I wish I didn't care

The fifteen-story brick building was just as I remembered it. Tucked between a deli and a record store, it brought life to the area with its bright sign and modern revolving doors.

From my time working at the Harlem Recording Studio, I've seen ordinary people enter and artists leave. Magic was literally made in this place, signature sounds perfected, platinum albums created...all in the heart of the city.

I walked off of the elevator and into the decorated lobby looking for the familiar face that sat at the receptionist's desk.

But as I approached my eyebrows drew together in confusion as a short darkskin man chatted away on a headset while filing his long stiletto nails.

"Hi, I'm looking for Eva." He lifted a finger at me to signal that I should give him a minute, then covered the mic on his head with his hand. He stared back at me from over the rim of the desk like he was unimpressed and said,

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No I don't but she's expecting me. I'm Allay-"

An annoyed expression covered his face and he then rolled his eyes. "Just have a seat over there, she'll get you when she's ready." He pointed with the nail file.

Okay now sis here needs an attitude check and why was he at the reception desk?

Instead of sitting down, I simply walked past his view and straight into the back by the common area. I tapped the shoulder of a woman whose back was turned to me. Her black hair laid effortlessly against her pinstripe blazer and her spiked black Louboutins made her stand almost a foot taller than me.

"Excuse me, do you know where I can find Eva Cruz?"

"Yeah whose asking?" She turned around in a swift motion. "Laya?! Oh my God, you're here!" Eva shoved the file in her hand to the person she was speaking to and engulfed me in a hug.

My eyes bulged out of their sockets as she squeezed the life out of me. The only thing running through my head was Oprah's signature line from The Color Purple,

"Harpo who dis woman?"

Gone was the boisterous, mini skirt wearing girl I once knew. She looked so much more mature now, her black hair grew out from its bob and it was now neatly tucked behind her ear. The bright red lip-gloss she usually wore was replaced with a nude lipstick.

I embraced her back then stepped away with her hands in mine to get a good look at her. "Who are you and what have you done with Eva aka Harlem's Princess? I mean red lip gloss, bubble coat, with the bamboo earrings Eva. The one who be watchin' Real Housewives' all day and then fight in the parking lot on her lunch break." I quipped.

Her full eyes squeezed shut as she laughed. "She's right here under this blazer, I wear clear lip gloss now, but I'll still jump a bitch in the parking lot so wassup." She drawled in her thick New York accent.

I couldn't help but laugh, the badass I knew was still there, she just had a new look. Eva slung her arm around my shoulder, and ushered me to the back where the offices were.

"I barely recognized you. Quick question, who's that at the reception desk?"

"That's Tony...and his nasty ass attitude." She rolled her eyes. "He's been the receptionist ever since you left."

"Well if he's there...what does that make you?" I asked inquisitively.

We stopped walking and turned to me before saying, "You're looking at Dave East's new PA, publicist and Harlem Studio's manager." She beamed with her arms outstretched.

"Congratulations! Look at you moving on up." I said genuinely. If it was anyone who deserved the job it was Eva. She new the ins and outs of this place.

"Congratulations to you bitch! You a fucking millionaire or some shit now." She said loudly then lowered her voice when people started looking at her. "I can't wait to tell people that my friend owns a hotel in the Caribbean. Imma be living my best life on the beach somewhere soon."

I giggled at her silliness. "Let's get back to you though...cause baby you deserve that job and every good thing that comes with it."

"Thank you...thank you...but that explains the new look." She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "You know how hard it is to get respect from industry people...like Wayno."

"Wayno?..." I gave her a quick little side eye.

"We call him Lame-o now but let's leave that there." She mumbled. "The real question is, where is the little one...my goddaughter or niece...or whatever title y'all wanna give me cause I'm too old to just be her cousin."

I shook my head at her before chiding, "She's her Nana while I'm here. I'm supposed to pick her up later, but she'll be coming to work with me so you'll see her soon."

As a part of our agreement Dave provided me with an office in the studio, so that I could runt things from miles away and just as in Turks, Lilo would be with me when I worked. I never trusted daycare centers and I didn't want to burden Maya with the trouble.

"My mom showed me some pictures that she got from Auntie Maya and she looks just like you. Can't believe you hid her for so long." She bumped her sholder with mine and smiled.

"I've missed you around here, it's been so boring without you and girl so much shit has changed."

"I see that..." my eyes wandered around the office. "Y'all got a billion people working here now." I tried to dodge a woman carrying a stack of boxes.

Eva shrugged, "That's mostly the tour crew and some of them are working on the rec center downstairs. I can take you down there after I show you your office"

"Rec Center? When did that happen?"

"A few months ago. Dave transformed the basement and the propety behind the building into an afterschool and community center. You know how them drug dealers go...they gotta fix the community they helped destroy in the first place." She said super casually.

I scoffed alongside her, Eva usually said whatever popped into her brain. "Why would you say that? I think it's nice that he's doing something like that."

