My heart drops when I see Judah storm away from Hunter. He disappears around the corner and then the side door slams shut. I'm guessing their conversation wasn't a pleasant one. Oliver squeezes my elbow and leans down to my ear.

"I'll talk to Hunter. Go check on Judah."

He walks away from me before I can reply. He swaggers into the dining room and leads Hunter toward the bar again. His eyes meet mine briefly, and I don't see the reassurance in them that I saw before. With a sigh, I turn away and walk toward the back door.

The wintery air hits me hard when I step out onto the porch that wraps around the back of the house. Judah is standing at the railing with his back to me. I wrap my arms around myself and take another step toward him.

"You okay?" I ask when I get closer.

He doesn't turn around. "I'm fine, Elle. Go inside."

"You're obviously not fine," I say back.

He laughs under his breath and his shoulders shake. He turns around, and there's no amusement on his face. "I don't know what you want from me," he says, leaning back on the railing. He shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs. "Your boyfriend apologized, so everything's cool right? You got what you wanted. Everyone's happy."

I shake my head. "I don't want you to be upset. I hate that you're so mad at me."

He laughs again. "Mad at you?" He pushes off the railing. "Why do you keep thinking I'm mad at you like we're having some kind of fight?" He pulls his hand into his chest. "You broke my fucking heart, Elliot. I'm not mad at you." He takes a shaky breath. "I fucking miss you."

I lose my air again. Hearing him say those words hurts so much worse than I ever thought it could. "I'm sorry," I say, my voice small. It's a pathetic response, but it's all I have. I really am sorry, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. We both knew the risk we were taking at the beginning of the year. It was a 50/50 shot this would all end in heartbreak.

Judah blows out a long breath and then runs his hand roughly over his hair. "It's not your fault."

I don't have a response for that. Yes, I feel guilty he found out about Hunter the way he did, but what did he expect?

Even so, I still feel the need to comfort him. It's weird seeing Judah so emotional. "We are still going to be a part of each other's lives," I say, my voice softer. I place my hand on his arm, and he meets my eyes. "I know it won't be in the way we planned, but I can't lose you completely. You were my first everything. All of my best memories have you in them."

He sniffs, lowering his eyes from me. "I just feel so bad about the way I acted. I'm still acting like a dick because I'm so angry with myself."

"Hey," I say, shaking his arm. He still won't look at me, so I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him. I can't take the look on his face anymore anyway.

He hugs me back tighter than I expect. When his body starts to silently shake, I rub my hand up and down his back gently, no longer feeling the cold in the air. This kind of emotion from a guy like him is still troubling to me. Any male influence I've seen firsthand has come off stone-faced and detached. They don't discuss their feelings in a way that makes it acceptable to have them. That's why I've always tried so hard not to—until now that is. Now it's all I ever feel, and sometimes I'm so overwhelmed by it I can hardly breathe.

When the back door opens suddenly, he pulls back from me and discreetly wipes his eyes with his sleeve. Oliver strolls onto the porch in his puffer jacket and snow pants. He grins at Judah.

"You ready to take the sleds for a rip?" He motions over to the garages, and his grin widens. "The new racing motor I just had installed is sick."

Judah's face is back to being passive. All traces of his inner torment are safely hidden away from anyone who could possibly judge him for it. "Sounds cool."

Oliver clenches his fist in excitement. "Fucking right." He tosses his truck keys to me. "Take this and be prepared for search and rescue if I call."

He gives a stern look, but I just laugh. The guys do this every year after dinner, and one of them always get stuck or breaks down. It usually leaves me all alone at the cabin while I wait for them to bail themselves out, but this year I have a feeling Hunter will be staying with me.

I think Judah knows because I see the muscle in his jaw working. I'm glad Ollie is so close with him, but I can't imagine he's a comforting shoulder to lean on. That's why Judah always acts like he doesn't give a shit when he's around.

"Let's go," Ollie says, nodding to the door again. "I got a thirty-pack stuffed behind the seat."

I narrow my eyes and then grip the front of his jacket. "Be careful."

He winks at me. "Always."

Judah walks past me and nudges my shoulder on his way by. "Later, Elle."

I watch them walk off of the porch and over to the garages. It doesn't go longer than a minute before Hunter steps out behind me. When I turn to face him, it takes everything inside of me not to throw my arms around him and kiss him. Despite the awkward conversations I seemed to be having all night, he's been at the front of my mind the entire time.

He smiles at me and it's like all of the tension surrounding this evening starts to break away at once. His hand discreetly finds mine, and he laces our fingers together. He squeezes them and then lets them go all too soon. "You ready to get out of here?"

