Wayno added before I left.

"You gotta tell her that shit yourself, my nigga. She ain't gonna accept it from me." I shrugged.

His eyes widened. "With all due respect East, Laya is scary as hell when she's mad. How am I supposed to apologize when she be glaring at me?"

"Well you damn sure can't do it the way I do." I smirked. "But she likes flowers and honesty." I exited the room and shook my head.

Laya had grown ass niggas afraid of her.

I left the building by speeding out of the parking lot and onto the New York streets. At this hour, you'd think traffic would be light but shit was just getting started.

Fiends looking for their next fix, dealers hooking them up, and hoes playing they roles on the corner. While all the other ghosts slither out of hiding.