We finally stopped in front of my old office, and Eva opened the door for me. Everything looked just as I had left it, like no one ever stepped foot in here.

"Yeah it's nice but kinda hypocritical if you think about it. Anyway here you go Laya. I had everything cleaned up for you and you have a personal printer and copy machine. I got some office supplies coming for you too, anything you need you let Tony know."

"Wait I thought this was your office?" I asked confused. "Your Dave's new PA so.."

She shook her head, "No ma'am. Nobody's been in here since you've gone. It's mostly been used for storage and I've got an office upstairs, but Dave told us to leave it how it was."

"Interesting..." I said out loud. "Thanks Eva, I left my computer with all my files at the penthouse so I guess I'll start tomorrow. Why don't you show me the rec center?"

"Yeah right this way." I followed her to the staircase in the corner of the office floor but detterd when Zora came into my view.

"Zora?" She raised her head from deep within her phone and looked up at me with surprise. Slowly her facial expressions changed from shock to a plastered on tight-lipped smile.

"Allaya...hey! What are you doing here?!" She put her phone away and I gave her a quick hug.

"I could ask you the same thing. You're still recording?" I knew that she didn't go back to London with my father, but I thought that she was done recording music for a while, since she dropped her debut album a few months back.

"No...no actually. I'm here for rehearsal. I open up for some of East's shows and we have a song together that's gotten a lot of traction lately, so his management has been pushing him to perform it with me on stage."

"Is it really the traction or is it because you use to fuck Wayno...who is his management?" Eva butted in bluntly.

I nearly forgot she was still there because of how quiet she had been. But now her menacing tone definitely made her presence known.

My forehead creased with the widening of my eyes and Zora, in all of her British glory answered, "Don't be so crass Eva, and quite frankly I find it insulting that you would downgrade my music like that." She scoffed in the middle of the office. Thankfully nobody seemed to be paying attention.

"Anyway Laya...where's the little one? And how long are you back for? I know dad will be excited about his first gran. He was so worried when you didn't show up in London all that time ago. We tried to contact you but it was like you fell off the planet." Her head was back into her phone as she texted rapidly.

"Uh-uhm, how did you know I have a child?" Only Dave and his family knew, as far as I was concerned.

"You know people talk sis. With all the blogs and paparazzi, looking for information on one of hip hop's biggest stars. I was actually quite shocked when I first heard about it. You've got some explaining to do actually."

"Explaining to do for who?" I owed no one anything...especially my father. Just like before, I hadn't heard from him since I left. Amir was the only one that kept in touch with birthday and Christmas messages across Instagram, although I hardly replied.

Zora still hadn't looked up yet, while I looked towards Eva whose hands were twisted in front of her. She nodded her head in the direction of the stairway door to signal that I should end the conversation.

"Well it was great seeing you again. I gotta finish this...thing up." I tried to excuse myself.

"Of course love. We need to hang out and catch up whenever you have time. You're coming to the show tonight right?" She asked.

"I didn't plan on it actually, I've got a lot on my plate...and-"

"Ohh you just have to come, you've never seen me perform live plus it's the last one. There's an after party too! I'm sure Eva can set it up for you." She smiled brightly before her phone rang and she turned away to answer it.

"My manager..." She said quietly while pointing to the phone "I'll see you tonight." She exclaimed before walking off.

"Eva will set it up for you." Eva mocked Zora's voice and accent. "The fuck do I look like...her assistant? She must've forgot I got a beat down for h-" Eva paused and took a deep breath before saying. "Keep it cute and professional Eva. Look I know that's your fam or whatever... and blood supposed to be thicker than water, but watch that one." She said seriously.

This wasn't the first or second warning that someone close to me gave me about Zora. But there was only one thing about what she said, that truly mattered to me.

"What did she mean about the blogs and press? Do people know about Lilo?" I asked as we walked down the stairs to the Rec Center.

Eva sighed. "Not necessarily. There's been chatter that East has a new baby, but no one knows who's the mother or if the speculation is true. Zora probably just pieced it together or maybe Dave told her. But, Dave's really popular right now and everybody's trying to get a little dirt on him or stir up some drama. Eventually people are gonna find out about Lilo , 'cause they know about you and Dave's relationship and that y'all broke up." Eva tried to explain.

"So people are asking questions?"

"Yeah I've gotten a few calls from TMZ...but don't worry I haven't confirmed or denied anything. I think it's better to get in front of this before they run with the headlines, you know?"

"You mean like an interview or some shit? 'Cause I'm not about to do that."

"Laya it literally can be as simple as an Instagram post from Dave with him and Lilo, introducing her to the world and his fans. I know you may not want her face out there - but look at who her daddy is."

She was right. I could imagine the absurd headlines from the Shaderoom's posts now.

After walking down about three floors to the basement, we finally made it to our initial destination.

"Welcome to the Harlem Community Center and Afterschool Care." Eva smiled.

Kids ran around us, as volunteers in bright green shirts played with them, sat with them at tables to help them with homework or served them snacks. It looked like an actual school.