It's my turn to smile. "You have no idea."

***

The cabin is modest compared to the rest of our properties. My parents rarely come up here, and Ollie only uses it when he's too drunk to drive home from the lodge. For me, it has everything we need. A large stone fireplace in the center of the room with sectional couches, two bedrooms downstairs, and spacious loft upstairs complete with its own bathroom. Personally, I'd rather live here than our main house. It's less cold and more cozy like a home should be.

Hunter comes in the side door carrying a large armful of wood just as I'm pouring a glass of wine. I need a drink after the intense evening. Holidays are usually filled with some type of drama, but I've never had it directed toward me before. That's usually Ollie's job.

Even though I want to move on from all of it and enjoy the rest of the evening, I know I need to say something. I could see the look on Hunter's face when my father was talking about me and Judah.

I sit down on the couch and pull the knit blanket across my lap. Hunter was disappointed when I changed out of my dress and into a sweater and jeans, but the look he gives when he puts the wood down sets me on fire. He crosses the room and kisses my lips once before lifting the blanket and sliding in beside me. His arm snakes around my waist, and he brings me as close to him as I can get. I snuggle into him and sigh. This feels perfect.

The flames flicker in front of us while his hand rubs slowly up and down my arm. I tilt my head so I can look into his eyes, unable to stand it any longer.

"I'm sorry about my dad."

He looks down and smiles before facing forward again. It's a front to cover up the look he has on his face now. "I'm fine."

I sigh again. "He's very into appearances. It had nothing to do with any type of love I have for Judah."

Hunter laughs. "I figured that." He tilts his head down to me. "Honestly, I'd be upset if he wasn't that way." He kisses the tip of my nose and then sits up straighter. "What father wouldn't want their daughter to be with someone like that? Good name, excellent career—he can take care of you."

This causes me to sit up straight. I run a hand through my hair and brush it behind my shoulders. "Hunter, you have all of those qualities, too." He scoffs, but I keep going. "No, you have a good job and despite the shitty life you were given, you rose above it. You didn't go down a shady path even though you had every right to not care about being a good person."

He tries to look away from me, but I grab his face with both of my hands. "You're a good person." I kiss him once and pull back slightly. "—and I love you so much. Nothing else matters to me."

His eyes go darker and he lifts me onto his lap to straddle him. He grips my ass hard, pulling me flush against him. My arms drape around his neck, and I press my lips to his. He swipes his tongue inside my mouth and then pulls back.

"This right now," he says and then tucks my hair behind my ear. He kisses me once more. "Is everything."

I don't respond with words. My lips crash onto his, our tongues tangling together as he lifts me up and lays me down on my back. He climbs on top of me, pushing my sweater up under my chin and gripping my breasts firmly in his hands.

My back arches in response, and he kisses a trail down my stomach, stopping at the waistband of my jeans. With deft hands, he unbuttons my pants and then pull them down my legs. I'm nearly breathless while I watch him lick and suck his way back up my legs until he reaches my panties. He slips them to the side and his warm tongue swipes up my center. It doesn't take long for me to be tugging his hair and clawing at his shoulders, begging for him to climb on top of me again.

He doesn't make me suffer. His tongue swirls once more and then he sits up and practically tears the hoodie off his back and tosses it onto the floor. His belt buckle clangs next, joining the increasing pile of clothes next to the couch.

After placing a kiss onto my stomach, he slowly slides my panties down my legs before positioning himself above me. I take a sharp breath when he pushes inside of me.

Hunter is rougher when it comes to sex than I'm used to. I'm not sure if that's due to his level of experience or the intensity that always seems to flow between us. It's like a magnet when we're alone. I want him to grab me and touch me everywhere he can get his hands on.

If it's not the looks he gives that sear me, it's the way he kisses me that feels like he can devour my entire soul. I'd gladly give it to him and all of my air if he never stopped. That's how much I love him.

He continues to rock into me slow but hard at exactly the same time. I don't hold on for long, feeling the pressure building so quickly I can't hold it in. I lean up in search of his lips, clutching the back of his neck and moaning my release into his mouth. His movements become faster for a moment. He gives one last forceful thrust and then pulls out to lay beside me.

His lips meet the side of my head and then he reaches down and brings the blanket up from the floor. The soft fabric encloses around us and he lays his head next mine, still breathing heavy.

He gently kisses the side of my head. "Best Christmas ever."

His words make me smile, and I nuzzle further into his neck. I couldn't agree more.