Stay away from dreamshade. You won't have a chance in hell if you get cut, even a tiny bit.

A dark room. I've always been afraid of the dark, because of him. He'd wait for me and I'd have to come out eventually. Hiding from him only made the pain worse.

I sat up in a cold sweat, instantly awake. That was the most terrifying thing I'd experienced so far. Since when was I afraid of the dark? It hadn't bothered me so far, but it seemed like this island had changed who I was. The old me-- the girl before Lily --was terrified. That's not who I am, I thought harshly. I will not be that girl. Not here.

Then I became aware of the boy next to me.

Felix was a lot less intimidating in sleep. His dirty blond hair was splayed around his head messily and his face was relaxed. His mouth was partly open as he breathed. The hooded jacket that I'd seen all the Lost Boys wear was folded neatly in a corner of the tent. He wasn't covered by the blanket I'd seen last night, and I figured he must have given it to me at some point. He lay shirtless on his animal skin bed with his head on his arm, and I realized that this boy, this person that was so dangerous and respected by everyone... He was just a kid. A kid even younger than me.

"You know, in most places it's considered pretty creepy to stare at someone while they're sleeping," Felix muttered sleepily.

And... moment over. "Well, this isn't most places, is it? And anyway, you weren't even sleeping so I don't think it counts."

"Are you always this annoying?"

"Depends. Are you always this grumpy?"

"Only when I'm woken up by creepy girls staring at me." He sat up and glared at me, then amended, "But yeah, I pretty much. You'll get used to it, if you survive initiation. You'll have to."

There it was again, that mysterious initiation he'd mentioned last night. Was it just for entry into the Lost Boys? Funny, I had the feeling it was more than that; a skills assessment, maybe, or a kind of placement test. Either way, I was certain that at least one person wasn't going to be happy by the end of it.

I don't care, I thought. I don't care who's miserable about it and who's not. I'm going to pass and become a Lost Girl, just so I can rub it in Pan's snarky, annoying face.

"You aren't giving anything away, I hope, Felix." Speak of the devil and he appears. Literally. "Hey Squirt."

Squirt? "I'm sorry, were you talking to me?" I asked sweetly.

"Actually, I was asking Felix a question, not you," Pan said with a smirk.

Felix winked at him playfully. "You should know me better than that. I just told her she might not survive it, which is as much as I tell anyone."

"Squirt?" I protested.

They ignored me. "Make sure you keep it that way. I was planning on coming to wake you up, but I see that I don't have to. Felix, show the squirt the way we run breakfast on Neverland."

"How am I a squirt?" I demanded.

"Because you're, like, four foot eleven," Felix finally answered. Oh no he didn't. He better not have.

"That has nothing to do with it," Pan said. Good. "You're a squirt because you're only sixteen, and if you survive initiation, you'll be our little sister. Get used to the insults, squirt. That's just how it works around here."

Only sixteen? I thought. And just how old are the rest of you? You know what? I don't care. I'm going to wipe that damn smirk off your face if it's the last thing I do. Which it could very well be.

"Go on, Felix," Pan said. "Get breakfast going."

"Let's go, Lily. You need to learn how this works." Felix dragged me out of the tent, grabbing a couple articles of clothing on our way out.

He handed me a jacket similar to his own. I tried it on tentatively; his jacket had swamped me last night, and that wouldn't really be useful if I was expected to do anything productive at any point today. But the new jacket fit me perfectly, even- ahem -up in front. It was unexpectedly comfortable.

He caught my surprised look and smirked a little. "I told you we'd have one your size by morning, didn't I?"

"I... I don't... Thanks, Felix," I finished lamely. There wasn't much else to say. I mean, he didn't seem as royally screwed up as the rest of the kids here, with the possible exception of Wildcat and Michael, but I couldn't really figure much out about Felix. Hell if I was going to completely trust him anytime soon, but... I didn't know. He didn't seem seriously malicious, unless someone was a threat.

We walked into the forest, past the fire pit and the cage. Apparently, we were going hunting for breakfast. I was oddly excited; I had an itch to kill something. Something named Peter Pan. But that can wait, I thought. First I have to become a member. I have to prove myself.

"Do I get a weapon?" I asked Felix out loud. He rolled his eyes and handed me a dagger without a word. Damn, moody much? It was better than nothing, though, so I didn't complain. "What are we hunting, exactly?"

"You ask a lot of questions," he said by way of answering. "You really shouldn't. It'll just get you in trouble."

Well, not asking questions wasn't an option. And neither was not answering them. "Yeah sure whatever, but what are we hunting? Doesn't that count as important?"

"Whatever Pan wants us to hunt."

Not an answer. And jeez, what was with these kids? "Pan this" and "Pan that;" it was like talking to brick walls. And forget about making a joke. Not that I'm much of the joking type anyway, but still. How were we supposed to know what Pan wanted us to hunt? He wasn't here and he most likely didn't care.

Okay, scratch that. He probably cared and figured that we'd know through telepathy. Idiot.

A growl sounded from a few yards to my left, driving all unrelated thoughts out of my head.

*~*~*

About fifteen minutes later, I held a mountain lion carcass with one arm and supported Felix with the other. Idiot had gotten himself clawed across the chest. It was just a light graze, but it was bleeding more than I was comfortable with. As soon as we were a relatively safe distance away, I laid him down on a pile of leaves.

