《If You Let Me》Chapter 17

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Baby don't worry, you know that you got me

Two weeks later...

I woke up to tiny fingers playing on my face and a little body sitting on top of my chest. Usually I'd be worried but I opened my eyes to see Kairi and her unruly hair on top of me with a wide smile.

"Lala!", she screamed while bouncing on my chest.

I groaned and stretched, then rolled over to sit up and place her on my lap.

What time was it? My alarm didn't wake me up and how in the hell did this little girl find my room?

After Dave's dad's birthday party, she was supposed to be staying with her Nana but insisted that she wanted to come with me instead. Of course, I didn't mind because that gave me an excuse to put some distance between Dave and I so that I could get myself together.

Out of all the things that I admired about Dave, him being a father was my favorite. In the studio, office and quite frankly everywhere else he was mean, cold and frightening but with his daughter, he was definitely a gentle giant with a huge soft spot for her.

And that's the way it should be.

We've been becoming closer these last few weeks but haven't gotten to spend much time together because of his schedule. But he always managed to watch a movie with me or just chill at least once a day. Or he'd text me randomly to check up on me. I even made him create a private story on Instagram so that he could share what he was up to with me.

School has been slowing down a bit and I just got a call last week about some scholarship that basically covered the rest of my tuition. My professor said that he couldn't share the details but I was sure that Dave had something to do with it. It was a new scholarship, that hadn't existed before and covered the exact amount of my fees - and only Dave would do something like that.

I turned Kairi to face me and gave her a big smile. "Where's your daddy pretty girl? It's time for school and you should be ready by now?" I said while checking the time.

It was nearly 8:30 and Kairi had to be at preschool by 9:00. Most mornings the two of them left before me because Dave had early meetings. Thats why I was confused as to why she wasn't dressed espescially since Dave had a meeting with Atlantic Records at 9:30.

I knew he has been ultra stressed this week because we'd be traveling tomorrow and for the rest of this week for his shows plus he has two songs to finish, but he wouldn't leave Kairi here without telling me.

I picked her up, slid on my house shoes and walked to the other side of the penthouse to look for Dave. I motioned for Kairi to put her finger on her lips so that we wouldn't make any noise. I slowly opened the door to the huge master bedroom to see the tattoo covered god twisted in his grey cotton sheets with his muscular arm thrown over his face.

Streams of light peeked through the covered blinds as I tipped towards him to peer under his arm.

He was knocked out cold. This was unsual for a man who was punctual and always on time.

Deciding that I would just take Kairi to school, I quietly left the room to get her and myself ready.

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I let her pick out her own outfit and she brought me her denim overalls with a pink Paw Patrol shirt. I dressed her and did her hair into two pig tails before taking her to the kitchen.

"Lala I want pancakes pweasee", she begged.

"Of course you can have pancakes sweetie." She was such a polite little girl and I couldn't possibly tell her no. Dave and his mom were raising her right because she definitely didn't get it from her mother.

Kairi would simply have be late to school today, but I didn't care as long as she got her pancakes.

After making her breakfast I sat her down in my room to eat and watch cartoons so that I could get ready.

I needed to hurry up and get her to school so that I could head into the office to handle things for today and tomorrow. I had a few errands to run and I had to pack. After his show in Atlanta tomorrow and Alabama a few days later, we'd be heading to Miami for another show and his birthday celebration.

I took another half and hour to get ready before grabbing Kairi and her things and dashing downstairs to where James was waiting with the car.

"Good Morning Ms. Daniels, where to this morning?"

"Hi James. Please take us to Harwood Academy before the studio." I said while strapping Kairi in.

She was on her iPad playing games while I made a mental checklist in my head of everything I needed to do.

I took out my phone and sent a quick text to Dave telling him I took Kairi to school and one to Eva to inform her that I was running late. Ignoring a message from Amir, I opened a message from Nene and responded to her.

🥂🤞🏽

Hey booo!

Why hello Shaneice . What did I do to deserve a message from you?

🥂🤞🏽

Girl quit with the sarcasm before I hurt your feelings 🙄

But do u have Jaheim's number? I need to talk to him about somethin

Who's Jaheim? I don't know him sis

🥂🤞🏽

Jay, smart ass. Your boss's friend or whateva

Why would she want his number? This heffa better not be starting some shit with him.

Nope ion have it but I'll ask Dave for it. Or if you tell me what you need I can tell Jay directly.

🥂🤞🏽

Nope just get the number from Dave. Thank ya!

Her sneaky ass.

The black escalator halted to a stop twenty minutes later and James opened my door. I ushered Kairi to Ms. Bell's class where all of the other kids were already at their tables coloring.

"Oh there you are Kairi! I thought you weren't coming in today" her teacher exclaimed.

