Walking around the track feels weird to me. I want so badly to run I can barely stand it. Taking things slow has never been my thing. I've always wanted to find the fastest way possible to get to the end of something, and my current situation, is no different.

The music blaring through my iPod is barely drowning out the incessant yelling coming from Ollie over by the bleachers. I shake my head as I scroll through my playlist. I'm about to round the corner when I see Judah walking toward the track. He smiles over at me as he approaches.

"Hey, babe." He pulls me into him and kisses me before I have a chance to fully register his presence.

I kiss him back and barely think twice about it. Hunter was right, this does almost feel normal to me. "What are you doing here?" I ask, taking a step back.

"It's the end of the semester. Not a lot going on right now."

I nod forward. "You can walk with me." I take my earbuds out and wrap them around my hand as he falls into step beside me. "I have to talk to you, anyway."

He laces his hand with mine. "Sure, what's up?"

It's hard to feel so desolate inside when Judah is walking around like everything is roses. I know I'm slowly torturing him by allowing him to go along with this charade, and he does it with a smile on his face.

I lower my eyes to the track. "Hunter and I broke up."

His hand squeezes mine, but he doesn't miss a step. He's quiet for a moment and then he tilts his head to me. "Are you fucking with me?"

I shake my head slowly. "Nope."

He pulls me to a stop and places his hands on my shoulders. "Elle, are you okay?" His eyes darken after a moment. "Did he hurt you?" He removes his hands from me, his nostrils flaring as he looks around the field. "Is he here?"

I laugh a little and tug on his arm. "No, Judah. He's not here." He looks down at me, his chest still heaving slightly in anger. "And no to all of your other questions, too."

His face falls. "So, you're not okay?"

I smile. "That's the only part you're worried about?"

"Of course, babe. The last thing I want is for you to be sad." He grabs my hand again and kisses the back of it. "That's what I'm here for. To make you smile."

For some reason his words have the opposite effect, and I start to cry. He pulls me against his chest, and I wrap my arms around his waist. "It's really over this time."

Judah continues to console me while I cry into his T-shirt. I find it incredibly strange that neither of us finds it odd I'm crying over the guy who basically tried to kill him, and is most of the reason we aren't together in the first place.

He pulls back and wipes a tear from my cheek. "What can I do?" he whispers.

I shrug. "Walk with me?"

Instead of answering, he takes my hand again and continues to walk slowly around the perimeter of the track. We're both quiet for the longest time until he finally speaks.

"Elle, I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better right now." I look up at him and the sincerity in his eyes almost brings me to tears again. "But I want you to know that this doesn't change anything. I'm here for you no matter what. If you still want to go to prom, we'll go to prom. If you don't, then we'll do something else. None of that stuff matters to me. I just want you to be happy."

The unending guilt I constantly feel intensifies. Judah came into this knowing he would eventually get hurt, and he's still here. The person I thought I knew so well continues to surprise even me.

"Why are you even doing this? I mean, I'm very grateful, but you didn't have to."

He sighs, looking over at me and then focusing forward. "For you, Elle. If I would've treated you better, maybe you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place."

"You deserve better than me," I say simply.

He winks. "No, you do. You just can't see it yet."

Although his words confuse me, I don't respond. What hurt the most about Hunter's break-up speech is that he was always preaching how I deserved better and he couldn't give me that, and now Judah is saying the same thing. Maybe I'm the one who isn't good enough for anyone.

"Hey, Judah!" Oliver calls over to us from the bleachers. "Unless you grew a vagina I'm not aware of, get off my field!"

Judah looks over at him and laughs, and Oliver plants his hands on his hips with a stern expression.

"He likes to act like a dick at practice," I say.

Judah gives my hand a squeeze. "It's okay. I'll stop over later." He gives me a smirk. "I heard Holden is coming by to work on a project."

"Please don't tell me that you're jealous?"

He smiles again, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "What do I have to be jealous about? This wasn't real, right?"

***

I need a new word for awkward. I'm sitting at my kitchen table with Holden and Judah while Oliver and Hunter watch the game in the living room. I'm actually doing all the work as Holden and Judah talk about the baseball game they'd rather be watching.

Oliver comes strolling into the kitchen with a large grin plastered on his face. I glare at him while he rummages through the fridge.

"Judah," he says before taking a large drink of orange juice straight from the container. "Did you have fun interrupting my practice today?"

Judah laughs and throws his arm over my shoulder. "Sorry about that." He plants a kiss to the side of my head. "I had to make sure my girl was okay."

Oliver shoots me a look, which I pretend to ignore. "Does she need your help with her English assignment as well?"

I shift uncomfortably in my chair, but Judah just smiles. "I like to help her in any way that I can." He gives me a wink and all it does is make me feel worse.

The tension in the room continues to build as they stare back at each other. For the life of me I can't figure out why Ollie feels the need to get involved, but I'm about to put a stop to it. I glance over at Holden, who thankfully, is oblivious to the whole situation.

"I'll be right back," I say to Judah as I get up from my chair.

I tug Oliver by the sleeve. "I need to talk to you," I say through my teeth on the way past.

He follows me into the hallway, and I cross my arms. "Care to explain to me what you're trying to do?"

He leans into me. "I thought I should remind you that you have someone in the other room about to blow a gasket."

I press my fingertips to my temples. "What's with you? You act like you're so loyal to me, but I get my fucking heart broken and you side with the enemy."

Oliver lowers his eyes to the ground before looking back up at me, speaking softer, "I'm sorry. This is the whole reason I never wanted you two to date in the first place. It sucks being in the middle of this situation."

I throw my arms up. "How do you think I feel? Can't you watch the game at a bar or something?"

He shakes his head. "He won't talk about it. I've asked him a dozen times why you really broke up, and he won't give me any solid answers. What happened?"

"It doesn't matter."

Oliver glances back to the kitchen before giving me a skeptical look. "It must matter a little bit, or you wouldn't still have Judah hanging around."

"Judah is..." my voice trails off, and I sigh. "I don't know what Judah is, but he's my friend, and I'm not going to ask him to leave."

"Are you going to get back together?"

I cross my arms. "Why do you want to know? So you can run to Hunter and tell him he was right?"

Oliver shakes his head. "Elle, I know you're upset right now, but I'm still on your side." He meets my eyes. "I mean it. My loyalty lies with you first."

He hugs me to him, and I reluctantly wrap my arms around his waist. Ollie may be a dick most of the time, but I know he loves me. He would never do anything that would intentionally hurt me. When I pull back, Hunter is standing in the corner of the hallway.

"I can leave if you want me to." He glances to Ollie and then locks his eyes on me.

"No," I say, forcing a smile. "It's totally fine. As you know, I have work to do."

He smiles a little, but when I don't return it back, his face falls again. "Okay."

We stare at each other for a moment until Oliver claps his hands together loudly.

"Well, this isn't awkward or anything." He pats Hunter on the back on his way to the living room. "You know where I'll be."

Hunter nods to him and then shoves his hands in his pockets. He doesn't make an attempt to move closer to me, and I'm grateful. It's barely been a week since we broke up, and I already want to beg him to take me back. I would never do that though—Oliver taught me better.

"I don't want to make this any harder on you," he says. His deep voice resonates through me, and I take an unsteady breath.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I force another smile. "You don't have to worry about that. I'm perfectly fine." I turn and walk back into the kitchen before I can see his reaction. It's either that or I'll start to cry and then Judah will see. The last thing I want is for them to get into another fight when there's nothing left to fight about. For the first time in my life—I lost. Not only that, but I lost someone who meant more to me than anyone ever has. I don't like this feeling, and I'm afraid it will never go away.