Sitting across the counter from Oliver, I watch as he smears an obscene amount of peanut butter on a piece of bread. My face scrunches up in disgust when he tops it with an equally thick layer of marshmallow fluff.

"That's gross."

He takes an extra-large bite, and speaks with his mouth full. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Did you say delicious?"

I roll my eyes. "If I ate like that, I'd have an ass the size of a barn."

He rubs his perfectly toned stomach. "I guess I got the good genes." He motions between us. "Obviously."

When I don't smile, he sighs. "You're going to have to tell me what happened between you and Hunter. If I don't have a good enough reason for murder, my defense will be shit." He pats his face this time. "With looks like this, I wouldn't last long in prison."

"I can't argue there." I continue to mindlessly pull my paper napkin into tiny pieces. "I don't want to talk to you about Hunter either."

He shoots me a look, causing a large drop of peanut butter to fall out of his sandwich. He swipes his finger across the counter and places it in his mouth.

"Okay, I'm seriously going to puke."

He scoffs. "Come on, you know Mom cleans really well." He takes another bite. "Any way, do you really expect me to believe you want to go to Cornell with Judah?"

He gives a pointed look to the stuffed bear wearing a Cornell sweatshirt I'm holding. I found it when I was cleaning out my closet earlier. Judah bought it for me when he went for his college visit last year. He held out hope I would eventually go with him until the very end.

I shrug. "Why not?"

"You don't even love him."

"Of course I do," I say defensively, sitting up straighter.

He cocks his head to me. "You're not in love with him."

"Love is overrated. What does it mean anyway? Two people go out of their way to constantly declare their undying devotion to one another while in the end all they manage to accomplish is destroying each other."

Oliver shoves the rest of his sandwich into his mouth. "You're preaching to the choir sister."

"I don't want to be sad anymore. Judah doesn't make me sad."

Oliver's face softens, and he mirrors my position. "That's because you don't care what he does. If you did, he would make you sad, too."

"I applied to Cornell before he left. I guess I thought I would end up there anyway. My relationship with Judah defined me in a way. Without him, I'm not sure who I am."

Oliver laughs. "That relationship didn't define you. You like how it felt to be his girlfriend. It's comfortable for you."

I cross my arms, suddenly angry. "What are you trying to do?"

He sighs, dusting his hands off on a towel. "Elliot, don't you think it's kind of strange both of you are going out your way to be as far away from each other as possible?"

I shake my head, and he rolls his eyes.

"You can fool a lot of people, but you can't fool me. Running away from this won't bring it to an end. It will just make both of you regret what you could have had."

I stand up from my stool and set the bear in my place. "It was never my choice." I shrug. "I'm just giving him what he wants."

He mutters something under his breath when I turn to walk away causing me to turn back to him. I arch an eyebrow. "What did you say?"

Ollie sighs and then walks over and slides the barstool out next to mine. He takes a seat, and motions to the one in front of him. "Sit down."

My initial reaction is to say no, but the expression on his face is strange. He looks—well, he looks serious. I begrudgingly comply and take the seat in front of him.

His chest rises as he takes a deep breath and then rests his hands on his knees. "Elle, I'm going to tell you something that might be a little shocking."

My stomach tenses. "What?"

He takes another dramatic breath and blows it out. "I'm not perfect."

I stare at him silently. Is he for real right now? When I don't respond, he keeps going.

"I know you probably need a moment to process that, but it's true."

I can't help but laugh, covering my mouth with my hand. "You're joking." I move to stand, and he grabs my arm, causing me to look down at him and narrow my eyes. "Ollie, I don't have time for this."

"Just sit," he says, his eyes pleading. "I'm actually being serious, and I want you to hear me out on this."

Color me skeptical, but I do as he asks. I retake my seat across from him and fold my arms. "Go on then."

His hazel eyes appear distant for a moment, not focusing on anything in particular. When he looks back to me, the sincerity in them strikes me hard. "I've done some things I'm not proud of." He laughs once. "Maybe that will be hard for you to believe because I act like I don't give a shit."

He swallows and for the first time he appears to struggle to find the words to say. Internally, I start to panic. Ollie is never at a loss for words.

I sit still as he takes a long, faltering breath. "I know what the weight of those words feels like. When you tell a girl, 'I love you'—that's it, it's end game. If you're promising a girl your heart now belongs to her, you better make damn sure you can protect it." He clenches his fist and the conviction pours out of him in a way I never imagined he could be capable of. "You want to give her everything. You want to shield her from anything that could possibly harm her even if it means yourself."