"Yeah sorry about that, we had a busy morning but she's here now." I smiled politely while taking Kairi's backpack off and putting it in her cubby with her lunch bag.

"Yes well you know here at Harwood Academy we prefer that our children arrive in a timely manner. I'm sorry, I didn't get your name or relation to Kairi." she said with a fake smile.

"Ms. Daniels. I'm her father's PA and unless you are going come over, get her dressed, feed her and bring her to school yourself, don't say squat about her being late because this is the first time it's happened." I looked the skinny white woman up and down. "Now KairI, I'm gonna go and Nana is picking you up today okay?" I bent down to speak with her.

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"Okay. But when am I gonna see daddy?" she frowned.

"I promise that he's going to FaceTime you tonight at Nana's house and if you be good I'll read you a story too. Do you want that?"

She beamed at me showing all of her little teeth before sitting down at her table.

I glanced at Ms. Bell with a straight face one more time before heading back to the car.

Lady better not play with me. I'll have her desk and shit packed within the hour with one call to the school's district office.

/•/

It was a whole seven hours later before I made it into Harlem Recording Studio. Everyone seemed more jumpier that usual today and it was weird considering it was almost the end of the week.

Speaking of weird, I hadn't heard from Dave either, he'd read my message about dropping Kairi to school and hadn't responded to my new ones. Even his mom called me looking for him.

Stepping out of the elevator I headed straight to Eva's desk for updates about today.

"Hey Eva, have you seen Dave?"

"Yeah he came in this morning for like two meetings then dipped. Haven't seen him since and Auntie Maya been blowing up my phone looking for his ass too." She muttered in frustration.

"Hmm okay then and is Mike around? I need to have a quick meeting with him about the sound shit for Dave's listening party next month" I said while preparing to type another message to him.

"Girl Dave fired him and Erica this morning. Ron from accounting told me that Dave found the two of them fucking in the breakroom. They got into a big fight earlier before Dave had security escort both of them downstairs.", she whispered over her desk.

"Laya it's been rough around here today. He's been screaming and everyone has basically stayed clear of him for most of the day. We've been waitin for you to get back to calm him down."

I was truly surprised. Mike was Dave's personal sound engineer and he wouldn't have fired him over something like that and as far as I knew Erica was a married lesbian, so why would she be screwing Mike? Now I know that Ron's messy ass gossips more than a woman, so he is more than likely lying about what went down but that still doesn't justify Dave's actions.

"What the hell is going on with him today?" I wondered out loud.

Eva sighed and shifted in her chair.

"His cousin Mugga, on his dad's side was killed today about five years ago. Dave took his death the hardest. Shoota, Freaky, Jay...alla them did. Dave still thinks it's his fault and he gets snappy around this time." Eva released.

Realization came over me. Coming from someone who never grieved the death of a close loved one properly, I understood how he felt.

"I'm gonna take the rest of the day off to find him. Forward me anything important and text me Mike and Erica's numbers so that I can get them back here please", I stated before exiting the building.

Later on I walked briskly off of the penthouse's elevator yelling Dave's name and receiving no answer in return. I dropped my purse on the table in the foyer and looked all over for him.

He wasn't in his office, his home gym, or the kitchen. I finally decided to open his bedroom door and there I found him in a similar position as this morning.

He was naked from the waist up and only a pair of grey sweats hang loosely off his hips. He sat up in bed and was smoking a blunt while flipping through tv channels. It was clear that it wasn't his first considering the other two dubbed out ones in the marble ash tray.

I walked through the thick fog of smoke and stood on the side of him with my arms folded.

"Dave...Dave didn't you hear me calling you earlier?"

He simply nodded his head with his eyes still fixed on the television. I reached over to grab the remote from his hand but he moved just in time causing me to fall over onto his lap.

I righted myself and blew my hair out of my face before walking to the front of the bed where he could see me for sure. I wasn't tall enough to block the tv mounted on the wall but this would have to do.

"Hellooo answer me" I waved my hand in the front of his face.

"Laya I'm good. I'm just tryna vibe right now and you starting to kill the mood."

I raised an eyebrow at him and tuned around to face the tv. I tried to jump to reach the off button and finally succeeded on the third try.

Ha! This is a win for short people everywhere.

His eyes hung low and he slid down into the bed and watched my every move as I approached him again.

"What's going on with you? You fired two people today and you've been meaner than usual." I said softly.

He sucked his teeth and blew out a cloud of smoke.

"I said I'm good Laya. Now you can go, I wanna be alone", he grunted while mugging me.

It's funny that he still thinks that his facial expression has any affect on me. I am the queen of the resting bitch face and I couldn't care less about which one of his mugs he gave me.

"Nope I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's up with you. We're supposed to be friends...or whatever we are and I'm not leaving."