"You know," I said, tearing his shirt open to get to the wounds, "I thought you were smarter than that. What were you thinking, throwing yourself at it like that?"

He winced when the cloth touched the cuts. "It was going in for the kill. I just didn't want to getting hurt."

My hands stilled for a moment. That was... Surprisingly sweet of him. Stupid, but sweet.

"Pan wouldn't be happy if you died."

And there it was. Lemming syndrome. I wrapped the binding cloth a little tighter than necessary, making him inhale sharply. Talking to a brick wall. Why was Felix so damn loyal to that guy? He looked older, looked more battle-worn and knowledgeable.

"Look, Lily," he said, "Don't get me wrong, I don't hate you. I think we could even be friends eventually. It's just better not to get to attached before you're one of us."

Okay, that was reasonable. Maybe it would be easier for me to figure out the unblinking loyalty thing later. "Whatever. Lets just get you back to camp, okay? You need actual bandages and maybe stitches."

"No need," Pan said, popping up behind us. I almost jumped out of my skin. What the hell? "Magic," he smirked. "It does amazing things. Including this."

He glanced at Felix and the boy disappeared. Pan ignored my outraged look, naturally. "You know, you should be celebrating, Squirt."

"Oh, really? And why should I?" I sneered.

"Because you passed physical initiation."

It took a second for me to process the information I'd just been given. Then I started screaming. "It was a test? You let one of your own get hurt out of curiosity? To see how I'd handle it? All of it was just some stupid game to you?"

His gaze hardened. "Yes, it's a game. But i'ts certainly a better one than you think, lass. So I suggest you start celebrating before you really start to upset yourself."

I debated it for a split second. Obviously, it was probably safer to just do as he said. On the other hand, Felix was one of the only nice (ish) people on this damn island, and I'd just started to like him. So I of course took the dumber option.

"Believe me, sweetheart," I sneered at Pan, "I'm already upset. Take me to Felix."

"No."

"He needs help."

"The answer is no."

"Fine," I snapped. "I'll go find him myself."

Pan smirked at me. He looked for all the world like this was the most amusing thing he'd done in a while. Who knew? Maybe it was. "You're really worried about him, aren't you? Why?"

"Because he's hurt, and unlike you, he's not a total asshole."

He let the insult roll off his back like nothing. "What would you do to see him?"

"Depends on what you want," I said cautiously. When Pan asked a question like that, I felt like walking on eggshells.

"I want your loyalty," he said without missing a beat. "Your real loyalty, not this act you've been putting on for the others."

"Take me to Felix so I can patch him up. Loyalty's not something you're just going to get, sorry sweetheart," I said snarkily. "You've gotta earn it. Just like I know I've gotta earn your respect."

He chuckled a little. "Despite your attitude, you're well on your way. Alright, I'll take you to him."

Suddenly, I was on a mountain. To my right was a hedge of some thorny plant with dark berries. To my right.... Nothing but a thousand-foot cliff.

No. You can't afford to be afraid. Felix needs your help.

Speaking of, where was he? I glared at Pan, who just gestured to the bush. "He's behind that. Get through without killing yourself. That's what I want from you. I'll be waiting on the other side. Best of luck... Squirt," he said, biting back from the earlier "sweetheart" comments.

He vanished, leaving me alone with only one option: cut my way through the bush. But what did he mean by get there alive? is it carniverous? Venomous? Poisonous? Whatever. I'll deal with that as it comes.

Luckily, the plant was easy to cut. Unluckily, there was a lot of it, and those thorns were sharp. By the time I finally got through the bush, I was covered in scratches and breathing heavily, but I was alive. Pan looked a little surprised to see me.

"Well that wasn't the most graceful entrance I've ever seen. You should be dead."

"Good to see you too." But I wasn't really paying attention to the banter. Felix stood next to him, looking fine. Like, I've never seen a goddamn mountain lion in my life fine. "What the hell?"

Felix scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah... About that..."

"You really should be dead, Lily." That Pan actually used my name conveyed his surprise. "That plant is known as Dreamshade. It's the most deadly thing I've ever come across on Neverland, and judging by the number of scratches on you, there should be enough in your system to kill you twice."

"Yeah, well I'm alive," I snapped. "Maybe I have a tolerance or something. Are you going to explain why he" I gestured in Felix's general direction "Looks like a million coins?"

"It was a test, Lily," Felix said. "I really was hurt. Mountain lions don't normally live on the island so I wasn't exactly prepared for that, but the spring here has healing properties. I was never in any real danger."

I groaned. "Another test?"

"Four, actually," Pan corrected. "Your loyalty to your brothers---"

"Thanks, by the way," Felix interjected. I nodded at him, still a little pissed.

"Your wits, because its very few people who kno whow to argue with me effectively, your fears, magic and heights--- don't give me that look, of course I figured it out. Don't worry, if you don't want the others to know, we can keep that little tidbit a secret between us three. Lastly, there was your endurance. That Dreamshade... By all rights, you should be dead."

"Gee, thanks."

"All that's left is for you to drink from the spring," Felix said darkly. "Then you'll really be one of us."

And you know what? That's exactly what I did. Because as hard as it was to admit, that was exactly what I wanted.