My breath hitches in my throat at the rawness in his voice. This is a rare look for him, and I'm suddenly nervous for what he'll say next.

He leans back a little. "Any guy who says those words and doesn't feel that way isn't worth a shit." His jaw ticks. "You hear me, Elle."

I jump a little at the change in his tone of voice and then nod.

"That's not the guy you end up with. You want the one who would literally stop the Earth for you if that's what you needed." His throat bobs. "That's a fucking scary thing."

Now I'm confused. My eyebrows pull in. "Ollie, did you love someone?"

He runs his hand back and forth across the hair on his jawline, clearly contemplating his answer. If you have to think about it, then the answer is no.

Another moment passes before he laughs under his breath. He leans forward again to rest his elbows on his knees. "I don't talk about this. Not with Hunter, not with anyone." He lowers his head into hands and takes another breath. His shoulders tense and then he picks his head up and stares straight into my eyes. "That's not because I didn't want to, it's because I've never spoken those words out loud. I fucking can't."

The tightness in my chest doubles hearing the anguish in his voice. "What happened?" I whisper.

"I can't tell you everything, but I feel like I need to tell you something. You need to know these feelings that you have..." his voice trails off, and he clutches his chest with one hand, "...are normal. It's okay if you're afraid."

He's right. I'm terrified what I had with Hunter was too perfect. That it was too special to ever feel it with anyone else again. That's what scares me.

"I've never said those words to anyone. That doesn't mean I didn't feel that way, but I knew I couldn't handle the gravity of what they meant." He takes a shaky breath. "I stood in front of the girl who owned every ounce of my soul and I couldn't say it back."

He gets quiet, and his eyes lose focus again, and then they close. "I knew I wouldn't be enough for her. I couldn't make those promises knowing I couldn't give her what she needed."

A tear slips down his cheek, and my eyes begin to burn. I can't remember the last time I saw Ollie cry. Seeing someone so strong and so confident be vulnerable like this takes my breath away. It's hard to watch someone you love struggle, especially when you have no idea they're hurting in the first place.

He quickly brushes a hand across his cheek and sits up straighter. "In a lot of ways, I was worse than I am now. What could I possibly give her when all I did was walk around like some entitled, arrogant prick?"

"That's not true," I cut in, and he laughs.

"I appreciate your need to defend me, but trust me," he says, locking eyes with me. "I was an asshole."

"But you were young, right?" I ask, trying my hardest to take away some of the guilt on his face.

He nods. "Seventeen. I was seventeen and madly in love with a girl I knew I'd never be good enough for. That's why I didn't say it back when she told me, and that's why she left." He laughs again. "Well, most of the reason."

I want so desperately to ask him to tell me everything, but I respect the fact he's shared this much. Ollie never talks about girls in the long-term, especially not with words like love.

My fingers absently pick at the frayed hole in the knee of my jeans. I look up at him and sigh. "I guess we both know what it feels like to have the person you love leave you." I sniff and hold back another onslaught of tears threatening to overflow. "It sucks."

Ollie shakes his head. "But Hunter doesn't want to leave."

"You're just saying that," I scoff.

"No," he says, more determined. "If he wanted to leave, he would be gone by now. He wouldn't be waiting around for you to graduate, chaperoning a dance you're about to be crowned at."

I'm not convinced. "He's obligated to do those things, Ollie."

He shoots me a look. "You really think he gives a shit about finishing out his contract?" He pulls a hand into his chest. "I know him. He didn't break up with you because he doesn't love you—he broke up with you because he thinks he's protecting you. Maybe he and I were both afraid of different things, but our reasons for the doing the things we did are the same."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

Ollie smiles and it breaks the tension filling the air around us. "You have to forget about all that Monroe pride I instilled in you and convince him to stay."

I laugh once. "How am I supposed to do that?"

He nudges my knee. "Come on now. I've watched you love someone fearlessly without even giving it a second thought. You were willing to risk everything to be with him, and now's your chance to show him you're not giving up without a fight."

His optimism is usually contagious, but right now I'm not so sure. It's been weeks since Hunter told me it was over, and I haven't so much as gotten a text from him. He's either really good at hiding his emotions, or he's already given up.

"I'll think about it, okay," I say, standing up from my stool.

Ollie gets up too and pulls me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around his waist, and he squeezes me a little tighter than usual. "I love you, Elle. I want you to have everything you ever wanted."

I hug him and sigh against his chest, letting all my pent-up tears finally fall. "I love you, too."