Books and toys lined the walls and a huge welcome desk sat at the center of the floor, with the quote "We rise by lifting others" in silver writing across the back splash.

"In the back there is a gym and workout area." Eva pointed to a section of the room. "And down that hallway are rooms for events. The middle area is for little kids in elementary school and there are more hangout areas in the back for middle and high school kids."

Everything was so clean and high tech, Dave obviously spared no expense when creating it.

"Let me show you the courts."

I followed behind her to a back door that led outside where there were two large basketball courts complete with benches and stands. There was a small game happening on the one farthest from us. It looked intense too, with people crowding the gate from the other side. I counted about ten of them all together, including Dave, who was among the shirtless bunch.

"Yessir this is my kind of game." Eva took a seat on the bench. "Fine ass chocolate niggas, as far as the eye can see." She rubbed her hands together like Birdman.

I giggled lightly and sat beside her before crossing my legs and watching the game.

"Don't mind me...I'm trying to see which one of them gonna get my number after Dave beats they ass."

"What makes you so sure he's gonna win?" I asked while watching him dribble the ball to the three point line and shoot with ease.

"That. Ya boy got skills, I'll put money on him any day."

"All them skills and he still does what he does." I said absentmindedly.

"You can have all the talent and skills in the world and still make the wrong choices Laya."

I shrugged. The game looked to be over as one of the other guys shook his head in defeat and Dave smirked at him then dapped him up. He grabbed his black shirt off the bench and slung it over his shoulder before walking towards us.

I diverted my eyes in every direction to make it seem like I didn't notice him coming this way. But somehow, they managed to connect with his and I looked at him a bit before turning away. He walked straight past me, back inside the center. That one action there basically summed up all of our interactions for the three weeks that I've been back.

Sometimes I saw him playing with Lilo and Kairi or making them breakfast, the love and happiness that he had for them evident in his smile and energy. But as soon as I walked in the room, all of that was wiped away. We barely spoke, or stood in the same room with each other unless it was necessary.

"Damn y'all niggas stress me the fuck out." Eva shook her head at me.

"Who?" I asked confused.

"You and Dave. Who else? Too grown ass adults that act like kids."

I rolled my eyes at her comment, then looked at my phone for the time. "I've gotta get home for a meeting."

"Yeah yeah" Eva stood with me. "I'll leave your ticket for the concert with James and message you the details."

"I didn't even say that I was going." I argued back at her.

"Aht aht...go to your little meeting. My future baby daddy is walking this way." She stared at the fine dark skin man coming towards us with the basketball in his hand.

"Are you dismissing me?" I teased.

"Yes bitch...now let me see if I can hop on some b-ball dick." She gritted out of the side of her mouth as he got closer.

"You're Justin right? You did yo' thing out there...you should be in the NBA. Can I get you some water?" Eva flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"East...um Mr. Brewster sorry...you're on in fifteen." Cassie, one of the back stage directors poked her head through the door of my dressing room to say.

I simply nodded back at her and kicked my feet ontop of the dressing room table. Usually

before shows, I'd be surrounded by my crew, drinking and gettin' lit before we all went up there. But I really wasn't in the mood tonight. I could hear all they loud asses out there now waiting for me to come out.

I was too focused on Laya. It's funny how someone I wish I could hate still invaded my every thought. As much as I wanted to ignore her or cuss her out or even try getting back at her for what she did, something inside me couldn't do it.

I still missed and cared about ha ass.

But it was best if we kept our distance and focused on Lilo. She was truly one of the greatest gifts anyone ever gave me, along with Kairi. Before, when me and Laya were still together, I use to imagine some cute shit like kids with her. I guess that's why it hurt so much when I found out about Lilo.

She made it known that it was best for us to stay apart 'cause we didn't know how to trust each other.

My phone chimed with an incoming notification, and I relaxed a bit more after receiving the message I waited on all night.

Finally, I was gonna give up that street shit for good. Now I had way more to lose than I could possibly gain. The moves, the money and the power wasn't worth it, especially since them new niggas out there had no sense of loyalty or street code. I'm getting to old to be doing all this gangster shit anyway.

Plus I made more money legally, and it was only a matter of time before the dark came to light, and any of the enemies I made in the past could try to make a move.

The dressing room door was opened with force and I sucked my teeth out loud. Through the mirror, I saw Zora looking up at me with sly eyes. She was already dressed in the jeweled bodysuit she wore whenever we performed our set together. From the look on her face, I should've known she was about to be on some bullshit.

"What?" I asked bluntly.

She crossed one foot in front of the other slowly with her hands behind and moved closer to me.

"I didn't see you out there and I just wanted to see if you were all right." She attempted to touch me but I stood up to lean against the wall.

Ain't a faker bitch alive than Zora.

"I'm on in five and I'm definitely not in the headspace to be dealing with you." She was starting to irritate me. The only reason she was acting like this was because Laya was back in town. We never even crossed paths unless it had to do with business.