This no label thing had me a bit confused but it wasn't the time for that.

"And actually, it's time for my mid afternoon nap so, go over. I would change out of my outside clothes but I'm not leaving before you lock me out or sumn." I spoke while making my way to the other side of the bed.

Today I wore a white button up dress with platform heels because I felt like being cute. Whenever I wore a cute outfit...or anything as a matter of fact he'd give me this sexy ass look and I lowkey loved it. I put this on just for him and he didn't even notice it today.

It's a damn shame.

I bent down in front of him and unbuckled my shoes before crawling over him to the other side of the bed. I sat up in the same position he was in and looked over at him.

He was still giving me that same look as before while pulling from his blunt.

"I usually can't sleep without like rain sounds or watching cartoons so can you turn the tv on?"

"You're the one who turned it off ma"

"Right and I'm asking you to turn it back on. Damn keep up Dave.", I said jokingly.

I was showing him another side of myself that many people besides those who were close to me haven't seen. I was always a goofball. I liked making people laugh, especially when they were upset.

"And since you called me ma, can I call you pa or maybe son? Which one you like? I mean it's only fair."

He sucked his teeth again and turned the tv onto Netflix then handed me the remote.

"Thank you. Now you have a choice between Family Guy and the Pink Panther" I said while scrolling through the animated tv shows.

He was silent for a while, probably still trying to ignore me before he said, "Family Guy".

"Great now we're getting somewhere" I put it on an eposode, then sank under the covers a bit more.

Surprisingly, he used his free hand to pull me closer to him and I cuddled right back into him.

"I hope that's your last blunt because I can barely see the tv" I muttered, my eyes becoming heavy.

"Nope I got two more rolled up"

I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes at his deep chuckle.

At least I kinda got him to smile. My eyes soon closed and I was in between that critical space of being asleep and awake.

You know that moment when any little sound or movement could wake you up completely? Well I was there.

I felt him roll over towards his night stand and stub the rest of what he was smoking out before his grip tightened around me.

I loved this shit. The room was cold, I was nestled between strong arms, the weed smell was intoxicating but pleasant and these 1,000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets were calling me broke as they surrounded me. I was beyond comfortable.

Then Dave's voice broke the silence. I guess he thought I was asleep because he spoke so freely.

"My cousin Mugga died today about five years ago. The two of us was thick as thieves ya know? Wherever you found him, I was right there with him. That was my main nigga, my right hand, my blood man. Now he's gone. I should've never let him go do that shit by himself."

He paused and lowered his voice. I tried to control my breathing so that he would think that I was still asleep.

"You too innocent to understand some of the shit I done did. Some shit I ain't proud of, shit that keeps me up at night. But truth is I can't change the past" he laughed bitterly. "Doing that shit made me who I am today and I ain't never been ashamed about it but for some reason I'm scared that I tell you, you gon look at me differently."

"Me and Mugga had a drop that day. A big one. I told him that I wasn't feelin them new niggas we was dealing with, but he wasn't into that shit. Talkin bout I was paranoid and shit but I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. We was suppose to go out to the Bronx and exchange about two mil for new product together. But some shit had come up with Millie and was gon call the whole thing off. Mugga wasn't having that, it was a big deal that would make us a whole lotta money. So he said that he was gonna do it." his next words were filled with anger.

"I was driving back from Millie's house when my ma called me talking about he was in the hospital. I nearly killed myself speeding down there. By the time I made it into the ER I heard my auntie screaming and they was wheeling his body down to the morgue. Turns out them niggas ambushed him as soon as he stepped foot in their warehouse and shot him ten times. I made the whole city bleed that year trying to make up for Mugga's death but that shit ain't help. I couldn't bring my cousin back and now his son gotta grow up without a fuckin father."

Dave continued with his voice breaking even more, "I should've went with him Laya. If I went with him he'd still be here."

I couldn't take it anymore. I rolled over to look at him and grasped his face into my hands. At this point he had me crying.

"Dave baby. You can't change the past.", I spoke slowly. "You can only move on. And I know that's hard, trust me I know, but it's the only thing you can do. You'll never know what would've happened if you were there with him and that's just how unfair and fucked up life is. It takes the people we love the most right when we think we need them the most."

He looked directly in my eyes and he moved his hand to wipe a tear from my face.

"But we have to try you know? We have to try to move on, not to forget them but we have to learn to live life without them."

Hmph I needed to take my own advice.

Dave kissed the top of my forehead and pulled me closer to him. He rested his chin on top of my head and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Don't leave me tonight, aight?"

I nodded my head slowly. "I hope you know I'm a bad sleeper. So when you wake up with my foot in your mouth don't say shit to me" I murmured burying my face into his chest.

His whole body shook with laughter and in that moment I knew that there was no place I'd rather be.

_____________

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